Meant say that I was trying to help 'normalize' the concept of disability. Grammar error.

A little background story: when I was around 20, I went skiing with a group of friends. My friend's mom lived in the skiing town and was a volunteer ski patrol. I hadn't tried skiing in a few years and needed some supervision. She got in touch with the Disabled Ski Association and got me a discounted lift ticket and a free lesson from a volunteer instructor. So, he took me to practice, side by side, with a horizontal pole between us, on the bunny hill a few times. Then we did a full, easy run. I have a natural affinity for snow-plough turns because my feet like to naturally turn inwards. But I had to be careful not to cross my skis and fall. That happened. Anyway, everytime we came down the hill, the lift workers would cheer, "All right! Way to go buddy! Way to go!" So patronizing, to be called "buddy" in that context, too. After a few times, I went solo. They still cheered on the way down or egged me on on the way up the lift. My lift ticket was a different colour than everyone else's. I guess that's what they were trained to do, for people wearing certain coloured tickets, according to my friend's mom. She thought they were being wonderful. I didn't. But I didn't want to make any critical comments to them, because she'd helped me out and she knew several staff. I didn't want to seem ungrateful for the help. I was the only person in the group with a disability and I didn't want to stick out any more than I already did. I didn't want fanfare. I just wanted to ski. I am fine with a friend saying," Good job. Ready to try the next run yet?" or even pushing me a little, with a straightforward and honest, "Let's try one more time without falling. Don't cross your skis next time." I'm okay with a lift operator offering me a hand on and off- but not that. It was negative attention, IMO. I feel the same way about "wearing the T-shirt".

When I was a kid, my mom bought me a t-shirt that said, "Don't rush me. I'm making mistakes as fast as I can." She thought that was "cute". Maybe that's where my thing against t-shirts comes from. Just anything that I feel purposely draws unecessarily attention to my disability.

Think more about this, this morning. I don't mean to sound glib about others' decisions. Just trying to explain my point of view on why I don't like the idea of t-shirts advertising all of our challenges. Maybe it's different for those who acquired and struggled through something later in life that they didn't have before, rather than having it their whole life.

Kimmio, my Dad uses a white cane with a red stripe on the bottom.  It is a sign that he is visually impaired and allows people who think to know that he probably can't read the menu they are going to offer him, or they may wish to speak to him or ensure they taken the most open route to the table. Some servers are wonderful and help in this regard.

 

In the same way, the special coloured tag may tell a lift operator, this person may require an extra hand to do something, be aware.

I agree, if they are patronizing, then they are poorly trained.

If it is a clue of extra help or different clues being required, then, it is valuable.

Kimmio, there may be a few people who want a T-shirt like that, but I'm guessing not many.  When it's for a fundraiser for that particular challenge, it's different.

 

People have handicapped placards, it doesn't mean they want to paint their entire car to show everyone on the road they are handicapped.

 

Being cheered on by a bunch of strangers when you're learning a new skill doesn't sound like a ton of fun.  I think had you politely said you'd prefer to avoid the extra attention they wouldn't have been offended.

 

I think most people would like to have a way to signal that they need certain things, without drawing attention to themselves beyond that.

Pinga, do you know how visually impaired someone should be to use a cane like that?  Is there any type of guideline?

Thanks. Yes, I was going to say "why do we need different coloured tickets?" but I do realize that it's a clue to look out for whether or not someone might need help. So, it's not all that bad. But I do think the extra cheering on was inappropriate. It stays with me because I was pretty embarassed with my friends there. And my friend's cute older brother was with us. Lol. Maybe encouraging for a young kid. But I was 20ish. I use a cane now too. A regular one. And I get better treatment on the bus than I did before because people clue in faster (usually) that I need a seat. Anyway, wearing a "survivor" t-shirt I would just feel like I was drawing extra attention to myself-adding to stigma. Fundraisers are different.

Speaking of the bus- a few months ago I got on the bus and sat in one of the side facing seats. The lady beside me exclaimed, "Good for you!" I said, "Pardon? What's good?" She said, "You're doing it! You're going for it!" I replied with a chuckle, "Doing what? Going where? I'm going to work." She toned it down a bit and asked me what my disability is. I told her, and said I've had it all my life and I'm pretty used to it. It was awkward. More reason not to wear the T-shirt. Just be able to be as I am.

I didn't have the assertiveness skills to say something to the lift workers at the time, and was too afraid of offending my friend's mom because she was so pleased by it, she was known on the ski hill, and I was a guest at her house, etc. She meant well. She thought they were being encouraging. And she had arranged for a cheaper ticket and a free lesson, kind of took me under her wing and was happy with it all...so. But now, I would.

Is there a guideline for a white cane? Or can someone who feels they need one just buy it at a medical supply shop? Do you need legally blind "certification" to get one? Most likely if you need it covered but I'm not sure, generally.

Sorry. That wasn't for me. But anyone can get a wheelchair (if they pay for it themselves) or a regular cane or crutches if they're helpful. So I just wondered, too.

Hmm... I don't know, I'm thinking that I might get a t-shirt or three that states my disability. It would help people understand what's going on when I have a seizure.

For things like seizures, you can wear your medicalert bracelet. They work fine.

 

For the cane, you order through CNIB and must meet with a CNIB advisor.

The red on the bottom of the cane indicates you are visually impaired, such as from macular degeneration where you may not see things directly in front of you but are not legally blind.

From their site:
 

The white cane is just one of many tools used by people with vision loss – from toddlers to seniors - to assist with safety, mobility and independence. The cane is used to check for objects in a person’s path, changes in the walking surface (from cement to grass, for example) and to check for dangers like steps and curbs.

A secondary function is identification: recognized around the world, the white cane clearly tells other pedestrians and drivers that the user is a person with vision loss.

Three to choose from

There are three different types of canes that someone with vision loss might choose to use: identification, support and long canes.

1. Identification canes are lightweight and can often be folded or collapsed to fit in a purse or knapsack when not in use. They are used to help with depth perception, and finding things like stairs and curbs.
    
2. A support cane is designed to safely support the user’s weight – perfect for a user who is elderly or who has a physical disability. It can be rigid or collapsible, depending on the user’s preference.
    
3. Long canes are used as “probes” and are usually used when the person is traveling in an unfamiliar area to provide an extra measure of safety.

 

Safe Travel 101

 

True Pinga, though a t-shirt is more visible.

 

 

Kimmio- thank you for bringing this to our attention. Some people, some of the time, appreciate a little help, but no one wants to be patronized.

I don't know just what it is, but sometimes someone will do some little thing for me (ie get me a side table for my coffee) and I will appreciate it. Other times someone will try to do something and I want to tell them 'I can do it myself. Just give me time.'

So how do you assist a person who might have a handicap? Politely - you would hold the door for anyone; hold it for someone who has their hands full, or has an arm in a cast, or carries a cane, or is elderly, or pregnant, or has a small child.

Ask, don't assume. No I don't need someone to tie my shoes at this point in the game. A year from now, if you see me struggling, your offer of help might be gratefully appreciated.

Let them do things on their own - even if it takes them longer and they look awkward doing it.

Let them do things for you, or for the group - you might be surprised at how competent they can be, and how much they might contribute.

Don't ignore them. Don't talk to the person they are with rather than directly to them. Don't treat them like a child (too much praise for doing ordinary things - somewhere along the way we stop praising a child for going to the potty).

I'll try to remember these things. And I'll also try to remember that when someone tries to help me they generally mean well.

Sometimes I do need help.

ps My sister recently let her hair go grey. She says its surprising how many more people hold doors for her, or reach to the top shelf at the supermarket. She likes it.

Thanks, seeler, for your response. It's perceptive and I understand wanting help sometimes and other times wanting time to do it at my own pace.

Something else I've experienced. People almost shouting at me and talking slower- just because I walk a bit differently. Like there is an automatic switch that goes off telling people that those with ANY disability must be deaf and less able to understand things. I have to laugh at that though. It's funny when I picture it (they look funny) although a little less funny while it's happening.

If you want to, for an extra safety measure I can see why. To each their own. I'm talking more about advertising disability as a source of pride. For me it is not a source of pride, nor shame, just is.

If you want to, for an extra safety measure I can see why. To each their own. I'm talking more about advertising disability as a source of pride. For me it is not a source of pride, nor shame, just is.

Thanks for the info Pinga!

Should we not be proud of who we are? Not that I'm fond of the word "proud" in this context. I would prefer to say "content" or even "thankful."

I'm thankful to be alive and for what I have and what I've learned. But I don't think I'm more special than anyone else.

Just a thought because I think it might be related to 'wearing a T-shirt'.

I usually tell people that I have Parkinsons shortly after I meet them, or if I join a group. It saves them wondering about my tremor and not knowing whether to mention it. It also may explain why my energy level is low "Yes, I will help with VBS but only on specific things like telling the theme story - not a full session five day commitment." And why I no longer make long term commitments. "Yes, I will organize the fall bowling social, but I won't chair a committee for the next three years."

I don't want pity, but understanding. I don't want special treatment, but sometimes I need it. I am definitely not proud, I wish it wasn't there - but it is part of who I am now and I'm learning to live with it.

Perhaps that's why some people might choose to wear a T-shirt.

Agreed, no one is more special. However, we disabled people are _as_ special as everyone else.

I understand. I mentioned upthread that maybe my pov comes from always having had this disability. I would rather where a T-shirt that says "Class of 2005" - a common accomplishment. But, I am not one to wear even those.

Due to rheumatoid dsease I had to have both feet reconstruced and both knees replaced to continue to walk. Each ankle was fused so while the bone graft was healing I spent three months in a wheel chair for each foot ... a total of six months that  I was non weght bearing. What upset me  most besides my loss of my independence and the burden on my husband, was the attitude of people I would meet. Many times in  stores the sales staff would talk to my husband and ignore me, as if I had lost my speech as well as my mobility! I undertnd what Kimmio is saying .... help where rquired but please treat those of us with challenges the way you would treat others!

It is weird how many people find those in wheelchairs 'invisible'.  Did you and your hubby find ways to deal with that reality?  I hope you are now comfortably mobile.

 

Once I watched a woman who was shopping with a young teen in a wheelchair.  They went to a counter in a huge department store and waited to be served.  The salesperson asked the mother if she needed help.  The mother said "No thank you,. today it is my daughter who is shopping".  The salesperson said "So....unnnn......what does she want?".  The mother smiled and said "I have no idea you will have to ask her" and wandered away to the other end of the counter.