Hi,

For sure do not have him change the bed.  You are punishing him for something he can't control.

My son wet his bed till about that age.  When he went to camp after grade 2 and 3 he was still wetting.

now that you know he doesn't have an infection it is time to help him wake up.

We tried waking our son, withholding fluids, all those types of things.  nothing really worked and he was upset about it.  It is an age where kids like to have sleep overs and he really was motified to go and was afraid of wetting.

Luckily we had a great pediatrician who sat with he and I and discussed deep sleeping, how he just wasnt' getting the full bladder signals .

We hooked us up with a really nifty contraption.

It was a sensor that he wore inside his underpants.  It came with about 5 little pouches that I sewed onto his pants.  Then he wore those under his pj's.  The alarm was also a small thing that had patches to sew onto his pj tops, righ tat the collar bone.

The way it worked was that at the first hint of moisture the underpant sensor triggered an alarm at the collar bone.  It jarred him awake.  Enough for him to feel the full bladder.  After about a night or two he would still have a bit of pee , hear the alarm and feel the full bladder and get up and go.

Within 2 - 3 weeks he learned the sensation of a full bladder and the wetting ended.

That was 14 years ago so I am sure that there are niftier ones now but I would ask your pediatrician.

It's not uncommon but very embarrasing for the boys.

I had a child who was still wetting the bed frequently when in Grade four.  Someone suggested that for some children drinking milk and eating dairy products can increase the problem.  I told my kid what I had heard and s/he thought it was worth trying.  Result - dry beds except for the nights when s/he indulged in milk.  My kid also pointed out that being forced to go without milk wouldn't have worked - then sneaky behavior to get the milk would have been the name of the game!

We have both mentioned this to other families who were dealing with the problem and several found it worked.  Maybe it is worth a try?

Kay, Is that dairy only before bed, or at all? He usually doesn't have milk with dinner, I usually give it after school, though not every day, or at lunch on weekends.

One problem is he doesn't seem to be upset or embarassed about it himself. He doesn't seem afraid of wetting at a sleepover either, he doesn't even think of it.

I've heard of the contraption. Good to hear that it works. Thanks.

My kid cut out all dairy for quite awhile with great results - dry beds.    Then tried being greedy on it - bad move - wet beds again!  Eventually it seemed that a little dairy early in the day was usually ok.  Now, as an adult, dairy is still voluntarily limited as it upsets the digestive processes much like what we hear of a mild milk allergy.

 could you imagine being thirsty and not being allowed a drink? That's cruelty in my books.

Yes, I have some. At the time I was about two years old or so.  Peace in Christ.

Not cruelty but maybe teaching patterns.  SOme children or some settings simply make having a drink right before bed or when in bed inappropriate.  However, maybe then we ensure proper hydration during the day up until whatever time neeeds to be enforced.

My brother was a very late bedwetter. Apparently my father was as well. My mother tried all manner of things to fix things. We had one of those alarms that blasted a siren sound through the house at the first drop of liquid on the pad......it woke everyone else but my brother. It did not last long. My mother tried making him wash his sheets. She shamed him. There were fights in the mornings. Of course, that only made things worse on so many levels. Turns out, my brother sleeps like the dead, even now. I think he had to reach a certain maturity level before he could `grow`` out of it. He wanted to go to a camp and suddenly became motivated to figure out a solution that worked for him.

I think Pull-ups and the like must be a gift from God in some houses. Also, a pad that absorbs most of the urine that does escape, so the bed does not have to be made every day is helpful.

I don`t have any great suggestions to add to what you have gotten. I hope you find a solution soon.

Good luck.

Rather than limiting fluids I think you might try encouraging your child to drink - especially during the day.  Keeping the body hydrated so that the child has a full bladder at bedtime may help him to empty it completely.   My son was a bed wetter.  We tried not to make a fuss over it - just put a rubber sheet over the mattress and changed the sheets daily.  I tried getting him up a few hours after he went to bed (at our bedtime) but usually discovered that he was wet by then.  Our doctor suggested that he was not completely emptying his bladder at bedtime - just a trickle - then when he dropped into a deep sleep it let go.  He was a tense child and only relaxed completely when he fell asleep.  But having a full bladder at bedtime seemed to help - once he had a good stream going he could keep it up. 

Oh yes, he did have a dry year between about two and three.   Was completely out of diapers - then he started again.  Outgrew it, or learned to handle it, at about 8 - 10.

My daughter is almost 4 and she wets the bed with some regularity.  I don't have any answers for stopping it, but I'd just relax about it if I were you.  Get him those pull ups underpants for older kids; they look kind of like real underwear.  Then all he has to do if he wakes up is change his underpants.  He'll outgrow it eventually.  If there's nothing wrong physically, just minimize the mess and stop worrying about it.

I've tried not worrying about it, then he doesn't worry about it either and I wonder when oh when is it going to end! Anyway, I'm not tied all up in knots about it, it's just a bit concerning and a nuisance.

I only use pull ups when we're in the sleeping bags or a hotel bed. I don't want him to think it's ok for a 9 year old to wear a diaper, and we don't call it that, but that's exactly what it is. The absorbant mat doesn't work as it gets all scrunched up and moved aside in his sleep, I have to put it under his fitted sheet. I think he has become a deep sleeper.

We'll try the no dairy, that's cheeper than the electronic gadget, for starters. I hate having to deny him drinks in the evening, but I know what happens, and no one wants that every night.

I remember the last time I wet the bed at about 7 yrs old. I had snuck a whole glass of water from the bathroom tap at bed time and peed the bed and mom was so dissapointed, it was that, that shook me out of it. I wanted to be more grown up.

Thanks for the help folks.

I wouldn't worry about him thinking it is okay for a nine year old to wear a diaper. I suspect he will basically grow out of it. He won't become dependent on the diaper.

Anything psychological that might influence him? Nightmares? Anything that happened at age5 when he started wetting again? Being bullied? How is school? Relationships?

See, this is where we differ.  I think it's perfectly acceptable and reasonable for a 9 year old to wear a diaper to bed.  It's normal for 9 year olds to wet their beds.  When will it end?  It will end when his body is ready for it to end.  From what I've read on the subject tonight, 72% of bedwetters outgrow it by 11 and 99% outgrow it by 15.  Your son will most likely be in the majority and out grow this within a few years, but he could also be in the 28% who doesn't outgrow it by 11 or the 1% who doesn't outgrow it by 15, and he can't do anything about that.  Neither can you.  These are kids who don't have physical problems...their bladders just haven't grown enough yet or they sleep very soundly or they don't secrete some hormone (I forget what it's called) when they are sleeping that helps them to wake up when they have to pee.  This isn't a behavioural issue...there's no laziness or whatever here.  You can help him to cope with it by using the obvious solution of absorbant underwear, or you can shame him by insisting that he sleep in wet sheets when the problem could so easily be solved just because you have a hang up about 9 year olds wearing diapers.  And yes, "I'm not going to help you deal with this because you're too old to need help dealing with this" IS shaming, and that's exactly what you're doing if you withhold the pull ups.

He's probably so worked up about disappointing you and not being "grown up enough" that the problem is getting worse instead of better.  That's what happened to my cousin.  His dad told him that "big boys don't wet the bed" and he was so worried about disappointing his dad that his sleep was disrupted and his emotions were out of whack and he peed the bed more just out of stress.  It makes me really angry to know that even the slightest hint of this attitude still exists 40 years later.  Get the kid some freaking pull ups, tell him that it's 100% normal and natural for him to be wetting the bed at this age and for that matter that it's normal and natural for it to continue for a few more years (both of which are medically true) and don't do anything else about it except celebrate when the day finally comes, probably in the next 2 or 3 years, when he finally stops. 

I blush with shame. I sometimes wet the bed at nine. I remember one time, even later, that I dreamed I was peeing.

I was.

sometimes dry air in the home through either the heating system or dry weather, or even a good ole pizza party can make a person really thirsty at night.

Hi Elanorgold,

I was probably into my teens before I completely stopped wetting the bed.  Saw lots of doctors because of it and had at least one scope of my ureter which I think should be considered cruel and unusual punishment.

The best advice we were given was that I may sleep to deeply and the signal to wake-up and void just couldn't set the alarm bells off in time for me to do something about it.  It was hoped that I would outgrow it and I did.

That sounds familiar.  Different kinds of alarms I guess.  Like I said I never got the "you've got to do something" alarm until it was way too late."  The eww gross you are lying in your own urine alarm" must ring at a different volume and/or frequency.

Although, at the age of 19 (I was no longer wetting the bed) I had to be rescued from my tent because I was asleep in roughly 8 cm of rainwater.  I guess it couldn't have been that cold.

Yeah well, I'm thinking if he can't wake up to make the trip to the can that he won't be awake enough to strip and make the bed again.

I had a happy face chart.  Three orange smileys in a row got me a gold smiley.  Three gold smileys in a row got me a reward.  I can't remember what the rewards were I can still remember the chart and, that it didn't work as a motivation to wake up and pee in the toilet.

Grace and peace to you.

John

We had this problem with both of our sons. No family history of it on either side but both boys had the problem. With my older son we used the alarm (he was about 8) and it worked completely within about 1 week. Never ever wet the bed again. Our younger son still occassionally has the problem and he is in his early teens. Nothing worked for him. Not the alarm, not waking him up (as if that was possible!). We really just have had to wait it out. You can try a low dose of Imiprimine (prescription from the doctor). We used that for awhile, with mixed feelings, but it did work. However, my son didn't want to continue so we stopped it. A previous poster had it right, the problem is a combination of being a very deep sleeper and being later in starting to produce a hormone that slows down urine production during sleep. It's not his fault, he's not doing it on purpose. My son does strip his sheets and throw them in the washer, not as a punishment, just because it has to be done. It's very rare now and I expect within a year it will not happen at all. There is light at the end of the tunnel! (although there were times when I despaired of it)

my son is 6 and he wets, every single night.  we use pullups.  we have tried everything.  no liquids after 6.  pee before bed.  waking him through the night to void.  nothing has worked.  he is such a deep sleeper that he wouldn't even remember us waking him to go.  he's really big on dairy.  i will try cutting it out of his diet and see if it works.

my daughter, 3, on the other hand has been dry since she was 2. 

Thanks RevJohn, usefull info there. I haven't ever asked him to change the sheets in the night, only to strip the bed in the morning. We tried once getting him to put on the clean sheets but it was kind of difficult for him. It isn't always easy to know what a kid is capable of until they try a thing.

Mists of Spring, What did I ever do to you? You missunderstand me. I've never made him sleep in his pee. Your retort was unneccesary. We are looking for kind and considderate advice here, though replies like yours make me afraid to ask.

I gave my son dairy in the afternoon and evening for a few days as a test, and he was dry, so It's not that for him.

Thanks folks for all the advice. I am finished with the thread now.

Elanorgold, you're right that I was unnecessarily rude.  I'm sorry for that.  I was jumping to conclusions, probably based on my own experience with my cousin.

My daughter bedwets also.  She's seven.  She sleeps so deeply that when I lift her off her bunk (if only I'd know that I'd be doing this every night when we bought a bunk!!!), carry her down fireman style, help her "walk" to the toilet, so that she uses the bathroom, then reverse the process back to bed.... she doesn't wake up.  Not one bit.  Not on the odd occasion that I've bumped her head because I'm also half asleep and misstep, not the time I had to reach for more toilet paper and she fell off the toilet, not ever. Not with the lights on, not when her brother or sister are up in the night, the baby screaming, not for anything.

About the milk, it is the only thing my daughter can drink and not really wet the bed.  Juice goes right through and even water isn't great.  Our dr. suggested milk, said something about the proteins being absorbed more efficiently.  who knows, but I know if she has anything else at supper it's a disaster.

As for rewards, motivation, etc... when you make a big deal about dry nights, even if you don't say anything about the wet nights, they still feel bad about not being dry.  And I really think it is physiological and beyond conscious control. 

Expecting her to wake up for a little thing like the bladder calling isn't going to happen.  We don't do pullups because she was getting yeast infections.  So instead, I invested in more mattress pads, a few extra sets of pajamas and do lots of back exercises so I can  keep lifting her out of bed, every night at about midnight.  And I watch for good sales on laundry detergent, and know that this too, will pass. 

What a beautiful post bookgirl. It brought back memories of my parents trying to get my comatose brother to the toilet. In spite of that, we would often be awakened by my mother yelling at my  brother for wetting the bed, yet again.Having the "this too shall pass" attitude will help keep a more harmonious environment for all, and not just the bedwetter.

Lifting her out of bed though only gets you awake and disturbs your sleep.

When my son just couldn't wake up I too invested in good mattress pads adn extra sheets and simply stripped his bed each morning.  More laundry but in fact we all got a good nights sleep.  he didn't wake and neither did we.  Once he got old enough to try an alarm system though, the one on his collar bone did wake him.  Perhaps that was just timing, that his body was getting ready.

But sadly it really is a big stigma and upsetting when they kmnow most kids don't do it.

Pulls ups are a great invention for kids that age, we called them night underpants but when he was little they simply didn't make sizes bigger so eventually we no longer had them.

I wonder if a yeast infection might be related to something else, if she wore diapers ok as a baby perhaps the brand was irritating to her ( the perfumes...)

I've been reading through this thread and I'm wondering 'why the big concern about having children wake in the night to go pee?'  

Shouldn't the concern be to have them sleep through the night and be dry in the morning? 

Most children who are dry at night don't get up one or more times in the night to pee - their bladders are big enough and their control established well enough that they sleep through until morning.  And for the bed-wetter, I'm thinking that will come as his bladder matures and his whole system adjusts to only urinating when he is awake.  When he can empty his bladder completely at bedtime and sleep through until morning, then he will be dry.

Generally only us old folks, and pregnant women, have to get up in the night to pee.