Greetings!

A few thoughts ...

Re:  the prof's daughter who caught on to the dress thing . . . wow, pretty perceptive of her.  But did she actually "prefer" to wear dresses because she liked them, because she was a "girly" girl . . . or did she just prefer to wear them because of the outcome (getting treats and attention)?

I think nurture has something to do with a child's development, but a lot has to do with who the child is . . . some are drawn to what society determines to be appropriate for a certain gender and some aren't, no matter what the influence of the parents.  And some, like the girl mentioned, learn at a very early age to do what they must to get what they need, althought it might not be who or what they really are.

Hope, peace, joy, love ...

 Many Dads get livid when their little girls get their hair cut and the hair dresser takes off a little too much for his taste. His little girl MUST have long pretty hair.

It's often the practical mom who realizes life would be much easier for mom and daughter if the hair was a shorter more easily kept style. (many little girls do NOT like their hair brushed but want it long.) I have seen it many times and am living it myself.

In stuff like sociology, they talk about the difference between sex and gender.

Sex is your physical anatomy & biology.

Gender is a social construct. It's how you're perceived and categorized as male, female. It's behaviour, hair, makeup, clothes, stereotypes, social perceptions, categorization.

I found, and still find, it interesting to watch and see just what my son does and chooses to do. He states that he likes pink, and Barbies, and if I get out my old Barbies he will put them in the old Barbie car and vroom around the house with it. He plays differently than I did with them. I was very much into the clothes and dressing them in different outfits and living out fantasies through them. Now I am a model, now I am an acrobat, now a princess. When he was very littel I tried to share with him some of the things I liked to do as a kid, but he didn't show much interest. He likes to do Lego and cars, two things that don't hold my interest for very long at all. Of cource he doesn't get the chance to wear pink, there are no pink boys clothes, but he just as often chooses to colour pictures in pink as any other colour. And when he draws, he draws cars, that's it, end of story. I drew horses, dogs, unicorns, rainbows, flowers and fantasy creatures, and later people, nothing but people. I have encouraged him to draw animals, but he relly just wants to draw cars.

I have seen other patents treat their boys very roughly, and rough and tumble boys, from rough and tumble fathers. That's just a familial thing. My husband is gentle and calm and cerebral, and so is our boy. But I see rough fathers treating their daughters rough and tumble too, hiosting them up on shoulders and playfighting. I think some people treat according to gender, and some do not, at least not intentionally.

When I was a kid I wore dresses all the time because I so loved to be pretty, and because I hated the feel of pants between my legs. Pants were for boys as far as I was concerned.

One thing that does bother me is how so many boys hair is cut so short. When we lived in Alberta, most of the boys had buz cuts, like these tiny tots were being forced into being macho mini soldiers, in their camoflage clothing too. That bothered me.

My girl is so like that. She cried her first haircut. She wants it really long but doesn't brush it and gets really difficult and fussy when someone else does. She's a pretty mature nine year old for the most part but she's definitely not on this issue. For the record we don't tend to let it get that long for her. When she's able and willing to take care of longer hair, then she can have longer hair. I do have to say that my wife and I are on the same page on this one, keep it practical.

I have a 3 year-old niece who doesn't hesitate with the girl clothes or toys she's given. And we don't hesitate when we buy girl stuff for her and her 1 year-old sister. They are both being raised as girls, and since they are girls that's nothing short of appropriate.

.....a fascinating topic in and of itself.

Not too well-understood either.  The other thing I picked up from Soc. class was how gender is defined differently depending on the culture.  I some cultures, "men's work" is "women's work" in another. 

I love the idea of gender as fluid. It permits the possibility of expressions beyond our biological selves vs the usual dichotomy.  It's more about how we see ourselves and are percieved by the rest of the world.

That is the same approach I am after, but alas I am married to an idealist, not a realist.

Encourage him to brush her hair. If he sees how difficult it is maybe he'll come around. Maybe, though she'll let him brush it and it'll be fine. My girl is like me in that she is not a morning person. She's the sweetest thing EXCEPT for about the first ten minutes she's up, she's a little bear. The funny thing is when I wake her up she's actually pretty good. I think it's because she's a "daddy's girl". Maybe your girl will let her daddy take care of her hair without fuss if she's a "daddy's girl" too. If not maybe your husband will empathise with you more. Good luck on it.

How bout try keeping your girls' long hair braided all the time. That keeps it from getting too tangled. It worked for the indians!

I think we quite subconsciously treat our children differently.  We tried to give them both the same options and they gravitated to different things.  A few things they both did and did well.

they play differently and for my kids even as lilttle ones they had different interests.  My eldest, a boy , absolutely loved dinosaurs and trucks.  We had so many truck books and dino books.  naturally then when the girl came along, out came all those books for her.  she was totally uninterested.  

As to hair.  My daughter wanted/needed it a bit longer by 6 when she started dance and it needed to be neat and off the face.  As it grew, she brushed it or i did and we did alot of pig tails and braids as she was a busy physical kid at school.  If they won't let you brush it though, then it gets cut short.  Just one of those facts of life consequences

 yah tell my hubby that.

He is a very equal opportunity parent though.  For Christmas he bought the girls HotWheels, Transformers and Lego. 

They DO enjoy them, my eldest is building a collection of  Hot Wheels.  But I said "Honey, we NEED to get  you a son".

Ta-dah! One son.

I used to believe it was mostly nurture that resulted in gender differences, but now that I have 3 boys, I know it is at least an equal measure of nature. I do believe that overall (not in every child, but in most) there are patterns of behaviour or, for example, learning patterns, that are more common to boys vs. girls. I also know lots of folks definitely instill, even inadvertently, concepts of gender in their kids from a very young age,  tipping the scales of nature vs nurture.

It has been very important to me as a mother (and to my husband as a father) that our boys have access to a broad range of toys, games, music, cartoons, etc - regardless of whether they are generally seen as masculine or feminine in nature. So there was plenty of Dora the Explorer, and lots of baby dolls (my middle son still enjoyes imaginative play with dolls at age 6), but also plenty of megablocks, knights and pirates, etc.

It really breaks my heart when I see parents shaming their kids into gender roles. I remember being at the mall in the play area with my son, and there was a little boy (maybe 4 years old) and his mom, and he noticed that there was a giant 5 foot tall wooden doll house on display outside the play area. He asked him mom if he could go look at it and she was literally agast - "Of course not! Why would want to look at something like that? Maybe if it was a garage...." I was appalled at her reaction and felt terrible imagining what must lie ahead in this little guy's future.

I hope it's something that is slowly disappearing - we've certainly come  a long way in the past few decades.

I totally agree Cate.

When my son was about 4 in JK he loved bugs.  They were discussing caterpillars at school so we went looking for some for show and tell.  unable to find any caterpillars we collected a jar of large garden snails that seem to have made our yard home.  He liked to race them and watch their slimy trail.....

On our way into school the next day this mother came to look at the jar my son was carrying in so proudly.  She jumped back in shock and disgust.  I told her they were just there for the day for show and tell and she actually said to me  " well none of the girls will even look at them"   

Kids should all try everything.  They wont' like it all.  I am amazed how my daughter totally is bored with Nintendo style games while my son lived for them.  But they shoudl all try out everything

Our daughter got to play with her brother's toys, and he with hers.  When they were very young this worked out fine.  She built with blocks; he gave the doll a bottle or changed its diaper.  Both played with farm animals, trucks and cars.  Both played with balls.  However, by the time they reached kindergarden age (5), each was showing a definite preference for their own gender specific toys - she became very girly and played with dolls, and Barbies.  He played with hotwheels, or hockey, ball, hockey cards.  Both read, but she did far more colouring, cutting, and crafts in general.  He roade his bike more than twice as much as she did.  So I, who remember myself as a tomboy climbing trees, building forts, and running around playing cowboys and Indians, had a girly girl, and a boy who was all boy.

When our granddaughter was little she didn't have a brother to share his toys.  So I made a point of buying her building blocks, a farm set and animals, balls, and some cars and trucks.  Before long she was showing a definite preference towards her toy kitchen, her craft materials, and her dress-up trunk.  Her baby brother was quite a bit younger and his father bought him mainly boy toys.  He did go through a period when at our house he would dig out the dolls, change diapers, give bottles, and engage me in playing house.  But it didn't last long.  He does like to pretend to cook - and to operate a cash register and pretend to work in a grocery store. 

So my grandchildren too soon learned to prefer toys intended for children of their own sex.   I guess I was the one that was out of step.