A friend of mine who is a teacher was talking about their qualifications one day. They reflected on how times and qualifications have changed. Their original teaching license, issued perhaps thirty five years ago, said they were qualified to "teach elementary school, kindergarten and the retarded".

My friend reflected on how years of work with children with learning challenges had completely disabused any idea of using the word "retarded" ever again.

If you are offended that I have used that word twice since the beginning of this column, then I have had the desired effect.

Words matter. And the words we use to talk about people matter a lot.

Recently a teenager left school in New York State because a school teacher and school principal bullied him by ridiculing him for being a Canadian. Never mind he was an American citizen. Never mind he was just like any other teenager. Eventually he had enough and quit school.

In Texas, an 11 year old boy who sang in a Mariachi band was invited to sing the US national anthem at Game 3 of the NBA Finals. The twitterverse went nuts, claiming the young man was an undocumented immigrant. And that was a polite tweet. Most were racist in nature. The young singer is an American citizen. To their credit, The San Antonio Spurs invite the young singer back to sing the national anthem again, something he did with great skill, passion and patriotism.

Words matter. And the words we use to talk about people matter a lot.

One of the government Acts all businesses, charities, organizations and governments are required to comply with is the Access for Ontarioans with Disabilities Act. It mandates equal and open access for all people in Ontario.

Lest anyone think this is political correctness run amuck, what the AODA requires is that we put people first. Not their labels, not the challenges they face nor our perception of their limitations. People are to come first in Ontario.

This begins to reframe things for us, and not in a negative way.

I came across guidelines for conversations about housing recently, which provide some general principles for conversation that move us out of label language an into people centred language.

Focus on solutions, not the problem. A person isn’t homeless, they don’t have stable housing. How do we work towards stable housing?

Put people first. Someone isn’t homeless, mentally ill, disabled or an addict. They are a person who is experiencing homelessness, a person with a mental health issue, a person who is disabled or a person who has an addiction.

Use respectful language. A person is a tenant, resident or participant. A worker is a support worker. A difficult person is a person we find challenging. Catch the difference?

Avoid terms that pass judgement. He’s not unmotivated, but they are a person who has different motivations. This can be especially tricky where we lay values on industriousness and hard work. For people who have mental illness such as depression, it an be a major accomplishment to get out of bed in the morning. Celebrate what a person has done, in spite of significant odds, and not blame them for not living up to our standards of measurement, which may or may not be accurate in the first place.

Don’t rank people. Strive to treat people with respect, no matter who they are and where your conventions place them.

Avoid aggressive language. Let’s leave military language where it should be; in the military. Walk with people, don’t work with people. Have short term goals, not targets. Don’t ban someone from service, but restrict access with a potential re-engagement date.

Finally, avoid terms which don’t recognize context. Services aren’t working for this person, not that they are hard to house, non-compliant or a threat to the community.

I have noticed recently that the courts are taking more notice of context, especially in regard to addiction, violence, PTSD from military service and spousal abuse. While we have a way to go, words matter. And changing our words can make a real difference in the way we relate to others and a better, stronger, kinder community.

Rev. David Shearman is the minister of Central Westside United Church, Owen Sound and the host of Faithworks on Rogers TV - Grey County, Cable 53.