i was planning on telling my mom this wednesday. tomorrow. im sitting bed tonight, on wondercafe actually just reading all the lovely blogs that are posted, and my mom walks into my room and wants me to come and walk with her with the dogs. i decide, this has to be the night, it was meant to be.

we walk, and start talking about our lives and deep shit like that- and we ar getting close to home now so i need to tell her. i see a pole in the distense and i decide, i have to tell her by then. julian this is the most perfect time you are going to have, and no other. suck it up and say it. so i put my arm around her and told her  that i'm gay. i don't really remember what happened after that. i think because no one was talking lol. then she started crying a little. i explain lots to her. i explained that just because i am gay it does not change who i am, i am the same person who she has known for the past two years(since i accepted that i was gay) i told her she is going to have grandchildren. i told her that thi is my cross to bear, and that she doesn't need to feel bad.

she had lots of questions, like:

"Well, if you had sex with a girl do you think it would change your mind?"

"well does this mean that you have an extra chromosome or something?"

"When you say you need to figure things out, does that mean you aren't 100% gay?"

i told my mom that being gay isn't genetic, isn't about sex, it is jsut me. it is who i am. i don't want to be melodramatic, but it is like my soul. she still doesn't quite understand how i know, and i can't quantify it for her, and she will never fully understand, but that is ok; that can be worked on. it went really well!

i haven't told m dad yet, for certain reasons because i work with him full time, and he is a little homophobic...  i know how it is going to go down now, and i am confident that it will go well. he just needs to understand that it isn't his fault- my mom told me that he feels that because he wasn't there for me that this is why i turned out the way i am. i want him to understand that this isn't about him, it is about me and being happy with who i am, and that he just needs to accept me; and if he can't he will need to change some morals and values to figure it out.

thanks to everyone here! i  believe that every person i have talked to about this and have read blogs about this have helped me! thank you! god bless