I think negative thinking is a choice that can become a disease—if we let it.

Abandoning ourselves to negative thinking until it becomes habitual and chronic leads to depression. There can, of course, be other factors and circumstances contributing to depression, like traumatic events, but habitual negative thinking almost always has something to do with it.

Negative thinking is a bad habit. Habits are learned, and can be unlearned. It seems to be politically correct these days to regard depression as a disease, but I think it is a mental disorder, rooted mainly in habitually negative thinking.

Tough situation mrs.anteater - must have been tough to listen to all that over the phone. 

Re your question - recent studies in neurofunction & emotions are indicating that our brains are often 'hardwired' for negativitiy bias - ie as a survival method, the brain pays attention & remembers events that are dangerous/negative in order to watch for & avoid them in future - improving chances of survival.  This can be overactive in some people - and certainly is also influenced by nurture & life experience.  But I would not call it a disease.

Some folks who have the strong negative views that you describe in your mom may be diagnosed with dysthymic disorder - sort of a chronic state of being disgruntled, negative, but not actually to the extent of being clinically depressed.  

Chronic disease & failing physical abilities are often triggers for development of clinical depression (I see that a lot) - proper diagnosis is important to establish that & treat if necessary.   Also as people age, some mild cognitive impairment can start to appear - and the longstanding personality features can become more prominent in such situations. 

Caregiver burden is an important reality - I hope your sister will be able to set good boundaries for herself, realizing that mom is unlikely to change substantially at this point in life, (quite possibly will never be satisfied with her family does), and that maintaining her own health & sanity is priority one. 

Thanks Carolla,
I am not very knowledgeable in mental health,working in the physical field, common sense and empathy usually gets me through most situations at work.
My sister has the benefit of having a very loving husband who is coming from a loving positive family background.
Her problem is that she craves recognition for what she is doing and my mom just can't/ doesn't give it to her.
Reminds me of the conflicts with my teenager- the more I point out what is lacking, the more defiance I am getting.
Our family is also good at holding onto grudges and hurts (my other sister is still bringing stuff up that my oldest did 25 years ago..) and we are presently not on speaking terms because she is waiting for my apology for calling her neurotic 5 years ago.
Jeez, speaking of family dynamics.
The good thing with dynamics are that they are dynamic, not static, so there is always hope and opportunity to change- as long as everybody is alive. But you wonder how much is wasted on it.

Arm,
Being of German background, I wonder how much it is a "habit" of a people (after all, we started two world wars), the same as it seems to be a habit of Canadians to apologize for pretty much everything.

Ahh ... it is a challenge - that longing for a word of thanks, which in some cases will never come.  Changing expectations can go a long way to feeling better within oneself - but certainly is easier said that done.  There's a branch of therapy called 'acceptance and committment therapy' that works on this basis.  

Good to hear your sister has a supportive mate, and different family of in-laws.  And hang in there with your teen - mine are now 26 & 30 have turned into great people once again - who do say thanks and express their appreciation retroactively now. 

Grudges do take up a lot of energy that could be put to better use - I have one brother who's currently in that mode - with both me and his daughter.  I'm not so affected, but wish he would get over himself & reconcilliate with his daughter whom he's hurt a lot. 

Families, and family relationships are sometimes complicated, aren't they?  Complicated, and challenging, and patience testing.  But, in most cases they are also the people who love us, no matter what . . . there for us, when others aren't . . . and support us when life is difficult, when others find it easy to walk away.

Negativity . . . we can all fall into it, or give into it.  So, in some ways it is a choice.  But our nurturing and our genetics probably also have a part into our personal personality make-ups.

I am not the most positive person in the world, but I am also not the most negative.  I am not naturally an optomist, nor am I naturally a pessimist - I fall somewhere in the middle.  So, I have to work at both ends of the spectrum.  I have to work to be positive, when I don't necessarily feel positive.  I have to work at not being negative when my life is crashing down around me.

There are persons I can show my fears and negativity to - who will pick me up, dust me off, and set me on the right path again.  There are some persons I have to hide any negativity or fears from, as they are vulnerable, and I don't want to cause them undo grief or worry.

Becoming more positive is one of the items on my check-list of ways to self improve. 

I think balance is the key.  There are times when being the world's most positive optimist isn't appropriate - when you are sitting with someone whose bottom has fallen out - they don't need to hear "silver linings" and "glass half full" etc.  They need someone to sit and hold their hand and weep with them.  There are times when being the world's most negative pessimist isn't helpful - when someone is thoroughly enjoying their "pity party" for weeks, days, months, and years on end.  It's a tight rope.

It must be hard, mrs. anteater, being so far away from your family . . . I hope things find a way of working out better for them as they go through these trying times.

Yes, my mother was one of these chronically negative and depressed German people. Having gone through the horrors of the war and the refugee trek with three little children, and having been married to a husband (my father) who was a minor Nazi, she had, perhaps, good reason for it. But there also was a family history that may have predisposed her for it: Her father was a tyrant, her sister committed suicide by jumping into the family well, and her other sister ended up in an asylum in Vienna.

I myself inherited the depressive tendencies from her, and was diagnosed as manic depressive and prescribed Lithium in the early eighties, but I didn't like the stuff, chucked it and tried meditation and contemplation instead. After some profound and mind changing mystical experiences, I arrived at the insight that we are the ultimate creators of our conceptual reality, and that we can change our conceptual reality with the power of creative thought. This brought an end to my depression and negative thinking.

I realize, of course, that this was only my personal solution. It does not necessarily work for everyone.

Thanks, Arm, that's quiet a picture of tragic dysfunctional family- and a hopeful outlook on how one can overcome it.

How right, Beloved, hopefully, this is what most families are. Reminded me of Robert Frost:

"Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in."

I don't know if it's nature or nurture, but my husband is so negative a large part of the time, my heart is worn down. It's hard to be positive arpound negative people, because they only respond with negativity. Hard for me to be positive then - and I feel that it's been shoved down in the recesses of my soul.

Complexgirl, I hadn't noticed this thread before, and wow, is it a good one and timely for me.

Thanks Mrs.AntEater for posting, and thanks everyone for great input.

ComplexGirl, hard to be around negativity.  For me, I often sidestp it and proceed with the positive.  At times, I confront it.  It really depends on the goal, and if the timing is good.

Welcome Complexgirl,
I didn't notice that this thread was coming to life again.
Sometimes, avoiding and chose to be with more positive people is the way to go.
I don't think confronting works if it is real depression and not just a negative worldview out of habit. My sister does that with my mother sometimes and it just creates emotional havoc.

Hi mrs.anteater,

Maybe it is neither choice nor disease.  Perhaps it is a symptom of something else?  Possibly it is a conditioned response?

If it was simply a choice then it would be good advice to tell people in a depressed state to, "snap out of it" or "cheer up."

If it was simply a disease then it would be something we would learn to excuse or ignore.

If it is a conditioned response then it would take some intensive deprogramming and reprogramming.  In other words, it would take a great deal of effort and energy to effect any change.

I presume you are looking for a way that is not insensitive.  I don't know that I know of one.  Nor do I know if doing one positive thing for someone a day works as a cure or reconditioning.

Negative people tend to be aware that their negativity isolates them.  They have no desire to be negative they just do not know how to not be negative.

I don't know that this helps either.

To be perfectly candid even if this was something that could be accomplished it only addresses the discomfort the negativity causes others it wouldn't likely address the root cause for the negativity.

I suspect it would actually amplify the negativity because in the individual's mind they would know that they are being judged by what they say and do and not for who they are.

At risk of sounding like I get a commission from referrals I would like to recommend Cloud and Townsend's book "Boundaries" to you as well.  It helps to understand how some folk come to be the way they are and how the rest of us can survive enocounters with them.

http://www.cloudtownsend.com/

The book Boundaries is usually available in Chapters though they don't keep many copies on the shelves.

Some of the other titles they have in stock look very interesting and I will probably pick them up and work my way through them.

I was dealing from the fallout of negativity this week again.

Ongoing negativity tends to isolate the individuals from those who know them best.

My response was "unless you are phoning someone to say you love them, don't call". That wasn't a good practice but it did get my poi t across and may give me a few weeks of peace from dealing with the drama.

I am unlikely to change either the negativity or the conditioned response by the people contacted.

I just refuse to buy into it

Thanks RevJohn,

The webside has also a good article about dealing with teenagers.