EmergingSpirit
Gaye Sharpe: What Was I Thinking?
Posted on: 02/27/2009 17:55
Last Sunday a young man came to me carrying a very rambunctious two year old. He asked to speak with me sharing that it was his first time in the congregation. He held up his son and apologized for the "disruptions" the little one apparently had caused in worship - disruptions unnoticed by me. Then in a more timid voice he asked if his son could be baptized. He said, "It is really important to me. His mom and I are not doing that well."
To my shame these three things passed through my head:
1. I can't baptize. I am not ordained. Why can't I baptize?!
2. I am going away in a day for almost two weeks. How can I put you off?
3. Who could have stolen our LCD projector? (One added layer of confusion to the morning and probably why the "disruptive" child and new adult were off the radar screen.)
I put him off. He reached out obviously asking for more than a simple explanation of the congregational baptismal policy. I wasn't present - either to him or his son. As far as I know no member of the congregation approached him and he spoke to no one else.
For all my preaching about welcoming children and their families, how easy it is to have those moments of self-absorption where nothing counts but where you're at! How easy it is to miss the opportunity to listen, care, support, be a disciple. I pride myself on a ministry of presence - where I deliberately concentrate on being grounded, focussed, welcoming and honest. This Sunday my pride took a good blow!
Chances are this lapse of presence happens to everyone, yet I am reluctant to dismiss it easily. I can pray that this man will follow through and call me when I return. I certainly left the ball completely in his court - no name, no phone number, no idea of who he is. If he was one of my children, he'd never darken the doorway again. Who could blame him?
Search
Comments
MadMonk
Posted on: 02/27/2009 23:12
1. Are you part of a process towards designated ministry? If so, you should be able to answer this question.
2. You can't save the world.
3. You were leading worship. Members of your congregation are able to offer pastoral care, too.
Arminius
Posted on: 02/28/2009 12:06
Hi MadMonk and Gaye:
Not only are members of the congregation able to offer pastoral care, they should provide the bulk of it—including taking care of the pastor!
After all, this is what spirtual community is, or should be, about: taking care of each other, particularly each other's souls. And by "soul" I mean "psyche." The minister can't be everyone's personal psychologist. We, the members of the congregation, have to take care of each other's psyche.
The Celtic Christian teacher, Pelagius, proposed that everyone have at least one "anamchara," a "soul friend," to whom they can confide their innermost soul.
JRT
Posted on: 03/01/2009 08:12
Historically, any Christian can perform a baptism. The problem is whether or not it will be recognised as valid by a particular church or denomination.
franota
Posted on: 03/01/2009 20:50
Hi Gaye - JRT is right, historically any Christian can baptise. While it is considered a sacrament, it isn't restricted to only ordained clergy.
I hear your regret that an opportunity for ministry to a person in distress was missed. If it's any consolation, we have all done it and then kicked ourselves for it. I do hope he gets in touch with you.
LumbyLad
Posted on: 03/02/2009 02:48
A painful comment. When someone new enters a spiritual community and asks for so much, revealing so much and then is pushed away by our other distractions/excuses. Yes, we make mistakes, but we should also learn by our mistakes.
What would have been best would have been to spend even 10 minutes with the man in privacy, explaining baptism and what this means for him (re his child) and try to listen more to what he meant by the problems with his wife. Also explaining your own situation would not be out of line and setting up another time to talk. Then link him to another member of the congregation in some way. Sure, I'd like to also reassure you that we cannot do everything, but yes, you did miss the boat here. Perhaps he signed the guest book. A call back to him from you or anyone in the congregation would be most special. Here is a man who shared more and reached out more than most and is worth the extra time, I think.
Gaye
Posted on: 03/02/2009 16:06
Thanks everyone for your advice, reassurance, challenge and support. I am glad to report that the dad in question came back to church (yes there is a God!). We have had a number of conversations and the baptism of his child will happen on Easter Sunday. Our community has embraced the family and, in time, I believe that we will find ways to support and connect.
Just to be clear, I have certainly never seen the "minister" as the only one to give pastoral care and support - though often we are point of first contact. And no doubt, in this case, I dealt with the first contact badly and, by the grace of God, was given another opportunity for relationship.
For now the little guy runs around the sanctuary, feeling very comfortable and at home. This is good news!