Dear MistsofSpring

I had to read your profile before replying, in order to have some idea of what I might be able to say.

In answer to your final question :I HAVE NO IDEA.  I hope I never do. I suspect the only person who could fully understand would be someone who had been on the brink of a painful and prolonged death and then managed to recover.  But I doubt they would remember the anguish very clearly afterwards.

My husband and I are now in the age bracket where we could expect  mental or physical debilitation and consequent vulnerablility such as you describe.  So far we have been extremely lucky, but we are now trying to prepare ourselves for such eventualities.Even thinking about them  in the absence of symptoms is difficult...

Your husband is so lucky to have you looking after him.  Where did you get all that patience, tolerance, kindness and self-givingness?

I just wonder: who is looking after you?

shalom,

sleuthie

this is a terrible path for you both and I am sure he has great fear and great anger.  In many ways that is normal and healthy.  We aren't intended to die limp and without strong emotions.

the nurses who are coming are most likely palliative care nurses and they know and understand.  Often they are very good at filling the silence of a long dark night.  Allowing patients to voice fears and hopes.  you won't hear of it unless jim allows they to tell you because of patient confidentiality but my guess is that during the long nights, during the wakeful times he is talking to them.

they are learning about him, about his hopes for his daughter, about his fears.  Nurses see patients at their worst and most, not all but hopefully ones who choose this duty, are empathetic, sympathetic and great listeners.

they will also happily listen to you too.  Maybe knowing from you the kind of man jim has been in the past will help them steer conversations to good topics

I have sat with dying patients and families.  It is hard but rewarding to know that as an RN you are making a difference.  One of my treasurered possessions is a letter from a family

I think this is what it means, "for better for worse"  It is what we all sign on for when we marry.  We don't want to get to this but it is part of the package.  Giving him loving care is a wonderful gift you can give him.  At the same time, try to give him as much dignity and privacy as you possibly can.

Fill his life with memories, talks, photos, laughs.  Help him to get the most out of his remaining time.

Sips of liquids ( does he have a favourite drink?  coke, scotch, apple juice) Light and air, smells if he can take them, family, company, conversation even if he doesn't really participate include him.

and be strong yourself and care for your self.

I'm thinking some of the medication Jim is on may be causing him to have halluncinations. This may be what is making him so fearful.  I know this happens with morphine quite frequently and it can  also happen since he is dehydrated. Some patients on morphine have experienced being in hell.

My thoughts are with you as you walk through the valley.

MistsOfSpring . . . holding you, Jim, Rachael, and all those who know and love Jim, in prayer.

In this terrible time it sounds as though your presence is both a blessing and comfort for him and I admire your strength and empathy.  Prayers for you both.