Sermon – March 22, 2009

Who’s Your Jonathan?

So, here’s the deal. Each Sunday during Lent, I’m introducing us to a different Biblical character. Each character portrays a certain characteristic that we need in our lives in order to have a deeper and richer Christian life. Each week is based on a chapter of this book I’ve been reading: 11 Indispensable Relationships You Can’t Be Without by Leonard Sweet.

The first character was Barnabas, the encourager.

The second character we met was Rhoda, the child who helps keep us believing.

Last week, it was Nathan, our editor.

I want to introduce you to this week’s character with a video clip.

[show clip from end of 1^st Lord Of The Rings movie where Samwise refuses to let Frodo leave the company of travellers alone, even though Sam can’t swim.]

No, there are no Hobbits in the Bible. But we each need a Samwise in our life.

The Biblical equivalent of Sam is Jonathon. Jonathon was a true friend to King David. Jonathon loved David without thought of gain or advantage, through adverse circumstances and trials. Jonathan was willing to lead a life of decreasing significance in order that David might be exalted by God.

Who is your Jonathan? Who is your true friend?

Who can you count on for unconditional love in the face of life’s darkest circumstances?

Your Jonathon in many ways is your “Second Self”.

• a Jonathan believes in you when no one else does.

• a Jonathan is loyal even when you make it hard to be loyal.

• a Jonathan is the first to call in good times or in bad.

• a Jonathan gives and gives and wants no payment.

• a Jonathan walks with you in all seasons.

• a Jonathan won’t let you surrender to your dark side.

• a Jonathan has seen you naked, in all your treachery and lechery, and loves you anyway.

• a Jonathan keeps you in check.

• a Jonathan grants you grace when you take them for granted.

• a Jonathan sacrifices themself for you.

The Irish defined Jonathan as the anam cara, the “soul friend”. The “true” friend.

It is one of the realities of today’s culture and circumstance, though, that a true friend is harder and harder to find. Let alone two, or three true friends. What makes having a Jonathon so rare, and what makes it so hard for you to be a Jonathon to others? Because remember, as much as we need a Jonathon, so do others. And I also believe that as much as we need a Jonathon, we also long to be a Jonathon. That kind of deep, true, friendship is often reciprocal.

Why is it so hard to maintain a friendship as an adult? Three things. Three syndromes. (sin-dromes)

First, the “What's in it for me?” syndrome. Ego-land.

So often the people we keep around us as friends are there for the sheer purpose of extending our network of power and prestige. If our friends can’t help us advance our career, then we will find other friends.

The fastest way to kill a friendship is the ego centred power of jealousy, rivalry, greed, indifference, indebtedness, and emotional distance. Only when our ego is banished can we have true friends. The Jonathon friend doesn’t ask “What’s in it for me?”, but instead, “What’s in it for you?”.

The second “sin-drome” is the “No down elevator” syndrome.

This sin-drome is about depth. Imagine each of our relationships, friendships, as represented by the floors passed while riding an elevator.

Clinical psychologist Dan Montgomery suggests the following levels possible to each relationship.

First, the lobby. This is the area of small talk, social custom. This is a valuable and necessary level for meeting new people and doing business with people we don’t know well.

The next floor down (remember, we’re talking depth) is the basement of acquaintance. Here, we reveal some of our private sentiments and opinions. We present more of our views on politics, religion, sex and marriage. There is some risk at this level that people will take offence, though most know how to interact in these exchanges without taking anything personally.

In order to reach the third floor down, the level of friendship, we must willingly experience emotional vulnerability. At this level we share all sorts of feelings, yet hold back on the deepest ones. We look for compatibility, empathy, and mutual trust. If all goes well, we may choose to take the elevator down one more floor.

The fourth floor down, the bottom, is the level of intimacy. Here we come clean. We share our heart’s desires and even our dark side.

In this sin-drome, we are great at riding the elevator up, but not so good at riding down. We work to keep it light, surfacy. We are afraid of the depth. Oh, and BTW, for many psychologists, the measure of whether a person is psychologically healthy is their ability to completely trust at least one other person.

The third sin-drome that makes it incredibly difficult to find, or to be, a Jonathon is the “What, me sacrifice?” sin-drome. This is the syndrome that plagues much of today’s North American culture and is the cause of much suffering and ultimately is behind the global economic recession we are living through. Perhaps the highest cost of true friendship is our most precious commodity: time. True friends invest hefty amounts of time in each other’s company.

However, the idea of setting aside one’s own wants and desires for any reason, let alone for another person to get what they want, seems beyond so many. Likely that’s why a God who expects sacrifice, or a relationship that requires sacrifice, is not well received in the 21^st Century. Being a Jonathon, finding a Jonathon, requires people who are willing to pay the price of real friendship: Sacrifice.

In the end, though, we each need a Jonathon. And when you find that person, you’ll know it. You’ll feel it. Like warmth beside a crackling fire on a cold blustery day. Like a cool refreshing splash in the heat of July. Like... Well, you fill it in. You know what you need. You need a True Friend. You need a Jonathon.

Pushing Ahead:

1. As you’ve listened to this sermon today, who came to your mind?

2. Who is your Jonathon, your True Friend?

3. Who are you a Jonathon to?

AMEN.