Thought I would get things started with a few of my own thoughts.

My grandparents all died before I was born so I never knew any of them, and my kids aren't old enough to produce any grandchildren for me yet, but they are getting close!

But I know that there is a unique and special bond between my kids and their grandparents. My parents and my in-laws don't have to be the heavy in terms of discipline, so they are free just to listen unconditionally and to love unconditionally. As a parent, I love unconditionally too, but it's different somehow.

By showing up for sports events, showing and interest, little things they do, their grandparents make my kids feel special and important.

I am a young thirty year old, married woman with only one child- a nine year old daughter. Spiritually speaking; I'm somewhat hesitant and afraid to anticipate becoming a grandparent in order not to set my self up for disappointment; or to put any un-necessary pressure on my daughter. Mind you- the other day I was reflecting after an elderly friend depicted a wish for a band of grandchildren to be standing around his bedside as he lay dying- It made me think - "I might want to get busy and adopt some more children or something so I'll have someone to pick me up when I fall down as an old lady; and or at least to help me look popular when I die." :o) "˜skip' This leads me to wonder- , is it blessed to not have grandchildren? In Bible stories having lots of offspring seems to come across as a blessing. Contrary to this for me "“ given my medical history and our family's vocation in ministry - having one child is a simple blessing- I don't know what this means towards a prospective count of grandchildren though.
We live far away from both sets of our daughter's grandparents and they are very gracious and loving people who value their relationship with their granddaughter; and all their grandchildren"¦ as far as how they expect their grandchildren to carry on any sort of legacy or world stewardship- I know these grandparents trust our daughter, (along with her cousins), is capable of being all God calls her to be. It's out of my control as a parent- and I'm okay with that. For me, this relinquishment of control is capital "S" Spirit stuff.
- My only living Grandparent to me, my Grandmother, - is like a spiritual rock for me. There is a small "s" spiritual connection for us- because we are so similar in our character and we connect easily but the Holy Spirit (capital "S") moves through our relationship too; inviting healing and laughter and nurturing understanding at a level that permeates the surface relationship and is upheld through prayer.

I find it useful to think of grandparents in the role of the Holy Spirit. I view the Holy Spirit as all those who "get it and live it" whether they are still alive or not. The Holy Spirit for me is a guide through the topography of God and yet wise enough to know the benefit of getting lost while hiking -- sometime the only way to "get" topography of God or mountains! They have a distance which, ideally allows them not to take our bad decisions personally, making us feel not judged but loved.

The only grandparent who I knew was my maternal grandmother who was always drunk. Not a good role model.

I've four step-grandkids, 11, 7, 4 and 2. It's highly unlikely that I will ever have any natural ones.

Part of the grandparent experience is to enjoy the child, we can go into the child's life and offer both support and fun ... then we can go home. We do not face the stresses that we faced as parents.

In spiritual terms, we offer a safe older person to look up to. We offer another view of what it is to be an adult. Kids, after all, learn a lot more by watching than by listening.

My oldest daughter is just 18 and expecting a baby. Her boyfriend may or may not stay in the picture...we're not sure yet. She's not due until late in May, but I already find myself wondering if she will get her baby baptized (I doubt she will) or if she would allow me to do it.

Although she did go to Sunday School at a United Church from about age 4 to 9 or 10, she stopped enjoying it and after that fell out of going to Church. Now she regards Church as some sort of organized religious conspiracy and flatly refuses to go, even at Christmas.

So I feel that as a grandmother-to-be I have a role to play in helping my grandchild to be aware of Christian values and the teachings of Christ. It would have to be a subtle role out of respect for my daughter's feelings, but I feel a role I will need to play if I am to live out my own beliefs.

Would I be a meddler? Would I be doing this for the right reasons? Or am I too spineless and apologetic for my own faith?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Coolishmomma,

I am usually hesitant to offer advice, unless it is asked for. You did ask, so take what follows for what it is worth: some thoughts to ponder, many of which you have probably already explored.

I think it is an important question to ask whether you are meddling, but what matters is whether your daughter thinks you are meddling or not.

I have a sign outside my office door that says "It takes a whole village to raise a child" and I suspect that you will find all kinds of ways to be supportive, encouraging and helpful without being meddling.

My own parents were very hands off in terms of discussing parenting. I don't think I would have welcomed advice, but I sometimes wish that they had initiated some open-minded and open-hearted discussions on the difficult issues of parenting.

With regard to baptism, you may find, as the WonderCafe baby ad says, that your daughter might discover for herself that having a child requires a lot of adjustments in the way she sees life.

She will need a companion as she faces those adjustments who can be encouraging, mentoring, and supportive. Sometimes a few questions, humbly posed, can open up some profound discussions.

The question about baptism isn't probably the first issue to raise. Perhaps the more important questions are about what she wants her children to experience in the way of spirituality, moral guidance and community. Then you could help guide her to find a place where she can experience those things in ways that work for her. Perhaps it will help keep the conversation open and supportive if you let go of any expectation that her community will be the same as yours.

Hope this is helpful.

From Ralph this week:

* Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. ~Author Unknown
* Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. ~Welsh Proverb
* A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television. ~Author Unknown
* Never have children. Only grandchildren. ~Gore Vidal
* Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you're just a mother. The next you are all-wise and prehistoric. ~Pam Brown
* Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete. ~ Marcy DeMaree
* If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I'd have had them first. ~Lois Wyse
* My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too. ~Gene Perret
* Grandchildren are God's way of compensating us for growing old. ~Mary H. Waldrip
* You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
* You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandchild.
* An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly. ~Gene Perret
* Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children. ~Alex Haley
* A grandparent is old on the outside but young on the inside. ~Author Unknown
* One of the most powerful handclasps is that of a new grandbaby around the finger of a grandfather. ~Joy Hargrove
* If your baby is "beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, and is an angel all the time," you're the grandma. ~Teresa Bloomingdale
* What is it about a grandparent that is so lovely? I'd like to say that grandparents are God's gifts to children. And if they can but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they can mature at a fast rate. ~Bill Cosby

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