I expect that since your dad's death you have taken on more things with your mom, visiting and supporting her.  Plus it's summer so all the kids are underfoot.

Can you start to drop things or give them to someone else to do?

I forget how old your kids are but are there things they can pick up for you

i remember being 14 and being a mothers helper for a mom with a newborn and a 4 and 6 year old.  

Do you have a child that could be your mothers helper?  take on some work you do or even take on the visiting with grandma?

Or can you hire a teenager for one or two afternoons a week to deal with all the kid stuff?

And what about only schedulng one thing each day.  No matter what.  The old  "sorry , no i can't "  is a good line to practice, no excuses, just "no, sorry"

I loved summer with my kids but it was much busier for sure than when they were in school

I discovered a method for staying in the moment some time ago.  When I feel that I am not in the moment, I narrate my life to anchor myself.  I say to myself something like "this is somegirl walking down the hall to the bathroom" or "Here we find somegirl doing the dishes".  I found that it worked remarkably well as a reminder of where I was and what I was doing and kept my mind from straying forward or backwards.

I agree, you’ve had a lot on your mind busymom, and you have experienced a lot of full emotions this past number of months. I hope you are finding time to just ‘be’ and take care of you – I know that’s hard with a busy life and 3 children ........

Similar to somegirl’s tool, I learned a technique through mindfulness meditation that I use …. I ‘step outside’ of myself, objectify the moment and say things to myself like ‘I’m noticing that I’m anxious right now’ or ‘I seem to be thinking about a lot of things and not focusing on what’s happening right here and now’. It really helps me to quickly switch gears and slow my thoughts and inner chatter down.

If you ever have time to actually sit and pause and really focus on your breathing, being in the moment that’s a helpful tool as well.

mystchild learned a lot of mindfulness techniques in his class this year (I really appreciated his teacher for teaching/leading those skills). He learned about mindfulness eating, which I had also learned about through a course I had taken a few years ago. mystchild reminds us occasionally during our evening family meal to eat with mindfulness. Not for the whole meal, but even for 1 or 2 minutes to slow right down, think about the process of putting food into your mouth, what does it feel like, taste like – savour the moment. You can follow that process with other activities as well.

Like your daybook, I make use of lists and find that helps keep my mind from being all over the place with planning and thinking ahead. My mind is still active and I have to work at it, but I do find that the mindfulness and using narrative - even for a moment - helps.

Good luck as you find ways to manage the busy-ness, busymom.

"A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless"    Yoda

I'm sorry.... what were we talking about?

Your observation is really worth thinking about busymom. The comments and suggestions are worthwhile too.

Maybe it is just time for you to demand some time and space for yoourself?  Life has been particularly stressful for you for quite a while - and you have stepped up and done what was necessary.  Are your children old enough to accept 'chores'?  If so maybe they would agree to do something uselful while you take a meditation/self care/time to breathe break.  Would friends take the busykids to stay with them for a day?  Would your budget stand hiring someone to do the basic housecleaning?  Not having to worry about whether the bathrooms are 'sort of clean' could free up some space for you.

Taking a Sabbath from 'extra' responsibilities might be good too.  Politely but firmly say no to requests for help, volunteer jobs for the rest of the summer.   

I think what you describe busymom is very, very common - particularly for women with kids.   Kudos to you for recognizing what's happening.  I certainly find myself being inattentive at times too. 

Seems to me that societally, we've become very focused on 'multi-tasking' and being busy, busy, busy.  Call somebody or talk to a friend & ask "how are you?" and how often do we hear "So Busy!!"  It almost seems a badge of pride now for many people (not you busymom!) who perhaps attain a sense of importance through their busyness.  Or maybe it's something else ... I don't know for sure.   We're definitely disconnecting more and more I think - ear buds, texting, cell phones, etc. - I feel dismayed sometimes about this.

To give someone your absolute full attention is a true gift, IMO.  A few years ago, I met  Kim Phuc (who was the little girl in that famous Vietnam War photo - running naked down a road after a napalm attack).  Although there were many people waiting to speak with her and she was probably suffering significant fatigue & pain, she gave each of us her absolute undivided attention - her presence was palpable and it is a moment I shall always remember.   Occasionally I remind myself to try to pass this attentiveness forward ... mostly I don't do a great job of it, but sometimes there is a glimmer of hope!

Thanks everyone for your great suggestions and empathy.  You have helped a lot.

I think it would be really helpful for me to use that technique of stepping outside of myself and not only say "what am I doing" but "what can I let go of". 

As Carolla said so eloquently, it is really important to be attentive and there are some folks in my life that need and deserve my full attention.  When I let go of some of the other things that are cluttering my mind, I should be able to achieve that ability to give them my full attention.

For me it will be learning to balance things.  I will work on delegating chores around here that the kids can do.  They are all old enough to help out.  This is a good reminder to teach them some of these skills.  It will be especially helpful if they learn that if they do these things while I'm at work, then I'll come home a less cranky mom!

I have been guest speaking at churches the last 2 Sundays but I don't have a service planned for the rest of the summer.  This is probably a really good thing since preparing for a church service takes a lot of time and energy for me.

Last night on the way home from the soccer game I was thinking that our family doesn't have much planned this weekend.  I started to think of things that we could/should do.  Then I came home, put kids to bed and read this thread.  You know, I think a quiet weekend but be just the thing I need.  I can get some of the home things done that nag on my mind, and maybe just sit and relax a bit.  The kids could probably enjoy some down time as well.  Not a bad thing to just BE.

 Have a mini vacation at home.

Don't do things that need to be done.

instead sleep in, buy croissants or some such treat for breakfast so there is no work.

Have a take out dinner instead of cooking.  Organize a lovely walk in the park or a day at the beach where you just sit and the kids swim

Save chores for another time.  They won't go anywhere

Indeed busymom, just BEing is almost a lost art these days!  One of the things I liked most about times we would go to the cottage were that the days were just for that - no usual chores to do - just relaxing and doing (or not doing!) whatever seemed of interest at the time - maybe a swim, a walk in the woods, tobogganing, cooking, reading, napping, chatting or not  ... or simply sitting and watching the day unfold in peacefulness & wonder.   No "shoulds" or "must do's" or schedules to manage - in other words - bliss!   To spend hours reading or doing a jigsaw puzzle seemed such a luxury. 

Perhaps in a way, the old idea of "sabbath" has a lot to offer us in today's hectic world. 

Good thoughts.  Carolla, your description of the cottage is much like what our camping vacations are.  The watches come off even before we pull into the campsite.  Eat when you're hungry, sleep when you're tired.....spend lots of time doing what you like to do. 

*sigh*  Just 50 more days to vacation, but who's counting?

Busymom - I know the feeling.  Rushing off in every direction at once, trying to hink and plan ahead while struggling to keep up with the mirade of tasks that you have on the go at the moment, feeling that you are treading water and not getting anywhere.  I think it has a lot to do with the grief you've experienced, and the stress that has resulted from it. 

I understand it.  I identify with it.  And I don't know what to do about it.  My biggest problem seems to be forgetting things - missing appointments - getting dates mixed up.  I try to keep an up-to-date calendar and a date book, but it doesn't help if I forget to check it, or I check the wrong day - or if I neglect to write it down in the first place.  A few minutes ago I promised to watch grandson for awhile tomorrow noon.  That's just over twelve hours away.  Do I need to write it down?  Or will I be surprised when they arrive on my doorstep because I've just told Mr. Seeler that we need to go for groceries? 

When you find out how to slow down and relax and get your life flowing again, and to enjoy the moment, let me know.  Perhaps that's what Jesus meant by 'consider the lilies of the field --- the birds of the air'.  Stop.  Take a breath.  Slow down.  Breath again.

I love the cottage/camping trips as well because the emphasis is on enjoying the moment and our relationships.  I love the reading, walking, puzzles, games etc.

I often remind myself that those things that make the cottage so absolutely wonderful can be replicated at home.  I can declare a "cottage moment" or "cottage day or afternoon" at home.  This means that we ignore household chores, bbq or have simple meals, and just hang out.  In the summer we walk the dog, read on our porch swing and bbq.  In the winter we use our crock pot, work on puzzles and perhaps watch a movie.  Even if it just an hour or two where I read a book with a cup of tea or a glass of lemonade.

I also love camping because it reminds me how much fun we can have with so little.  Think of it.  Most of our technology and stuff is at home.  We have a blast enjoying the beach, outdoors and simple moments.  I try to reflect on that when things get a bit nutty at home, or if I think I want or need more stuff.  More stuff means more work (gotta pay for it), means more cleaning, etc. etc.

I learned the hard way it's not necessarily the location but the mindset!!!!

Its funny I have been thinking about this a lot lately.

I want a vacation from my reality. 

I have felt, and feel, that I have absolutely no time for myself; to do the things I really want to do.  Its been like this for months now - I can't think of a day, except for when I was so exhausted physically that I could do no more, where I have been free from the expectations of others.

I think that is why I so enjoyed getting lost on the way to the Wondercafe picnic.  Just me and Penelope driving along deserted highways, looking at beautiful fields and bright blue sky.

I spent yesterday morning lying on the dock, isolated in my swamp, staring at water lilies and absorbing the peace.  A morning wasn't enough.  The feeling was lost the moment I returned to my reality, intruded by uninvited people "just dropping by".

The constant intrusions are making me grumpy and hypersensitive.  Two traits that usually result in biting my nose off in spite of my face and I can feel that moment fast approaching.

Sigh, I haven't been able to offer any help but to say you are not alone and thank you for allowing me an opportunity to vent my frustrations as well. 

LB - I think I need to go take more pictures

I am feeling the same, busymom.

Instead of gtting my life more in control, it seems to be spinning more out of control.  ...or is it.  After all, it is my choice to feed all those items.  all i have to do is stop...say no or...say "choose"

Lots of good suggestions for you busymom.  Is there any part of you running away from feelings that are scaring you?  There is this THING we sometimes do when a negative thought about life or ourselves creeps in...no, no you don't....and get busy to keep it down.

Instead...try yes,yes I feel you and yes,you're mine too!  Be still and accept your lovely imperfections and sad feelings as part you that makes you whole and have a cup of tea with them.

Meditate.

Start with 5 minutes a day. It can be as simple as sitting in your car before leaving work to go home. Find some nice calm instrumental music and take 5 minutes for yourself. Nobody misses 5 minutes. Even if you're "late" 5 minutes, usually nobody will notice or really care.

Oh! And buy "Don't sweat the small stuff" books. The author comes up with amazing ideas of how to live in the moment and prioritize your life. It's GREAT. I read one a day (got in the habit of posting it on facebook) and try it out, and some of it has really helped me get into the moment and not stress about little things in life.

Hi Busymom;

When my Dad died there was more stuff to do and I had less energy to do all that stuff.  So I was not living in the moment either.  That is part of it.  Part of it may be the mind's way of dealing with grief by keeping busy.  It may not seem like it but this too will pass.   When I get more time I will post the song I wrote to my Dad for all of you.  I think that it took nearly three years for me to get past grieving for him.  My heart is still full of memories and I am sad that he is not here.  But I feel like I have reconnected with my life again and the busyness and hurried feeling is gone.  For me it was a chore to get through the day.

Living in the moment becomes easier when one is retired and doesn't have the consuming responsibilities of being in the workforce and looking after dependant children or others (i.e. elderly parents, seriously ill relatives etc).

You have more free time and choice in how you spend it.

My trip to Canada illustrates this. Apart from leaving a packed suitcase outside my hotel door and getting on the coach on time - I was free to just enjoy the moment.

It's a great way to become acquainted with your senses.

Visually there is "new" scenery to behold  - like seeing Niagara Falls for the first time. Coming from a dry continent I was gobsmacked by seeing SO MUCH WATER! 

From the Ocean train to Halifax I saw fast flowing rivers - so different to the many dry creek beds one sees from an Aussie train.

Tasting beaver tail for the first time - enjoying a gourmet meal in French Quebec City - yum!

The not so good tastings - bacon served with crepes and chocolate sauce - yuk!

People fascinate me - what they think, what they feel, what concerns them, what they love, what they fear - the list is endless.

I find that to make the experience really worthwhile you have to live in the now and be there and nowhere else.

Of course, it's so stimulating it can become exhausting emotionally.

Then it's time to be by oneself for reflection and to recharge your batteries. For me, this often involves a solitary walk amongst nature. It's a time to reclaim one's "self".

Every season in life has it's advantages. Now that I'm in my Autumn, living in the moment is definately one of those advantages.