So sorry to learn this, Neo.  I think being positive and having positive thoughts is a very important part of the healing process, so am sending positive energy your way.

Good that you can share with others.

Yes, I agree - cancer seems to be pervasive in our lives.  One wonders if it is diet related, more food additives, GMOs, etc., etc.  More childhood cancers, while millions are supposedly being spent on research for cures.

Taking care of yourself and maintaining a healthy diet are wise choices.

Hugs hugs hugs hugs

Rita

Hi Neo,

No apologies are necessary.  That seems to be a pretty common initial response to such news.  As a matter of fact, your posted response is rather muted you may still be in denial.  If it finally clicks and you need to post a stronger response I think we could handle that.

As big a mountain as all of that seemed you have quite the climb ahead of you.

Don't we all though?

I have heard that exercise,within reason you have already had a first surgery, can be a benefit.  Do what you can.

Positive attitude may be the only thing we can actually control.  With everything else in somebody else's hands the idea that there is something we can actually impact upon is powerful tonic.

Grace and peace are rarely out of place.

We are starting to live longer.  Detection of Cancer is getting more sophisticated.  It is probably just the way things have always been save for the fact we would have died of something else earlier 50 years ago.

And then there are things like exercise and diet which have changed considerably as life in general has changed.

At any rate that is not a positive thought so it is something that should be pushed aside for the moment.

May God bless you with strength to endure in your coming trial.  May God grant your surgeon skill and swiftness through your upcoming procedures.  May the presence of God become more prominent before you, beside you, within you.

Grace and peace to you now and all the days of your life.

John

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Neo. 

Keep telling your body it's your second best friend, after your wife, and it DOES help. 

I promised that I would  write a thread on Breast Cancer and how I felt and being honest. Every time I start to write , I become overwhelmed but Neo , you are spurring me on. I will write.

Draw your family close. Thinking of you. Blessings.

I am sorry to hear that you are ill, and facing a major battle. I can understand the many different feeling you are going through, having had similar experiences and feelings many years ago when I was diagnosed with HIV and than Karposi Sarcoma. 

If this provides you with any comfort, I can tell by what you just wrote, and from your feelings that you are better able than most people to fight this battle and have a better outcome. You have people to support you, and you have a strong connection to people and the world, which you will need and use. Including those here on Wondercafe.

I think it is a good sign that you told everyone right away, its easier to do it that way.  You are not alone. 

I am sorry to hear this, Neo. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Neo,

I would agree that your response here was pretty tame. I say, talk about what you want, when you want.
 

BTW  I missed hearing about this in "Two Masters" but I was not reading there.

We always think it is someone else, until it is us or one of ours. Telling people we care about, who will be upset,  is an added level of difficulty.

Some folks rage against their body (the cancer) and some encourage and coax their body.  Each person does what suits them.

Imagery- colour, aura, visualizing a tumour shrinking or a removal site healing... all can be useful.

May what sustains and comforts you be with you,
SG

Fight. Fuck cancer. Fight it. Everyone you know is behind you.

We would be well served to be aware that there are many ways of fighting.

There are also many options.

Those who do not do what we would can be made feel more negativity than support. Some folks will think, if the person does not do what they would, that they have "given up", when that is not the case. How they choose to fight can simply be different.

One can fight raging against illness or disease. That person will blast it with apart in imagery, etc.

One can also fight coaxing and encouraging health. That person will envision healing colours or shrinking the tumour.

Pick what works best for you and yours, Neo.

I agree, each one of us, handles cancer in our own particular way

I've never had cancer, but I understand that you fight it with the best science available, with your diet, with your activity, and with your attitude.

chansen,

Respectfully, you said it all in your first four words.

What is life and living and what is of value, and all that kind of stuff is personal.

One person fights cancer with drugs, another without.  One person fights cancer with no surgery, another with less radical surgery, some with radical surgery. It is personal.

The decision to continue or end chemotheraphy due to adverse side effects is also personal.

It all is...

And your first four words said it all.

What one thinks one will do or can do can go flying out the window when the doctor says, "You have cancer".

The "best science available" is also not one size fits all. Doctors know that. That is why options are talked about and weighed and left to the patient.

I'm so sorry to read this, Neo.......

Concentrate on your diet and exercise. Be open to the warmth and love which surrounds you (which can be difficult when we're afraid).

Balance your day with distractions  - and setting aside some time each day to be with your innermost feelings. (if it's easier for you, share your feelings here).

At least that's what I would do - you are a wise man - I'm confident that you will find your own way.

I think everyone is basically saying the same thing here.  Sometimes people just lie down and wait to die - that obviously isn't Neo's plan.  From here on he gets to call the shots and our collective role is to provide caring support rather than specific directions (in my opinion anyway).

Neo - I don't have much to add, my friend, except to let you know that I am, like everyone else here, holding you in healing thoughts.
((hug))

Thanks everyone, I knew I could count on you for support. I'm really not sure what I'm in for, I've never had cancer before. Until yesterday, that is.


What really worries me is the speed that all this is happening. It was only two weeks ago today that I was in Lions Gate Hospital looking at a high def, live video feed of the inside of my bladder. My doctor showed me the normal side of my bladder first, which was all pink and uniform and healthy looking. Then he showed my the other side. My God, it looked like something from a 1960's sci-fi movie. It was pink too but looked out of place with strands all over it that were attached to the side walls of the bladder. The frikken thing looked very much alive and still growing. Ominous and very freaky.


We hear about long line ups for surgery all the time. But with me, however, I seemed to be jumping the queues immediately. I guess that's one of those good news and bad news stories. Good news I jumped the queues, bad news that they had to jump them for me.


The Doctor said that if had not have acted upon this now, then it would've probably killed me via renal failure by the end of next year. So they cut this "thing" out of me last week and did a biopsy, which, as you know, came back positive.


So my next step was that my wife and I had about 10 minutes to decide on the best course of action, which is the radical surgery that the Doctor recommended. In three weeks. He actually didn't give us much choice. "What the fuck!" and "really?" are still two things that echo through my mind.


But I will keep a positive outlook on this and fight it with good food, good thoughts, and the love and support from family and friends. 'I'm not allowed to die' she says, 'I have too much to do yet'. I agree.


Cheers for now,


Rick.

Canada medical system has by and large an excellant record in beating cancer compared to other countries. It has a higher priority than most illnesses, because quick and the correct type of treatment, produces positive results. When I was diagnosed with Karposi Sarcoma, (which is not a true cancer, but at the time I was diagnosed they did not know that) things went really quickly. Much more than for other illnesses, I never had been seen by so many doctors, before or since, (GP, doctor who did biopsie, cancer specialist, and radiologist) and so quickly. (5 weeks or so  and I started both chemo, and radiotherapy)Also Cancer along with heart disease receives a lot more private funding than other illness, and so there is more support and services.

I'm a cancer survivor. I had melanoma-the deadly kind of skin cancer.

When the dermatoligist calleded to tell me at work I said "well no-one ever dies of skin cancer" and he said "actually this type is quite deadly".

I was fortunate. It was not in my lymph nodes and removing the lump on my back was suffient.

If it was in my lymph nodes survival was predicted as 6 months-with or without chemo and/or radiation.

Neo-thanks for sharing with us. May you feel our good wishes and God's comfort on this journey!

Neo: 

I'll be praying for you and I will be here to listen whenever you need to talk.

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage"

Lao Tzu

Neo - 'these things happen to other people' is a phrase I can easily identify with.  Also 'it won't happen to me'.   But then, without any family history or warning, my daughter got cancer.  The following year I developed Parkinsons.  It can and does happen wheen we least expect it. 

How we react is up to each one of us.  I know that the prayers and support of family and friends helped us.  I hope that we of the virtual community that is WonderCafe are able to help you in your time of need.  May you be surrounded by love.

WTF indeed Neo - stunning news and events.  Sounds to me like you have a great plan evolving, and  great family and friends surrounding you. 

Qwerty has written here, sorry I can't remember in which thread, about his own 'journey with' rather than 'fight against' cancer ... I found his words and approach very eloquent.

Very true that each must find their own best path, as SG has commented, as with almost everything in life ... and this is that ... life.   My thoughts and prayers are with you.  I'm honoured that you've shared your story with us, and will allow us to accompany you.

qwerty's story was a blog if I remember correctly....

Neo

I had to look up stage 3 to learn about it, but im not very good at expressing myself with thease kind of things so forgive me if i screw it up, except for my heart goes out to you ,  I have this sense that your going to be A OK, so ill keep praying for you and your family 

Neo, I wish nothing but the best for you. If there is anything any of us can do, please let us know. I am fairly familiar with Lion's Gate Hospital (my Mom used to be a nurse there, and I've been a patient there a few times) and I know that there are some fantastic medical professionals there who will take excellent care of you. I also know how wonderful the BC Cancer Agency has been for my friends and family members who have used it. 

May you feel God's arms wrapping you in warmth and comfort during this difficult time.

My thoughts are on you and yours Neo.

If you would permit it, I should like to pray for you and your family.

If you cannot in good conscience accept my prayers, please accept my best wishes for your recovery.

Thank again everyone. Crazyheart, Alex, Tabitha, Seeler (did I miss someone), looks like I'm in good company, but for the unfortunate reason.


As I said before, I was shocked at the time, listening to the Doctor in disbelieve and hoping Ashton Kutcher would come through the door telling me that I was being "punked", but I'm starting to get over the initial shock and I'm planning to be a cancer survivor and not a victim.


Witch, I'm fine with your prayers. Right now I'm ready to take anything I can to get through this. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm very afraid of all this. A painful surgery is one thing, but the life style change, the sex (if there even is such a thing anymore without the prostrate), and the possibility that I won't be able to be all the things I want to be for my wife and my kids. This mortal coil is getting older and Saturn is doing it's thing to me. All these things scare me.


But such is life and I'll plough ahead. From what I've heard there are a lot of survivors of this procedure, I'll just have to add my name to that list and move forward with as much courage and pride as I can muster.


Cheers for now.

Thoughts and prayers being directed toward you. I've known folks with cancer (some very close to me) and watched them struggle with it, but never having had it I don't claim to know what you're experiencing or feeling. I do know that you have no need to apologize for your opening words. I suspect that's how I or most of us would react if we received the same news. And, no, none of us ever expect to receive it.

Positive attitudes can see us through a lot of things. 

Blessings to you and your family, who must also be going through hell because of this news. And come here to vent anytime.

Hey Neo-sex can still be fine after the prostrate is gone. (84% of men have normal erectile function) Fertility is an issus but intercourse isn't.  Given that many older men have prostrate removed your odds of this affecting yuor sex life are low.

The cancer however is the bigger question....

Thanks Tabitha. Fertility was dealt with after our daughter was born, so that's not an issue. It's just all of this is coming up so fast and is so unexpected. The will is strong but the body is falling apart. I'm sure there are lot's on this forum that can attest to that feeling.

Will you be having chemo before surgery Neo?

No waterfall, not until they remove the bladder and prostrate can they assess if chemo will be needed. The good news is that so far the cat scan shows that it's not in the lymph nodes or bones, but until they remove the works they won't know for sure.

Neo, whilst I'm sorry and sad that you are facing these serious health problems, I just want to say how I admire you for being so refreshingly candid in how you describe your feelings and fears......

I'm a grandmother who attends church regularly - and I gotta say, if I was confronted with news of cancer as you were, my first thoughts would be probably, "What the fuck? It can't be true."

(We're a day ahead here in Oz - I'm off to church soon - so will say a prayer for you.)

I'm so sorry to hear this, Neo.  I can imagine how crazy it seems and more than frightening and I'm so glad to know, from your posts, that you are your own best armour.  Stay strong, Neo (Rick) and gear yourself to meet your days with who you really are...not who you are with cancer.  Positive energy sent your way.

Thanks Pilgrims. And Ab, you are so right: it's the cancer that is the curse, not me. While my body may be the temple for who I really am, it is only that - a temple. And temples get old, they break down, they get cancer.


This reminds me of a song from the 1970's song called Miles From Nowhere:


Miles from nowhere
I guess I'll take my time
Oh yeah, to reach there


Look up at the mountain
I have to climb
Oh yeah, to reach there.


Lord my body has been a good friend
But I won't need it when I reach the end


Miles from nowhere
Guess I'll take my time
Oh yeah, to reach there


I creep through the valleys
And I grope through the woods
'cause I know when I find it my honey
It's gonna make me feel good


I love everything
So don't it make you feel sad
'cause I'll drink to you, my baby
I'll think to that, I'll think to that.


Miles from nowhere
Not a soul in sight
Oh yeah, but it's alright


I have my freedom
I can make my own rules
Oh yeah, the ones that I choose


Lord my body has been a good friend
But I won't need it when I reach the end


Miles from nowhere
Guess I'll take my time
Oh yeah, to reach there


- Cat Stevens (now known as Yusuf Islam)

Neo,

My best friend is having a radical cystectomy because of cancer. She is also worried about lifestyle changes and about not only living with but feeling attractive with a catheter. Chances are she will also likely lose part of her vagina. So, she wonders about sex.

Those are real things that real humans worry about.

People worry about losing hair and cry seeing it fall out. They worry they won't ever be attractive. They worry about sex. They worry about the things that are life.

They need to know it is ok to share that, without being pooh poohed or hushed for it or being redirected....

So, thank you.

Thanks SG, and everyone. It's been 4 days since I found out that I had cancer, and I've had some to think about and begin to prepare for this. When I put my condition into context of those with cancer, I actually feel blessed in many ways. They say that cancer affects everyone differently, with bladder cancer and the consequent bladder bag my chances of doing the things I love are stil very good. I've heard of people playing hockey with these things. So doing the things I love, like camping, cutting firewood, fly fishing in a row boat on a hot summer day, these things will still be available to me. Someone said that 'I could drink as much beer as I want to in the boat without having to come in as often'. There are some perks to this I suppose. I'm assuming the sex thing will become the "new norm". But such is life, better to have enjoyed than to have never enjoyed at all.

Physically, my wife has me on a regiment of vitamins, smoothies and alkaline foods. And lot's of rest and no stress. This should put me in good health for the operation.

Emotionally, I seemed to be coming to terms with losing such a personal piece of my body. I'm feeling, when put into context, I'd rather lose my bladder than .. say a leg, or my eye sight.

Mentally, I still need to begin a daily habit of meditation. Only by bringing harmony to the 3 bodies of the personally, can I begin to align the body, mind and spirit. And this alignment is probably the most powerful medicine there is. For if we die in spirit the body will soon follow.

Peace everyone.

This is Cat Stevens..(click on image to play)

These words of Cat Stevens can be uplifting to any condition. The cartoon looks silly at first, but when played with the words it reminded me of the words of Maitreya:

Neo,

In four days to have put this in such context and have a grasp on "the new normal"...

In my experience, it does not mean you will always have those days. There will likely still be "why me" days. There may be days where you say, "why not my leg or some other part?"

That too is part of the "new normal".

I do like seeing your humour. They say that those who can laugh at adversity fare better.

Keep being good to you and letting others be good to you.

Oh yea, don't get me wrong SG, I'm still pretty scared that this happening to me, that was just my strong face talkin' ..

Not sure about the "why not my leg or some other part" thing, except maybe for the fact that legless and blind people can still have fully functional sex.

The new normal is going to be an ever moving target for me over the next few months. Saturn is the teacher, the one who circumscribes a ring around our freedoms, forcing us, by pain sometimes, to find new freedoms within. I guess it's how we grow.

I am not my body though, I have to keep remembering this. And while it has been a good friend, my body is still just one of the "temples" through which I can realize the God within. Other opinions may differ.

Ah Neo, as many an aged person will tell you, sex is always possible when you have the imagination (and memories)  to fantasise.....

And doesn't sex really take place in the mind, anyway? (You're kinda deep, this should give you something to think about).

Wishing you well, and following your journey with care and interest.

I'm travelling a lot so I'm late to getting this news. My thoughts, prayers, and good wishes to you and those around you, Neo. Lots of good advice and thoughts in this thread so I'm not going to add more than that.

Mendalla

Ha, ha, thanks Pilgrims. Yea I know that sex is mostly in the mind, in fact didn't you know that us men have sex on the mind nearly all the time? It doesn't take much ...

Thanks Mendalla.

No, out of Neo you

fuckingcumguzzlinggutterbesottednoncisgenderfundydinosaurhumpinmaitreyathwartinmohammadsnogginscabpickinsquirrelfartinanalskepticalharshcornholindirtysanchezinreversefelchinsob!

Neo,

your life is interesting enough without being inflicted with a vesicoma

what you will be thinking and feeling are completely natural and are what you are going to be thinking and feeling and screw those who think that you should be following some sort of 'think & feel' plan; those people have forgotten the face of their fathers

glad to read that you are able to maintain your sense of humour and that you have someone close to you to share with

Neo, I am sorry to hear of your diagnosis, but at least it has been diagnosed and now treatment can begin.

In my experience, oncologists talk in terms of percentages, Statistics. The good (or bad?) thing is that we are each individuals, not statistics. It seems that the statistics for cancer are getting better. However, whether your statistics are good or bad, I do hope that your individual treatment will go well.

I also know that cancer and its treatment can put a lot of pressure on family relationships. Sometimes the relationships grow stronger and people are brought closer. I hope this will be the experience of you and your family. Your sense of humour can help with that too.

And I am glad that you remain open to God's continuing presence in your life.

Hey Neo

Just read the thread.

wtf -- yup.

take care.  I know there is much wisdom on the board, and you will add to that wisdom.

cheers for the days when it is a good place to be to vent and to get responses. 

a nod for those times when you just need to spit at some comment which seems out of place and inane. 

the cafe folks always have the light on.

dang - double post

Thanks Pinga, Ran and Inanna, though I have to admit Inanna, I have no idea what you meant with the 2nd line of your post.


RAN, I agree, they have come a long way with cancer treatment. Once the pain has subsided and the healing is done, I do hope to continue with my life. But in the meantime I worry for my wife, the strain on her will be huge. I'm asking the powers of the Universe to give her the strength too, it's times like these when our fate seems like it's out of our control and thrown to the wind. May we all land as softly and as safely as possible in the end.


And Pinga, good to know the lights are on always on here, in my morphine induced state of mind after the operation I may end up saying some pretty strange things. Though many here would agree, I would think, that that wouldn't be out of the ordinary for me.

Neo,

the 1st & 2nd line of my post was to the cursed nterloper in your bladder :3

I can identify ;-)

Ping makes a great point. One of the ways WC is better than family, friends and church is that it is there 24hrs a day, so when you are unable to sleep, due to illness or a strange sleeping pattern caused by meds, you can use Wc to focus your thoughts with the support of community instead of just being alone with your thoughts.

As well no one is like to tell you should go home, if you are under the influence. Which may happen if you go to church or visit friends stoned  :-)