For sure bring her. People can connect in spirit even when neither can recognize a geneological significance in the other. Grandma recognizes your kid as much as your kid "recognizes" Grandma. Visits also teach your child that people are valuable and loved even while ill and possibly having less to "offer" than a healthy person might.

Belle,

Hi,

You asked,

My dilemma now is should we let them meet,

I'm uncomfortable with the 'should' aspect of this question. There are no hard and fast rules for people experiencing dimentia. You could luck out and get a lucid moment where you get to speak with grandma and it is as if all was well. That could also change pretty quickly and then grandma could be sweetness and light or even possibly a little bit on the ugly side of life.

If you want to introduce the two to each other again it is a roll of the dice.

As long as you are reasonably informed about what to expect and can do some work of preparing your daughter the meeting might only prove to be a little difficult.

You also asked:

should we just tell some story to my daughter,

By no means. Mental illnesses are exceedingly difficult to deal with in the best of circumstances and normally because we (scientists and doctors included) are operating more by feel than know we bring a lot of ignorance to these situations.

Tell your daughter the truth, or as much of the truth as you comprehend regarding her grandmother's condition.

Do not invent a story, because should that story ever get exposed the lie will hurt your relationship with your daughter more than her knowing grandma had alzheimer's ever could.

John

my grandmother just recently passed away suffering from Dementia... and it was a really hard process to go through... especially knowing that this was a woman who you used to bake cookies with as a child, and now barely recognized who you are...

i guess it just depends on the situation that you feel comfortable exposing your daughter to... I'm 25 and I had a really difficult time seeing my grandmother in this state(because I had something to compare it too), but I also think it was important to be around her during a time that must have been very confusing for her as well....

i would approach the situation with your daughter with as much honesty as she can handle and treat it as a learning experience for her...

Belle, I'm by no means an expert, but my gut feeling is that you should bring your daughter to see her grandmother whenever you go, having prepared her as best you can with an understanding that he grandmother is not well and won't know who she is.

She'll grow up at least knowing that she has a grandmother on that side of the family, and a sick grandmother is better than no grandmother, I think.

My parents have passed away now, but when I used to visit them in long term care, I would often bring children with me, (usually the kids of a single-Mom friend who I am a father-figure to), and even though my Mom didn't usually know who they were, just the sight of a child brightened up her day. So just your daughter's presence might be a blessing, even if her grandmother doesn't know who she is.

Just an opinion.

I just wanted to say I appreciate all of your thoughtful responses. My inertia regarding this matter might have left things too late but I can honestly say what I've read here today has made me reconsider how I was (not)handling the situation. I should provide my daughter and my mother-in-law the opportunity to get to know each other for whatever that is worth. And it's true, her grandmother may not know who this little girl is but I'm sure it will still brighten her day.

I would take my daughter if I was in your place but I would prepare her for the very real possibility that her grandma probably won't remember her. If your mother is edgy just cut the visit short and come back another. You could get a good moment and that would mean so much to your mom. Plus your daughter is still getting to know her Grandma it is just that Grandma is not remembering. So, I think that it is beneficial for both you and your daughter. It is kind of like the movie 50 First Dates but sad and serious.