“Good! And please call me Scott, as I would feel better if some of the formality is dispensed with … as you aware I have been assigned to do a psychiatric evaluation on you as a preliminary to the proceedings. I am entering into this chore quite aware of the media covering your situation and don’t give one hoot to who said what regarding your status prior to this point. The main thing is the basic fact: There has been a death, and you have been implicated. There is concern for the record, over the health of your mental capabilities, and whether you are capable and responsible for such an action? If the court should attach such blame to you, it is not my concern over guilt but for the quality of your thinking process. In your regard, there are quite a record of mental tests and profiles that have been established. Some of these go back to the earlier days of your young adulthood. Included in these are the tests performed recently by the psychological staff at this facility, and there will be more to come unless there is reason to conclude because of an early decision. Does this seem clear to you at this time?”

 

“Sure Dr. … Ah, Scott. … Sorry, for the lapse but the regimentation around here is surely not conducive to relaxation of process and communication with those from outside.”

 

“Your agreement seems accommodating, and you appear to be at ease with the situation. If that observation is true to form, perhaps this evaluation may proceed quite smoothly. Is there anything in particular that you may be ill at ease about?”

 

“Not really! I’ve resigned myself to certain facts of life that are beyond my control, and I foresee a certain definite end in sight. What is the sense of worrying over something that is out of your control?”

 

“That seems like quite a resignation to the fates considering who you are and what you have accomplished in your life. It does say to me that you are declaring innocence up front and declaring that you can do nothing to change that status.”

“That is about it. They tell me there is certain DNA evidence that is a sure conviction, so where do I go from there?”

 

“Andrew, let’s leave that matter for the time being and look at some of the other factors in your life that bring us to the present situation. You have indicated to the staff evaluators that you do have a series of dreams that are rather repetitive. You have recorded the content of some of these, but I would like to hear them from you personally.”

 

“It’s not a complex thing, I have dreamt, a series of dreams, that seem to be somewhat of a natural progression of a child’s dreams of journey from dark and threatening places to war and comforting scenes. These sometimes take on a surreal image of a place that is beyond imagination, but then … these are dreams.”

 

“Do you have these yet?”

 

“Certainly do! They come over a lengthy period, sort of like the old serial movies on TV. There are interruptions that don’t seem to fit at times though I understand that these types of things are a normal occurrence to the average Joe in his sleeping hours.”

 

“You seem to be quite comfortable with the impact of these dreams on your psyche. That intrigues me.”

 

“It shouldn’t! You see I have always read a wide array of materials on both the scientific side but also on the other side of what you might call reality. It absolutely fascinates me, and the information was useful in my position when I had to make decisions on what to do with situations and people. It is often difficult to see through the deceit without a good understanding of the human animal. You should understand that in your position!”

 

“Oh! I can’t argue the fact at all, but others would say that it would be grounds for suspicion about your acting abilities.”

 

“That is only expected from whom we are dealing with here. These people do not deal with anything with deceit. How would we expect them to be anything but deceitful … if only by absorption? One of the clients in my younger days made that quite clear to me. He hardly had favourable comments about anyone in a professional status. His comment was that the only thing professed, was a well-covered lie about what was fact! When you think about that … what sort of a comment can you make about the value of truth?”

 

Scott pondered, he had a point … “I guess that is part of my job, attempts to uncover the truth in people’s minds.”

“Yes! But what of the truth in their unconscious mind … the soul or spirit or whatever people in your profession call it? Do they have an occupation, vocation or profession or is it all just avocation?”

 

“You do enjoy delving into the unknown don’t you?”

 

“Dr.! … After a thoughtful pause … “It is the only thing that makes life tolerable. The rest of the junk about us is just that. Think about why people do the things that they do. Most of them do not make sense at all. They lie cheat and steal until they have got themselves turned right inside out trying to make themselves appear the blossom of truth. What a miserable way to live!”

 

“Are you telling me that you are clear of these errors?”

 

“Ha! Not quite … at all! I couldn’t tell such a story and continue with a straight face, for most of my transgressions have been written up all over the gossip columns. People have known my errors because of who I am. They do not know it all though, because they don’t know the person inside. What is unknown to most is, they have a public record out there. It is strange how the great eye of the “I Am” sees all. That spreads around unbeknownst to the objects of attention! What I am saying is that there are very few secrets, it is just that most people don’t sense that and live a lie.”

 

“You don’t live a lie?”

 

“Come on Doctor, give me credit! I play the silly game. People want to be told certain lies to make them feel comfortable with their stories. It makes them feel they are living true to form I guess. You know all about the child within! We all have to revert to that part of our psyche to play the game with peers instead of authorities, adversaries or idiots. I worked with and for people of the same bent for years. Then I had them working for my people and myself. They don’t realize how transparent they are, but you need them because of their particular skills and knowledge, regardless of how poorly you feel about the real person. Some of these people were brilliant in certain ways but dumb as stumps in reality.”

 

“That is a pretty harsh observation!”

 

“People are pretty harsh creatures! Look what they do with everything around them, and yet they complain about what they have to live with. These people don’t seem to realize that there is no “you” only the “we” of the world and those individuals have to deal with one another and what is in their immediate surroundings. The problem is the immediate surroundings are getting progressively bigger.”

 

“Do you consider yourself a cynic with such a collection of statements?”

 

“No! Many have said that to me over the years but I just refer to it as observation. You know that part of the psychological testing where they balance you between judgemental and perceptive. I consider myself just being perceptive in a rather gruelling world that is meant to set up our defensives for what is coming next. Some survive and some just set themselves in a position for a fall and cannot understand why. I absorb the information for use, when I need it to make a decision somewhere down the road.”

 

“Isn’t that rather calculating?”

 

“I don’t believe so, any more than choosing what you are going to eat for breakfast in the morning, … well at least in the outside world. In many of the corporate worlds they call it vision, but they often have little foggy idea about vision. Perhaps in here too! Sometimes it isn’t wise to reach for something if a bear is reaching for it too. There are some creatures inside the cages you know; they aren’t all outside, … contrary to political view. I said earlier one has to play the game according to the board laid out in front of you. Sometimes the game allows you to remove the board and replace it. It depends on the cards you hold or the roll of the dice or whatever.”

 

“Andrew! Are you telling me that you are just accepting of whatever comes along?”

 

“Sort of! It’s just that sometimes Game Theory allows that you set up the rules. It depends on your resources in a particular space-time. I would do certain things differently today than I would have twenty years ago … assuming of course I was not in here. Then when you do things wrong you learn a lesson. It will help you in the game down the road.”

 

“I am surprised at how settled you appear to be given the particular circumstances. Have you always been this way?”

 

“Holy shit Scott! Sorry for the language but it just surprises me that you would ask such a question. Does anyone stay the way they were years ago? That’s rhetorical! The answer is just assumed; most people change dramatically on the statistical average … its life. It is the odd ones that try and stay in one place and time. It is only fear of the unknown that will make people try and stay unchanged. Have they got a hell of a surprise coming! How do you suppose people like that would feel being in my position?”

 

“You mean facing death as a real possibility … much uncertainty gone?”

 

“Right!”

 

“Well then how does that strike you?”

 

“You are a man that has struck deep into the inner human being, I call it soul, you have had to reconcile yourself with the ultimate truth as part of your training, thought and life. You have had to deal with it No?”

 

“I guess you grasp some of my situation, but how does that relate to you?”

 

“Well I have gone on much the same journey, perhaps on a different pathway with varying perspectives but the view is one of the basic truths … we are born, we live and we die. We don’t have a lot of choice over the limitations … the end of the path. We do have some choice over the middle and that includes how we look at the ends. My thought is life is just a preparation for the end. No matter what we do it won’t make us happy beyond, if we are not happy here. How about that old saying “Heaven is just a step away?”

 

“What makes a goal in life then?”

 

“You can be happy or sad on one scale, and have a choice of frightened or angry on another scale. Not much choice! We are going to get the ends of the stick sometime, therefore I would like to stay in the middle most of the time so I can really enjoy the times on the good ends.”

 

“What has that to do with your relationship to others?”

 

“Well! It is like this: in my view, those people around me are going to react to my image; if I am happy most of them will share that. Now give us some points for the idiots that will be pissed off because I am happy and assume that I have robbed them blind of something. If I am sad most of them will have some reflection on that, some will be happy and think I have lost the game to screw them up. Still others will be frightened because they think my mood will be taken out on their territories or resources. Moods are contagious but the nature of the bug or virus can be positive or negative depending on the environment. I don’t worry the point too much because friends are the only ones that count in the end, they will not change regardless … it is the adversaries that you have to observe carefully during these periods … most of the time! Those moods that I refer to are what I like to think of as part of spirit. The concept of spirit goes far deeper than that image in the superficial picture.”

 

“I am curious as to what you mean by the superficial and what else there is other than the obvious.”

 

“Lets put it this way; … I am not sure about your following, Freudian or Jungian but I think they are a continuation of the same thing, … only different perspectives. Freud indicated that we … our psyche was made up of three parts, Id, Ego and Superego or alter ego as I like to think of it. It is our nemesis is it not?”

 

“The kind doctor nodded like he was not sure of where Andrew was going.”

 

“Jung just took it into another dimension did he not?”

 

The man is now deep in thought and pretty passive to Andrew’s expression, … or so he gives the impression.

 

“Now we are told that we are something physical, something intellectual and something deeper. Over the millennia individuals have posed all kinds of names for that sort of deeper activity but I will use the traditional … spirit! There have been moves to call the spirit devils, or turn us into witches or werewolves because of that inner presence. Today, in order to modernize and demystify events, the professional probes want to call it the “Meme”. Cute right? It has a lot of images attached that probably have no concept of the direction intended. This does get us away from some of the ancient threats of religious or pious opinions that scare the wits out of men and women alike if they are so inclined to be terrified by ghosts or certain aspects of bondage.”

 

“What do you mean, bondage, Andrew?”

 

“A form of slavery, nothing more! I feel that in times past and present and likely for a long while to come slavery in some form will continue. There are two major characteristics of the human creature, one to control and the other to be terrorized. That characteristic has been called by a lot of names over the years but the symbolism comes down to the same thing. Peasant and king, or I believe that psychologists use the terms, worker and leader … in the extreme, one provides and the other consumes.”

 

“That view can have some severe implications, do you consider yourself free or slave?”

 

“I guess I walked into that fairly and squarely. Your profession would tend to categorize it according to various profiling scaling. Are we not free and to a certain degree enslaved by that belief? Those that feel otherwise are just fooling themselves.”

 

“By scaling, you mean the personality profiling tests?”

 

“Exactly! Your associates must have provided you with those by now. The thought I have is that the poles of those scales allocate provider and parasite.”

 

“You don’t mince your words and also throw a body language image of severe proportions. Is that accurate?”

 

“About as accurate as my thoughts! I do not care too much about the characters that fill in the points on the extreme poles of those scales. Now don’t get me wrong, you are likely to fill me in initially as very judgemental, right? I am thinking out loud. You see each has their drive to do what they feel necessary to survive in life. Some do not seem to realize that whatever they do will have an impact on the rest of their lives, and far beyond.

 

“You are treading on ground that I would like to explore a bit further. That reaching beyond, what do you mean by that? It seems that you are referring to some other place beyond that world we call the present home.”

 

“Well Scottie, should I be beamed up in terms of that reference. I really feel this is all a sort of myth in our minds, but then how real is this place to some? This side of our personality that is called spirit is pretty transparent and unseen, like a vapour floating around us, but yet we express it in our emotions quite clearly. Sometimes it is expressed a little too clearly for the persons on the receiving end. We cannot touch this spirit or weigh it, but sometimes it is so strong that we can almost taste or hear it. The strange part is that sometimes one can sense that quality without even being in the contact where the physical senses are much use.”

 

“Are you suggesting a sixth sense?”

 

“It almost seems that way doesn’t it. You have love, hate, fear, anger, happiness and sadness without actually being in touch with the source of the emotion. Yet we cannot easily tell others how we feel, is that not one of the puzzles of your business?”

 

“I can’t deny that!”

 

“But what about determining what is the real root of the emotions? There are some that just don’t give an idea where they are coming from. That to me is the stuff of the “Meme”. That is real spirit. That is the place in us that stores the real you and people do not want to share that part of their being freely. Some people require special circumstances to reveal that part of them; usually something extremely traumatic, and then the reactions can be very overwhelming for those around them. It is the source of questions about the lack of spirit in school or in some sports event or perhaps in the serious world of the workplace. This is a real good one, how about the source of road rage? That is a real puzzle to the sociologists isn’t it?

My idea is that it is the reaction of the child within, to the message that they are being defeated. Like a dog in the corner, it will react to the trauma of a miserable master. It will turn ugly or it will just lie down and die … a wasted spirit. I believe the word that is used is despondent.”

 

“You stress that word severely … what does it mean to you?”

 

“Think of it in terms of correspondent! There is something of the image of communicating … how would a spirit be represented if it were not communicating with another spirit? That seems simple enough doesn’t it? If there is no communication, that is despondence!”

 

“Again that thought raises a great deal of other implications. I don’t think we have time today to get into those, but I would like to ask you one thing: Are you a religious sort?”

 

“If you mean am I pious … a sort of sanctimonious ... a' orphan, no! I know where my spirit lies and I know what it needs to keep it healthy and a life in here wouldn’t do anything for it in the longer run. Although, in the shorter term it gives one time to reflect with no other senses other than the intellect and the spirit to overload the system. A long while in here without diversion would turn a human spirit into a real screw-up … a lonely soul wandering where? I might call myself spiritual, in a loose sense of the word!”

 

“I have to ponder that for a while. I’ll leave you for the day. We have this same time set aside for us for your thirty-day observation. If you would prefer a different time, it could be arranged. Is there anything that I can get for you to make the term a bit easier? If I can’t help you outside I can help make your stay a little less unpleasant.”

 

“I could use a bit of distraction, the television is much the same as outside an institution, pretty limiting. The books are another matter, I don’t know what the regular residents are doing to them but they raise some question about hazardous materials handling.”

 

“I see you haven’t lost a sense of humour and satire. The regulars here are not anything what you could call normal or statistically average, at least in politically correct terms. They do strange things to everything they contact, even the staff. Scott manufactured a strange grin. What type of material would you like to read?”

 

“Did that look on your face when you spoke of the inmates, indicate just the bent physical portion of your being or your intellect?”

 

“Probably both! You are one of the most “normal” beings I have had to deal with in here for a while, at least on the surface. It is a break for me, at your expense.”

 

“After this hour doctor … er … Scott, perhaps I should read something about the complexities of humorous relations, perhaps Patch Adams or better yet some Shakespearian comedy. Suppose that would lighten my reflection of my vacation here?”

 

“I don’t doubt that you would need some lighter reading material; I’ll bring you a selection. Do you read philosophy?”

“I read anything but I don’t know right now whether I can stand anything that straight forward, besides I have covered much of what is out there. Some good classical stuff would be great … Shakespeare or something along that line.”

 

“I’ll see what I can do. Until tomorrow then!”