Why am I asking this one? I am aware of a family with multiple impacts with small children and pondering this morning what might be something creative to do.  

In this case, like most Canadian circles, benefits are not an issue so the finance is typically not the primary concern.

I'm interested in items that people can buy...but also things that people can do or make.

• bring food or gift cards for food (not necessarily because money is needed, but because gift cards allow for a quick order instead of having to make food)
• help with cleaning and laundry
• take the kids to the park or do other babysitting or get them to their piano lessons and gymnastics classes, etc.
• help the caregivers to have breaks so they can go out and have time for themselves
• be a shoulder to cry on when the need arises
• take caregivers or other family members out to a movie or out to dinner for a break
• give a massage or spa gift card, not because of the need of money but because the people around the person in treatment need to take care of themselves
• listen to what the person in treatment wants/needs and be there for whatever that is...bringing movies, playing cards, reading to him/her, just being there, understanding that sometimes a 15 minute visit is all he/she can handle, but going anyway
• don't just say "call me anytime" because they won't call...offer specifics or ask what would be most helpful
• don't stop offering, even if the people say no.  Sometimes something isn't wanted at one time, but then it is later.  
• don't disappear.  Call every once in a while...every few days, once a week...just so they know you're still there, still thinking about them, still willing to help if necessary

I'm sure there are more things that will come to me, but that's a pretty good start, I think.

Basically, in everything you do, think in terms of comfort, nurturing and making life easier for everyone involved.  

Ok...thinking now of things people can buy...

Sometimes things come up that you just don't think of when someone has cancer, and I imagine it's true for other diseases and ailments and injuries as well.  When Jim was sick, at first he didn't really need anything special, but as he declined there were needs that came up...one that comes to mind right away is that he started having a lot more trouble holding a glass or bottle for drinking.  He ended up using a travel mug with a lid and handle, and then one with a straw.  I'm not sure if this really fits in to the idea of outsiders helping, because these needs won't really be known except by the people who are close, but any of those things that make the patient do things more easily and feel more comfortable is good, I think.  Slippers, a robe, soft blankets, etc. are all nice.  

help with the kids -

playdates

sleepovers (especially on the day or for a couple immediately after chemo)

invites to go on a day or weekend trip or vacation (the family with cancer probably had to cancel vacation plans)

picking them up after school

driving them to and from (hockey, judo, dance, cubs, youth group)

taking them to Sunday School

meals - Seelergirl had a church group organize to bring means at crucial times - friends and relatives also brought full meals - if two arrived the same day, one could usually be kept for the morrow or frozen for later.

baked goods - muffins, cookies, snacks for the kids lunches

transportation - drives to and from treatments - Seelergirl's radiation was in a different city

visits - frequent and short - gaged to how the patient is feeling

invitations - to the movies, a short shopping trip, a gathering at someone else's home - with the understanding that she will be driven home if and when she is tired

money - earning power goes down as expenses go up - an offer to pay a child's dance or hockey fees - to pay for summer camp - or $5 or $50 or $500 in an envelop marked 'for gas' or 'get yourself something special' or 'treat yourself' and if they put it on groceries no one asks questions.  Several fund-raisers were organized for Seelergirl.  We appreciated it.

words of encouragement and appreciation for the caregiver (sometimes I was at my wits end - your kindness helped me through)

lawn mowing, yard work (husband is busy and worried - dad is stressed)

provide a cleaning woman (one of Seelergirl's friends was away for the summer, she sent and paid her cleaning woman while Seelergirl had chemo)

prayers

and remember that this is a six month or more commitment

I'll think of more later

hugs

kisses

a shoulder

books

games (war, rpgs, board)

video games

movies

something that they really enjoy

energy work

massage

poetry

puddle splashing

decadent unhealthy food :3

morbid humour

delete

I knew I'd think of more - and they are biggies - support Medicare!   And your province's catastrophic drug program (if your province has one - NB doesn't).

somebody I know adopted a "smiley face" theme - she kept an eye out for goofy 'smiley face' items and dropped them off at random times as little "I'm thinking of you" surprises for a friend going through a second bout of cancer.  Sometimes an item just in the mailbox, a balloon tied to the front doorknob, cards arriving in the mail, cookies delivered by person, socks left hanging on the clothesline, a note left under the windshield wiper on the car  .... it always brought a smile!    You'd be truly amazed at how much smiley stuff she found out there - dollar stores are treasure troves! 

I know I've mentionned this one before, but IMO it's worthy of repeat mention - perhaps help the family to set up a website on www.caringbridge.org  - it's a wonderful, wonderful place (free! ) to keep a circle of friends informed about changes.  Great privacy features, and a less stressful way to keep in touch than repeating the stories endlessly.   Several of my friends (one was the smiley recipient above!) used it and loved it.

Another thought - I've heard of but haven't used - interesting websites that help friends/volunteers schedule meal deliveries to families experiencing illness, new babies, surgery, etc.   There are two I've seen -  I'm interested to hear if anybody has used them.

http://www.mealtrain.com/

http://www.carecalendar.org/

hugs crazy, if only virtual

CH said "delete" - no, CH, that's what the chemo is supposed to do LOL

Twice we've been the recipents of foood-once folks called and checked allegies preferences and picked times to deliver

a few years later a big box of dinners arrived-some home-made , some from Costco or whereever. It meant I could work, my mom sit with my daughter in the hospital, she'd go home and feed the boys out of the box -or freezer-There'd be food left for me and I'd get home 1/2 before bedtime, eat and visisit

Now when iour neighbour had cancer-over 3 years-so much food arrived that we frequently got feed as well-how many cholate cakes at once do you want? So a food coordinator is helpful-so is a volunteer to do errands-

Great tiips on this thread!  One very important thing that my dad appreciated was the visits that spoke to him as who he was without cancer.  Many conversations about farming, fishing, the grandchildren, relationships that were rocky and his advise asked, as always, and genuinely.  Let them see, reflected in your eyes, that you still know who they are...without cancer.

It depends on the circumstances. Different people have different kinds of needs.  Many people I knew needs all kinds of help, while some have so much help, it becomes problematic for people to say no, everything. Also depends of the kinds of treatments involved.  Some people can tolerate their chemo very well. Others face alot of fatiique, or other problems that impair their abilities.

Lisatening is always a good place to start, and is good in itself.

The biggest help for me was and is having people go to appointsments and treatments for me.  Especially if they could drive as well..

I have also done things like take care of pets for people.  Walking the dog can become difficult, or too time consuming.  but even the sickest people love their pets, and are happy to see them taken care of.

ALso sometimes people give up things that are seen as unnecessary but that gives them joy and hope if done. I never say my Grandmother smile and beam so much as the time she was in the hospital for a month, and I planted flowers in her garden.  They just needed to be put in the ground.

Another person I knew always wanted me to do their shopping for them. after I did it once. Althrough she had money and family, when others did the shopping they wuld just go to one store and get what was needed, but more expensive brands, or slightly different products. Whereas I would go to the same stores she did, and get exactly what she wanted. IE, an exact brand of no name jam, etc. I understand that many family members and others  thought they do not need to get exactly what is requested, but it's not about money or time. It's the sense of normalcy, and the sense that they still have control ( not there adult children) that having the same products, the same sizes, and the right deals bring.

Some tasks are so needed anybody can somethings, howerv sometimes people do not want certain things done by close family members, and appreciate someone with a certain distance or attitude.

So often I have helped by sharing my own stories about living with illness. Jokes making fun of illness  can be laughed at with some, but not others.(IE, biuggest laugh I evr got was from a gay man facing a colostomy with this joke  WHat's the worst thing about having a colostomy bag?  Finding matching shoes. ) Howevr if you are any of the following characteristics goofy, non judgemental, non family member, and  survivor, the ability to laugh with and make fun of an illness can really help them fight. Some can not laugh with family about illness, or with people who have nevr been sick, etc. You will need to be yourself, and not force yourself to do something that is difficult for you. 

Make sure if you do something it is wanted. Home baking can make someone feel quilty if they do not like it or are able to eat it. Or too many people around, or too much help  can wreck their sense of being normal, or strong enough to fight, or purpose. 

A timely thread for me Pinga - I've just returned from church where one friend has told me that her cancer has returned, and another friend's husband is facing another round with cancer........

I've found that folks want you to respond in keeping with the relationship. By that I mean that if you have a relationship established you keep on doing what you've always done - only more so.

When my sister was diagnosed with ALS in her thirties she wanted me to talk with her about the illness. She had four daughters -the oldest was only twelve at the time - a devastated husband - so at home she had to try and act as "business as usual" for her daughters' sake's for as long as it was possible.

As kids we'd always shared our deepest concerns. I was her big sister, and I was the natural one for her to turn to.....

It was extemely difficulty for me, but I knew it was right, when she said to me, "Everyone is avoiding the subject but you... If I'm dying I want people to notice - I could always rely on you not to bullshit....."

That was my role in her life.

Mum and Dad helped with the day to day care of the kids. My other sisters and brother related in ways that were familiar to them.....

John and I took the two eldest girls camping with us in the bush - at my sister's request.

The girls didn't want to talk, they just wanted some normalcy in their lives, and a lot of physical and emotional affection............

When John was diagnosed with terminal leukaemia, unlike my sister he didn't want to talk about it much, but his illness did change some aspects of our relationship.

I remember him saying, "you're not just my wife now - you're also my mother."

One thing I do know, if the relationship is close, the love is stronger when tested through serious illness.........

Hi Pinga,

Dropping off Food is a huge help.  There are only so many hours in the day and for those who are constantly running back and forth to appointments or treatments do not tend to invest a lot of time into thinking about what to eat or how long it will take to prepare that meal.

Volunteering to run errands is also a huge help.  If preparing meals is a problem then you can bet shopping is also a task which is low priority even if it is a higher necessity.  

Helping with household chores.  Needless to say, if cooking isn't a priority cleaning won't be a high priority either.  Sweeping a floor, doing a quick dusting, pulling some weeds, mowing the lawn all take time and time may be at a premium.

For those who are able, I suggest getting out to a blood donor clinic as often as possible.  Ask about the various programs that require donors run by CBS.  A year ago I went from being a whole blood donor (donating roughly 6X per year) to being a platelets donor (donating roughly 26X per year).  As a plasma dononr I would be eligible to donate 52X per year.  CBS also has the one match program which allows individuals to be entered into a registry which will facilitate stem cell compatibility.

Platelet donations primarily find their way to Cancer patients.  Within 5 days my donation is being transfused into an individual whose own platelet levels have dropped so low that their blood will not clot on its own.

Stem cells donated through the One Match program (they can now take the stem cells directly from your blood stream without having to perform a bone tap to withdraw marrow--though that still can happen) those stem cells are transfused into an individual whose own bone marrow has been compromised and begin to heal the marrow itself.

The food, the errands, the chores are all helpful.

Providing somebody with the basic builting blocks of health (blood cells, bone marrow) is more helpful.  If treatment succeeds then the indiviudals will be doing their own cooking, cleaning and shopping in short order.

Grace and peace to you.

John