Owen Sound is an older community. Those of us who live here, know that. We have eleven retirement and nursing homes. We have multiple services for seniors. We have three funeral homes. We consolidate and close schools because of declining enrollment.

Much of my work as a pastor involves what I call deep conversations. Mr. Jones has list his wife. We talk about what that means; the deep, abiding grief; the unfulfilled reams; the loneliness.

It also involved conversations around life changes.

Often that happens in the hospital. Occasionally it happens at home. It may follow a catastrophic health event such as a fall or a cardiac change or a stroke. Conversation is usually after the crisis, when the person is beginning to feel better and the drugs may be clearing. Family members may have been in and said things like "Well, you have to sell the house." or "We will start looking at a nursing home bed for you."

Kids, don’t do that. Just don’t do that. I know you love your parents and are deeply concerned about them. I know you are used to making fast decisions and getting quick results. But stop for a moment. What you are saying is simply not helpful.

How do I know?

I see the tears of your parents as they tell me about the changes you want to make. I see their anxiety as they struggle with not only medical complications, which can be life changing in themselves, but also with your words, no matter how well meaning.

Stop.

Stop for a moment.

Slow things down.

Talk to each other.

There are people you need to talk to first.

Long before you experience a catastrophic, life changing health event, there are some steps everyone can take.

The first step is top call the Community Care Access Centre or CCAC. The CCAC have all the information about nursing and retirement homes. They control admission to nursing homes, but have a lot more services available. Their priority is to help people stay in their own homes, as long as possible, with help. The case manager you speak to is an experienced health care professional and can answer every question you have and some you may not have even thought about.

One of the most common comments I hear from people in our deep conversations is "I can’t afford it." That’s usually a rephrasing of an underlying fear of change. You may be right; but most people underestimate their financial resources.

That leads to step two. Speak to a financial planner or bank or credit union officer you trust. These are no-cost, no obligation meetings where th e planner will take a look at all your assets and give you advice on what you can afford and not afford. Most people are surprised.

My own parents, when they sold their home and looked at moving to a retirement home, sat down with their banker an, as my father told me, "WE have more income now that at any time in our lives!" everyone is different, but you won’t know until you ask.

The third step is to speak to a lawyer and make a will an to make durable powers of attorney. This assures you that your estate is taken care of and that if you can not deal with your financial matters, the person who is your POA can. And it doesn’t need to be a family member. A lawyer can acts in that way for you, too.

Finally, share the information among your family. Let them know your plans. And if you take those three simple steps, we can talk about other things. And we can offer prayers of thanks in that hospital or home visit.

Rev. David Shearman is the minister of Central Westside United Church, Owen Sound and host of Faithworks on Rogers TV - Grey County