balanced, when i clicked on that link, i got an essay on a new badge the girl guides are offering in canada...

are you sure you have the right link posted??

What's wrong with parenting today? It's being done by everyone except parents. I realized our culture has serious problems when some kids at my daycare center started asking me about Jesus (I work in a Catholic school), and when I told them to talk to their parents they looked at me like i was nuts. When parents don't take the initiative and teach their children their values but expect every professional out there to raise them as they would, it is a very serious and worrisome situation.

that author is full of it.  Teens do smoke less, drink less, do less drugs, have less sex and have more self-awareness over what kind of sex they want.  It is just more of the age old when I was your age the world didn't suck because when I was your age I wasn't as stupid and useless.  I hate this crap.  Fuddy duddies can go crawl under a rock.  *roar of anger*

and Peace

Joel

well, not all parents. I taught in China for a time. In the course of hundreds of classes, I never once had to tell a child to stop talking or to pay attention. By contrast, north american classes are a hell of begging for attention or, at least, some measure of silence.

The difference is that kids in china are raised to respect education. And that's why this generation of chinese kids is going to wipe the floor with our kids.

graeme

agreed. one of the previous posters said that the current crop of youth drink less, have less sex and generally live a cleaner life. that is true. i think 20 somethings have correctly figured out that there is a cost to doing whatever they please.

BUT that does not change the fact that they, and all born after 1960, were raised differently than previous generations. ask any teacher, any grade less than A+ is welcomed by the parent with a furious call to the teacher. parents today rarely say no, and as Wente describes we spoil our children and instill from an early age they are all great. This breeding of narcissism, as christopher lasch has so brilliantly written, is going to make the hard realities of adulthood very difficult.

my experience of parents today is that they generally tell their children how brilliant, beautiful and amazing they are from birth, rarely ever saying no, until the child's behaviour affect them personally. Then comes the yelling. that inconsistent response is not apt to be helpful to a child testing boundaries.

Wow - I couldn't disagree more. I don't see anything wrong with raising children by telling them they're great. This has no correlation to "never saying 'no'". And as far as the hard realities of adulthood go - better they hear from the world that they're "not great" than from their parents. Home/parents should be a place to go always for love and unconditional acceptance.

For one thing "self-esteem" is not the same thing as a strong sense of self. The kind of "self-esteem" that bullies have, as described by Wente is yes, entitlement. But underneath that is actually a weak sense of self and even self-hatred. A kid with a strong sense of self will be comfortable enough to receive criticism, integrate it, and learn. Someone with a sense of  "entitlement" will be more likely to reject criticism.

And before you ask - I have three grown kids born from 1974-1985. They turned out great and are not narcissists. They've come across many "harsh realities" of this world including rejection. But they're able to grieve, pick themselves up, grow, and move on.

In a nutshell that parents want to be their kids' buddies and do not want to be parents.

the problem?...that so many people want to tell parents that they are doing a lousy job.  If you don't like the way that I parent, feel free to drop by my home and help...cms

lol

And if you don't stick up for your kids and praise them for their accomplishments, who will?

One of the problems with parenting stems from our generation's tendency to want everything instantly.

Problem: a whining child, Solution: give the child what they want so the whining goes away...immediately. 

The other problem is time constraints.  If both parents are working then the last thing you want to do when you come home is to discipline your child.  Also, if you are running here and there constantly, there is little time for meaningful conversation.

This is a blatant generalization and obviously all parents don't fit into these categories.  I like to think that I avoid these blunders most of the time.  But, I do see a lot of this in my fellow parents and I can understand the urge to take the easy road.

Do you think that some of our generations parenting issues come from the decline in stay-at-home parenting? 

The main problem with parenting today is the lack of support surrounding it. Many of us are far away from our home communities and families of origin. While for some this is an improvement, for many, it means being without extended family and those who are known to us being in constant connection with our children. It really does take a village...and yet, many mothers and/or fathers are raising their children alone.

Parenting is a huge task and responsibility in and of itself. Doing it alone, expected to be there for your kids when they need you, work to provide a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs, keep them on track school and social-wise, and also meet the expectations of every tom, dick and mary is highly unrealistic. I agree, anyone who feels that I don't measure up can jump right in, anytime.

There is a balancing act. There has to be some discipline and punishment for misbehavior and lots of love and encouragement and praise for what they do right. I try to lean heavy on the praise and encouragement but the discipline and punishment exist and are used as needed.

To change the topic somewhat - what's GREAT about parenting today? 

I'll give parents this - children today will grow up to have much more confidence and self-assurance than many generations before. They just need to hear the word "no" a little more often.

Doesn't every generation of parents bemoan the following generation?

I think the generation of boomers tried hard to get away from the strict authoritarian discipline we grew up with.

We were so much cooler than our parents and would be cooler parents.

i doubt we are.

There appears to be a sense of entitlement to todays teens and 20's but not all, just some.  Perhaps there has always been that group that has a great sense of entitlement.

Do we praise our kids too much for their achievements?  Some do. 

Generally I think we attempted to be friends with our kids and there are many kids that have enough friends, they just don't have any parents.  I know my kids love to be able to say

" i can't go, my mom won't let me , she is sooo old fashioned"  They love to use me as their excuse and I am happy to be it.

I think many points made here are reasonable and valid. All generations have their weaknesses and strengths. I would not want to go back to a time of the strap, or any kind of hitting of children. But I do find it odd that if you suggest to a parent today that "discipline" is a problem s/he will immediately get defensive and say "I don't think hitting is an answer!", as if the only alternatives are violence or nothing. There is a great Simpsons line where Flanders parents are complaining "we don't know what to do, we've tried nothing and nothing seems to work". That is a paraphrase. My point is not that previous generations were better parents or that all parenting today is bad but rather that one aspect of parenting today that is wrong is constantly telling your child s/he is great without any context. Further, my impression is that the issue here is NOT whether parents are home or at work but rather whether parents ever say no when their own immediate needs are not at stake. Again my experience of today's parent is that s/he lets their child do whatever s/he wants UNTIL that child becomes a problem for the parents. Then the yelling starts! The message from this is clear, it is not that I need to worry how my actions affect others, only how they affect mom or dad. I see this in churches, on school grounds, at grocery stores, everywhere.

I think that not all parents are like that. I do believe that most parents go in with good intentions. But they don't prepare themselves properly. They don't understand that if you're having a child, that's your child and you have to put one hundred and fifty percent of your effort into raisig him or her. Now, the saying "It takes a whole village to raise a child" is true. There are soo many other influences out there; kids spend more time at school than at home. They spend a lot of time with their friends, friends' parents, watching tv, etc. I think that a lot of parents give up too easily. They see their child doing something wrong, and they say "What am I going to do? He's hanging out with so and so." or "What can I do? She's watching so much TV lately." But we can do something. We can explain things to our child. When we try to protect our children by not telling them what they need to know, we are not protecting our children; we're just leaving them vulnerable and unprepared for the real world. Teach them things. Tell them about the time you were her age and you went to that crazy party and got drunk. Tell him about condoms. Tell them about body image and other religions and philosophies. Tell them that scientists don't know everything. Explain that what happens in the movies isn't how it usually pans out in real life. Explain that, even though Auntie Martha the junkie seems happy on the outside, she's not happy on the inside. If you can't explain something to your child, that's when you need to bring in someone who knows what they're talking about. But don't pass off your kids because you're afraid. If you're not ready, don't have children.