genties & ladlemen,
my mother has been given 3 to 12 months to live; her cancer has progressed to that point. she says she is ready to go, has everything set up, but, of course, i can tell she doesn't want to go. thank g_odness she lives in a place and time where she gets to choose -- she's tried various chemo (but not all of them) and, I think, is choosing quality of life over quantity
i ask for blessings for her from those who can and healing for her from those who can, sendings of positive energy and good wishes her way
there are cases of spontaneous remission (as the rationalistists hand-wave) -- she's been quite fortunate so far
humanity, blessed humanity, powerful and necessary and holy. we are bits of universe exploring itself
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Comments
somegalfromcan
Posted on: 10/03/2012 15:38
Inanna - I'll be keeping your Mom and your family in my thoughts (and prayers, if she's okay with that). I wish you blessings during this difficult time.
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/03/2012 15:46
Inanna - I'll be keeping your Mom and your family in my thoughts (and prayers, if she's okay with that). I wish you blessings during this difficult time.
ty somegalfromcan -- do anything you want to -- all of my family has been pretty open to experiences and not pig-headed when it comes to 'religion'
The United Church of Canada is part of my family, even though none of us regularly participate or consider ourselves part of organized religion; my mom & dad got married at the same United Church on the north shore as my mom's mother had her funeral at.
SG
Posted on: 10/03/2012 15:54
InannaWhimsey,
You've got it.
That your mother can speak to you regarding a life threatening illness, her health and choices, as her child, is a gift, an honour. It is courageous and is a testament to your relationship.
Starting that conversation is avoided in our culture.
There are many interventions that prolong life or delay death and they are medical and personal choices. What we value, what we worry about, what seems peaceful, what we believe....what is appropriate and inappropriate differs and is as unique as we are.
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/03/2012 16:09
ty SG -- a lot of who i am today is thanks to my mom
and i'm coming to the conclusion that a big part of what is human and humane for me is being able to be in control/guide of one's death
carolla
Posted on: 10/03/2012 16:50
Inanna - sorry to hear of your mom reaching this point in her journey ... one can certainly 'be ready' and yet still be reeling when that news comes ... I imagine it is not easy for her, or her beloved family to hear.
I will send you all you ask ... wishing you peace as you live and laugh and love through this chapter with your mom.
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/03/2012 16:56
ty carolla -- she's "beaten the odds" already -- perhaps she can do so again :3
she's much too young -- she has yet to leave her 60's
my father's mom died of cancer at 56, which is also too young
Beloved
Posted on: 10/03/2012 17:02
Inanna . . . very sorry to hear about this news you have received about your mom. You are correct - she' s much too young.
Caring thoughts (and you've indicated prayers are appreciated) will be with you and your mom, now, and in the days ahead. Wishing you both an abundance of strength, help, hope, peace, and courage.
redbaron338
Posted on: 10/03/2012 17:23
Thoughts and prayers on their way. Sorry to hear about this.
crazyheart
Posted on: 10/03/2012 17:33
Sorry to hear about this inanna. When one is facing this cancer, one realizes that there is always someone who is travelling the same road but in a much more difficult way. Blessings to you all.
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/03/2012 17:35
ty Beloved,redbaron338 and crazyheart,
i am reminded of a favourite quote that my father likes
"it is in the shelter of each other that people live"
-- Irish proverb
Rev. Steven Davis
Posted on: 10/03/2012 17:49
Sorry to hear aboutr your mother's health problems. Consider yourself and your mother and your whole family prayed for from this quarter.
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/03/2012 18:02
ty Rev. Steven Davis
hoping for a remission; i feel really sorry for her bf -- they've been together for quite a short time and, well...
gecko46
Posted on: 10/03/2012 18:45
Very sorry to learn of your mother's problems, Inanna. Difficult to watch a parent struggle with illness. Hopefully she can once again beat the odds.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
myst
Posted on: 10/03/2012 23:23
Aww Inanna, I'm sorry to hear this about your mother. I'm sending positive energy and caring thoughts your way.
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/04/2012 13:16
ty gecko46 and Myst,
if this is what growing older is all aboot, count me out *chuckle*
The worst thing for me so far is seeing her lifestyle change from being the Everready Bunny to being tired all the time
and i'm feeling frustrated in that i feel there is something hidden that i am supposed to be grokking but that i am either too lazy, too asleep or whatever to be able to grok
Beloved
Posted on: 10/04/2012 21:12
I had to look up "grokking" Inanna . . . :)
Caring thoughts continue to be with you . . . may grace abound in your life and being.
ab penny
Posted on: 10/04/2012 22:19
Soft thoughts and peace sent your way, Innana. I'm sure no grokking is missed by you...love is all that you need to know and you already know that
Pinga
Posted on: 10/04/2012 23:32
Inanna, thankful your mother was able to speak to you.
Know that we will be here with the porchlight on when you need us.
Beloved
Posted on: 10/05/2012 13:41
How are things in your corner of the world today Inanna?
ninjafaery
Posted on: 10/05/2012 14:53
IW - I have no idea what to say. Here are Hugs, prayers & gentle murmurings. Wishing you all open hearts to let in healing.
somegalfromcan
Posted on: 10/05/2012 14:54
Thinking of you today Inanna and hoping you are well.
SG
Posted on: 10/05/2012 15:03
That you are tuned in to yourself and your mom, to disease....enough to think about grokking means you ARE grokking. You are intimate and sharing....
Maintain the connection, the openness... hold onto the love.
That is the greatest and most profound of empathetic experiences.
Grok the heck out of it.
chemgal
Posted on: 10/05/2012 15:31
Inanna, I hope you're able to have a good Thanksgiving weekend with your mother. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Tabitha
Posted on: 10/05/2012 16:31
Inanna,
May you and your mom continue to make good memories in the time left. You are both in my prayers.
stardust
Posted on: 10/05/2012 16:52
Inanna
May your mom feel peace and love as she is touched by God's healing light of energy renewing her strength and giving her faith, courage, and hope that her health may be restored.
Sending positive thoughts to your mommy, yourself and all those who care for her .
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/08/2012 17:04
I had to look up "grokking" Inanna . . . :)
Robert Heinlein's fine spiritual book Stranger in a Strange Land; it helped me grok a lot
Caring thoughts continue to be with you . . . may grace abound in your life and being.
Ty :3 I don't need them as much as my mom needs them, I think though :3
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/08/2012 17:05
Soft thoughts and peace sent your way, Innana. I'm sure no grokking is missed by you...love is all that you need to know and you already know that
Agape for all indeed :3
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/08/2012 17:07
Inanna, thankful your mother was able to speak to you.
Know that we will be here with the porchlight on when you need us.
Ty Pinga :3
I made this thread originally to 'get the word out' and to get the WC Collective sending their prayers and intentions out into the mystery for healing & help for me mom :3
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/08/2012 17:12
Things have been :3
I've experienced death and dying before, but this is my first experience with a parent -- and the usual symptoms that I have had before I'm not really having (the despondency, the physical pain and such), but I have been having the 'if only she went to the Mayo Clinic, what aboot this treatment, ect'
I have talked with my dad and told him that this should be the time to tie up any unfinished business with my mom; they're divorced. I think he told me to mind my own business, I don't know.
I accidentally sat on my digital camera last night and broke the screen, but it still takes pictures, so that's good
It'll be interesting to see how long my mom can last with a visit with my wife and I...
The weather is still teetering between summer and fall; blessedly it is going to 6-10 degrees again (there is a g_d :3)
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/08/2012 17:14
Ty, ninjafaery -- you don`t need to express yourself.
Live life and embrace everything, for in everything human is contained in all of us, the sacred and the profane
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/08/2012 17:14
Thinking of you today Inanna and hoping you are well.
I am well and trying to be mindful; its my mom that I`m worried aboot :3
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/08/2012 17:16
Maie ntain the connection, the openness... hold onto the love.
That is the greatest and most profound of empathetic experiences.
Grok the heck out of it.
I`m already going through potential Celebration of Life `sermons`, from the angry 'the omnibenevolent g_d is a sadist' through the more philosophical...
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/08/2012 17:18
Inanna, I hope you're able to have a good Thanksgiving weekend with your mother. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
My mother is having a ball I hear with her bf and her sister's family in Whistler, tooling aboot on a motorized wheelchair; I hope the chair has a cattle prod attachment, for the slow abled who don't get outta the way fast enough :3
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/08/2012 17:19
Inanna,
May you and your mom continue to make good memories in the time left. You are both in my prayers.
ty dweller by the Lake of Many Colours :3
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/08/2012 17:26
Inanna
May your mom feel peace and love as she is touched by God's healing light of energy renewing her strength and giving her faith, courage, and hope that her health may be restored.
Sending positive thoughts to your mommy, yourself and all those who care for her .
Ty oh queen of Google :3
We are such a young family -- my father just turned 71. I owe so much to my parents -- kinda, perhaps, what sombunall Christians feel aboot G_d and by grace they exist? There was a time when we were living at UBC -- the University of BC, a hooooge University -- city-sized and I remember she would bake these carob/date/rasin/sesame seed thangs and the children from the neighhbourhood would come around to devour
carolla
Posted on: 10/10/2012 22:20
Make sure you get that recipe from her inanna! That's something my husband did with his mom in her final chapters ... find out her cooking secrets! She was so happy to tell him, although a bit perplexed too, as she was a traditional Italian woman & really ... her SON cooking??
Glad to hear she was living it up in Whistler - I hope she didn't run over my daughter!! I must ask her if she saw a woman in a power chair careening thru the village! I say good for mum!!
You are a young family - but then you're a young person ... so why wouldn't your parents be likewise? Your dad will no doubt do whatever he usually does, despite your good suggestion to him - that's the most you can, suggest and then leave it with him. Do you have siblings around? Cousins?
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/11/2012 23:03
Make sure you get that recipe from her inanna! That's something my husband did with his mom in her final chapters ... find out her cooking secrets! She was so happy to tell him, although a bit perplexed too, as she was a traditional Italian woman & really ... her SON cooking??
Glad to hear she was living it up in Whistler - I hope she didn't run over my daughter!! I must ask her if she saw a woman in a power chair careening thru the village! I say good for mum!!
You are a young family - but then you're a young person ... so why wouldn't your parents be likewise? Your dad will no doubt do whatever he usually does, despite your good suggestion to him - that's the most you can, suggest and then leave it with him. Do you have siblings around? Cousins?
I love food & cooking and experimenting; the kitchen was as open to me as every other room.
Well, asides from my sibling's rooms...:3
I have a sister & a brother -- my brother lives in the interior, my sister lives a few cities away from me. My brother is the closest thing my family has to a jock -- he's a physiotherapist with 'magic hands' (though he says he doesn't believe in that kind of stuff). My sister is a GP with a heavy interest in psychiatry -- she almost became a Psychiatrist. My father is a retired Child Psychiatrist by training and my mother teaches dressage.
I am the oldest of us siblings -- I think of my sister as being the most 'grounded' -- I'm more of an abstract-dreamer type like my dad.
My dad's family ( 4 bros, 4 sisters) most of them live in the area -- both of his parents are dead. My mother is the middle child between 2 brothers. They're all from Holland. Her mom & dad are dead (her dad died in a plane that had a bomb on it that exploded while it was flying in BC -- lots of amazing stories aboot her father & mother, aboot surviving in Occupied Holland...) -- my mom's family has a huge extended family around Europe.
My father has been telling his family members to see a movie called Two Weeks., which stars the Flying Nun in a role of a mom dying of cancer--I've seen it, its pretty funny (and intense at times.)
naman
Posted on: 10/12/2012 06:05
Inanna, I am among those wishing for peace and shelter for you and your mother in this difficult journey.
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/12/2012 15:42
Inanna, I am among those wishing for peace and shelter for you and your mother in this difficult journey.
ty naman
i hope that if she dies, i hope that she is able to rip off a shred of reality/G_d that is murdering her; i will feel glad that the cancer will be dying as well (and who knows? maybe cancer has an afterlife too? have their own WC with their own chansens?)
i'm off for a visit with mom -- she's in the hospital again -- this time she's elected to stay there. she is having troubles keeping stuff down. nice sleepy town -- Ladner
waterfall
Posted on: 10/13/2012 09:21
Inanna, I'm praying for peace for your Mom as she approaches the journey we will all take some day. May the holy spirit be with her.
somegalfromcan
Posted on: 10/14/2012 01:53
Inanna, I am thinking of you and your Mom at this moment - hoping that the medical staff at the hospital can find some ways to make your mother more comfortable at this time.
Kimmio
Posted on: 10/14/2012 02:21
I'm following along here Inanna. Your mom and you are in my thoughts and prayers as well.
kaythecurler
Posted on: 10/14/2012 12:53
Holding your mom and all those who love her in my heart at this time. Cyber hugs offered.
InannaWhimsey
Posted on: 10/14/2012 21:00
just got word that my mom died at 5:07, feeling no pain since 10 am this morning -- she is 66 years old
(i was sent home by my sister to freshen up after my vigil)
now i know what it means when someone says "her death was a blessing"
i love how, all of us cringing and bleeding around her, she was cracking wise
yesterday, when the pain became too much and my sister had to verbally and politically destroy the hospitalist*, when my mother was begging my sister that she wouldn't treat a horse like this so she managed to get her GP to take her case and get her on a very powerful narcotic
some 15 minutes after the 2nd shot of powerful narcotic she woke up
and all she could say was 'wow'
so her three kids and her sat up and watched the sunset while trying to sing, very badly, Satchmo's 'Wonderful World'...thank goodness for my brother's iphone to save the day
when i came in all soaked from the rain without any raincoat (i had left it in Washington State), she said she'd kill me first if i didn't get my winter raincoat back
my brother also brought some pretty awesome scotch with him; i don't normally like most alcohol because it tastes of sick, but this one was pretty good, with a very complex flavour. mom took the cork, brought it to her mouth, licked it, and smiled.
throughout, even when she was heavily narcoticized, she'd take some ice chips soaked in the scotch.
(whisky -- from uisge beatha which means "water of life"; now I know why it was called that)
when asked what she would like us to do it is to be happy and live life to the fullest
her service will be totally cool: people getting together to share in the common human experience -- but it'll have to be at someplace HUGE; there will be many, many people there
* my sister totally has fierce love and fierce grace
crazyheart
Posted on: 10/14/2012 21:16
"Be happy and live life to the fullest"
Wonderful advice inanna.
Blessings to you and your family.I would have liked to meet your mom.
waterfall
Posted on: 10/14/2012 21:18
Inanna, just know I'm thinking about you and your family as you mourn the loss of your mother and reminisce about the blessed legacy she has obviously left you all with. She sounds like an amazing woman that will continue to influence all of your lives.
carolla
Posted on: 10/14/2012 21:38
Oh goodness Innana - that was a quick exit your mom made - seems like no time at all since you told us about her illness. But from what you've posted about her, that was her way of being in the world - getting on with getting things done. And I think you already grasp life and live it well ... she is no doubt proud. I imagine all of you will miss her greatly in your own ways.
I'm glad you have a "fierce" sister - and such a large family to share this time with. Glad that her pain was relieved and you all could be together today - and I love that you all shared some scotch! (When we sat vigil with my mom, my dad brought cookies - only 2 each! - carefully calculated - but that was his way of being in the world!)
You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.
BetteTheRed
Posted on: 10/14/2012 21:41
Inanna, what a blessing your mother was to you and your family. What a very cool example of a very good death. Hugs to you and yours as you remember and miss her.
somegalfromcan
Posted on: 10/14/2012 21:44
Inanna, I am sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds like your last few hours with her were very meaningful - memories to hold on to when the pain of losing her kicks in. I will be thinking of you and your family, praying for peace for all of you.
Pinga
Posted on: 10/14/2012 21:54
Inawhimsey, that was just so short a time for her and you, and she was so young.
We will be here for you as you walk the journey ahead.
I am so sorry.