I am cleaning out my closet ( and whatever is under my bed )

 I have been allowing junk take over my space. It's about time that I face the hurt and throw it out. Start new, maybe renewal??

Okay so maybe I should rewind a bit and disclose some of my past. First off, I'm raised United and forever stay United.  Growing up I always took things to heart and tried hard to learn how to be true to myself and to God...Second off.... there maybe have been one LARGE HICCUP where I moved away from United and all that this church has done for me spiritually.  This LARGE HICCUP was another church (Christian). Wow that sounds like I cheated but here it goes:

I

Was

Brainwashed....

Or so it seems to be as I look at it now.  It may sound ridiculous, but that is how I feel.  It seems weird to me that for a time (approx. 2 years) I was lead to believe that my previous Christian beliefs were WRONG.... huh? yes indeed a "huh?" is in order.  My time spent at this unnamed church was mainly focused on how I could become Christian again.... again? Really? I thought.... I was already baptized United and on top of that BY CHOICE, and they lead me to believe it was not "valid" and that I will be baptized for real. They said my relationship with God was weak and borderline non-existent.  I believed it.  Well I won't go into the details (if you want to know just ask), but I didn't listen to myself, and above all I DID NOT TRUST GOD. God was telling me this was not right and that I was just fine. God  has always been there for me before and now with all this confusion... I learned... loneliness.  This had to be the most empty time in my life and I can say that I was taking a WRONG turn into a false relationship with God. I became self-righteous, also I was rejecting my self worth, not a good place to head, but I somehow made it there. Amongst all this one or two questions came to mind... how could my fellow Christian brothers and sisters not TRUST me in my relationship with God? How could they JUDGE that my relationship was weak? I trusted what they said. This was very heart breaking after I disconnected my ties with this unnamed church, I was left defeated and realized that maybe just maybe I WAS weak, considering I was able to allow just wicked self-righteousness into my life.... 

So where did this leave me?

After I left this Unnamed Church, I RAN wait... more like FLEW away to hide away from reality... I literally flew to another country... basically I shoved two years of JUNK and HURT and MISGUIDEDNESS into my closet when I left. IT IS STOCK FILLED with confusion. And I was still lonely. I had no idea where I stood with God. I thought a few months a way from everyone was what I needed to reconnect with God, but it seemed that I just couldn't feel it, get back into how things were before. So I gave up and I returned home to what quickly became a 3/4 confusion/ frustration filled closet, and I just stared and decided to start filling it again. 

Now how am I?

Well four years (actually close to five) has passed through this seemingly empty road ... I'm now 22... and I've just come to terms with the fact that I might still be a wee bit angry at  MYSELF for letting my heart become cold and untrusting.  I have learned many things over these past 6 or so years.  I learned what tolerance means and how it relates to my faith. I truly learned about what this Unconditional God is all about.  Most of all, I started EMPTYING this closet, and came to terms with those "wolves in sheep skin clothing" and forgave.  Even though I appeared to be away from God, I truly wasn't. God challenged me every step of the way and never ever let me fall away.  Over a few grueling trials I really grew closer and matured.  Even though I have a lot of work to do, the future looks bright.  

Well that's it for my first blog... not very profound... but there IS more to me... Like an onion... in layers I will peel and maybe have you tear up a little 

Besos & Blessings