It often surprises people when they hear that my partner is disabled. Often, even amongst our friends, he isn't taken seriously.  By looking at him, it seems he just has sore knees. That's cause he pushes himself. When I look at him, I can see the constant pain he's in. The way that he walks akwardly to relieve his pain. I know about the drawer of pills he's tried that long ago stopped making a difference.

He has Synovial chondromatosis, a rare condition for a person to get in one knee, let alone two (which he has). In the disease, the thin flexible membrane of the synovium gradually forms blisters which calcify and enlarge. These nodules eventually break free and float around the joint space becoming larger – these add to the discomfort and stiffness of the joint.

There is no cure, and no one knows what causes it. Exercise only makes it worse, and things like heat therapy don't help. As a result of this, he also has developed arthritis in both his knees.

Earlier this week we went to see another rheumatologist. As soon as we walked in the office and sat down he told us bluntly that there was nothing he could do. We heard the same thing that he's heard so many times before: 

"I haven't seen knees this bad on an eighty year old"

"If you were older you would be at the top of the list for a knee replacement, but they only last ten years, so there's no way we can do that, because what happens after?"

"You must be in a lot of pain"

"We could do this, this, and this, but really it probably won't make a difference"

"You could get these two treatments, but they will cost $400-$800 every 1-3 months"

And the list goes on.

And it's hard to sit in the office and watch this happen. Cause it's the same thing over and over (not to mention something I've seen over and over with some of my closest friends) and it breaks my heart. I know the frustration of not getting answers but only as a witness. I can't imagine what it's like to be in a body that relies on finding these answers. In the meantime we wait, and try not to hope. I know that all I can do is help him get through life one day at a time.