I would suspect he was content with himself.  He had been, equally suspected, taught that the opinions of others did not shape him.  I also suspect, as he clearly is an old soul, that the adults he emulated lived that life.

And that is what children must be taught first.

But the people who really need to be educated are the adults in charge.  The grown ups have to learn that children are educated by example.  Children in their desire to be adults will act as adults do.

How can we teach a child not to be influenced by others when we insist on buying Brand A over Brand B based on nothing but appearance.  How can we teach a child moderation when we excel at self-indulgence.  How can we teach a child that oppression is wrong, when we, in the shape of government or business, demean the weak every day.

We inundate our children with images that promote conformity and aggression and then are so surprised when the child behaves in such a manner. 

What can we grown ups do ... we can give that child a living breathing society that is equal and just then let that child blossom.  And guess what, so will we.

Her magic formula for dealing with children is ignoring all faults and accenting tiny virtues. She says, "Instead of telling Tommy day in and day out that he is the naughtiest boy in the United States of America, which could very well be true, take an aspirin and comment on his neatly tied shoes. Almost anybody would rather be known for expert shoe-tying than for kicking the cat.

      Betty MacDonald 

You are presupposing that we do not already have tonnes of antibullying curriculum in the schools. We do and it is already not working spectacularly.

Kids need to be taught survival skills. That is happening but not working because its the adults that need to be educated. When I was teaching. Gr. 6 we had big decorated boxes in our class. They concvinced a friend (and let's not talk about this girl who will trust anyone to have friends) to get in the box and be taped up and then in dec they carried the box out to the fiekd and left it there. She was screaming "no" the whole time and begging them to stop. The school didn't do much. The parents of the kids who did it didn't think it was a big deal. So what does that teach the kids? Not a lot.

Let's talk about the three kids involved. One of them had a rough home life where she was bullied by her step dad and older half bro. She became a bully to survive in that environment. The boy involved his father was an alcoholic. The year after he tried to burn the school computer lab down and went to reform school. The victim came from a decent family that had problems. We as a society failed those three kids long before gr. 6. So the question is where did we fail? Had we come down harder would the boy stayed out of juvenile hall?

We used to openly share our own experiences with social relationships that couldn't be avoided (workplace, extended family, neighbors etc).  When on long car trips we played a game we called "What could you do if....." and everyone took turns to throw out a problem and everyone suggested responses.  What could you do if Tony kept pinching you?"  What could you do if Mandy told untrue stories about you?"

Our hope that this would give the kids some practise at dealing with such things was partly realised - they were a bit more prepared.  They were also reassured that it wasn't just them who got picked on.

The worst bullying faced by our kids was racial, we parents brought it to the teachers attention.  A child cured it in an ancient, painful way that involved a kick to a very sensitive part of a bigger male childs anatomy.  The teacher saw the kick but didn't hear the racial epithets and knowing what was happening with racial slurs turned her back on the action!  The bigger boy didn't tattle to the teacher, neither did he use racial slurs around our kids again.

As I told about in the other thread: Looking back, I realize that I was bullied quite a bit in school and that it affected me for a lifetime.

But there was one girl in our multi-grade school who was bullied much more than I was.  She was a big boned, awkward, and rather unattractive child.  Her parents were uneducated and socially inapt people, and they favoured her younger brother.  She didn't have a lot going for her at best.  I really don't remember much about her first year in school, but when she was in Grade 2 we got a new teacher (our school wasn't a plum position - we got a new teachers almost every year - some only stayed for a term).   This teacher was young, and sweet to those she liked.  She made a particular pet out of my little sister in Grade 1, so much so that it troubled my mother.   And she choose some kids to bully and scapegoat.  The girl I'm speaking about must have particularly annoyed her from the first.  Nothing she did was ever right or pleasing for the teacher.  She never got a gold star - or a word of praise for a good effort.  And, in the days of corporal punishment - she got the strap almost every day - the teacher standing over her desk swinging that strap down on her back and sholders. 

As far as I know her parents never complained.  Perhaps they didn't know that they had the right to.  Perhaps they thought that the teacher was the ultimate authority.  The most her mother would say is "Try to be a good girl today."

How did the other children react.  Some of the little ones (my sister included) were frightened by the teacher's outbursts.  Others turned away and ignored it, probably glad that someone else was bearing the blunt of the teacher's flury (I was probably in that group).  And the majority began to see this girl as a target, and bullied her on the playground and in the community.  Long after this teacher had moved on, the bullying continued among the kids. 

And I don't remember even once sticking up for her.

Such a sad remembrance Seeler, and for me the saddest part is your last line; I don't remember even once sticking up for her.  Children really shouldn't have to stand up against bully adults, although I can't help wondering about the adults.

The real tragedy to that last line, no one stuck up for her, is it teaches children they are helpless in the face of authority.  It starts that lifetime pattern of turning away from abusive behaviour or worse accepting abuse as a way of life. 

And that is the lesson society teaches about bullying;

it makes us learn to live with fear.

You got to tell me brave captain, why are the wicked so strong. How do the angels get to sleep, when the devil leaves the porchlight on.

     Tom Waits, Mr. Siegal

Kay, great parenting tip there....role playing in the car smart

Seeler, good reflections as well...including our own.

Serena, good questions

I am reminded of a young girl who lived across the street from us, and my moher made my little sister play with her & be nice to her.   She was delayed....partially deaf.  The kids did not want to play with her..shucks at that age, she just slowed them down, and they didn't get any of it.  Yes, they did play with her...but, a better intervention of the parents might have been to check out the home life of the girl.   As it turned out, I realized much later how bad it was for her.  Early intervention in that area would have made a huge difference.  There was a lack of food & physical abuse, neglect, etc all occurring.