I'll look for that film.

I consider myself one of your "unsung heros"

As many of you know my 17 year old has issues with fatigue/depression and anxiety

and it makes living with him challenging at times.

It also makes attending school-grade 12 hard.

It's been a struggle for the last 4 years.

And yes we have help. A good GP. a pediatrican and a mental health worker for children and youth.

Plus a good guidance counsellor at school.

My 18 year old nephew suffers from Asperger's Syndrome, then add to that Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, some Tourette's Syndrome, ADHD, and now exhibiting some symptoms of Schizophrenia.  Through all of this his parents have been incredible, a patient mother who has moved mountains for her son, and a step-father who is loving and kind.

He is a wonderful young man - very intelligent and gifted.  One wonders why so many mental health issues have appeared in one individual.  Although very articulate, he stopped speaking a year ago and now uses a tablet to write his comments and questions while his mother translates.   They share a strong bond, and I salute her for being the strong person she is.

He does have a good support system - counsellors, doctors and family.

Great movie!

The camera angles, right in the actor's faces, was sometimes much for me (as it was oh so familiar) Yet, I understood it transported people into it to learn what it is like....

My wife has been in "such places," repeatedly, and I'm one of the "unsung heroes."

Thank God, she's well now, but on three kinds of medication.

I've had my own battle with bipolar disorder, in the early eighties. I got over it with meditation, and ever since favour meditation over medication, but this didn't work in my wife's case, and doesn't  seem to work for most people. Most psychologically ill people seem to need professional help and medication. Even in my case, it was not so much the meditations but the mystical experiences I experienced as a result of these mediations, peaking in a mind-transforming satori, that liberated me from depression for good.

Actually, it wasn't even the satori, but what I felt and thought as a consequence. The satori was an experience of  cosmic creation and total, cosmic at-one-ment, during which I experienced myself as the self-creative cosmos. Ever since this experience, I regarded myself as the ultimate creator of my conceptual reality. Because, during my depression, I suffered from a poorly constructed conceptual reality, I did, from then on, refrain from creating for myself a poor reality. I now live in a divine reality of my own choosing.

This sounds like a simplistic solution for depression, but it worked, for me.

My nephew likes quiet places and being in nature.  The solitude seems to be very healing for him.  I think it quiets the voices in his head.  Don't know if an 18 yr. old is open to meditation, but may be something I can suggest.

His parents and he visited me a few weeks ago, and I took them for a snowshoe along a river trail.  He loved the sound of the water - very soothing, being among trees, etc.

I have heard of children being introduced to meditation - your nephew it might be interested in trying it.  Sometimes it must seem like almost anything is worth a try when the problems are so many and varied, and regualr medicine isn't 'fixing things' for him. 

Good topic Pilgrim's Progress. We all need to learn more. I'm posting an article from the Star about hearing voices.

I'm not well enough at the present time (after my surgery ) but I have a lady, age 45 here in my building that I will have to try to help, I know her since the 70's. Both her parents died lately and she lives alone. Her mother told me she is difficult to deal with. She has poor hygeine. She wears a green winter coat with a hood since some years.... in the summer too.

Her mother died at home last fall. Since then this woman, Mary....?...cannot pay her rent it seems. She hangs around the lobby, grocery store etc. hinting for money. They are trying to evict her. She has some people she talks to, one who is also mentally ill.

The major scary problem with her is that she is up all night long  walking around outside and in the lobby etc. My grandson sees her at 2 or 3 a.m. She asks for his door card to get inside. I'm really afraid that harm may come to her. She seems to approach and speak to everybody. We are 195 apts. here.

She told me she has a social worker from a Jewish agency. I wonder if she is aware of Mary's night time habits?  If so....what can be done for this poor woman ? I'm pretty sure she refuses treatment. Her parents refused doctors for themselves.

I have a feeling she is violent if she doesn't get her own  way. She has an aunt who refused to see her or her mother.  I figure when I'm able enough to get out I'll try to have a bit of a conversation with her. She loves my daughter, she  knows her since school in the 60's.

Its so sad....I feel so awful....she's attractive enough. She's had a wasted life her Mom said.  I believe she was in a group home as a teen.  Her parents were very private about their lives right up until their deaths. Her mother taught  her grocery shopping before she passed away last fall. She smells... she won't get washed.

A Toronto man has learned to live with the voices in his head and argues they have been a positive part of his life.

Kevin Healey hears voices in his head, talks to them, feels very well and doesn’t want medication, thank you very much. “I’m good. I’m not on medication and I don’t need to see anyone in mental health,” says Healey, 50, an articulate man who likes to laugh and is at peace with the dozen voices he carries in his head — all of whom, he says, have distinct personalities. He has no desire to be rid of them.

A former government worker in management services, where his “voices” often were a huge help — “I can come up with as many ideas as a whole room full of people” — Healey now offers consultation services in the mental health field, writes a blog, and facilitates a monthly peer support group for other people who hear voices. He’s trying to reach out to help the public understand “voice hearers” like himself and was one of the “busiest books” last year at the North York branch of the Toronto Public Library’s human library event.

“Having spent 40 years hiding the fact that I heard voices, now I’m talking about it openly … I accept my voices as real,” says Healey. “The positive response I get gives me energy. When you’re hiding something … those are the things that make you ill.”

Healey is an outspoken member of the controversial Hearing Voices Network, a global self-help organization across 22 countries that was founded in Europe in the late ’80s, following pioneering work by Dutch psychiatrists Marius Romme and Sandra Escher.

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2013/03/31/hearing_voices_need_not_mean_...

Thanks for your responses, folks, as I know it's not an easy topic to discuss.

Since my psychiatrist told me that I'm one of her best success stories, I do what I can to be an advocate for mental health.  (Gotta tell you, it's a helluva thing to be successful at!)

It's important for carers/family members to do what they can to ensure that medication prescribed is taken.

When I was faced with a depressive episode John would tell me it was time to see my doctor and see if I needed my medication changed.

Since his death, my sisters and best friend have taken on that role - as it's often difficult for me to tell if it's "normal" depression or more severe.........

I'm fortunate in that I can trust others - many don't feel that they can.

If you haven't seen this movie I would urge you to do so.

It points out how difficult it can be for other family members to live with someone with a mental illness.

At 3 am in the morning the main character has a desire to look at his parent's album that has photos of his earlier wedding. On go all the lights -regardless of the time of night. He starts wrecking their bedroom -looking for the album........

But the film also points out that mental issues are often on a spectrum. It can be a question of degree........

For instance, his father has a "thing" about all the remote controls being in the "right" position on the table - and gets visibly upset when they're "moved".

A hard reality is that there are many who are severely psychotic - and either they can't live with their families  -or their families can't live with them. I don't judge folks for that, as the challenges faced can be enormous.

Every city in every country has many living rough - but it's a civic failing if those that would like a bed for the night can't have access to one..

But I reiterate,  to family members and carers it can often be a thankless task, but if you have both the strength and the love to help care for a family member with a mental illness  - you are wonderful folks........

We do not know what causes these "mental issues"  As someone with PDD NOS (similar to Asperger's" I have looked alot. Especially since being diagnosed. It is important to understand that people who are ill are not to blame and or being punished by God. It is natural to ask why? and specifically why do some people struggle so much.

A good suport system is better than any drug. 

A recent discover  is that most people with Aspergers and other types of Autism have a different immune response to infections, and things like sound etc. 

A new unproven theory, but which I believ is true  is that those living with Aspergers/Autism that also has immune system irregularities, have a weak brain-blood barrier. Our Brains have a seperate immune system regulated by Glial cells 

"Normal" people's brain blood keep out certain infections, chemicals, and antibodies. 1/3 of people with autism have obsessive complusive disorder and or Tourette's. (so your nephew is not the only one) Obsessive behaviour in people with Autism  is caused by antibodies to strep ( an a couple of other common infections)  attacking part of the brain, in effect an auto immune disorder like lupus or Rheumatoid arthritis. Most peoples brain blood barrier keep out these antibodies. This means the same kind of treatments for autoimmune disorders (like asprin and other anti-inflamation drugs help. I take a drug for arthritis and it has significantly improved my mental health.

It has only been in the last couple of years that we have discovered the link between Autism and immune system irreglarities, and I am hopefull that it ill lead to better treatments quickly. Some also believe that many cases of Schizophrenia, some types of major depression, those with chronic migraines in non-autistic people are also related with a weak or a leaky brain blood barrier allowing antibodies to certain infections into the brain. So a lot of research is now being done on ways to reduce inflammation in the brain, caused by auto-immune disorder. Heres hoping for a better life for those you deal with these illnesses.

What I liked about the film was how it showed the role relationships played in healing. I liked how the father who had the same illness was able to help his son by pointing out to him when he was displaying symptoms. But most of all I like how two people with rpoblems fell in love, and that there love healed each other. I really believe that loving people, being loved, and knowing that one is loved is as important as medical help. If you have both love and good medical care anything is possible.

We must nevr underestimate the power of love. My favorite Australian film is Mary and Max. It showed how the love between pen pals with little in common, living on different continants, both facing major problems, gave each other joy and happiness, and the ability to overcome challenges.  Mary loved and wanted to help max with his mental health issues. And her love did help Max, but her love for Max also saved her life.

Likewise while John's love for you, help your healing.  I also suspect that loving you brought him great joy and peace.

My life was pretty severely affected since I went 55 years without a diagnosis of Bipolar2. I woke up each day wishing I was a different person and convinced god hated me.
I was very bright, but unable achieve anything beyond a very patchy career due to constant seasonal mood swings that forced me to either quit my job or go on medical leave (when I had a job that allowed this option).
I've been on a single medication for nearly 5 years and it's made all the difference in the world. I try not to think about the lost opportunities. I really didn't have any supports at the most critical times, but I'm well ( for the most part). Seasonal change means I have to adjust my meds, but the extreme highs & lows are gone.

My step mother was manic depressive. Extreme highs and extreme lows. Growing up with her was quite the ordeal. One minute she liked us kids, the next we were a bunch of worthless so and so's, and she never failed to tell my father that. The same went for him. I absolutely know he regretted his decision to marry her less than a year after my mother died but being "old school" about divorce he resigned himself to remain in the marriage. He had moments of extreme happiness with her and unfortunately many more times of extreme sorrow  There were times he had to put her into a place in Goderich when she became extremely, for lack of a better word, unmanagable.

The sad part was that for many years we "kids" didn't know she suffered from a diagnosed mental illness and my father chose to not be up front with us. We just thought she was "crazy" and hated us. Her words were extremely cruel at times and then she would "flip" to another personality that was extremely nice. Ater Dad died, you guessed it, she latched onto me for support. I was young and in my early 30's, raising kids and she would call me at least 7 times throughout the night with her anxieties. She was on medication (lithium amongst others). We had her over for birthdays, Christmases, etc, as well as ordinary days. Her own children lived in the USA and had the luxery of only dealing with her during phone calls and the occasional visit. She was constantly disrupting our household. During an extreme episode caused by her lithium levels being out of whack, I had to admit her to hospital and I finally called her daughter and son because it seemed as if she may die. When she arrived I asked her to step in more with her mothers care. Her daughter is a very nice person and she ended up moving back to Canada to do so. (thank God) She and I lost touch over the years. I think with her daughter nearby it made her somewhat happy, although I don't doubt for minute she was still a handful.

Not one of my siblings (or I) ever bonded with this woman unfortunately. She accused my brother and his wife of trying to kill her, she isolated my father in his last year of life by refusing his brothers and sisters entrance into their home, she screened phone calls to the point that I had to push my way into the home...it was awful. I had never seen my father cry so much before, but his last year was filled with torment and bullying. On her behalf, she did have to care for a dying husband, while dealing with her own problems.

I wish I knew what I knew now. Hindsight is 20/20. It's unfortunate that my father failed to acknowledge her illness when we were younger and it's unfortunate that we were very ignorant at the time about mental illness.

Waterfall - what a sad story! It's tragic how lives can be so decimated from the behaviour of those with severe mental illness. My heart goes out to you. Sounds like you paid an awful price.
I know, despite my own struggles that it could have been much worse. Even though I was undiagnosed, I had the "milder" form - never hospitalized or delusional (in the classic sense ;)
Bipolar2 isn't really milder - just different. The depression side is brutal (statisically the highest rates of suicide) and the hypomania ("below mania") feels only like increased energy and optimism. I was also lucky that even though I had no diagnosis when I was younger, my mother was always there to look after my son when things got hard.
Anyway, I hope people learn from this.

I'm sure lots of families have been touched in varying degrees by mental illness. I think to this very day some  people are probably hidden away among family members  and not  acknowledged as being ill. I didn't see the movie because my puter's not working so well to join movie sites so I rely on You Tube. I did find 4 parts so far. I haven't watched it yet.

Pilgrim's Progress : Back in the 40's I had a great aunt with bi-polar I believe but at that time there were no drugs or help for it. She had been raped by a few men and it was never discussed. Poor woman. She lived at home with her 3 brothers in the country. She would sit for days in a melancholy state and then change...get real happy....and go visit all the neighbors who were afraid of her. She loved to play the organ. When the neighbors complained about her the family took her to the asylum where she sat and did nothing. When she died I rode with her body and my Mum in a funeral hearse to the country for her service and burial. I was a kid, it seemed weird....my Mum's car wasn't running.

Movie parts - next post

part 4

part 5

part 6

part 7

Thanks Ninjafaery, it does come down to educating ones self and love doesn't it? It's very hard to love someone that pushes you away on a consistent basis. Sometimes it becomes a toleration and a duty. (almost like going to war, LOL!) I'm glad you had your mother to support you  I think that may be why it probably worked out better for my stepmother to have her daughter around.

My stepmother died last year from alzheimers, 24 yrs after my Dad died. True to form she had to give us one last smack from the grave....she changed the reciprocal will she made with my Dad and left nothing to us kids. (another area my Dad explicitly talked to me about through tears)

Waterfall and Ninja

I'm reading your stories...sorry...such heartbreak and tragedy. As a kid  I lived with my grandma in the country in the 40's. I don't know how to describe my life with her. She was a very great Christian.....ahem...so she picked up  her nasty personality  from the bible?  Spare the rod  and spoil the child.... ... she would chase me with big wooden twigs she broke off from trees , she  scared me half to death. She would sing loudly in church and quote the Lord is my Shepherd to everyone but she had no love, no feelings for her family of 6 kids or her grandkids. I was to be seen and not heard. My creativity was totally destroyed. I was going bonkers by the time I went to live with my mother about age 10.

She was in her 70's and had lost her husband. She felt that nobody cared about her. She would go into great rants and raves.....bring the house down with her  curses. Maybe it was alzheimers.....I don't know....we all called her crazy. There was no help very much for her  in the 40's plus the family would not endure the stigma of getting help for her.

She never spoke about her husband or her own family. It seems that she lived in poverty with her siblings in an old country house. They were born in the 1800's.  TB was very common back then. She had seen her twin sister age 19 die from it at home.  Her mother also died from it and her husband who was working in Colorado.  Growing up and seeing all that suffering drove her to madness I'm sure. She refused to recognize anyone's sickness....even a common cold...after that. She felt people were weaklings. Of course in those years people didn't recognize their feelings. You had to be strong and rather macho to survive the small farming country life such as it was.

Oh man...she really hurt her family of six . They all grew up without confidence because she would tell them "they were good for nothings". Can you imagine? I suppose success was something from the devil. She did housework in Boston for a time where she learned Christian  Science. The silly part....how a prisoner loves his captor .....was me.....!!!!...I loved her although she was never nice.  Big time discipline. I'd sneak a cookie shaking in my boots.  I really felt that I could be killed. Isn't that some kind of childhood....?....church people all around with the minster coming to our house for lunch after the service.

End of rant.....lots of stories...a dark chapter in many lives. I'm so glad to see the light that is here and shining so that others may escape the devastation caused by  mentally ill people. No longer need    those around them hide  their heads in the sand.

Hi waterfall:

I had similar experiences with my mother. She was extremely kind one day, and flew into inexplicable rages the next. Sometimes her rages were so severe that she foamed at the mouth. As a child I was very afraid, for her as much as of her, and thought this was the devil in her.

Now I know that she was bipolar, bordering on schizophrenic. But, in the poverty-stricken postwar years in Germany, there were no psychiatric diagnoses or treatments unless one was severely ill and unable to function. Today I would be able to help her, but then I was helpless, and so were my father and my siblings.

She came from a mentally ill family. Her father was chronically angry, one of her sisters committed suicide by jumping into the family well, the other sister ended up in an asylum in Vienna.

I think I inherited my bipolar tendency from her, but bipolar tendency dose not necessarily mean one has to succumb to bipolar illness. I have trained myself to watch for for the signs of oncoming illness, and counteract them with creative positive thinking, meditation, and contemplation.

Arminius

Good for you......a gold star..............

All is well and all is well and all shall be well......

More from the movie. I'm not sure if its repetition or new.

Final Scene

Extended Featurette...?..28 min.

Dinner situation:

Jennifer Lawrence

This article on electroshock came as a huge surprise to me in 2012. I thought it had gone out of vogue years ago. It seems to be alive. I really do fear and worry for people's memories, especially those who are older. It can't be very  funny existing as somehat of a zombie. This is no joke.....:(

Electroshock — a brute force assault on the brain deemed the most controversial treatment in psychiatry — is being administered across Ontario in record numbers and with scant oversight. Nearly three decades after a government inquiry called for provincial training and clinical practice standards — an inquiry launched after a Hamilton housewife was prescribed shock therapy against her will — no such guidelines exist.

Data released to the Toronto Star by the Ministry of Health show an almost incomprehensible spike in what is conventionally referred to as electroconvulsive therapy, or ECT. Considered a “last-resort” therapy to lift severe depression, ECT is being increasingly relied upon to treat patients for whom antidepressants have proved ineffective.

In the fiscal year 2010-2011, the most recent year for which statistics are available, 16,259 ECT treatments were administered throughout Ontario, an increase of more than 350 per cent in seven years. A breakdown by age and gender reveals startling subsets, especially a 1,300-per-cent treatment increase for patients in the 55-59 age cohort. The statistics also reveal that women outnumber men nearly two to one in the 60-to-64 age bracket.

ECT patients across Ontario interviewed by the Star described numerous cognitive side effects as a result of the treatment. Though some credit ECT for breaking their extreme anguish, they say the practice must be regulated. Some want it abolished.

Annette VanEs was a single mother in her 40s when she underwent a series of 40 treatments that, she says, resulted in catastrophic memory loss. “My brain goes into this scramble mode,” she says of her frame of mind now, 12 years later. “Scrambling, scrambling . . . You know that you lived. You went places. You made friends. You talked to people. You went to parties. You had values. You had ideas. You had beliefs. And now they’re not there.”

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/article/1302071--electroshock-therapy-mo...

My mom cannot remember not being bipolar. (She has Bipolar 1) Her depression was called "laziness" in her childhood. In her early teens, she was called "high strung" or "sensitive and emotional" as well as "lazy" and "scattered" as well as "wired" (hyper) In her late teens and twenties, her hypersexuality earned her names I cannot type here. Her temper and her inability to maintain relationships meant she was a b word.

She had highs and lows that gradually got worse. 

She sought help more times than one can count during the 1960's and 70's. She knew something was wrong. By the time she was 30, she had three children by three different men and three marriages under her belt. She knew she over reacted, self-medicated and had trouble functioning in life. She knew she was not a "ggod" wife or mother.  Dr's would say it was her "nerves" and give her valium or something and something could even be amphetamines. They treated the signs and symptoms. It would take her from the low of the rollercoaster to the top or from the top to the bottom within a few days. So much for help and soon she was too sick to know she needed it. 

By the 1980's, her highs and lows were now complete with psychosis. She hallucinated and was paranoid. Most days, she made no sense to anyone.  

When I committed her, the doctor said "time will tell" whether she was manic depressant (the words used then) or paranoid schizophrenic...

Once my mom's "secret" was laid out, not in whispers or hushed conversation, the skeletons in the family closet and the dirt swept under the rug all started coming out. My genealogy bug struck as I sought to find out the stories behind generations of silence or hushed whispers and people called other names, hidden or not talked about. 

My mom was 42 the day I committed her, one day after my 18th birthday. So many years....

Yet, it has been almost 30 years since those darkest of days. 

Hi stardust:

A year ago, my wife was in a psychiatric clinic, and one of her fellow patients received electroshock therapy. This was done only after all other possibilities had been exhausted. The woman who received the electroshocks had been severely traumatized in a horrible car accident that killed most of her family. Apparently, the electroshocks helped her get over the horrible memories.

But maybe it was just general memory loss that helped her forget her horrible memories? Maybe, in some cases, wiping out the horrible memories along with the beneficial ones is worth it?

I don't think so; there are better ways of dealing with horrible memories. But these ways involve patient participation. If the patient is totally passive or apathetic, and unwilling or unable to participate in her own recovery, maybe electroshock therapy really is a justifiable last resort?

ECT today is not the same as it was in the past. Since the 1930's when they used very high electric charges and no muscle relaxants it has changed. Today they use lower levels of electricity that are painless and the patient is usually unconcious. It is today the most effective solution for depression. Very controversial and yes with some side effects that may include memory loss.

This is the piece that is so hard to undo later in life IMO.

Just want to say it's good to see so many of you opening up about mental health issues - your own, and in your families. By doing so, you are doing your bit to remove the stigma of mental illness.

Cancer isn't something to be ashamed of - nor should mental illness be.

From reading the posts this morning it's clear to see how it affects family life. Many of you have stories of trauma from your childhood that time hasn't erased.

As Arm has mentioned, mental illness tends to run in families.....

Until I was diagnosed, I didn't know the truth - that there were many on both sides of my family that had been a "secret". (Depression, bi-polar, and a first cousin with schizophrenia.)

We kids had two Dads - in the same body.

There was clever, witty, fun Dad who was a gifted teacher. His pupils idolised him - and to my siblings and I it was like being Jesus and having God for your Dad.

In a time when Dad's seldom played with their kids, my Dad was never too busy to teach me how to play tennis or answer patiently any of the many questions I had.

This was the Dad we saw most of the time.

Then something  would trigger a change in him - and the other Dad would appear.

He would go on an alcoholic binge to the point of passing out. When he came to he would just go on drinking - acting out his self-loathing.

He would relive traumatic war memories and there was this pervading sense of menace about him that simply terrified us kids.  (My youngest sister told me recently that she would get all the big knives out of the kitchen drawer and bury them in the backyard, until he was "better".)

This could go on for up to three  days. We kids knew to go to our rooms, keep very quiet  not to antagonise him.

Mum withdrew into depression - cutting herself off from her own pain. Sadly, you can't pick and choose when it comes to your feelings - and, just as she was emotionally unavailable to herself, she was also emotionally unavailable to us kids when we needed her most.

As a child, I always blamed the symptom, alcohol.

It was only after being diagnosed myself that the truth hit me - Dad couldn't cope with his dark thoughts and mood like me - but had used alcohol to self-medicate.

(After Dad's death I discussed this with Mum - saying that my psychiatrist was convinced that there was a strong biological link to my depression. The overall pattern was the same - a trigger and then Mrs. Danvers would leave the attic and come down the stairs and take over the house...... Mum agreed, saying that the strange thing was that even when I was no longer living at home, Dad seemed to sense that all was not well with me when I had a depressive episode. He'd say, "I'm worried about Chris, I'm going to ring her")

A part of me feels disloyal for writing about Dad in this way - but I've come to see his illness in a new light. He achieved so much in his life and taught us kids about values that are important - all the while facing uncertainty and insecurity in his own life.

My full-blown depressive episodes are rare now - but whenever they occur I think of my Dad with both love and compassion.

Alex, I loved the film Mary and Max, too!

I owe so very much to John and his love.

As I mentioned on another thread we broke up after going out together for about six months.

In his usual direct manner he told me that he loved me, but couldn't cope with my bewildering mood changes.

I understood.

When we got back together he told me that we would work  together on giving me "the life you deserve".

The first couple of years were difficult for both of us.

When you associate love with pain, you fight it.

I veered from feeling rejected and fearing abandonment to feeling overwhelmed by his love and wanting to isolate myself.

John was an engineer and treated me rather like a project, lol.

Over the years we worked on my self-discipline in regards to taking my medication, limiting my time with folks, etc.

I have a somewhat regimented life - but experience has taught me that it's necessary to keep Mrs. Danvers in her attic.

It worked, because I grew to trust and love him..........

And you're right Alex - my love for John brought him great peace and joy. He told his kids that I was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

My most precious possession is an email he sent me from hospital just two weeks before he died."Wasn't God good to let me meet you?"

That email has done much to help me cope with my grief.........

Support can make a huge difference.....

That's why, since John's death, I've enlisted the help of two close friends whom I trust to tell me if they're concerned about me.

But, as waterfall has pointed out, this isn't always easy.......

To work, the one who is ill has to, at some level, know that they are ill and try and work with their carers/family.

Sadly, many lack that self-awareness.........

I'm pleased to say that these days when I'm not well - I may still feel the dark moods and thoughts - but I've also reached a level of detachment when in some part of me I know that it's the illness that's happening and that "it too, will pass". I then grab the phone, ring a friend, and make an appointment to see my doctor. 

Hell, I love life and want to enjoy as much of it as I can!

I was with my ex-wife for twenty years, knowing when we met that she was bipolar, paranoid schizophrenic, with a side order of passive aggression. It was difficult at first obviously with a fast learning curve, but with mutual respect and no enabling, it proved to be a quite satisfying and productive relationship.  It was not easy for either of us but as a result, she did get to keep her own kids half time and see them to adulthood.

I say ex because she committed herself to a self imposed exile of a solitary life away from people a few years back due to the paranoia, which of course would seem less daunting without living with someone who could be used to fuel those flights of fantasy. Unfortunately due to enablers within the social system, shrinks more intent on experimenting with meds to get that free Friday luncheon and yearly cruise, and grown kids who treat mom more as a burdensome pet than a human worthy of understanding and correct care giving, she has reverted back to being in worse condition than before we met, including numerous long term stays in hospital, which never happened once in our 20 years. The contrast tells a lot about loving neighbour as self vs loving as a profession or duty. However...

We all know how difficult it is for those with the illness, but I was first struck at how out of place we caregivers become once the focus of our attention is removed. I even wondered out loud in a couple of editorials I wrote, about why there was no "half way houses" so to speak, for caregivers of any kind, who suddenly find themselves back in the real world but still reprogrammed through that relationship to live in a world of those they cared for that had to follow a different path than the "norm". Alienated now without a cause. Caregivers often don't realize how far off the beaten path they have had to go in order to sustain a non enabling relationship until they are suddenly set adrift and free of the lifestyle, finding themselves once again back in a world they no longer fit into well themselves, and finding it difficult to revert back again, if you get my point. Like waking from a dream and not quite getting a grip on the new day.

I can honestly say it took me a few years to actually get to a point I can say I'm back to where I was before. I have nothing but admiration for the caregivers out there who do it out of love and not for the cash, who invest of themselves and not have the luxury of remaining emotionally detached as a professional would.  It's not a matter for the ill or the caregiver of sucking it up and getting on with it as the ignorant so often suggest.

Thank you, not4profit, for your heartfelt post on what in many ways must have presented many difficulties for your wife and yourself.

That your wife didn't require hospitalisation for those twenty years you spent together speaks volumes for your love and care.

You raise an important issue about what happens to the caregiver, when the care is no longer needed through death or other forms of separation.

I can see how that would give much of your life meaning - and how lost you must have felt when it was no longer needed.

It, in itself, can lead to a depressive illness.

Your post brought to mind an elderly woman that was hospitalised at the same time as me. Her life's focus was on keeping her chronically ill husband alive.

In my mind's eye I can still see her saying to the nurse who took our group therapy session, "I can't live without him - he was my whole life. I even cut his toenails for him."

My own experience with the various healthcare professionials differed markedly from your wife's.

With hindsight, I can see that the trust I developed in my relationship with my psychiatrist over many years was crucial to me being able to later form a trusting and loving relationship with my husband.

I'm often struck by how many folks spend more time shopping for a pair of jeans than they do for "shopping" for a therapist. (I don't know what the case is in Canada, but in Australia you can choose a therapist that you feel you can work with).

This is important, because research has shown that the relationship developed between the patient and the therapist is more suggestive of a successful outcome than the type of therapy offered.

Thus, I would urge my fellow neurotics to shop around, if you don't  feel you can relate to the therapist.......

I've never experienced psychosis myself, but understand that the problems faced by the patient, carer, and therapist would be so much greater.

Nice to read, not4profit, that you feel your life is now back on track.

"Nice to read, not4profit, that you feel your life is now back on track."

Thanks, now it's the mind of approaching old age creeping in that is detouring the train. But I have a roadmap thanks to my former life. lol

Let me say to those who have a caregiver at home and trust in that relationship to maintain the status quo during flare ups... Insure the caregiver has the ability to maintain an active part in treatment. With the privacy rules even a spouse can have no say in a patient's care without permission and a perfect storm which can unravel years of stability due to a spike in severe illness along with a retired psychiatrist creating a new situation, can lead to disaster where the caregiver/spouse can be left helpless to ward off impending disaster at the hands of unfamiliar professionals not interested in a previous doctors files which would educate them of the cyclic routine. New brooms don't always sweep cleaner and often leave more rubble in their wake than when they arrived.

I have had many diagnosis, and it has taken about 30 years to make the timeline correct.

Start with ADHD perhaps with a slight autism - should have been diagnosed at about age 4.  Not diagnosed until age 52.

constipation age 6 on

severe migrains, age 8 on

psychotic hallucinations beginning at age 12, panic attacks at age 17

I was always active and pretty fit throughout this whole thing

drug abuse and learning to use drugs I began to self-medicate through university

life issues ensuing

PTSD, schizo-affective biplar disorder, schizophrenia - various diagnosis by age 28

I know that most won't believe the severity of my illness when I tell them that I have never used anything but naturopathic medicine plus an ativan or two. 

I have taken heavy doses of vitamins

diet of no dairy, gluten or sugar

heavy exercise componant

maintianing a voice and always talking philosophy to people who will help me sort out what is real philosophy from fake thinking.  Good therapists, quit the ones that blame victims and favour status.

redirecting thoughts from self-hatred to self-acceptance; helps to decrease anxiety and stress levels  this led to more intense meditation which I now practise much like Arminius.

I still follow the diet, and exercise.  I use fewer vitamins, but still use them. 

I have been traumatized by the impact of the illness and also by the reaction to having been ill.  Whenever people disagree with my very open lifestyle, socialist viewpoints or feminism, they like to blame it as mental illness.  Very convenient that. 

I won't get fully into the employment thing.  That is very complicated and takes the size of a novel.  The conclusion would be; however, that employment and mental illness should never be exclusive of each other and that the mentally ill need human rights to begin to work on their behalf in the workplace to ensure proper insulation from bullying and other forms of discrimination.

Thanks so much to those who have the courage to share their stories with us. I believe in Toronto when you apply for a job you have to show what you did or  where you worked every year from the time you left high school or university. If there are missing years or gaps in your work  resume your prospective employer will be suspicious of mental illness or such. As jlin says it isn't fair .

I have a half sister who has suffered bouts of depression. She has never  worked  very much other than home health care which can be difficult.   At age 58 she got accepted into N.S. Tourism College, a special course. She didn't graduate a 3 yr. course but at age 60 she worked as a tourist guide at an original log cabin church in N.S. ( lots of bats... )  and the next year at a museum in Pictou, N.S.  I can't tell you...there are no words....to tell you how proud I am of her. She's going back this summer. She wears long blonde braids....she looks just smashing. Its too bad this didn't happen some years ago. We have a bond because I am 11 years older. I was babysitting her as a wee one.

Here is some very sad news. He was just 27 years old. Sincere condolences to Rick Warren , his  family, and friends.

Rick Warren said in a letter to staff of his Orange County-based Saddleback Valley Community Church over the weekend that Matthew Warren, 27, committed suicide after a lifelong struggle with depression and mental illness. In his letter to staff at the church, Warren said his son took his own life in "a momentary wave of despair at his home" after a "fun evening" with his parents.

The pastor described his son as an "incredibly kind, gentle, and compassionate man. He had a brilliant intellect and a gift for sensing who was most in pain or most uncomfortable in a room."

He said his son struggled with mental illness, depression and suicidal thoughts all of his life. "In spite of America's best doctors, meds, counselors, and prayers for healing, the torture of mental illness never subsided," he said.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/08/matthew-warren-autopsy_n_304020...

As jlin and stardust have posted,  being employed is important for those with a mental illness, if possible.

And, yes, with the stigma of mental illness, a certain amount of "creativity" is needed to cover for the period of unemployment on your job application.

I recall this concerned me (not being truthful) - but my psychiatrist said that it was important for my health to get back into the workforce - and added it was just giving me a level playing field, because if I couldn't do the job I'd be dismissed......

By far the worst time for me was when I'd had a year off (being hospitalised and then slowly recovering) - but I was fortunate enough to get a job in the office of a large department store.

At first I found it hard to cope, but I had a woman supervisor who was kind - and to whom I confided about my "lost" year. Two years before she had lost her teen-age daughter to cancer, so she was well acquainted with suffering.

If I wasn't doing well, she'd tell me to go for a walk around the store - and once she even rang my psychiatrist and sent me round to see him in his office!

Later on I worked in the civil service - and, by then, it was possible to confide in those I trusted. (Most folks are understanding, and made allowances in those times when it was needed -when Mrs. Danvers came down from her attic with a depressive episode as her gift to me.)

I was a responsible employee, and  demanded it of myself when I was well .(Fortunately, most of the time.)

I guess it was my way of showing my appreciation  to those I worked with.......

I'd like to add that I've been more fortunate than most who live with a mental illness. (And, for many of us, it is a lifetime illness).

I'm articulate and capable of insight - which meant that mental health professionals were willing to work with me.

There are many sufferers that are not nearly so fortunate. Many live on strong medication which, though often needed, gives them troubling side effects. Those that battle psychosis find just getting through the day a challenge - and, sadly, for many it is too great, and they end their life.

I have never forgotten when I was first hospitalised in my twenties a young man saying about me, "Why does she get all the doctors in the place helping her, when I'm just fobbed off with medication?"

It's why I spend some of my retirement doing what I can as an advocate for mental health issues for those who find it difficult.........

Pilgrims Progress

You're doing wonderful. Its a worthy cause you've taken up.

One time  a few years back I was sitting outside on the patio of  a coffee shop with my grandson asleep in the stroller. A lady was there that I had talked to before. She was having a bad day. She began by saying : " I'm a very dangerous person". She told me how the police had taken her away, forced her to go.

I became scared, on my guard...afraid she might have an hallucination and try to harm the baby.  She was schizo. she said. Shaking in my boots I kept my feelings calm and let her talk a bit before getting up and saying I had to go.

We have quite a few people with mental illness in my area. The donut shop has always been a favorite hang out 24/7. I know a lady age about 68 now who is a "cutter" since many years. She had been seeing a dr. weekly without success. She cuts her face a lot, wears a head scarf. She wears  the same ragged dirty jacket for months. I believe  some people have  ideas they're being traced by the FBI via their clothes. Its very sad. This lady is lucky in that she's Jewish and she does talk to and knows  lots of people in the Jewish  community. Its on her terms of course.

Happy News from Toronto today.  Its great to read about progress.....jobs too.....

Linda Chamberlain Honoured (Toronto Star)

Have you gone for lunch at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health lately?

You should. Check out the sleek glass-and-brick buildings, the new tree-lined streets, the parks and café. Partway through its redevelopment, the hospital has transformed from a dark, creepy institution into a bright, inviting campus.

I visited twice this week. The first time was for a tribute to a former patient/staff member. I was so impressed by what I saw, I returned the next day for a tour. Diana Capponi was my guide. She runs the hospital’s “employment works” program, which recruits former mental health and addiction patients to work on staff as housekeepers, pharmacists, research analysts, psychologists . . .

The tour started in the new Bell Gateway Building, the hospital’s hub. A few years ago, you’d have to yell at someone through a hole in a Plexiglas wall to get service. Now, there’s a hospital greeter with a giant “ask me” button as well as a concierge at a wooden desk to take your questions. “It’s about respect,” says Capponi, 60. “If we won’t show physical respect to people, how can you expect clinicians and staff to show them respect?”

She tells me a story about the greeters. They were born out of the hospital’s decision to go smoke-free three years ago. That caused some serious anxiety among patients for whom smoking is a rare pleasure in an otherwise bleak day, Capponi says. A plan was hatched to hire security guards to enforce the new rules. Can you imagine? Capponi proposed the administration hire former patients instead.

The “Clean Air Ambassadors” wouldn’t just ask patients to butt out, they’d greet them, give directions, remind them to seek shade in summer and pull on their jacket in winter. They were so popular, they became a permanent fixture.

“This past summer, there was a guy sleeping over on the sidewalk early in the morning,” Capponi says. “I witnessed three staff stop him to make sure he was okay. That wouldn’t have happened three years ago. People would have just walked over him.”

A pic. of Linda...wow...Go Linda Go....

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2013/04/05/schizophrenia_survivor_and_ac...

Alas, I clean houses for a living.   People like to imagine that it is good that I am a good mother . . . somehow that is something I have done . . . it's good enough for someone with a mental illness background.  In otherwords, we are an overpopulated planet and anyone with a good bureaucratic judgmentalese language, can make keeping those with mental illness out of the labour market.  It is another form of prejudice, just like keeping women out of the job market.  It is not stigma.  It is conscious retaliation and disgust, like misgyeny, like homophobia.  It is irrational and unjust. 

The recent interest in profiling mental health homocides It is like blaming homosexuals for child molestation for instance.  They are, in fact, in the minority.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/04/17/study-belief-in-an-angry-god-associated-with-variety-of-mental-illnesses/

What a lot of baloney.......

I suffer from a depressive illness and anxiety - and after many years of therapy I've understood that it's related to both genetic and early environment factors.

The God I have faith in is espoused by the process theology framework.....

God's power resides in unconditional love - something we humans can only aspire to as regards our family and possibly our country (tribe).

In short, if God didn't exist - such is mankind's limitations  - we would benefit from inventing Him.

In the process theology framework ,God works in relationship with mankind to bring about the common good......

The God I have faith in ain't angry.......

People are often angry - and they like to believe in an angry God to justify their all too human prejudices and flaws.

But, "it ain't be babe'  - therapy has taught me to own my own anger........

You don't believe there is a correlation between the two?

"Belief in an angry God associated with variety of mental illnesses?"

There is a weak correlation, that is both misleading and offensive to those of us who suffer from mental illness.

(it's interesting to note that the stigma to mental illness persists when homosexuality is no longer rightly seen as a mental illness).

It's like saying there is a correlation between most convicted felons  and mother's milk.

Most convicted felons were raised on mother's milk initially - the misleading inference being that mother's milk is associated with becoming a criminal.

It's baloney..........

While I could negatively critique the study, I think your comparision is unfair.  This study didn't just look at people who had psychiatric symptoms.  Using your example, it would be to say that convicted felons were more likely to be raised on their mother's milk than non convicted felons.

I do think the linked article was a stretch by extrapolating the study's (self-reported) psychiatric symptoms to a variety of mental illnesses.

I don't see how simply stating a factual correlation is misleading or offensive.  That correlation can be used in a misleading way, sure.  The above linked article isn't unbiased, between it's title and the image.

Did you find the correlation between a belief in a punitive God to only have a weak correlation to the self-reported psychiatric symptoms as reported by the study?

The punitive God is a supreme insult to all of those who suffer by suggesting that their suffering is God's punishment for past sins. No wonder that this kind of belief can lead to mental illness!

Hey, don't go all  "clever clogs" on me Chemgal - let me just say that anecdotally (me!) I have a psychiatric illness and I don't believe in a punitive God.......

As such, it concerns me that in this Age of Reason to state that something is "factual" is enough to use it - knowing full well that it can be interpreted (and often is) in a misleading and pejorative way.

How much coverage would it have got without the mention of  mental illness?

"Believe in an angry God associated with shopping in Walmart!"

(Folks would not take it so seriously, IMO.)

lol Pilgrim, haven't you seen me rant about how the media misreports academic articles?

I thought this had an interest topic to look at.  Rather than just belief in a god, or even separating the broad religions this one got a little more personal.  Sometimes some of the research just for interests sake leads to useful information.  This one study won't do that, but what if it leads to new warning signs for mental illnesses so they can be caught early.

I don't think anyone exhibits ALL the potential warning signs - they can get pretty contradictory!

As for Walmart, I wouldn't be surprised if shopping there was correlated with mental illness.  I worked there for a while and some of the regulars could have used some type of mental health treatment.  I didn't see much correlation to an angry God though, maybe that was just too subtle

OH YOU GUYS!

Here's the latest clever analysis from the ignorant but homohetero patriararchal know-it-alls about people who suffer mental illness . .  .

It is also from the above who don''t also know that Multiple Personalilty Disorder  has been absolutley debunked ( although any of us who have suffered through severe psychotic episodes already knew it was hooey manymany many years ago)

So, here it is. 

When a bisexual woman who has a mental illness is being feminist ie.being assertive, it is her MALE personality!  That is that an actual male personality grips her and has taken over her personna.  The female part of her personality is sweet, cries a lot and is given to manipulation, whereas the male personalilty is straight forward and intelligent.  The female needs the male's acceptance and protection; whereas the male personality has no fear and does not need anyone''s assistance. 

This is so anti-feminist, and it is just another agenda to exploit the reactionary and conservative Catholic form of psychosis which is separationism.  I have seen it at work in our church, pretty damn ugly and soooooooo lacking in any education of the 21st. Century stats, science et al - absolutely no awareness of what feminism is.  So the idea is that there need not be feminism if we accept gay lesbian as male female personalities .  I sure would like to hear SG comment on this.

Now that's baloney, along with BS!