st. johns wort or antidepressants and some chamomile tea at bedtime too.

I''ve woken up with headaches and clenched teeth before, at times of huge stress.  The dentist might have suggested a dental thingy that you would wear at night to prevent grinding but reduction of stress is the best way.  Hard for you these days though.

Go get some double chocolate fudge ice cream and maybe the chocolate will help with the stress too.  :)

 Perhaps it would help to wear a sports mouth guard while sleeping. Bed partners might find it hilarious though.

The best stress reliever I know of is a long walk (or ski) in the woods.

umm, wouldn't the cold of icecream hurt your teeth?

maybe jello instead?

Very sore mouth today.  Took motrin.   If it does not kick in soon I am taking a sick day.

I think when people are experiencing stress they grind their teeth at night when they are sleeping.

Many years ago I went to the dentist who told me my teeth were lose and wearing because of the grinding in the night (that explained all my "teeth falling out" dreams I had).  He fitted me with a night guard that I had to wear for a period of about six months.  Since that time I have had very few headaches (which I used to have a lot of), and very very seldom have teeth falling out dreams.

I would look into seeing a dentist and asking about a guard.

I am surprised that your dentist did not recommend a night guard for your teeth.

I had a tooth rebuilt last week and I told the dentist that I thought I might be grinding my teeth when I sleep.  He said I could get a mouth guard but never followed up after mentioning it.  Some dentists are more on the ball than others about things like that I guess.  I was relieved to get the darn tooth fixed so I could chew on my left side again.

Considering the cost of dental work grinding my teeth is the last way I would deal with stress .... I would suggest power walking till you can't stand up ....

hence the chamomile tea and st. johns wort. 

Stress is absolutely the reason for grinding teeth at night. the mouth guard might cost a few bucks but saves on dental work.

Perhaps I felt insecure about how I would look if all my teeth fell out?

ahem there are certain industries where gum babes are worshipped !!!

Beloved, I used to have dreams about my teeth falling out.

I was told it was a fear of getting old.

Now that I am old - the dreams have stopped.

I went back to see my dentist today.  I am on another ice cream diet!  

I got two more fillings and they fitted my mouth for a night mouth guard.

Ice-cream sounds good :-)

I had an old filling replaced with a new one. Ice cream is too cold but yes a day of soft food was helpful!

Serena, as a fellow grinder I can tell you that the mouth guard, besides being expensive, is uncomfortable.  I wouldn't recommend it as a long term solution.

If you can, find some way to de-stress during the day and particularly in the evening; exercise, music, reading or as others have suggested a calming cup of tea.

As some one who consistently internalizes stress - not only do I grind my teeth my hair falls out so I have the added stressor of becoming bald and toothless - de-stressing is not an easy task.  It takes persistence and determination plus a lot of experimentation to finding the method that works best for you.

But I can say, once found, it works.  My hair grows back and I have managed to save my teeth

LB

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.
          Winnie the Pooh

I have stocked up on yogurt and pudding.  The strong ibuprofin that I got from the hospital for the chest pains has obliterated any mouth soreness.   :)

ans so Serena what steps are you taking  to deal with stress?

May I suggest some counselling? It has helped me.

 Do you have Booster Juice near bye?  Delicious fruit smoothies chock full of vitamins.  A bit pricey though.  Frozen fruit, yogurt, maybe some milk or juice and you can do your own uber-nutritious smoothies. ( Can you use a straw?)

I did get counselling after my Dad died because of advice from a friend who ended up being a fake friend.  At any rate I got the counselling.  I went 5 times and it cost me $500.   I did everything she said and I don't think that it helped me at all.   Her homework for me was to investigate Masters Degrees which I did and I enrolled in one.  Then I was told to enrol in a sports program which I did.  Then I was told to get a massage, get a manicure, and pedicure.  She also told me not to let my mom run my life.  After my Dad died my mother retreated into this childlike state and wanted my sister and me (especially me) to wait on her and sit with her all the time.   The counsellor also told me to take a holiday which I did not do because my mother did not want to stay alone.   Anyway, my counsellor and I felt like I was done so I did not go anymore.

I went to a different counsellor in December 2009 after my mom Dad and I really don't like this counsellor.  She actually searches the internet for events that she thinks that I should go to.  The last time I saw her was a week before valentines' day.  It was a singles' dance at a Church in Edmonton and it was valentines' day.  I told her that I was not going because I did not know a soul there and people come in couples.    The dance was at 7PM and I worked at 11:00PM in a town about an hour and a half away.   So for 20 minutes she and I argued about this stupid dance and I paid $20 to argue with her.  I also don't like to dance and don't dance unless there is alcohol involved and since this was a Church it would not have served alcohol.  That would be a mute point anyway since there are more girls at these things than guys anyway.

Her other advice was the same.  Get into an exercise program.  Go on a holiday.  I was four days in Vegas a couple of weeks ago.  Go get a massage, go get a manicure, go get a pedicure.

Her advice is conflictory as well.   She says I should spend more times with my friends but two of them are going through a very messy divorce (i should avoid those two) and the one that I have told you guys about (car garbage, and being very bossy) I have decided that I can't stand so I would rather be alone than hang out with these guys.  She agrees with that and then two breaths later tells me that I hang out too much alone and I need to spend more time with my friends.

Another of my activities is to treat myself to breakfast at Tim Horton's once a week.   This is something I also did not want to do and argued about because I sleep the best between 5 am and 7 am in the morning so I have to get up at 6:30 am to do this.   I was having trouble sleeping and short nights anyway and she knew that.   So I decided that it would not kill me and I did this a few times.   It does not feel like a treat because I have to get up early to do it.  Her other point was that I spend too many meal times alone.  Which is a valid point but ordering breakfast is not socialization in my book.

So I spent $400 for this type of nonsensical advice and I think that increased my stress levels.

Two times I have felt really alone in the last two weeks. 

I completed my rehab certificate and went to my car and started my car.  Then it was like "who do I share this news with?  None of my siblings are talking to me.  My parents are gone.  My high maintenance friend would springboard off of the news to tell me about her housework or yardwork.   I texted my other two friends who are going through a divorce.  Neither of them responded.  So I called the high maintenance friend thinking maybe we could go out for supper.  She could not for some reason.  I forget why.  So I went home.  Nobody cared.  I had some salad and went to bed.  The next morning one of my friends texted congratulations.

Two nights ago in emergency the nurse asked me who brought me to the hospital.  I told her that I drove myself.  She asked if someone was coming or if I wanted to call someone.  I said no.  You guys are the only ones I have told.  I don't think anyone else is remotely interested.

These two incidents made me feel more alone then I have ever felt in my whole life.   The fact is that I AM alone and counselling or drugs will not change that. 

My siblings are fighting with one another and me.   Counselling or drugs will not change that.  Drugs will make me not care anymore about the situation but I don't think that is good either.  My parents are gone.   Counselling will not bring them back.   I don't feel up to doing the stupid things the counsellor tells me to do.   I also earn less money now than I did teaching plus I have spent a lot of money around my mom's death and her estate.  The estate, once settled, will pay me back but in the meantime pedicures, manicures, massages, and counsellors cost a lot money too.  When you can't get rid of the stressful source there is no point in putting a temporary band aid on it.  You just have to go through it and hope you survive.

For me I have to survive so my nasty siblings don't get my stuff.  After the estate is settled I will make a will leaving everything to the SPCA.   It is not like anyone will actually mourn me so I am not getting life insurance or having a funeral.  I have an appointment with a lawyer and he will be the executor and all my stuff will be sold and 100% of the proceeds after legal and burial fees will got the SPCA.  I already have my burial plot purchased.   I will be buried beside my parents.   I don't have my tombstone yet.   I am going to dictate all of that to my lawyer.

well Serena,

If you don't want to do counselling why not join a physical activity (like a class or club)in your town? It might help manage some stress.

Its not that I don't want to do the counselling.  I find it pointless. I did try it.   I already go to the gym 5x per week and go to aquasizing twice a week and that is not managing stress.  

I think stress cannot be managed.  It must be endured until the event plays out.  

The problem with multiple crisises in one's life at the same time is that friends draw back because it is draining.  Real/good friends don't but not so close ones or ones that were using you in the first place for themselves do because they are not getting enough attention because the one in crisis who used to give the attention is too drained.    I learned about this in my pscychology class. 

Serena, your experience with teh counsellors certainly doesn't sound very helpful.  Perhaps you need a different sort of support.  Not someone who is trying to run your lilfe but someone who will sit and listen as you pour out your troubles.  Have you tried the minister?

they are so good at supporting familes around death.  why don't you ask if you can come in weekly for a month or so, just to talk.

Serena - sometimes I believe when it seems I am taking one step forward and two back,at least with me the steps have been too big. I try to do too much too fast when baby steps are what I should to taking ... just a thought. My situation of course is different because I cause myself pain, but I think it works in other areas too.... we just have to go slow and give it time.

 Counselling or drugs will not change that. 

Those things are best suited for weak people

You're not weak

You are facing an inevitable part of life that no one can or will prepare you for ...

This is probably a good time as any to slowly feel what you feel and do what you do............. if and when you feel like it ....

Even if no one is around and good things happen to you don't forget to pat yourself on the back .....

Even crying alone is better than bottling it all up inside

Have you or are you allowing yourself to grieve ?

jes....what do you mean by "allowing myself to grieve?"

I believe people grieve differently..................... sometimes all their grief or most of it happens in the early stages of losing someone , and then they feel that the grieving process is over and maybe they unconsiously try to block out or deny the fact that they are feeling sad weeks , months or even years after a loss ...

sometimes the opposite is true because of extreme shock they might feel nothing or numb upon hearing the news that a loved one has passed on and feel sad much later on .... I think it has something to do with the need to try and resume a normal life as quickly as possible before your mind and heart has a chance to process ............. to slow down or even stop for a moment and pour out whatever you are feeling at that moment.....

it's tough to really explain ........personally i think that the various stages of grief does not happen in stages per se , depending on the person it might hit you all at once ..... all your emotions are overwhelmed ....

When I lost my mom very suddenly it was like I had to accept every morning when I woke up that she was gone and never coming back. That went on for quite a while.Very gradually it didn't hurt quite so much.... but it took time.

I just read up on the cycles of grief again.  I am cycling through stages 2-4 quite consistantly.  

Also said in the online article that after about the fifth month (I am in the 5th month) your friends start ignoring you and that is what is happening. 

See and that is what I did not like about the counselling.   I want to stay home and withdraw and I think that is NORMAL right now in a year that is not normal.   But right now I have a heavy heart and all I want to do is go to work and then come home and go to bed.   I find social situations extremely tiring.   I felt like this starting in February.  While I was chatting with my cousin on facebook in January she asked me if my life was getting back to normal.  Normal?  What is normal?  Normal would be if I would going for coffee with my mom.  Normal would be if I was driving my mom for her blood tests.  Normal would be  my mom telling me to wear a coat and throw away boots before they fall apart.   My life feels like it will never be "normal".   I think it took until February for the shock of the death to wear off and now I realize what I lost.

I feel like there is nothing to look forward to.  No light at the end of the tunnel.  Just lots of empty time to fill.  My nephew texted me tonight.   (He is 27)  His wife went into labour tonight.   I can't even feel happy about that.  I feel like I am the only one in the family who is miserable.  I feel like everyone has moved on and I am stuck in this black hole alone.

 Serena it is very possible that you are grieving in a much different way than th rest of the family.  Certainly your nephew won't be grieving in any way the same as you who have lost a parent.

In my case, i took my dad's death extremely hard, much harder than my siblings.  Looking back I can see that i was at least 6 months before I wasn't in tears at least once each day. 

The stages of grief, as outlined by Kubler-Ross are not linear.  You can certainly move back and forth but slowly you do move forward.  Eventually you get those days where you can love and laugh and the whole day passes without  sad thought.

Tht is why I think what you really need to do is have someone you can simply talk about your mom with.  It doesn't appear to be your sister, she is grieving in her own way and that is fine.

But I honestly think the minister is the place to start here.  Don't drop in.  Call and make an appointment to disucss your grief.  Ask to see him weekly to talk it out for a month or so.

How much have you been drinking tonight Serena?

I hope you are able to find some real life help.

Drinking?

Not an ounce.

Never touch the stuff unless there is a party or something.

I don't need any help.  I have already told you all that.  I need to grieve in my own way in my own time.

Serena, I've done the cracked teeth with grinding, too. It's not pleasant and I've got a gold crown as a result. Some people have great success with night guards but that wasn't my experience. I think, over time, I've just diverted the stress elsewhere...

I haven't lost a parent, although my dad is deteriorating because of surgery-induced dementia. It's very terrible to see him and not connect in all the ways that I used to -- he does recognize everyone but is unable to engage in any real conversation and is quite physically feeble. I have been having a really tough time working through that...and I'm still in stages 2-4. I get really angry thinking about the surgery that robbed him of his vitality and don't know how to deal with it. I'm told that there comes a time of acceptance but I'm not there yet.

Neither are you -- many people are quite ill-informed on the effects of loss. There is an expectation that a few days, maybe a few weeks, and possibly even a few months, the grieving will be over. That's not a realistic expectation. I'm surprised to hear your counsellors advising you to get out into new activities...there is a time for that, to be sure, but I'm of the mind that it's far too early. I realize that their concern is that you don't get stuck in grief that turns into depression but your journey to acceptance will come, when you are ready. You've experienced monumental loss in the death of both of your parents in such a short time...I hope you can avoid trying to live up to the expectations of others and travel this road in your own time.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this alone. Do you have other counselling options? My recollection is that  you're living in a small town in Alberta so you might not have a whole bunch of choices -- can you arrange for telephone or email counselling support? If you have an employee assistant plan, you might have access to some counselling that is available in those ways and/or sessions that are covered and won't lead to you being out of pocket.

My thoughts are with you...

Hi Mother of 5.  Sorry to hear your daad is poor.

One of the things we found out about Alzeimers and early dementia with my mom is that a person with very early signs of dementia can't ever get narcotics or aneasthetic.

they just don't recover.  8 years ago my mom finally got the the top of a two year wait for knee replacement surgery.  Luckily at the time, she had joined a study on early dementia.  She was very , very slightly mixed up.  The kind of thing we hadn't even noticed when my daad was alive other than we all noted that they went out to dinner alot.

The Gerontologist told us adamantly to not do surgery.  To just deal with the pain with physio.......He linnked us to articles ( which I no longer have) that showed how dramatically she woudl deteriorate.
 

We were so glad to have listened.

I hope you can help your dad come back and recover.

Beshpin somebody must've peed in  your cheerios this morning your are as charming and rude as ever.

Grinding your teeth eh?  That would seem to indicate that perhaps you are spending too much time in Religion & Faith.  Of course, multiplying resentments against ... oh I don't know ... RevJohn and/or Crazyheart probably doesn't help either.

Got another tooth filled today and got my nightguard.   Sore mouth.  Yogurt and pudding diet againt.  Think I will go to bed.  I am in a foul mood.

That's a drag, Serena. I hope you feel better, in every way, soon.