My mom would have never hired someone if she didn't know them as well as their parents quite well, and I would probably be the same if I had kids.  Most people I know use neighbours they know really well.

when I was a kid, the babysitters were 14-18, depending on how long or late we needed them.  I was babysitting starting at about 13, with an infant born into the family when I was 14 or so.  I didn't think twice about it.

Nowadays, it seems many parents ( me incldued) wait for grandparents to be available, or they want parents & playdates, instead of a babysitter.  And then if they get a babysitter, the older the better.  I'm not sure its a good thing.

I taught ballet and Sunday School beginning when I was 12-ish, so I guess a lot of parents knew me.  Also - my sister is six years younger than me, so I was often asked to babysit her school friends.

But if you don't know many people in the city, do you just stay home with your kid?  Or do you take the recommendation of a friend who will vouch for a responsible young boy with a babysitting certificate?

I would ask an adult friend before I would go with someone I didn't know.

Hilary - so great that you're helping your friend!  

As Birthstone mentions, I think this has changed quite a bit since my kids (now 30 & 26!) were little, as society has become much more childcentric - perhaps the pendulum has swung a bit to the extreme IMO. (Did anybody watch "Motherload" on CBC DocZone this week?  Very interesting - should also be available online)   Sometimes there's also a cultural element involved in the whole issue of babysitters. 

To answer your questions Hilary - 

At what age did you feel comfortable leaving your kids with a sitter? 

For me this depended on how long I would be out & what the kids needs were at that time - i.e. if they were already in bed & asleep, their needs are different than if they have to fed supper, bathed & settled to sleep.  

How old does a sitter have to be to be trusted with your kids?

We usually had local teenagers.  I recall early on, not knowing any teens except the girl who delivered our newspaper, so I asked her if she babysat.  She said yes - so I chatted with her mom, and with her, had her come over one day when I was at home to see how she interacted, and then I hired her to babysit.  I imagine some folks are gasping in horror at hearing this LOL! 

Did your kids prefer to be cared for by someone of the same gender?

Gender didn't really matter to me.  When my brothers were around 9 or 10, sometimes my mom would have the teen guy who lived behind us come to babysit them, or take them out to events - eg Harlem Globetrotters game etc.  They liked being out with him - seemed more 'buddy' than 'babysitter' to them at that age. 

Was a babysitting certificate important to your decision?  Or a personal recommendation?  Both are helpful I think.  I had both my kids go to get babysitting certificate (and I remember doing so myself when in Grade 8!)  It prepares them not just to look after others, but also to look after themselves when they start to stay home without parents. 

I do remember one time when Nana was babysitting - our daughter was about 3 years old.  We came home to find Nana sound asleep on the sofa, and our daughter playing quietly in the living room, not wanting to wake her up!  She had been put to bed I think, but awakened later & came downstairs ....  So is a family member always better?  

Hi Hilary,

We have used a sitter when our kids were as young as four months old.

It was less about the age than it was the maturity of the neighbour.  I think that they were at least 12.

No preference to gender.  Again it was a maturity thing.

I don't remember such a thing existing at the time we were looking for sitters.  When our daughters thought about sitting we insisted that they get one.  It shows a level of commitment to the task.

We have tended to go with neighbours.  This often carries an immediate adult presence if the sitter is overwhelmed.  Not that we have ever experienced a need for that extra level of attention.  

Thankfully most of our "emergencies" were when we were around.  One month we had our youngest to the ER on three consecutive weekends.  Twice after taking huge blows to the head.  One resulted in a huge goose-egg the other a small gash not requiring stitches but with most head cuts there was a lot of blood.  The third time it was a button up her nose which was seen but never recovered.  She either swallowed it and it passed without notice or it still lurks somewhere in her head.  Oddly enough some five or so years after that she needed minor surgery to remove an eraser from her ear.

Our youngest daughter still takes the odd sitting job.  She had a regular one for over a two year period but started to feel uncomfortable with the family dynamics.

At 22, 20 and 18 we no longer feel the need to hire sitters to watch our kids.  We are contemplating padlocking the fridge and pantry while we are out though.  In all fairness to the 22 year old, he has his own place and only shows up at the end of the month when supplies are running low.  Or he wants to do some baking.

Grace and peace to you.

John

My parents hired a babysitter for us three kids back in the 80s.  She was in grade six when she first started looking after us on school nights.

I have never had relatives in the province available to babysit. I used friends kids, friends of friends, neighbours etc.

Minimum age was usually grade 7 so around 12.

I remeber calling a classmate of my daughters who lived just a block away. My youngest wanted to stay home. The other 2 were coming shopping with me. It was John's first time sitting.

It was for 2 hours and they played board games. All was well.

My parents had lots of selection in our neighbourhood. Several neighbours had daughters several years older than us who babysat (in fact, I reconnected with the brother of one of my old sitters a few years ago when he worked for my employer for a few months). I myself babysat one of my youngest brother's friends while his parents and ours bowled (middle brother got to sit youngest brother) together as well as other kids around the neighbourhood.

Mrs M and I, on the other hand, have preferred having him go to friend's houses and such like. She, in particular, isn't crazy about having an unrelated teenager do the sitting (in China, there is usually have extended family available to do it so they don't really use sitters the way we do). Now that he is in high school, it is less of an issue anyhow. We can just leave him alone for an afternoon or evening without too much worry. Wouldn't do overnight yet but he is going to be going on some overnight school and cadet trips over the next few months so our confidence for him being on his own for a night may rise.

Mendalla

I have two boys.  I really didn't worry about gender of hte babysitter though I had friends who wouldn't hire a male babysitter for a female child.

I had family do all the babysitting when they were teeny babies:  Grandmother (m-i-l), Aunt (my sister).  I remember going to a christmas dance when our youngest was 2 months old. 

Once they got to be toddlers, we started to use non-family members as it was easier for us.

On occasion,  I employed babysitter-wanna-be's while I was present.  I would ask them to care for the child while I did  work outside, laundry, or just got caught up on a project.  This allowed them to get to know the house, etc and also was fun for our kids.

A number of our early babysitters were from our church.  They were the kids that helped in the nursery.  I had a good opportunity to see how they behaved with toddlers and I knew if they would play, ensure they were safe.  It worked well.

My best babysitters ended up being a coworkers teenage sons.  I hired the oldest one when we were going to a dance.  He ended up being awesome for both boys when they were 10 & 6, then, as he grew up, his younger brother kicked in and babysat.   It was a great solution.  The oldest still would babysit if h was in town even in university if his younger brother wasn't available.

One of my fond memories is coming home to a full blown pillow fight and tons of laughter.  The youngest of their sons was babysitting and the oldest son had dropped in early as he was driving him home.  The four boys had formed teams, and were just having a blast in a good way.  Nothing like walking into a house hearing laughter of your children.

Other memories of those boys are boxes of science fiction / fantasy books coming over for youngestson to read, phone calls made to their son to get a tip on a game, and then later, the phone calls coming the other way.

I agree with others who have said that I think it is important for parents and children to learn how to be apart.

As a child I never had a babysitter though once I slept over at a grandmother's house.

When raising my own kids I rarely hired a sitter (lack of money) and didn't have family around to help.  On the occasions that a sitter was necessary I asked other mothers who they used, what they thought of the care given and how much they paid.  This is easy in a small community!  When there were four preschool kids to keep track of I paid a second teen to help at mealtimes and bedtime if that was the time span. A couple of times I wasn't impressed with the care given and just didn't ask that person again.  As the kids got older they preferred a particular boy who was totally awesome with them.  

In Clagary I was part of a babysitting co-op. We met monthly-all moms not curently meeting.These were play times for the kids and chatting times for the moms. Then with our tokens we could  use the other families throughout the month.

So I'd take a 3 year old for 3 hours. Then someone else would take my 1 and 3 year old so I could go to the dentsit etc.

It worked well as we  got to know each other and you could choose who you asked.

Depends so much.  I think I was around 12 when I started babysitting for pay for an evening.  But younger than that I probably watched the little boy next door while his mother ran an errand.  (My own mother would have been at home if we needed her.)

And I left my kids with older (10 or 11) kids in the same circumstances.   Seelerman was often late getting home (he drove a truck).  My kids would be out playing with the neighbours and I would ask Norm (the oldest in the group) if he could watch them while I went bowling with the girls.  (Norm's mom didn't bowl.)

My own daughter, and my granddaughter, started babysitting at around 12.   Seelerboy occasionally filled in if two families ask Seelergirl for the same night.  Some people would then ask for Seelerboy.  The kids liked him - he joked and played with them.  He continued using the same skills when he started teaching.

A lot depends on the age of the children being cared for, the length of time, responsibilities (getting meals, staying overnight).  A lot also depends on the maturity of the sitter.  When my bosses baby was born severely compromised I offered to sit for her occasionally, rather than my 14 year old daughter.  I think we were all more comfortable with that situation.

How goes the quest Hilary? 

Her husband will be home.  So we have dodged the bullet for this gathering, but I still want to connect her with a couple of the youth boys from my church for future nights out.

Well, that's great that she can come to your dinner.  Hoping your 'match making' goes well - and that this couple will be able to trust sufficiently to take some time out for themselves, which I think is so very important. 

Have you looked into babysitting services in your town? Usually more expensive but some places have them.

Is it possible that the cost of babysitting adds o her concern about going out?

With babysitting upwards of $10/hour now that can add $30 or $40 to the evening.

Group babysitting? One sitter, all kids in one home?

When my first was little, I used a teenager on our street. There was a period when he didn't go to sleep easily and then we had her come after he was in bed so she really just had to watch tv.

I have used adults but found my kids liked teens better.

Thanks for offering that perspective, lastpointe.  Part of the reason that we have gatherings at each other's homes (instead of retaurants) is due to discrepancies in our financial situations.  She is more 'comfortable' than the rest of us, which of course doesn't say anything about her emotional relationship with money.  That could certainly be a deterrent for her.

Until last month, she was the only one of our group with a child.  That takes group babysitting off the table for us.  I hope that it is something we can do as more babies are born.  Maybe the childless (by choice) couples could contribute to a babysitting fund, too...  better to chip in $10 each than to have friends stay at home because they can't afford a sitter.

I don't know if there is an agency in our city.  It's a place that seems frustratingly like a small town in many ways.  I'll look into it though.  At least then, you've got a level of trust and assurance that you're not going to get from some-random-teen-that-goes-to-Hilary's-church.