You really don't understand God chansen ....

God really knows who was really the cause of this! .... 

Those treacherous Serbians!!!!

Nothing a smiting with a good washing won't cure!

Now to wring them out and hang them out to dry!

That will show the rest of the world! ... yes indeed!

Are you trembling yet???

.....

Now as for this Cardinal Schonborn .... wonders never cease!

Don't worry .... he will be quickly herded back into line....

Regards

Rita

Just because you created the Earth doesn't mean you know where everything is.

Look at my desk. Just because I created the mess on it doesn't mean I know where everything in that mess is.

Mendalla

chansen, chansen, let me connect the dots for you. It's really very simple. Conchita Wurst is from Austria. Right? OK. Now, for centuries, Austria was sort of the mainstay of something called the Austro-Hungarian Empire. Capiche? Now, the Austro-Hungarian Empire was far more than what we think of as Austria and Hungary. It included lots of the Balkans. Got it? Even Serbia was part of the thing. Stay with me now. A lot of people think that World War I started when a Serbian named Gavrilo Princip assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand, heir to the throne of - wait for it - the Austro-Hungarian Empire. (I tend to stand with those historians who think the whole thing is a bit more muddled than that, but that's neither here nor there.) For our purposes of explaining the flood in the Balkans - is this getting clearer by now? Anyway, back to the dots. So World War I breaks out. Lots of countries get involved, which explains why it was called a "world" war. To skip ahead a bit - the Austro-Hungarian Empire collapsed after the war. Right. And so did the Ottoman Empire. Bear with me on this, OK, cause the Ottomans are important in this. Now, God approved of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, because in 1683 the Austro-Hungarian Empire beat the Ottomans at the Battle of Vienna. Now, true, it was officially the Holy Roman Empire that won the battle, but the battle established the Hapsburgs as one of the primary families of the Holy Roman Empire, and the Hapsburgs became the rulers of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. It's getting clearer now, isn't it! Told you it would. Now, back to the story. God loved the Hapsburgs and their Empire because they beat the Ottomans - because, like, the Ottomans were Muslims and we know what God thinks about them folks. Right? So, let's skip to the present day. God loves Austria now. I mean, there's no more Austro-Hungarian Empire for God to love, so Austria kind of fills the bill. So God loves Austria now. Well, actually, Westboro Baptist Church says that God hates Austria, but ... well ... we'll talk about that some other time. Really - take my word for it - God loves Austria, because the Hapsburgs were Austrian, and they were big players at the Battle of Vienna in 1683 where the Ottomans got their behinds whupped. So, when Conchita Wurst won Eurovision, that really made God confused, because Conchita is Austrian and so in one way God was proud because God loves Austria but Conchita is also transgendered and, well, we know how God feels about that stuff. Right? But God couldn't take it out on Austria because of how much he loved the Hapsburgs and how they whupped the behinds of the Ottomans, but God remembered how Gavrilo Princip assassinated one of the Hapsburgs that he loved, and since Gavrilo Princip was Serbian - this was a great excuse for a flood in Serbia - and, well, Bosnia and Croatia just kind of got in the way there. It's hard to make a big flood that isn't going to spill over a bit, even for God. And, as Patriarch Amfilohije of Montenegro (which, tellingly enough, was also a part of the Austro-Hungarian Empire that God loved and that was ruled by the Hapsburgs, whom God loved) said, "God sent the rains as a reminder that people should not join the wild side."

Hope that clears things up for you, chansen. There's always a simple explanation.

Hi Rev. Steven Davis,

Thank you for birthing another conspiracy theory with an eloquently articulated and coherent connecting of heretofore unconnected dots.

Grace and peace to you.

John

Steven, that was beautiful.

John, the whole point of connecting the dots is to connect heretofore unconnected dots. But the dots can be connected if one looks hard enough. You just have to look hard. Kind of like Habakkuk on the watchtower. You know. Anyway, I was glad to be of help in clearing up chansen's confusion.

no wonder g_d is confused

us mayflies mixing things & moving things around so quickly...

what a riff rsd!  i courtesy to your greatness

and huzzah for rough drag; beards are beautiful

Lol! That was awesome, Rev.Steven. It's about as clear as why the Yugoslavian wars happened. Makes perfects sense. (sarcasm)

He's Serbia's Pat Robertson I guess- but the Serbian Orthodox church is far more influential there than Pat Robertson is here, so it's not just the absurdly funny ramblings of an aging evangelist. People actually take these patriarchs seriously, which is scary. And this is exactly why my husband who is originally from the Balkans who is half Serbian and half Croatian but was born a Yugoslavian- is a Christian who is skeptical of organized religion, generally mistrusts it, and most of his former Yugoslavian friends who live here are atheists- that's how they see religion from their experience- nationalistic and superstitious. It's hard to get over that skepticism if you have grown up around that and the problems it can cause.

On a positive note, if Conchita is being blamed for the floods, Conchita should also be credited for the cooperation in the relief effort by Serbia, Bosnia and Croatia! Hopefully it lasts longer than a little awhile.

If drag queens could cause floods, than California would not be suffering a draught.   or perhaps those blashphemers are right and God changes and , God has different punishmnets for different drag queens

Alex, ever notice how these superstitious preachers only think God is preoccupied with the same prejudices that they are preoccuppied with? It's so crazy how anyone could come to the conclusion they did and be taken seriously. I hope more people are starting to see through that stuff.

It rains a lot in VAncouver I hear hmmmmm  

I think God floods for drag queens, but causes heavy rains for metrosexuals.

No no, for tree huggers! ;) (and the trees are marvelous, too. There's a cedar outside my building that's about 18 stories high. No, okay 15. I just looked. Thank God for the rain.)

yes, and these orthodox priests wear DRESSES :3

other crazy things:

hell exists

g_d exists

sin exists

evil exists as a causeless cause

all we are is chemicals spurting & atoms rubbing against each other

etc etc etc

They wear dresses and they have beards, and they pick on Conchita for the same. Lol!

yup,

so, as usual, i think that there is some serious projection going on there...like what has happened in the Vatican with all those homosexuals who had to deny themselves...

sexuality ALWAYS finds a way to express itself...

Because she is more stylish and more well regarded LOL

For the record, these are the guys who are against men with beards wearing dresses.

there goes Witch's irony meter...

(and rough drag is obviously an OLD tradition...)

like mother mary,these bearded bearwhales are hot, they're holy, they're ready for immaculate conception...

ROFL!!!!!

the guy in the red dress is lovely. Anyone knows his name and email address?

Rev. Steven Davis, there was something for everyone in that post.  Thanks for the chuckle.

lol

Rev. Stephen, I read this to my husband last night...he laughed! It about sums up everything. It's got to be one of the most brilliant pieces of comedic writing here in a long time (other than the scrotum talk on the other thread- I don't have the balls to add anything to that discussion today). I hear Colbert's leaving his show maybe they're hiring new writers if you need a second job. Political/ historical religious comedy is something you have a knack for.

Thank you, Kimmio. Thank you. So far no one from Colbert's show has called, though. Go figure.