St. Valentine’s Day approaches and that means that in the next couple of weeks our church will see an increase in inquiries about summer weddings. I’ve already had inquiries for 2014, but as Owen Sound is kind of a last minute town, most people getting married only think a few months in advance.

St. Valentine’s Day is a popular day for a marriage proposals and always has been. But once the excitement wears off and reality hits, it can quickly become overwhelming.

It doesn’t need to be. Weddings are as individual as the couple getting married. I have officiated at weddings as intimate as two people and two witnesses in a living room, all the way to a full scale formal church weddings with up to twenty in the wedding party, communion for everyone, soloists and a string quartet.

The first thing for any couple to decide is what you want and what you can afford. If you want a full blown fancy wedding with open bar and sit down reception and dance, but can only afford a stand up reception catered by Tim Horton, go with what you can afford. No one should ever go into major debt to be married. If you can’t pay for it, even with family help, don’t do it.

Once you are clear on what you want and where you want your wedding to be held, book your officiant.

In Ontario there are three options but only two are realistic.

It used to be that couples went to the court house and were married by a Justice of the Peace.

No more. That went the way of the dodo bird about twenty years ago. Unless you have a family friend or relative who is a judge, they do not do weddings any more. And even then they must request permission to officiate.

That leave the two alternatives; civil officiants, appointed by municipal clerks, or religious officiants who are named by their religious body. I am in the latter category as a minister of a church. Many municipalities have their own appointed officiants who perform non-religious services in specific locations such as the city hall or who may travel. Religious officiants may only be allowed to do weddings in their church or they may travel. If you want to be married at the family cottage or at Sauble Beach, ask if the officiant is able to do so. They will be glad to tell you.

A recent story in one of our national newspapers totalled up the costs of a wedding and the tab quickly reached $100,000, not including any post-wedding trip or honeymoon. I laughed because they allowed $200 for the officiant in the budget. Some charge more and some charge less. There may be other fees for specific services or travel to your location. Again, ask. But don’t try to negotiate. Most officiants have a set fee schedule which they can’t change. It’s probably the very least you will spend for your wedding but the key person who makes your wedding official and legal.

Marriage licenses in Ontario are also a requirement. They are good for 90 days from being issued. Most municipal offices have them, but a quick phone call will give you the best information. The cost is $130 to $150, depending on the municipality.

Once you have booked your officiant, then you can start the rest of your planning. It may be a simple service in your back yard with hamburgers and cold drinks. It may be a formal church service or a sunrise or sunset service by the water. Only you will know what you would like.

A wedding in a family can bring out the worst tensions you can image. I have seen bridezillas, over-controlling mothers, passive fathers (and the reverse). I have seen brides who were violently ill from nerves before the wedding and grooms shaking and sweating. I have had brides be discharged from hospital, get married and go right back for urgent surgery. I have had late to the service brides, grooms and parents. I have had weddings cancelled at the last minute.

At the same time, the majority of weddings I have officiated at have been fun, happy occasions where there is good feeling, a few tears and many, many good wishes.

As you plan your wedding, all I can say is "Mazel tov!"

Rev. David Shearman is the minister of Central Westside United Church, Owen Sound and the host of Faithworks on Rogers TV - Grey County, Cable 53.