I am not a minister.  But I have a story.

When I was in grade 12 the prophets came to my Church and laid their hands on my head.  It is called presbytery.   They told me to enrol in Bible College and become a minister.  I did this the very next year.  I went to Bible College for a year and a half and then became a Bible School drop out.   Also dropped out of Church for awhile.

I still wonder if I am called.  I have no way of knowing.

I don't know when I first felt the call.  I was a female child in the forties and early fifties, and I had never heard of a female minister, or even a female elder in the church.  If I felt the call back then, I'm sure I would have ignored it.  And yet - I was interested in religion, I was interested in ministers and how they felt their call.  Then, at seventeen, I moved from the small settlement where I grew up to the big city of Montreal, and became very involved in church life - and for the first time in my life actually met a woman minister (Nettie Hoffman).    I began then to feel a call - but it was impossible.  I had no background, no undergraduate degree, no money for university, no way to support myself through seven or eight years of study. 

So I enrolled in evening classes at Sir George Williams College and saved money until I took the leap of faith in quitting my job and returning to my home province to attend Teachers College - maybe my call was to teach rather than to preach. 

Years passed, life, marriage, children, ill health, took up all my time.  The call was buried for 15 or 20 years.  Then I started taking a few courses in religion intended for lay people.  I began reading books on theology and entering discussion groups.  Eventually I attended a week long seminar with Marcus Borg as a keynote speaker.  By then I was well on my way to becoming a Lay Worship Leader licensed each year by the Presbytery.   So 10 to 15 times a year I get to stand in the pulpit and lead a worship service.  Perhaps that is what God was calling me to do.

 Congratulations Seeler, One step at a time towards a distant goal. Must have been very difficult.

Thanks for the responses so far.

I understand seeler how life can take many twists and turns to end up where it does.

Rev matt? Gord? CH? Steve? any other comments out there?

 I began attending church when I was about 24. I stayed on the sidelines for a couple of years. For most of those couple of years I probably wasn't even completely sure I was a Christian. I just felt called to start going to church. The church had an 11:00 service. I came in at 10:55, left at 12:00 and was - I thought - barely noticed by anyone (and was quite happy with that) but liked the prayers and the hymns and - yes - the sermons. They all made me think. The odd time I'd ask some questions of the minister on my way out.

One day, much to my surprise, the Clerk of Session approached me (I didn't know he knew my name and I wasn't entirely sure of his name) and surprised me by asking me if I would fill in and help lead a service one Sunday when the minister was away. (I wasn't asked to preach, but to help provide leadership to the service. A guest minister would preach.) My initial response was "no way. I could never do that." But it began a conversation over the next 2 or 3 days (he wouldn't let the issue go) and finally I agreed to help with the service. I felt comfortable right from the moment I stood up and started. I can't explain it in other terms.This began something of a journey for me. I started helping out with services more often and even started to be asked to preach on occasion. The more I did it, the more it felt "right."

I still hadn't any plans to be a minister, though. In fact I'd been accepted by the University of Western Ontario to do a teaching degree, which was really always where I believed my life was leading. Strange, though, that almost from the moment I was accepted people began speaking to me about going into ministry, and I began to think about it. My fiance (now my wife) and I used to attend evening services at Agincourt Pentecostal Church in Scarborough. We went mainly for the contemporary music which was lacking in most United Churches at the time. At one evening service we attended they had a guest preacher whose name I remember only as "Reverend Schock." Being a charismatic, he began during the service to have what I guess are called "words of knowledge." Here's a verbatim of what happened:

"There's a young man here in his 20's who's thinking of going into the ministry. I want you to come forward for anointing." (I didn't move but watched maybe 15 or 20 go forward.) "No. The person God is talking to me about didn't come up. You haven't been a lifelong Christian. You've only been in the faith for a couple of years. Would you come up." (I didn't move, but a handful of others did.) "No. You still haven't come up. You've been thinking of becoming a teacher, but now you're starting to think you should be teaching God's Word. Come up." (Another couple went forward. I didn't.) "No. You're still in a pew. You're here tonight but you're not from this church. You're from another denomination completely. You know God's calling you. I want you to come up for anointing." (By this time I was sweating, but not moving. My fiance was nudging me saying "you should go up. That's you." I was saying "no way.") "You're not coming up tonight. You're fighting this call. But God wants you in his ministry. I have one more word from God so you know it's you - you never knew your earthly father but your heavenly Father is calling you." (My father abandoned my mother when she was pregnant and I've never to this day met him or had contact with him or any of his family. The only family I know are on my mother's side.)

I literally had what I would describe as a panic attack. This incident was sometime in June of 1990. I still put everything off for a few weeks. My fiance and my own minister by this time were convinced I should go into the ministry. I finally (in mid-August) agreed to get my undergraduate transcripts and go down to Emmanuel College to talk to them. I got an appointment with the Registrar. I told her I was thinking of ministry and wondering about enrolling at Emmanuel. She looked at my transcripts and looked at me and said "Steven the deadline for applications to start in September was a few weeks ago." Then she pulled some papers out of her desk and added "But here are the applications forms. If you can get them filled out within a week or so I think we can still let you in." In the end I not only got in, I was given a partial entrance scholarship.

It's a strange story, I admit (especially the part about Rev. Shock's words of knowledge) - but it's true. It's exactly what happened, and I took all that as a sign that God wanted me in the ministry.

The only hiccup I encountered was from Toronto Scarborough Presbytery's E&S Committee. I had spoken to the Chair a few weeks before going to Emmanuel, and she told me to wait for a year and do nothing - not enroll at Emmanuel College; nothing. Following that advice would have ended my thoughts of ministry, because I'd have been at UWO a year later doing the B.Ed. So I bucked the system by going to Emmanuel. The next year, my church having forwarded paperwork to the E&S Committee, I was invited for an interview. For some reason, even though I wasn't yet a "candidate" for ministry, Emmanuel College had sent an annual evaluation of me to Presbytery. They were not amused. I remember the chair directly and somewhat aggressively saying "I told you to wait for a year without starting at Emmanuel College. Why did you register there and start?" I said "Well, the Registrar said I didn't need to be training for ministry to take courses, and I figured the worst thing that could happen is that you would say "no" and I'd end up as a lay person with some theological education. The United Church doesn't have anything against lay people with theological education, does it?" The response was a stunned pause, then "Uh, well, no. We don't. I guess there's no problem." Everything else went pretty well.

Great story, Stephen! I think the Registrar was Margaret Grisdale, if my memory serves me well. She LOVED to do things like that. Although not as dramatic, I started to audit an course at Emmanuel in 1998. A colleague told me to go up and reguster as a student, and to talk to Margaret about having my transcript assessed for the MPS degree. I did, but finances were an issue. Margaret said "Register, take a couple of courses a year and apply for bursary assistance every year." I did, and in 2002 after taking six courses, received my Master of Pastoral Studies. Seems all my first year courses from my M.Div in 1979 were credited, as well as my two post ordination CPE units and every year, my tuition was paid.

DKS, it was, indeed, Margaret Grisdale. I really liked Margaret. She was a source of much wisdom and knew everything there was to know about the procedures at the College.

I worked in the Optical Industry - labs, dispensaries, optometrists. I have a busy family life . They decided to start an United Church in our area of the city, We met in a school and in the first or second bulletin, I saw that they needed a Sunday School Superintendent. Whoa - what was that? But I felt compelled to call the number.

This led to Children and Youth Ministry on a volunteer basis, I loved it. I felt called to do it.

I was on a National Task Group for two years. I saw the need for this ministry.

One day about 10 years later, still actively volunteering, In Presbytery, in Conference, and in my local church, I saw that a church needed a Staff Associate for 1/3 time. I applied. I met with Education and Students, had my Conference Interview, and started the appointment.More was not needed at that time.

13 hours a week. Not enough time to do anything but when they saw the turn around in the Church school, I went to 1/2 time.

I felt called to more. I was asked to preach one Sunday and was given a gift. A gift that I hope I was able to return.

So between the Church School, funerals, weddings, preaching ( about once a month) ,bible study, all kinds of events ( Advent, Justice, Lent etc), my life was full. I went to as many Lay Training  Sessions as I could, but because of the work load in the Pastoral Charge, more studies just couldn't happen.My appointment was with the Pastoral Charge not to enhance my education (LOL)

Teaming with a new minister became a problem; retirement happened. I still do Sunday Supply and still feel called to do more.

WonderCafe, for me, came at the right time in my life.

I wish that schools, in their career days, would spend some time talking to students about Ministry. There might be many who feel the call but have no idea what  to do about it.

From

a lay perspective.

Blessings

I don't have time to give my story right now.  Hopefully later.  But I do plan to respond to this query.

Thank you. I knew there were some stories out there.

Awaiting more!

My story starts with a summer job.  I was taking my B.Ed and wanted a job that would help build my resume.  As it happens the camp I attended as a child was looking for staff so I applied for the position of Devotions Director (having no skills in Crafts or Waterfront or Sports or Outdoor Ed it was the only thing left).  I went back the next summer too.

At some point at that time the minister in my home congregation asked my mother the fateful question "HAs Gord ever thought aboutministry?"  We all laughed long and hard at that idea.  But the seed had been planted.  And over the next two years it started to grow, with the result that by the second semester of my 4th year at UofA I found myself going to see the chaplain (Daniel Bogert OBrien at that time) and asking about process.  Next stop was a visit to my minister.

For more of the story beyond that time see here http://tinyurl.com/2vszttm

On second thought, maybe the story only seems to start there.  My CPE supervisor was the minister in my home church when I was 11.  I think she would say that I had started on this path even then.

Thanks Gord.

I too remember Daniel B-OB.

I read the full story-yes life is like that-sometimes we are held back until we are ready.

A deep thank you for sharing.

Hi Tabitha,

I didn't choose.  I was chosen.  As time goes on I get a better idea of why.

I did not want this job.  I did not want this responsibility.  I did not want to shoulder these burdens.  I was looking for something a little flashier and that paid better.

God, apparently, had other ideas.

I heard God's voice.  It did not fill me with a lot of peace or comfort.  I understand why the angels have to begin with, "do not be afraid."

Never have I prayed so desperately that I was the butt of someone's joke or losing my mind.  Being singled out by God for a specific purpose is more than I ever wanted, in fact, it was something I never wanted.

So I went all Gideon.

Thought about some tests for God to prove that this was really God's idea.  Laid them out and breathed not one word about them to any one (other than God).  Those fleeces were dealt with handily by God over the next few years.

Then I ran into some institutional road-blocks which didn't really upset me all that much they would have made excellent excuses to bail.  One by one those stumbling blocks gave way and I was forced to accept that God was going to get God's own way and the only choice left to me was whether I was going to go along willingly or be a brat.

Being a brat is something that I can do with motivation.

I thought I would have that to spare since, this wasn't what I wanted.

Sometime in all the testing God took that away and I realized that going along meant that God would fill me or I would be left empty.

I prefer to be filled.

So, I accepted that I was being called.  Embraced it with more enthusiasm and now look to see where I am supposed to be going rather than how I can get out.

Grace and peace to you.

John

I am really appreciating reading these stories. Thanks.

I didn't realize I was "called" until it was too late.

I really started out just wanting to be a quiet scholar of religion in general, and Celtic Reconstructionist Wicca specifically. It was never my intention to minister.

However, God works in mysterious ways, and often times he's sneaky about it.

At first it was only a request for healing or prayer of spellwork from people here and there. I'd be asked to tell stories at gatherings and Sabbats. AS time went on I'd stand in as the Priest for groups that did not have one, or perform a wiccaning for infant children of friends, or friends of friends.

AS time went on I started to call on the ministerial skills I learned in Christian Seminary, to help out here and there, just this one time. Soon I was doing more ministering than audiencing, but not forever, just until someone qualified or willing comes along.

I began to teach courses in Wiccan Religion and theology, and because I had experience in teaching and creating course syllabi from my Army days, I put together the "Wicca 101" course that came to be the standard.

When people started to want to have our own clergy perform our weddings, the group decided it was time to become a legal church. No one knew exactly what needed to be done though, but I had a friend who had experience getting a Spiritualist Church registerd, and so I got him to help. I ended up doing most of the leg work myself with the Registrar of BC, but finally it happened and we became a fully licesned church, able to perform legal marrriages.

Once that was done I was pretty much ready to go back to my pew in the rear and take it easy. Such was not to be, however, as a very wise woman who I respect very much deliverd to me my draft card from God.

"You made us a church," She said, "now you have to help us lead it."

I was ordained soon after that.

Looking back on it all, I can see now that while I was face down in the traces, all I was seeing was one little step, after another. One little contribution here, one little activituy there. AS far as I was concerned at the time it was just helping out from the sidelines, doing what I could for my community, serving God where I was able. Looking back on my path now I can see Gods hand cutting the path all the way. Giving me an opportunity here, a problem to solve there, placing me in a position where I could do God's will, so I would be well triained and ready to fill the shoes when He blindsided me with "the call".

I'm mostly retired now, I get to pick and choose what I do, and pretend to be all wise and scholarly when it comes time to tell stories around the Belfires. I can still see God sneaking about the edges though, tricking the next generation into learning the skills that wioll make them leaders and ministers.

I get to laugh about it now, quietly to myself, along with God.

I wasn't called so much as filled, tempted and intrigued.  I suppose that is calling.  I relate to it as being.  It does mean that I get really bored .   . . really really really bored with the pulpit, patriarchy and power structures that really don't want it to be ME that IS so  filled, tempted and interested ( It would always be better if it was someone "other" - more money, able to get an MDIV, . . . or just male, or at least Lesbian and maybe tall, but it's not.  It's just me and it does pick people's bums.

As for my part.  I am used to being pushed to the back.  I call it patience but I doubt that is what it is.  As I have recovered from a mental illness, I can say that it is probably just learned resignation to being poor and unable to do much about it except continue on as is.  

I don't know where John got the idea that those called are always able to succeed in their calling, but that seems to be a frequent misperception of fundamentalists er literalists of whatever persuasion, Christians, capitalists . . .  

I do enjoy talking to the old folks at church, though.  I enjoy their gossip and their extreme sense of their gossipy mannerisms.  I love their easy access to the memory of socialist history in Canada, WW2, apple orchards in the early part of the century . . stuff and boy do I make use of it, gobble it up . . . completely selfish. 

 Thanks folks for your postings on your call. I had lost track of this thread and it is good to stumble into tonight.

I was an introvert aimed at natural sciences, even though I had an intesnse spiritual experience in Grade 9 in class.  In grade 12 I had a vision of myself leading worship and knew that was God's intent for me, like it or not -- I did not care for speaking in public or being the centre of attention.  I had a lot of issues to overcome and a lot of growing up to do, and my call was put on indefinite hold until I was 38 after spending 14 years teaching.  I had just been informed by my principal that my board was going to use a change in form for the school as a reason to fire me.  I talked to my wife about my many options -- teaching elsewhere, training in computer science ( I was the computer science teacher along with maths, sciences, canoeing, and other courses).  Standing in the kitchen of our dream house which we designed ourselves and did a fair amount of the work with the expectation of living there for a long time, I said, "I wonder if God is giving a kick in the rear to answer my call to ministry?"  My wife's response was, "I was wondering when you would figure that out?" and the rest is history. The dream house was sold that fall and most of our financial assets were used to support us through 3 years of schooling in Halifax, across the country from NE Alberta.

I first consciously recieved the call when I was 17; it was a wonderment (Who?  Me?! but I'm a girl!)  I did have a few women mentors so that objection was kind of lame on my part. I had always been involved and deeply loved the church. So when I went to U of S for Arts, I hung around at St. A's a lot. Got a lot of encouragement. Wanted to try some kind of summer job with the church; somebody pulled some strings and I was given a summer mission field. Not a candidate, no theological training, but they sent me, and it was sure a learning experience--and I was received as a good preacher. Imagine.  But I was too young; dropped out of University after 1 year, then ended up married, raising family etc.  Breaking point came when God wouldn't let go, and spouse forced me to choose; I chose the church. What a ride!! I was scared; I had no resources; but I gradually learned to stop banging my head against the wall and let things flow. I didn't HAVE to decide; I had to trust.  Ended up doing some lay ministry, knew the call was really, really real; went back to College, how the hell I managed financially I can not really say--from here I can't believe I did it.  But things just opened up along the way, I got the support I needed, and it's been a wonderful, wonderful journey. Thanks be to God. Even if I did resist for 20 years or so; I think I've been forgiven for that.