I Have written somewhere  on a thread but I will write it again..

I have found since I was sick -  surgery and cancer treatment that at the beginning I heard from may friends ( some close) but as time went by and COPD caused me to stay out of windy and cold weather, many friend have dropped away.

Tis sad and I have spent much time crying over this. I was independent but now if someone drives me , we have to park near the door and inside the store I have to slow down. I feel I am a bother. ( not to my kids) but to other people.

I have also found and have not figured it out yet but I have a very supportive old friend and a group of us went for coffee or to some event or other ( at the church) or other places. They still go but I am not invited. I can only figure that I am a bother to them.

I hate to bitch. I am here. What more can I want - looking better and feeling better but really friendless.

That is one reason that I am sorry Wondrcafe.ca will be closing. It has really been my lifeline to the world.

Thanks for this Beloved but I have no real answers...

Too bad we didn't live in the same community, crazyheart - you could be one of my new friends :).

Double post.

Both you gals are fantastic - and I would love to meet up and chat with both of you!

Just wish you lived in Toronto, so it could happen........

Settle back, and I'll tell you a story.......

Not long after John died, I did what most daughters do - I went to see my Mum.

Amongst a flood of tears, I said I didn't think I could go on without my best friend.

This was her answer.......

"Remember when your Dad taught in the bush when you were a kid? Every time we moved, you'd come crying to me, just as you are now, saying that you'd never make any new friends - but you always did."

As she talked, those feelings from then came back to me, but I also realised she was right.

She hugged me and said, "Chris, it's just time for you to go to a new school."

Not having my own kids, I realised that I needed to be active in getting myself a "new" life -or else I could become isolated.

Fortunately, I have a few close friends - but now I needed to belong to a community and make some more friends.....

I now belong to a wonderful church community and have more friends than I've ever had!

That said, I think perhaps it's easier if you're an Aussie. We tend to be more direct and open than Canadians -which is essential for making friends.

CH, I sympathise with you re lack of physical ability, - as I think there'll be a "fall-off" when I'm less mobile. All I can suggest is that you find a way to be active online which is how I found Wondercafe in the first place -when grief kept me indoors.

Beloved, age itself doesn't mean you can't make new friends.

I consider LBmuskoka a good friend now -having travelled with her.

(I hope the feeling is reciprocated, but Canucks keep these things to themselves)

Thank you PP. I think both you and Beloved are saying," Quit you whining and get on with living."

I don't have a 'bestie' and haven't for many years though I have an 'almost;'.  As time went on they either moved away or died - and there was nothing I could do to fix that.  Of the ones who moved away I reluctantly concluded eventually that they weren;t such good friends after all as they didn't give me their contact info!

If I knew how to make another real friend I would certainly do it.  There was a glimmer of hope when I decided to start going to church - but that proved to be a total bust.  I don't have the health to do some of the things where I'd be able to strike up a conversation that miight lead to coffee or lunch together. I don't have the funds to start playing golf, or Bingo!

Online is it for me too CH.  I try not to get too down about it all and am thankful that I can still camp in a trailer with my partner.

CH, I don't see you as a whiner.........

Quite the reverse - I admire anyone who's honest and upfront about their feelings.

It's not always easy in this "Age of Positive Thinking" to admit to your problems and disappointments.

Besides, how can things change if we don't admit to ourselves and others how we're feeling?

I don't think I am too old to make new friends either, PP - I just need to decide to put some time and energy into it.  Right now I guess I am happy for my sweety to be my best friend . . . is that a bad thing?  Should one also have a gal bestie?

CH, I didn't think you were whining either - and for you I would wish fulfillment and happiness as you go about the business of living.  But I understand a void of not having close friends to share and do things with.

Kay, I have kept up with my close besties that have moved away, some more closely than others - but it sure isn't the same.  I think a lot of us are going to miss our friendships here on WC.

Beloved,

I think you should treasure your time with your sweety. 

I seem to have many acquaintances but very few close friends - people who I can call out of the blue, without a reason; people who drop in, people who just want to go for a walk, or check out the new store at the mall, or catch a movie, people I could call and say 'Seelerman is away and I'm bored.' 

I sometimes think that if I stopped going to church, dropped my book club and writers' group, and quit bowing - within a short time people would simply forget me until they see my name in the obits.

It becomes a problem as we grow older.  Long time neighbours sell their houses and move into seniors' buildings in another part of town - or move away to be closer to their children.  Or they get sick - or die. 

The person who I've felt closest to in recent years is ten years older than me.  Not  even noticable a few years ago - but this past year I've noticed her getting forgetful and confused.  I'm afraid I'm losing her.

And I'm afraid that it might happen to me too. 

Crazyheart - I've appreciated your virtual friendship over the WonderCafe years.  We seem to think alike about so many things.  I was really pleased to be able to meet your and your husband during our trip last summer - put a face on a friend.  It was a 'must' in planning my trip. 

Yes, there is a group of people that I will miss when the WonderCafe closes.  I do hope that we can find some way to keep in touch.  

And, Crazy, I do enjoy our Scrabble games.

Oh, I do :) - and I always will :).

Unfortunately, not only were my besties who moved away my close confidants and friends, they were also part of the support system for my daughter. I realize that as my friend leaves in a few months that she is one of the last people in my life here that was very close to my daughter, and whom I could count on to be there for her when needed.

My daughter has others in her life who support her, but hey are not close friends of mine.

I've come to the conclusion that growing older "sucks" sometimes LOL. But I'm going to try really hard to make the best of it :).

It was so good to visit with you and seeler man. CrazyDad and I both enjoyed it.

I was thinking, Beloved, I hear people say they are ready to die. I am not. Do we kick and yell or what?

Yup, we keep kicking and yelling til we can no longer :)

I'm just sitting here and thinking about what makes a bestie/besties?

For me, it involves sharing your vulnerability, revealing to another your fears, longings, loves - and celebrating each other's good times, bad times, ordinary times.

I can't see how you can be/have a bestie just on the basis of making conversation -that's for acquaintances. It's thus a way of saying, "I trust you to share my confidences with."

When I last returned from Canada, the very next day, after a very long flight, it was my bestie of fifty years's brother's funeral.

When I arrived at the funeral she hugged me sobbing, and said, "I knew you'd be here for me."

My family is celebrating my Mum's 89th birthday next Sunday -and Dianne will be there.

Yes, that's a bestie.  Sounds like she is one of yours .

I think of my friend who is moving . . . that is how I feel about her - I trust her with my confidences, and my life.

I've met some of my best friends through travel.  Met a lady from the UK in Newfoundland in 2001.  After just a few hours together we knew it was a special relationship.  She was divorced with a grown-up family.  I was widowed with step-children.  We met up again in NL in 2002 to share an adventure; in 2003 we travelled to Vancouver Island for whale studies and exploring for 2 weeks, had a wonderful time.  Returned to NL in 2004 and 2005.  Sadly she developed cancer in 2006, and died on Mother's Day in 2008.  We shared a mutual love of the natural world, finding beauty in daily living.  She possessed a wonderful sense of humour, kept me laughing.  Although she lived in the UK, we phoned each other monthly, wrote letters and emails.  I have never met anyone like her - a true kindred spirit.  I miss her very much, and consider knowing her a wonderful gift. 

I do have other wonderful friends I have met through my travels, and cherish their friendship.

One of my best friends left the area 5 years ago and moved to Quebec.  I have really missed her but we keep in touch.  She and her husband are visiting in the area at present and we met for lunch yesterday - talked and talked.  Hoping to see her again before they leave.

Here at home, I have one friend I would call a bestie, although I think she confides in me more than I in her. 

As far as meeting new friends, think we find them through social encounters - church, social gatherings, maybe playing cards, etc., etc.

As PP stated above, meaningful relationships develop when we open ourselves to others and share our lives.  As we get older that seems to be more challenging, as people have established relationships.

I think it's great that you consider your partner to be a "bestie".  Sometimes that is enough.

wow, this is a great thread.

Just found it as I was looking for Kimmio's on ethics, but, gosh, honestly, what a great example of what makes wonderafe beautiful.  thanks folks.  you made my day.

reflections on "besties" later...i am pinging so I can respond.

I too have had changes in 'besties".  Marriage, kids, life, movement. 

I have a friend who has grown in friendship over the years. She has other friends as do I, but she and I have honest conversations...that is a key part to a bestie. She can be away and come back or I can be away and come back and though we dialogue via chat, we get together to catch up for a drink.  We have our zones/areas we dont' cross over, but most things are open for discussion.

Another best friend relationship has been strained to the breaking point. I should not be friends with them , my friend above says that I am too nice, others say that i offer too much grace, but...it is an important relationship that i hope with time can find new ground.  tough though.

I have a series of good friends, friends that I can reach out to, friends that spend time for specific events.  as my life evolves with kids getting older, my parents passing, retirement looming, i hope to spend more time with those friends.  i look forward to having bridge days at my house and hope that some of those busy folks, the ones seeking besties and feelign at loose ends will be interested in coming over for time together or going on day trips.

It's one thing I still miss after my move (over 2 years) I have acquaintences and some friends here but not a BFF (as the young say).

I'm working on deepening relationships.

I still use the phone and e-mail for good deep connections with those who have known me for a long time-and those who I know  will be a support.

In the last 15 years, I've moved seven times so I haven't been able to make friends with anyone really (ie: Hey, wanna come over?) let alone a best friend.  The best friend I have would be the boyfriend which makes sense.

This seems to be a problem of this generation.   I just turned 40 and have the same problem.  I didnt get married or have kids so I have to work to have friends.  I also note while my coworkers need to go home and cook supper for their husbands and children I do not need to go home.  Its hard.  I have no answers.   I used to think the problem was that I was self employed but when I got a job it was the same.  People are busy.  Some work 2 or 3 jobs.  Its hard to make friends.  Ive also noticed a pattern.  I seem to work hard to make friends and then they move or change jobs and I find myself friendless again.  Plus I live in a small town.  That doesn't help.  Moving is a problem of this generation.  Work is not stable.  So people need to move for work and are separated from their families and need to start over making friends.  So I have no answers.  I can commiserate with you.  And just say from my experience after College making friends is harder because there are less opportunites and people are busier.  By working at it I mean I need to to go out and find friends,  They will never come looking for me.  I need to join things and meet people and it takes time and effort.

Yes, it is hard work serena . . .

I think I will just stick with my hubby .

But if I have an opportunity, or see someone seeking just like me, I will do what I can to start a friendship.

There is a woman at my church that I have worked with in various ways at the church.  We have talked on the phone, at church, and texted - all about church stuff.  But after talking day, I casually said - we could get together for coffee . . . and she actually said yes - so I am going to follow up on that.

YAY!  Friendship begins by one person saying "hey, you want to...."

Awesome job, beloved.

A start, now I just have to follow through . . . and set something up.

Hey, Beloved. Wanna go to Tim's///?

OOPS

I would love to go to Timmies with you, Crazyheart - maybe someday . . . You never know.

I think sometimes I settle for 'friends', not 'besties'. 

Yesterday I was wishing for a bestie.  There was a day-long multi-religion event going on at the university.  I wanted very much to attend.  But I couldn't think of anyone particular to invite  (since then I've thought of my next-door neighbour who would have enjoyed it - but too late).   So eventually I went alone.   I found the parking-lot and building, got directions to the auditorium.   Stood at the door, wondering where to sit.  Heard my name - a woman I know from my church was calling me over.  She introduced me to her two friends and we chatted a minute before the next speaker started.  Lunch time, I followed them to the cafeteria - others joined our group.   Self-serve around several tables.  I got separated.   Standing again, looking around.  Tables all occupied, we wouldn't be able to sit together anyway.  Then another voice,  "Seeler, over here."   Four people I know - one got up and found an extra chair, the others scrunched over.   Back at the lecture hall with this group, I saw two other people I knew - separately.  I could have joined either of them. 

Lots of friends - maybe just not besties.

Sounds like some good people there, seeler . . . part would be who they are, but part would also be who you are - you are someone that they like and want to include.