[A gentle head *bump*]

May Bast be adored forever in purrfect bliss.
We are the collective of two which our minion calls "mr. orange" and "chloe" although our real names have never been discovered by her despite much foolish guessing.
We have trained her remarkably well and she now is much better at reading our minds. These unevolved creatures are so dull. She has wisely understood that our abode must have many beds and we have taught her to open cans. When we feline beings are able to open cans, we shall rule the earth.
Actually, our minion is obedient and hastens to meet most of our demands. "Chloe" has to resort to ridiculous charades sometimes to let her know when the (er hum) "cat box" isn't immaculate. To demonstrate that the minion has pleased us, Chloe does the "cat box dance" when it meets our specifications.
Our minion shows the most fatuous delight in these cheap attentions.
She did, however, deliver us from a most unpleasant life and for that, we will be more gentle in our judgement of her and ask Bast to overlook her innumerable flaws.
Purrrrrrr

May Bast be adored forever in purrfect bliss.
This movement of my jumping and curling up things happened to me a short time ago. My temper rose, and I decided to share my anger with my staff. First chance i got, I gave her a quick rake of my left from paw, claws out, acrss the leg.

Now I am living in the garage with no jumping things except a shinng blue thing that causes me to slip off each time I land on it. Beware"¦and be careful!

Meow, Veronica....I hear you girl! I'm a farmkat for heaven sakes, and my staff had the audacity to neuter me...it's difficult to keep up with all of the gophers without children...I don't know how my staff makes it to the bathroom all by herself some days...she'd post a picture, but she doesn't know how. It's quite humiliating, actually.....Rachel

Oooooh Play time!

SAMUEL!! ROSE!! Look what Daddy found!

Grace and peace to you.

John

Note from the Ninja minion;
"help I'm being held hostage by tuna-addicted cats"

[translated from Cat]

And now a Cat Service Announcement from Bast Central on the Proper Way to Initiate New Staff

All Prrr Bast's Name,

Gray Mouser reporting from Bast Central

CATASTROPHE

Our Thrall has been attempting to tempt us out of diligence by feeding birds behind the window. She also forces us to watch this:

(IW - would you kindly embed a YouTube vid called "winter birds"?)

A deplorable waste of band width - WAIT was that a bird's bum up close! Cacklecacklecackle.

(there is also a sequel)

TY -- Winter birds II -- more birdie action.

Hey InnannaWhimsey.  You continue to cut me up!  Ever heard of "A Cat's Prayer"?  Won't write out the whole thing here, but it ends as follows: 

"When I bump my head against your leg or cheek it means I accept you as part of my environment.  Keep in mind that if I thought the lady next door would feed me better I'd be out of here in a minute.  If you're looking for loyalty, get a dog!"

I think my cat's mantra is "In my own time"...  LOL

May Bast be adored forever in prrrfect bliss

It seems that some of our staff still need reminding of their duties and obligations that were first hammered out between Pharoah and Bast in '03

Here are some violations that are sadly becoming more commonplace:

Moving around the contents of a room without checking with us first

Petting or otherwise touching us when we are asleep

Staff allowing their untrained and uneducated larvae unsupervised access to us

Using silent tuna can openers

Not giving us our required tributes

Not having ANY furniture at all

Catnip freely available

Access to tuna & tuna water at least once a day

What other blasphemous violations of the Cat-Human Concord of '03 have you noticed?

All Prrr Bast's Name,

Gray Mouser from Bast Central

Bast be Adored Forever
Our Minion has been deceiving us - trying to present our less-preferred meals as a "feast". This has been noted.
We are especially disappointed with an unsatisfactory "toy" the Minion wasted tuna money on. Since "toys" are actually weapons practice objects, we expect them to keep wiggling for longer than 10 seconds.
She refuses to change the outdoor bird channel. We grow weary of the cavalcade of unimpressive dull feathers and fall asleep.
Next time she opens the door we expect better things to smell.
The list is incomplete, but We must "play the cello"...
Prrrt

Dear Grey Mouser:

My mother had a similar difficulty to yours back when she was alive. The butler had the audacity to move her litter box.

Mother simply continued to use the same spot for her ablutions, until the butler decide to return the litter box to that spot.

Problem solved.

May Tuna be your bounty

Hello Gray Mouser,

Yeh, sure, I'll tell you what the problem is with me own personal staff. They want to do all the most annoyin' things to me -- pick me up, cuddle me, scratch me head, pet me. Oh it's annoying, so very very annoyin', see.  Like I'm some kinda' one of their own babies. They even complain when I go to scratch me furniture. They even think it's theirs! Can you believe it. I always fix 'em up good though. I scratch, I bite, I let them know who's boss. Don't t'ink I don't. I do, dat's all. A staff's gotta' obey, see.

'Ere's fish in yo' eye.

---

Star