Mists, is it possible to get him out and about a little bit?  I don't know how cold it is there right now, but if the weather's ok maybe a little trip in a wheelchair by a park?  Going to a movie that Rachel would like?

My situation was extremely different, but when I was sick it would have been very easy to stay home depressed much of the time.  It was hard to commit to things when I didn't know how I would feel.  Little outings - a shopping trip with a friend, a party in the apartment above me (boy, do I miss those friends who moved!) made a huge difference to my mood.  Even if I had to cut out early due to exhaustion and I had more trouble waking up the next morning - at least I would wake up tired but happy!

My suggestion is to insist on a weeknd or overnight at home. Then he can decide if he wants to go back to his parents.

You seem correct. Unless something changes he will likely die there.

Good suggestion for you Mists.  the idea of a walk outside with Jim's loving wife and daughter seems the easiest to do for now.

Mists, just to let you know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.  I know this is a very difficult time.

May the Lord be with you, this day and always.

Thanks.  These are good suggestions.

Right now I'm just completely frustrated with Jim and how he isn't speaking up for himself.  I don't think this is related to his illness...this is really how he's always been.  He doesn't say what he's thinking and people assume things, and sometimes different people assume contradictory things.

Jim has the gene mutation that qualifies him for a specific clinical trial.  There are a lot of good reasons both for and against this trial.  When it's worked for people, it's added years to their lives.  When it hasn't worked, the side effects have been awful, including developing other skin cancers.  When I told him, he wasn't sure if he wanted to try it or not but he said he thought he might as well do the scans that they want to do on March 6th and get more information.  Jim's dad really hates the idea of this particular clinical trial (and clinical trials in general) and he asked what I thought.  When I didn't respond negatively right away, he interrupted and asked if I had asked Jim what he wanted (Jim was right next to me, wide awake at the time).  I replied that of course I had asked him, and his dad asked ME what Jim had said.  I told him that Jim was right there and could tell him himself, and Jim said "I don't know" and left it at that. 

In addition to that, his dad said that Jim was far too weak to do any kind of treatment right now and that yesterday they had things ready for him to have chest x-rays at the hospital and he didn't feel well enough to go.  After his dad left, Jim told me that what had happened the night before was that he had some sore spots on his chest and that it had been suggested that he go to the ER.  Jim didn't feel like hanging around the ER for hours when he didn't figure there was anything they could do about it anyway, so he didn't bother going.  He had no idea that they had things already arranged for chest x-rays. 

The lack of communication is terrible.  I'm trying very hard to support him in whatever choices he makes, but he's not choosing.  In addition to that, I don't know how he's actually feeling.  I imagine it's somewhere between what he's showing me and what he's showing his dad, but where on that continuum?  I also wonder if this is creating a "learned helplessness" situation for Jim; I've seen that before in older relatives who were taking care of themselves pretty well, but then when they needed a little bit of help with daily activities they went downhill quickly because their caregiver took over everything for them. 

I know little one way or the other, but I noticed an article that might interest you. I do not know quite how to interpret on, but it seems to have stirred great interest at the Wall Street Journal:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000142405297020391830457724332124283396...

A big hug to you Mists. You're doing the best you can, and better than many would in this situaion. I'm praying for you and Jim.

MistsOfSpring . . . extending caring thoughts and wishes for an abundance of Hope to fill your being.

I expect he feels so overwhelmed by the decisions in front of him that he is just choosing inaction.  Consciously or not.

I agree that you need to insist that he come home for a family weekend.  A couple of normal family days may help make things clear for all of you.

I think alot of us regress terribly when we are back in our childhood environment and if his step mother is also manipulating him that that makes it worse.

Clinical trials can be a mixed blessing but they can give you access to a dedicated team of health care people and things may help. 

Wishing courage and bravery for you Mists of Spring/spirit of Autumn!

Take courage.....

(((((mists and family)))))

I have been carrying you all in my heart and wishing for hope to wing your way.

I have sent peace and strength your way, to fly along with kay's hope. What a potent combination. May it help you find the wisdom of your heart.

I know I haven't been commenting on this thread. But I do think of you and yours and I'm keeping you in my prayers.