Happened to one of my stepsons. It can get serious and should be properly remedied surgically. Your husband and doctor are right, in this case.

 Gee I'm a woman and I'm STILL crossing my legs reading this. 

thanks dks: at what age was the surgery performed? 

Moms...i would always go with medical professional face-to-face, than an internet or parenting group advice.  If you don't like the professional, or have misgivings, get a 2nd opinion...again, with a doctor.

thanks pinga.  my son's doctor is great and i value her advice.  jake has already seen an opthamologist (sp?), on her advice for a second opinion, for another matter since he was born and thakfully an issue that he had back then corrected itself without surgery.  it just breaks my heart.  the whole reason i avoided circumcision was to prevent him from pain and now it seems inevitable :(  i have heard of alternatives as well, like ointments, etc. and i'm just looking to arm myself with as much knowledge as i can.

me too :(

Eight.

Ouch.  I would agree - follow up with the doc is probably best - maybe a pediatrician second opinion if your doc is a regular GP.  Make sure you ask, as for all medical procedures, about risks, benefits, alternatives, options etc. so you can make  well informed decisions.   Good luck!

I have a vague recollection of somebody else here a while back having a thread of this nature ... did you try the search option?  Just a thought.

Get a male doctors opinion LOL and a second one too ....

ps..i hope neither your nor dks' son every come across this thread -- they will be mortified.

True true .... it's kinda like those castration nightmares dudes have .....

Nope. My son is quite open about it.

My son was about 18 months and having a check up about something else when the doctor noticed this problem and recommended circumcision.  It was done as day surgery, but he received anesthetic and was 'put under' for the operation.  It was sore for the next couple of weeks.  One of his first sentences was "Don't touch it."   I left him undiapered, or with a loose cotton diaper, much of the time. 

I don't know if he ever regretted that it was done to him.  We've never talked about it.

My first thought is: are you still washing it at this age? I think boys should wash their own at 6. How did you discover this? Did Daddy find out?  I would think a male doctor would be more manly for the little guy. We have a female GP too, but if there was something wrong with my son's little pee-er, I would take him to the male doc. It would give more dignity, and a male doc would have a better idea what your son would be about to go through.

Jesou, I am so not convinced you are a woman. Sorry if I'm wrong, but you always sound guyish to me!

I just think guyish .... works for my personality

For me the whole mom/penis thing is kinda ewwwish even in this innocent context

thanks carolla.  my son's doctor is a pediatrician and we love her.  the kids are very comfortable with her.  at the slightest hint of something they want to go see her.  she makes follow up calls and made visits to the hospital when they were born.  i'm sure she will advise us to see the opthamologist we saw back when jake was just a baby.  he was great too!  he advised us to hold off on surgery for something that did correct itself.  i'm sure she'll have no problem refering us to him again.

i will try the search option.  thanks :)

*lol* thanks jess.

:(

he's washing it on his own, but daddy and/or i are always in the bathroom during bath time. he's just shy of 6... 3 more months.  my husband and i have always been aware of this issue, as well as his pediatrician, so we are always mindful of it.  my husband has taken the main responsibility of those talks/issues with him. he also had another penis issue that we had to keep a close eye on that corrected itself about 9 months ago, so we've always kept an eye on this issue as well.  his opthamologist is male though.  i agree with seeing a male.  i prefer a female for those issues for myself so i imagine for him, it would be the same.  daddy is taking the surgery route very aggressively.  in the meantime i'm trying to absorb as much information as possible.

his opthamologist is male though.

Somehow I don't think he would be traumatized  by an eye exam though

 he also had another penis issue that we had to keep a close eye on

Sometimes when i read these posts i feel like im in a teenage chat room, we have grown women on here who can't post the word V-A-G-I-N-A . that is embarrasing enough is it any wonder people grow up with body image issues ?

i do commend you for using the proper word - penis - though

yeah hopefully the kid will have more privacy with the other penis issue ..... the whole world knows about this poor little dudes problem than he does LOL 

daddy is taking the surgery route very aggressively

I would dig deeper into daddy's reasoning , you would think he would be the last person who wants a snipperoooni ..... is he thinking about asthetics or health ?

that other penis problem might inadvertenly correct this problem for all we know .. he is after all just barely 6  

My son had his circumcision done at age 13 after he had a really bad (very painful) bladder infection. At that age, it was a bit difficult because kids don't want their mom have an eye on their wound on the penis, applying cream, ensuring it is healing okay and if he is keeping it clean. He did that himself with me standing by at first and the first couple of days were bad, because he didn't  want anybody to touch it, and didn't want to touch it himself, but we had to take the bandage off after 24 hrs (soaking in the tub) and keep polysporin on it several times a day so it doesn't stick. But all the stress and tears were worth it, because he matured quiet abit from going through it. I am not sure if puberty is a good age for it. From what we were told, his phimosis should have had resolved within the first four years. He saw an Urologist at the childrens hospital and had a month trial with a cream (not sure anymore what it was, maybe steroids?), but it didn't help. It's done with general anestetics and the staff was fabulous at the childrens hospital. He missed school for a week and was excused from gym for two more weeks.

 Hi ,

A urologist/pediatrician would be best suited.  Some kids have this trouble which i guess we didn't see as much in our generation as most boys were done at birth.

Hopefully you can get referred to a good pediatric surgeon/urologist and get some definative answers.

thanks mrs.ant :)  you've given me a lot of good information.  i have heard of the cream, which i do believe is a steroid, which may help. i never thought of the reprecussions of waiting before.  it would definitely be easier to care for now.  you have helped me a great deal.  thanks so much :)

momsfruitcake - that is a good part of the reason why we had my son circumsized soon after the family doctor noticed something that could be a problem later.  We felt that it would be easier to care for at a young age when we were doing all his personal care anyway, and we felt that it would be less tramatic for him.  You expressed concern about the pain - with newborns (at least back then) they didn't use anestetic so I told you that my son was put to sleep.  No pain at the time, but pain during healing. 

My husband didn't like having him circumsized, having not been done himself, but we never talked about it because we didn't want him to feel that it was an issue.  Perhaps we should have. 

We did use the proper terms for body parts.  I chucked about viginia being called 'china'.  My son called his testicles - "tickles'.  I guess that's how he heard it, and he was ticklish in that area.

The older the kid gets, the worse a circumcision hurts - both physically and emotionally

My first argument for the circ is that a foreskin should retract by age 3 at the latest. Otherwise there can be infection issues. Don't put it off!

Second argument: Circumcision increases resistance to AIDS. This has been proven.

Moms,

The urologist also didn't think it would help because it was really tight and had scheduled him for operation three months later, but he gave him the option and my son wanted to try first. Everybody took him very seriously and treated him respectfully (IWK in Halifax), I was very impressed. You could try to schedule it over March break. We did do it before the summer, as he wasn't allowed any sports or physical activity for those three weeks, which is easier to avoid in the winter. It's important to have the father's support to deal with it emotionally (which we unfortunately didn't have) and maybe even for the care after putting the polysporin on could be "a man's job"- maybe dad could stay home with him instead of mom. My son also had some fears of"the knife slipping" cutting too much off- which your son might not have at his age.

For his sake, he must NEVER know you posted about his penis on the internet.

Yeah it'll be worse if the kid's name happens to be "Chip"

My step-son had just started school and it became a medical issue. We tried opting for no surgery, she was opposed, until it reached a urinary issue... he was basically only able to dribble. The band was simply cutting all functions off.

We, as parents, were more nervous than he was. Added to by the fact that I was not allowed access, as a non-parent, by the Children's Hospital. It was an outpatient surgery. He awoke groggy and uncomfortable, but more bothered by surgery drugs than the procedure. We took him home and the next day we were pained by his appearance and he was ready to jump and play. The Dr. reassured us that if it hurt he would stop and to basically let him determine his activity level, but no gym or rough play for a while.

To be honest with you, I feel it is child abuse to allow your child to grow to the age of six without ever allowing him to be properly cleaned.

I am uncircumcised. My foreskin always retracted, and I was taught how to properly wash my penis by my mother (a former army nurse), at a very early age - and her sexual attitudes would be gently described as victoriam (God rest her soul).

Your "down there" attitude is ludicrous.

SLJudds, the decision regarding infant circumcision was made by his mother and his father. They decided he would not be. I came into the picture when he was 2. His foreskin, for some time, did retract. Then, it simply no longer did.

He was not getting inflamation of the glans or foreskin.

Phimosis, tight foreskin, can last throughout childhood and loosen in puberty. It is why we all took the "wait and see" attitude. The stretching that allows it to retract is usually from repeated normal erection that break the attachments. Puritans don't like hearing that kind of stuff though... so, they act like a penis is self cleaning or that it needs scrubbed like filthy genitals do.

His father insisted that it needed cleaned.

Forcing and ripping someone in the name of hygiene leads to well pain, but also scarring, adhesion, infections.... which all worsen the existing problem. I refused to force or allow my partner to force and said a urologist needed consulted. We were told by four urologists that forcing retraction is not really advised. Cleaning is for a retracted foreskin... unless you want to get into stretching techniques his doctors and dad had him try.

To me, if his penis was working and clean and no infections. I wanted to wait and see, though my religious beliefs supported circumcision.

They then tried preputioplasty, where they nick it to give it room to retract. His father was insistent on cleaning and retraction and very opposed to circumcision. The result was that his foreskin retracted and then became trapped behind the glans and could not go forward. Not from not pulling it back, but because it would not come back. It is called paraphimosis. It can happen from a wide glans or a short foreskin or from sleeping and getting an erection and then the retracted forekin fills with fluid.

It was red and sore looking and they worked with creams and such to avoid circumcision, including packing his penis in sugar (to reduce swelling)... but the back of the glans band got tighter until it was painful and urination was effected and then there was no other option. Dad being told the glans may fall off as the tissue died from lack of blood meant there was no other option.

Misinformation and avoidance of talking about body parts means we harm ourselves. Women douched their dirty, filthy vaginas unhealthy and the penis foreskin must be ripped and scrubbed ... 

Certainly an intact penis needs cleaned, but it has to retract to do so... Also smegma is what is usually cleaned off and it is nature's lubricant between foreskin and glans. Yes there is cell debris but there is also fatty acids, sterols and other lipids. Smegma is a wholesome and functional lubricant. Now, left it becomes unpleasant and unhealthy and a smelly mess. Female genitals are not any different.

If a child has a foreskin that is unable to retract is no more child abuse than one who gets a yeast infection. It is not always a "dirty genitals" issue.

Gosh, reading this back I sound like I am pro-intact, not really, but I am actually pro-informed decisions. I was pro-child which meant if he did not have to be "hurt" and it would fix itself with erections I was ok with that. They decided to "fix" things and made them worse. Retraction is not a force thing.

We need to start a Free Willy movement

Hey momsfruitcake -- I'm hearing that the only concern is that it isn't retracting yet... not that there is any pain, infection, or other problem -- is that correct?  If so, I'd vote on the side of waiting it out.  Not to be personal (lol) but masturbation can be helpful -- and some kids participate in that venture more than others...   I'd want to explore all non-surgery possibilities first, especially if there are no immediate health issues.  And not to overstate it, but there are dangers with surgery.  I had a partner with a permanent scar/flap from an "oopsie" during his circumcision.

I can't say I agree that it would be more painful or traumatic to have the surgery at 10 or 11 rather than at 6. 

I also have the concern that seeking a second opinion from a surgeon will lead to an opinion that surgery is best.

Best wishes to you and your son -- I have two boys and thankfully didn't have this problem, but they both had surgery on their unopened tear ducts because of continual eye infections.  So hard to see your babies in hospital gowns!

shalom

While my uncut willy had no problems retracting, I had problems with small lesions all my life. It was embarassing to see my doc for a chapped pecker - especially as I had abuse issues. Some of this turned out to be related to diabetes later in life and was actually useful (the next body warning of high sugar buildup was blindness).

While it a bit of a defense against zipper tracks (still painful), I see no advantage to being uncut. Any women I ever knew who expressed a preference, took helmets over snuffys. However I feel this issue should be settled while the kid is stil in diapers.

A snuffy is just a shy helmet

I also recommend waiting it out if there are currently no problems, infections, pain etc. and seeing another physician (or pediatric urologist) before rushing into circumcision at this point. 

I have a 5 year old that I just took to the Doctor last week in regards to this exact same issue.  I was concerned that his 3 year old brother could completely retract and his doesn't retract AT ALL.  My family doctor said there was absolutely nothing to worry about at this point, that it would most likely loosen by early adolesence.  He stated that it might be an issue then, but not to worry about it until then.  So, I'd def seek a second opinion if your doctor is jumping into worrying about it. 

i just wanted to update this thread.  things corrected themselves without surgery.  his foreskin became retractable on its own at around 7 and he is now 8.