My story, prayer and message for September 22, 2013.

Lament Begins: Jeremiah 8, 32, Lamentations

Story

Nathan was feeling upset and angry.   Nathan's best friend from when he first learned to walk moved away, and it really hurt to not have his friend anymore.  Nathan would just sit and sulk in his house until his mother chased him outside; then he would sit and sulk on his front porch.  Old Mr. Khan who lived next door saw him sitting as he went for his walk each day.  On the third day, he asked Nathan what was wrong, and Nathan told him.  Mr. Khan said, "Please wait while I go home for something."  He came back with a chain.  Here is what he said to Nathan.

"Nathan, when something sad happens to us, it is like a chain, and, like a chain, we can do different things with it.  We can wrap it around our hands and feet, and then we can't do anything.  But we can also use it to hold things up like plants, or wind chimes, or lights.  We can use it to pull things, or hold things together.  It is up to us what we do with our sadness.  When my wife died 5 years ago, it really hurt, and for a few weeks, I did almost nothing.  It was hard to even pour milk on my cereal for breakfast.  As I remembered all the things we did together, and the things she did, I realized she would not be happy with me moping around.  I decided to try to do some of the things we used to do, and to try to do some new things.  When I went to the kinds of concerts we used to attend, it was as though my sadness was a chain holding up a wind chime or a light for me, bringing memories of enjoying life with her.  When I decided to join the model railroad club, my sadness was a like a chain pulling me to new places.   If your friend was still here, what would you be doing right now?  What would you like to do that you wouldn't do because your friend didn't like it? 

How would your friend feel if he saw you moping around the way you are?"

Nathan thought about what Mr. Khan said, and went to join some children at the playground.

Prayer:  Loving God, when we feel sad, help us accept the sadness and choose to use our lives well.  Thank you for always being with us, when we are sad, and when we are happy.  In Jesus' name, Amen.

Prayer

Loving God, life gives us many reasons for sadness, anger, and fear.  We have lost loved ones to diseases and accidents and suicides.  Others we care about are facing difficult challenges.  There are hungry people in our city, country, and in the world at a time when more people die from eating too much than die from starvation.  There are homeless people on our streets in a time of abundance.  Floods, storms, and fires wreak damage and destroy lives. Wars burn around the world, and violence touches many families and communities.  We have traded much forest and prime prairie land for roads, parking lots, and buildings, and the rest of creation is paying the price.  Our children are inheriting a world greatly depleted of resources from fish to clean water, and inheriting heavy financial and relational debts.  Many reasons give us cause to cry, and to lament the harshness of life.  Use our sadness and anger to pull us into action that celebrates all the good that we still have, lifting us to pursuing higher values, worthwhile causes.

Holy One, hear our prayers.  And in your love, answer.

Message

A policeman, driving down a residential street, saw a man sitting on the sidewalk by a street light, crying.  He stopped and went over to the man and asked what was the problem.  The man said he lost his key and had spent an hour looking for it.  When asked where he was looking, he said, "By this streetlight."  When asked where he lost his key, he said by the step to his house.  When the policeman asked why he was looking by the streetlight, he said because the light was better here.

King David was from the tribe of Benjamin and most strongly associated with Judah.  When the Northern Kingdom fell to Assyria in 721 BCE, the people of Judah saw themselves as being more favoured by God and developed the notion they could do anything they wanted.  Because their capitol was Jerusalem, they believed God would not let any harm come to them.  130 years later, when the Babylonian army arrived in their space, they believed God and the Egyptians would save them, and they were wrong.  Jeremiah loved his nation, loved his city, but loved God even more.  He could see what was coming, and was willing to face the wrath of the king in declaring what he saw, because he hoped the king and council would be wise enough to put their trust in God, and surrender to Babylon as Jeremiah insisted they must do.  They refused to surrender, and they were destroyed.  Psalm 137 came out of that experience of devastation and intense lament.  An indication of the intensity of their feelings are the words from Psalm 137 left out of our reading today. (…)

Even though circumstances proved Jeremiah right, he drew little comfort from being right, and experienced great sadness as a result. 

And yet, while Babylon was at the gates, soon to come in and level the city, Jeremiah purchased a field from his cousin, confident that God would not let this be the end, sure that his descendants would return to the land.

Terrible losses lead to a powerful mix of emotions, and a variety of choices.

The conquest of Jerusalem was a critical event in the life of the Jewish people ever since, just as the Holocaust has a great, continuing effect on Jewish people today.  Readings in the Bible describe the grief, identify how some never got over their grief, some put their grief aside to make lives as best as they could while holding on to their identity, and some abandoned their identity altogether, just as people continue to do today.  Many people of Jewish descent abandoned their faith, and often any faith in God, as a result of the Holocaust.  Others have become extremists in their faith in one of several ways.  Most have included the Holocaust in their long history of persecution, and worked at their own responses to that event in the context of historical and current anti Jewish prejudices in most parts of the world.

Lament begins when people acknowledge painful losses, and lament begins a process that can lead to destructive despair, denial of previous self, or healing.  Being ready to recognize the power to choose our response and being willing to make helpful responses shape the life that comes after a severe loss.  We need to avoid responses like that of the man who lost his key.  We need to look first for healing in the place where our loss happened.  Seeking it in other ways such as mind-altering drugs like alcohol or current fads or pretending it never happened rarely help.

Parts of the Christian tradition and scriptures help some people make healing choices, and other parts prompt other people to make destructive choices.  This possibility creates opportunity and danger when we turn to these resources in response to our losses or the losses of others.  There are many other resources that offer the same mix of opportunity and danger, and these also need to be used carefully.

My guiding principles begin with the expression, “God is good all the time.  All the time God is good.”  Life happens.  Sometimes we receive consequences for things we have done.  Sometimes we receive consequences for what other people have done.  Sometimes random events intrude into our lives.  Blame and guilt have limited usefulness in understanding and responding to events; sometimes they are necessary as starting points for healing, but are rarely helpful for very long.

Recognizing what we have lost and why that loss is important to us begins the process of healing or recovery.  Assessing what we have left helps identify our resources for moving forward.  Realigning our goals with our actual and potential resources helps many.  Some need to wander for a while to test out what really sings to their hearts and minds before they choose a direction.  Finding potential partners and building relationships with them contributes to achieving success in reaching goals or even helpfully wandering in life.

For all this, lament is the beginning.  Lament begins when we are aware of what we have lost or are about to lose, and lament begins our responses, whether they are helpful or not.  May the Spirit help us make good choices, use our chains of sadness and anger to lift us up and pull us along.