Ah, but not all people think the way you do.  SOme need to be forcibly reminded of their responsibility.  ANd some use non-payment of child support as a way to punish the former partner (childish yes but it happens).

On a simlar vein, i have long thought that child support (and alimony where it is assessed) should not be a set number amount.  Instead it should be a percentage of income.  ANd then when the payers income changes the amount changes accordingly.

Balkirk,

I don't know your situation and how you could talk with your Ex about money before your divorce, sad truth is, a lot of people have different attitudes towards money which need to be discussed and agreed upon and a divorce doesn't make dealing with this subject easier.

It's great to have this ideal that people should be able to care about the kids financially as well as emotionally, physically, relationally (I think, I just made this word up)- but after divorce, everything is messed up and communication often doesn't improve, if not getting worse.

I love maintenance enforcement. My Ex has not actively talked to me since our separation  and divorce five years ago (he does answers questions occaisionally if I get him on the phone by taking the phone from my son when he talks to him). He is unable to handle money and has probably worked himself into a depth by now (which I am glad I don't need to know and deal with). If I need extra payments (like for half of the flight for my son to visit him), I have to keep leaving him messages for several weeks and end with the threat that my son won't be able to come otherwise- in order to get the money eventually. Without maintenance enforcement, I would have to run after every monthly payment and deal with no-good  cheques and the expenses I would occur through it.

There is a provincial table to go by. If you both agree on the official amount it is just a matter of sending it through the courts, which requires to fill out a bunch of forms and have them both signed. I am lucky that my Ex does not disagree with me, he just can't plan and handle things. So I prepare the paperwork and he signs it.

Still the system isn't perfect. Everytime my son visits him, the maintenance payments get delayed after, probably because there isn't enough money on his acount. As I have a relatively good income, I can handle it without for a while. In case this sounds a bit tough on my Ex- I need to mention that he is making pretty good money with a part time job, purposely works only part time, as he enjoys his free time, even though he could get more hours, and doesn't cook but goes to Mac D or other restaurants for meals. He is just not money smart.

maintenece enforcement works for me. It ensures I get child support.

And GordW child support does take into account incomes and number of kids-It can change as incomes change.

Tabitha,

I am aware of thta.  But I think it should be automatic.  Most people I know have had to go and request a change (which, when partners have not split well can be a terribly acrimonnious practise).  If it was determined as X% of income then each year the tax information would determine the amound fo the next year--automiatically.

Child support tables take into account the income, the number of kids and the Province where the payee makes the money. It does not adjust automatically to increases or decreases in income, this again requires paperwork to go through court. Actually any amount of child support could be agreed on, but I guess that the tables are the minimum. You can also apply for special payments for example if your kid has special needs that make life more expensive or maybe goes to private school.

GordW- that would be wonderful if it was, I agree.

The enforcement is also designed to protect the payer. It provides an accurate and admissible record of all amounts paid, and when.

My wife and her ex use the system, even though they have one of the most cooperative and least acrimonious ex-spousal relationships I have ever seen.

Well Gord-in my case-he didn't file income tax for a few years-so the court had to "attribute" income to him. ie figure out about what he was making-he went independent

 I apologize for not answering all the posts independently. I just had a thought and I would like to run it by all of you.

Maybe it exists already. Before it goes to courts becomes legal. Have the parents sit down with Liaison worker for maintenance enforcement. Both sides have proof of income/expenses. Kind of work out the details mutually ..Ex. John/Joan makes x-amount of money he/she pays all child related expenses to parent who has custody. Arrange it so the money is dispersed evenly and fairly. It don't know if this makes sense..I'm just thinking how a society can somehow show the parents how to work these things out, without being enforced. If it's workout amicably this would lessen the tension between two parties who are already at each others throats(not in all cases).If it fails than default to system already in place.

It's a great idea Balkirk, and I think the mediation system in  place in most provinces is designed to do just that. When both sides in the divorce are committed to being adult about it, it seems to work very well.

Hi Balkirk,

We used a Mediation lawyer for our divorce, who usually insists on having everything divided exactly in half- which might not always be the fairest way to go. She also used the maintenance tables (available online) as base for the child support. I don't think that the maintenance office per se would arrange those meetings for free.

Why don't you see the maintenance programme simply as a pre- authorized banking draft? If you are able to agree, it only takes a bit of paperwork to go through court, if you don't it will take long. The court will decide what's best for the child.

I'm not sure what concerns you about maintenece enforcemeent Balkirk. It can be set up as a pre-authorixed deduction or the person paying can provide a lump sum payment or post dated cheques or regualr caash payments.. For those who pay no problems.

Now the strength of maintenece enforcement comes in what it can do when the payor does not pay. Then wages can be garnished-so it comes directly off a paycheque, driver's liscense, car registration, passport  renewals can be blocked etc.

It was tough fiancially raising 3 and reducing my hours to attend to before and after school needs- with child support $10, 000 behind-it was harder than it needed to.

That's pretty much how it works in practice, depending on the province. Unfortunately, human nature gets in the way. If one party refuses to engage in mediation or believes the other is falsifying data (hiding income, for example) then any prospect of an amicable settlement is out the window. and having been a party to a couple of those, it's not a pleasant place.

Crap..I mean good..I thought I had a novel idea.Stupid human nature.

It concerns me when it's more about the money than the children but, that's the reality of it. 

I'll share this story and I'm not suggesting anything from it. 

This woman and I were having a discussion about raising children. She confessed to me, I raised my children by feeding them through the food bank. She worked at a bottle depot at $7/hr raising 5 children. Her ex/father of the children didn't support her at all, nor did he take interest in the children until they were older. She cried saying she felt that she let down her children. We talked some more and she told me her children are doing well, 4 out of 5 children are financially stable with jobs like Doctor,Teacher,Construction Engineer, and Counsellor. She realized after seeing her efforts alone without ex. poured the foundation that made stable children. The children often reflect on how hard life was and learned the hard work the mother put into them paid off in the end. She even helped the ex. out money for rent etc. Anyways, we both come to realize if she would  have pursued her husband for money, she would of lost focus of raising her children. She said she also forgiven her ex. long ago, she made it less about him and more about her children.

I hope this story doesn't suggest all men or women should be exonerated from paying child support. I'm just saying sometimes wealth takes many forms.

But balkirk-that's the beauty of maintenece enforcement-once you are registered-you don't have to go after the other parent for money. Maintenece Enforcement does that, leaving you free to parent your children.

it means any conversation between the parents is not aboout money. It can be about the kids.

I second that, Tabitha.

I also would think that living off the foodbank is not a very healthy way of living, considering what kind of donations they are asking for: KD, cheese whiz, peanut butter....

I am sure it was the parenting style of that parent and not the poverty that lead the kids on the right path...

I agree, it's just the bitter ones I'm sort of referring to where the parents fight, and the kids shoved aside.

 It does get bitter and people get pretty creative at hiding income to try to keep payments low,

Logically, if you had a bad marriage, getting divorced with kids isnt' going to be easy.