Sad, sad, sad.  Why are there so many children in foster care?  And why aren't there enough families to care for them?    (I suspect part of the answer to that second question might be that families are afraid to volunteer as foster parents if they are afraid of being pressured to take more children than they feel capable of loving and looking after, and/or they are afraid of having problem children placed with them with no information, training or support available.)

seeler, one of the reason that I have heard is that most of these children are very high maintenance - FAS, etc., etc.,. Fostering is not providing the tools that they need to do the job adequately.

As I understand it part of the problem is that there aren;t enough foster families. Children often have to leave their counties if they require foster care, where they wouldn't get to see thier parents at all, and so sometimes they're placed in overcrowded settings or residential care. And the worst thing about it is that they are considered at less risk than the families they come from. Children's services tries to find relatives or close family friends as an alternative but this doesn't always work out either.

Sady, this is not restricted to Saskatchewan, believe me, sighs. The richer neighbours to the west have similar problems and I find it sickening, too. I agree that foster parents are pressured or guilted into taking more children than they can properly care for and it will be them who wears the blame, rather than the stupidity and ignorance of the responsible governments.

In Alberta and BC, part of the reason that there have been fewer foster parents available is that there have been jobs a-plenty and so, given the small remuneration and extreme demands of foster parenting, people are employed elsewhere and unavailable to foster parent. While in theory, it was both parents who fostered, the reality for most is that the women was the caregiver and in these days where the women could get a good-paying job that was time-defined, there are few willing to foster. Fewer and fewer foster parents, who have fewer and fewer supports (social workers with case loads that are far too large, extremely low pay in exchange for the demands of the work, programming for children hard to get...) are dealing with too many children, on a regular basis.

I know someone who foster parents in this situation and I'm extremely worried about it -- for her, for her son, her husband (who helps very little but takes the courses and thinks that makes him a great foster-parent), and the too-many children placed in her care. She believes that if she says "no", there is nowhere else for the child in crisis to go and she's probably right.

Supports to families before they get to crisis would go a long way toward helping alleviate these situations, too. Sometime ago, a family contacted a church, through their social worker, as they needed money to keep their hydro on in their house otherwise, their four children were going to be seized by the ministry and put into care until the family had a plan to get them back. These situations take months to resolve and in the meantime, the family would have been separated unnecessarily. And, the four children would have been in an already-overburdened foster care system.

It is shameful and a direct outcome of the "lower taxes" mentality.

Sadly, the situation is similaar in Alberta.   I don't know whether foster parenting has gone quite down to that level here but when I quit in June 2008 I knew several foster parent famlies who had six children in their home and were licensed for 2.

Funding is a big deal.  The ministry expects the foster parents to do so much for the kids and bio parents and does not realize that the foster parents have a full time job and need to eat as well.  For example I was forced to take time out of my day, when it was convenient for the bio parent not convenient for myself, to have the child make a long distance phonecall (which was not reimbursed by the ministry) to their bio parent.  Things like that cause resentment.  When my foster kids went for weekend visits they would come in old, tattered, dirty clothes and leave the clothes THAT I PAID FOR at the bioparents place and even after repeated phonecalls to my social worker the clothes never came back and I had to buy new clothes out of my own money.  Yes, the children get a clothing allowance BUT that is seasonal NOT weekly.  The bio mom phoned the social worker and complained that I did not send snowsuits etc. with the children and I told the social worker why (nothing was coming back) and the social worker said that it was my responsiblity as a foster parent to see that the children were adequately dressed for the weather so this was being written up on my file.  Again everytime the clothes that I sent the children in were kept at the biomom's house I e-mailed the social worker documenting what the children wore and and they came back in.  I even took before and after homevisit pictures.  I got no response.  I requested money to buy the kids new clothes because they were getting short on school clothes.  The social worker then told me that told the mother that the children need to come back in the clothes I sent them.  The placement broke down shortly after so I don't know if this talk would have any affect.

Then my Dad died so I requested respite and I got it for one week.    (a whole week)

The morning of the homevisit though I picked up the children from their respite caregiver so that the driver could pick them up at my home for their homevisit.  The six year old had a slight cough but was running around.  About an hour after he got to his mom's place she phoned the emergency social worker on call that the boy was dying and I did not care and she wanted to take him to the hospital.  The emergency respite social worker talked to me and was very reasonable and ended up taking my side (kids get colds) and I told her that the respite caregiver had not mentioned a cold.  He was not at my house this week.  But that this morning he was running around and playing so although he is not totally fine he is not on his deathbed either.   The biomom laid with the boy all day and told him that he was dying and I did not care about him at all.  When they got home from their homevisit I took the girl back to the respite caregiver and the boy to the hospital.  He had a fever of 99 but he was well enough to eat hamburger and chips for supper (at his mom's)  I got a lecture from the doctor on call about how stressed the medical system is from overprotective mothers bringing their kids who are not that sick to the hospital.  I wrote this incident up that night and informed the social worker.  I got no response from her about this.

That week I took the girl in grade three to the hairdresser because her bangs were in her eyes.  I kept the receipt.  Not that they were tax deductable but I keep all receipts.  The bio mother was telling the kids to bring all their toys that I bought them and all their clothes to her house because I got so much money.    I wrote this up for the social worker and e-mailed it.  I got no response.  So I got the girl's hair cut by a hairdresser.  She went on a home visit and her mother recut it all jagged.  The visits were supervised so the mother just took the girl to the bathroom and did this.  Then she spent the day convincing the girl that I cut her hair like this.

At this point I had requested and it was denied that I could have respite for when I had my tonsillectomy.  So I was on sick leave from school but still dealing with all this stuff.  The argument I was having with the social worker was that she said that it was the foster parent's responsiblity to drive the children to school and pick them up.  I informed her that I was on medical leave and I could not do this.  The children were enrolled in a school 30 minutes away from my house.  I normally dropped them off on my way to work.  They were at the school at the social worker's request.

So on Monday morning I had had enough.  I called the social worker and told her that I was done foster parenting and that not only was I not driving the children to school they could pick the kids up.  This was one week after the hospital incident.  They were able to find the funds to get a driver for three days and then the children moved to another foster home.

I had up to six children in my care while being licensed for two as a beginning foster home.  The extra children were "temporary" but Children's services never picked them up when they said they were going to.  In fact even when I said no I could not take extra kids they brought them anyway because apparently "the driver did not get the message" and when the driver was at the door with the little kid with a suitcase who had been told all about Auntie Serena's house how could I say no?

The social worker would just call me on my cell (she phoned my school and got a schedule of my days off) and inform me what she had planned for the children and I on my day off. 

I agreed to open my home to ONE child.  Children's Services called with three but that was supposed to be for 24 hours and then the youngest would stay.  They never picked the kids up.  24 hours changed to 48 hours then the weekend then they were coming to pick the older two kids up on Wednesday.  Instead of picking the kids up on Wednesday the social worker came with ALL their belongings and asked me in front of the kids if they could stay until the end of June.  I agreed.

I was not told that the boy had incidents of molesting his younger sister even though this was documented at the office.  I had to find out for myself by catching them in the act.

I refused to drive these children to another school on my way to work because then I would have to leave 20 minutes earlier in the morning as well as be home 20 minutes later at night.   I agreed for three days and then I quit.  This is all just expected of foster parents.  They got a driver but there were so many mix ups with this it was not funny.

I quit foster parenting permantly in June 2008 when the biomom and her family began following me around my town.  She would go visit the children in their school during the day.  Children's Services stopped the her visits because she did not show up for the drug test before the visit.  So she went to the school and found out our plans for the week and just invited herself along with her brother, boyfriend, cousin, mom, sisters, etc. 

I complained to the social worker and she refused to do anything so I requested that the children be removed and I have not fostered since.  I requested my home to be closed.

This is why we have a foster parent shortage in Alberta.  People are not willing to put up with this crap.

Good for you for setting those boundaries, Serena. You're right, it's crap - this is not proper support to children, to natural families or to foster parents.

Currently, in Alberta the Children's Services office has spent all of the their budgets for drivers for the year.  So the foster parents have to drive the children to their homevisits.  What a way to further stress out people who are trying to have a life of their own, raise their own children, and still open their home to someone in need?   These visits often do not take place in the same town and I know foster parents who have six kids are driving to six different towns on different days for these home visits.  Sure they pay the mileage but about the time?  I have had six kids albeit for only three days.  I absoultely hate driving them around here and there.  Six children.  Foster parents drive to doctor's appointments, hair appointments, dentist appointments, school appointments, counselling appointments, specialist appointments, extra curricular activities (which are mandatory) and now Children's Services have just added another burden.  In addition to increasing the number of children in foster homes the respite hours have not increased.  Respite caregivers need to be approved through children's services and all the foster homes are overfull so there is no respite.  Many foster parents that I know have been phoning me and begging that I come back and just do respite but I want nothing to do with that system. 

In fact Children's Services has increased the work load but decreased the supports available to foster parents.

I don't know what the answer is but I suppose I have bailed on the system.  I see no other option though because as Mother of Five said:

Who was responsible for the children not wearing ski pants in January?  It was me rather than the biomom who was screwing me over with the clothes and totally getting away with it.  The ski pants would have remained at her house and then I would have had to buy new ones out of my own money or gotten another write up on my file for sending them to school without proper winter clothes. 

There are two fostermoms in Alberta right now who have been through court because a child died in their care.  That is huge.  Was it neglect or overcrowding?Why did the social worker repeatedly leave the child where he was not wanted?

Was I neglecting my foster children by sending them to their biomom's without ski pants?  Lets see....  Two kids riding in a heated van for 1/2 an hour.   Two kids visiting their mom for 3 hours.  Do they have to go outside and play?  Can't she read to them or spend time with them?  I told my social worker that I was planning ahead.  It was more important for them to have their ski pants for school so they could go out for recess than the one day they were at home.  I made a decision in the best interest of my foster kids and it was thrown back in my face as a false accusation of neglect.  Even when I had written and pictoral documentation of the mother not sending their clothes back.

Children's Serivices did an internal investigation and they decided that they did not do anything wrong.  Two children are dead and the system is blaming the foster parents.

I said yes twice to being overcrowded when I should have said no.  Nothing happened.  Nothing was close to happening but it was for a short time.  I worry about my friends who have six special needs kids, plus their own and no breaks.....

To me, who is morally responsible are those who set up and keep these systems the way they are, Serena, our governments and those who elect them because many are suckered into thinking that we pay too much tax. If we all pay less taxes, where the hell does everyone think the money comes from for government services such as helping families in crisis (inside or outside the care system), education, health care, highways, care of the environment, etc?

I, too, worry about those I know who do this work. It is painful to see what's happening to them and to the children in their care.

The problem is that raising our taxes is not going to help much.   The government is wasting our tax dollars on their high salaries, huge perks, big pension plan, summer holidays....I mean "business trips" to Hawaii , and I bet I don't even know half of what they are squandering our money on.

Yes, that's what the right-wing governments want us to believe so that we will accept and even vote for lowered taxes. Then when our services are broken because they aren't supported, the private sector (friends of those right-wingers) has a huge market where they have the opportunity to cash in. Ka-ching!$$$$

That is precisely what Ralph Klein did to our utility and gas companies in Alberta.  We have been paying through the nose every since and Epcor and Atco and Direct Energy are profitting billions.  That is what the government is doing to our health care system.  That is what they are doing to our public schools.  Class sizes are 29 or more , no EA's, options are cancelled or diminished, resource rooms are being closed,  Phys Ed programs are being diminished as childhood obesity rises, but if you put your kid in the private school and pay lots of money they will get a good education.  I went for a job interview to one of those private schools when I first graduated.  There was a theatre in the school.  The wages were the same as the public school system.   Class sizes were a maximum of 12.  Full options were offered.  The band program had a full band rehearsal two days per week, divided woodwind and brass rehearsal two days per week, and a sectional rehearsal one day per week.  I decided before I ever set foot in that school that I would never take the job.  The board all drove Mercedes Benzs and ferraris.

Governments are somehow able to convince us that a number one priority is lower taxes - we apparently all want lower taxes.  Lower taxes will put more money in our pockets and save the economy.  Bull-shit!!

Lower taxes are an excuse to cut social services. 

A few years ago, the moderator of the UCC said that we should pay our taxes cheerfully.  I'd be willing to.  I'd even support higher taxes if it would mean better medicare services, better schools, and more money for social services - more money and resources for families so that children could remain in their own homes where possible - more money for foster care when it is necessary to remove children from their homes. 

Serena;

i think that you have let us see through the cracked and muddy window!  The answer lies in pressuring our Governments for excellent publically funded schools; which are also funded for hot lunch and breakfast programs.

At the same time we must pressure our Governments to quit allowing private schools to access public money to support their elitism. 

Serena ... Interestingly enough we have the same name. Mine is just spelt different. I am from Saskatchewan, I entered foster care when I was 11.

I am very aware of over crowding and lack of supports for foster parents. There is also a huge lack of supports for children and youth. And i can understand frustrations of clothes not comming back, and spending your own money. Our govenment does not do enough to support our youth. And the social worker should have been more involved. But at the same time she could not exactly barge into the house and take the clothes. And on another note there is a huge over working of social workers and rising of compassion fatigue.

Though i do not know what your break downs are here monthy budgets are set for children to receive 60/month for clothing 30/month for recreation and im not entirely sure what the other break downs are but i belive it is around 300 a month/child.  I think that is reasonable.

Your post made me angry. If I had come accross this post to see an old foster parent of mine saying how much they hated having to drive me around I would be devesated. Though I know that this is true of many of the homes I entered.
As for extracirricular activities, why shouldn't they be mandatory if the child wants to be involved in an activity?

I ask you all to imagine yourself for just a moment. Small, afraid, you enter a home and you don't know that it is only going to be one of 7 over the next 6 years. Your there for three months school starts. your handed a pair of leggings and sweat pants and a shirt from value village and you watch the 8 other foster kids get the same things, your foster dad calls you the foster kids when refering to you. Every meal you eat is differnt from the parents and thier three kids. Everything they get is nicer. You don't learn till years later she was spending money for you on her own kids. You go to a new home. The mom calls you a sped, the girls glue your pages in your books together and try to drown you and beat you with flutterboards when they send you swimming.
You go to another home this one is a little nicer but the 'fosterkids' are all encouraged not to spend time with each other, because people like us leave and dont care. But at least this home you can call her mom and it isnt so weird.

But it doesn't matter as much because holidays never feel the same. YOu know your not "really" wanted there, your not really family, your a paycheck. Everyone laughs at you and KNOWS your a foster kid because they are the only ones picked up by cabs, the only ones that learned the bus schedule at 11 or takes a cab or bus to appointments or to youth activities, the only one who has to ask thier social worker to come with them to surgery because they are scared to death and they know its going to hurt soo bad. Because at dinner time you sit at the "other" table.

The next home is worse you are 16 now and you run away. You get into drugs and booze and stop going to school. Noone gives a shit anyways, noone belives in you, you dont even know how to belive in yourself. All you have known is that your usefull to do these all these parents chores and make them money, but they dont want to spend thier TIME on you.

Finally your put in a home where your aloud to do be yourself, your encouraged to have friends, to succeed, where every second day you dont think about "ending it" where you can cry and someone will hold you till the tears stop, and then make you a cup of tea and talk to you and tell you it will be okay. Someone who goes to appointments with you, and cares enough to look in your room and dump the bottels of vodka down the drain and not make a bid deal about it. Someone who asks you what your favorite chineese food is and bothers to remeber. Someone you can wake up at 3 am because you just need to talk.  Or call because your friend ditched you at a creepy house at 4 am and they wont be angry. Someone who will go with you to get your teeth checked because your scared of the dentist.  Someone who when they move away sells you thier furnature for cheap so you have nice things in your appartment. And when your on your own and your world feels like it just caved in, they send you a ticket to go see them. They invite you down for chistmass and holidays.

Most caring relationships terminate and there is no connection afterwards, and i would say thats expected. But the worst thing is being treated like you should just be greatful because you have a roof over your head and food in your stomach. And maybe noone is beating you.
I know of homes were the foster children were all made to bathe in the same water one after the other so the parents could save money. where kids were sleeping on the floor because of overcrowinding. What I am saying is that Yes over crowding and over loading is a huge issue.  Yes something needs to be done. Yes we need more respite programs.

What made me angry about your post was that is seemed you were upset that you were not being paid specifically for your time and you had your own life you wanted to live outside of the children in your care. The point in being a foster parent, is to not only want to open your home, but your heart and to give your time. Because that is what these kids need.

Love, time, patientce.

though they are probbaly comming from a place where there was negelect and most neglect is a direct cause of poverty, these children need more then just a house to occupy space in.
Some kids are comming from homes where they have been beaten and abused.
Some from homes where they have been emotionally tourcherd.
and all this abuse has created  social emotional and cognitive development issues.
They need patientce and understanding.
 

During some of my reseach of my term paper and during my community involvment i learned that here in sask that when rental costs increased by 15.4% the number of children in foster care more then trippled. Im not saying it is a causation but it is deffinitly a huge correltaion and a key factor to why there are so many kids in care. Rather then giving social supports to the parenst that need it we take away thier children and over crowd the system. When all this home may need is some parent classes, or someone to fix thier heat, or maybe someone to fix the leaking pipes or broken windows because thier landlord hasn't.  Someone who can do respite every saturday so then can have a break.
And helping youth who come out of care or are on thier own with rent and food rather then telling young girls they do not qualify for rental subsidies or low income suppliment because they dont have a baby. .... what message does that send?

atana... thank you for that post.  to see that side of what the whole system looks like is so frightening for me to read... THAT is why i drove my kids to all their access visits, thats why i took them to all the dental and medical exams and treatments myself, that is why i took all my foster kids on vacation with us whenever we went. 

THAT is why. 

and thats why i was a foster parent, too... so that there would at least be a few less kids with the experiences that you describe so eloquently in your post.

Atana, your story breaks my heart.  It shouldn't be like that, but it is all to often.  And I'm sorry.

I want to thank the good foster parents.  My son joined our family last year.  While his first foster family seemed to just be putting in the time and doing the minimum, his last foster parents were (and are) amazing.  

He went on family vacations, he participated in family events.  He was accepted as a member of the family by their extended family.  He was enrolled in extracurricular activites, some based on his interests, and some to hang out with his foster brother.  They took him to appointments, and visitations. (although he did have a transportation worker for the first year to maintain existing school ties).  He received gifts for birthdays and holidays that were equivalent to whatever their biological kids got.  He was tucked in every night with a kiss and an "I love you".

After over a year, they're still involved in his life.  Like a favorite aunt and uncle.  We see them every 3 months or so.  Participate in birthdays and Christmas events.  Sleepovers with their son and vice versa.  It's wonderful that we've been able to maintain a connection with them and it allows my son to learn that "not everybody goes away".

Atana - thank you for letting us see what foster care is like through the eyes of one who has been on the receiving end.    Thank you for sharing - it must have been difficult for you to relive those days even long enough to let us know what it was like.  Best of luck in the future.

Atana - I'm amazed by your willingness to look at the experiences you had and revisit them to give us your view.  It sounds as if you have found enough resilience to be moving forward in your life - possibly with baby steps - but they move you along your path too. 

There is something really wrong with the way the taxpayers dollars get spent.  Most important should be the children (enough money for parents, enough money for well supported fosterparents when needed, enough money for good educations, enough money for health care when it is needed - not after waiting for months).  This is a national problem - not just a Saskatchewan one. 

  I wish you joy today and in the days of your future.  You are a wonderfully courageous young woman.

Serena is my screen name.

You missed my point.  I didn't send the ski pants and got in trouble for it.  The kids only had one pair of ski pants because I could not find more than one pair that fit each of them.  The biomother complained because I didn;t send the ski pants.  The social worker phoned me and chewed me out and when I told her why I refused to send them the social worker just acted like she never heard me and continued to repeat, like my opinion counted for nothing, that I had to send the ski pants.

I am sorry my post made you angry.  That was not my intention.  My point is that foster kids need to be driven around more than kids who are not foster kids.  They have more medical appointments and usually out of town counselling appointments.  Add that to the schedule of 6 kids because the homes are overcrowded.  The foster parents are driving all the time.  Funding got cut again so the foster parents have to drive out of town to the home visits and supervise them.  My complaint here is that the demandsof time are too much now because some of these visits can last up to eight hours.  So if I am at the bioparents' home who is cleaning my house?  Who is grocery shopping?  WHo is doing the laundry?  And who is watching the other kids or my kids?

Nobody referred to my foster kids as "foster kids" .  I introduced them all over as my niece and nephew.  My foster kids got NEW clothes.  I needed to turn in the receipts to prove I was overspending the clothing allowance.  I ate with my foster kids except I usually did not have dessert and french fries.  Otherwise we had the same thing.  I stayed and watched my foster kids swim.  I sat in the front row with all the moms so they would have someone to watch them.

I have one table in my house.  When I had lots of guests over I put ALL the kids at a kids table.  I went with my foster kids to the hospital.  I drove them everywhere except home visits.

I took my foster kids swimming, bowling, to the movie, to concerts, for bike rides, for walks, and I read to them just about every night.  I helped them with their homework.  I took time off from work to volunteer at their school parties.

What I am saying is not that I went into fostering for the money.  I went into fostering with a heart to help others.  I cared.  I still care.  I just can't do everything.  These kids have behaviour problems.  They break your stuff.  They damage your house.  There is another side.  I am not saying I need to be paid for every minute I spend with them.  I am saying I need some minutes to myself.  When you don't get minutes to yourself you cannot be there for others.  The agencies have made it even harder with their cutbacks.  I don't have time to supervise and drive to home visits.  The social workers don't want to hear that.  Kids are a lot of work.  Parents will attest to this.  Foster kids are even more work.  When more responsibilities get put on foster parents foster parents quit.  That is the only point I was trying to make. 

That is quite possible.  Many families live paycheck to paycheck and certainly single parents and low income parents would be more susceptible to a rental increase.

It took a lot of courage to share your story atena.  I do not deny that there are some "bad foster parents" out there.  Just do not paint us all with the same brush.  THe ones who do it for the money are not smart enough to realize there really is no money in foster care.  I have shared only a handful of the agency problems. 

Atana

I don't know where you are living in Saskatchewan, but it would be a great idea for you to write a journal or memoire if you are into writing and share it with someone who has knowledge about publising.  Your ideas need to be in the public and Foster Families need to air everyone's voice from all sides, kids, parents, foster parents  . . .

I do know exactly what you mean about someone caring about what you like and stuff like that.  It really makes a difference, even if it's just that when you are old and no one cares anymore because you are old, you can remember that your mom and/or dad and/or siblings once cared and it helped give you identity.  

 Still, you can know these things and write them in your journal to remind you ( as you read it over and over) that this is who you are and that it matters because these are the good qualities you see in yourself that you would like to have similar or noted by others . . . you can MOVE INTO that house, a home you make for yourself and your adult life/family.

You can also, if you want to , be a mom ( I stres if you you want to) and give your kids all the love and nurturing that you feel you need(ed) and deserve(d).  This is a huge hug, benefiting both your kids and your inner child.  If you don't want to have kids, learning how to listen to and nurture your inner child will be hugely beneficial to your safety, sanity and self-acceptance.

I haven't been a foster child, but I have been divorced from society when I had ptsd and I do know what you are talking about.  Also, I had a stepdad who, cool as he often was, hated being "taxi" and refused to pick me up from the pool even if I had a migraine that was making me vomit.  I was a youth on the bus as well, and bus drivers weren't that nice to little kids on the bus as I remember.  But, you know, there are worse things than 6:00 a.m. bus rides to the swimming pool when everyone else gets a ride.  I adapted.  I learned to love the city waking up in the morning on my bus ride from the pool to school.  It was worth it.  Make lemonaide stuff.  the lemonaide is there.