InsertAlias2's picture

InsertAlias2

image

Evolution Explained - Courtesy of (Ms) Garrison (WARNING - LANGUAGE)

Garrison: 'Okay kids, it is now my job to teach you the theory of evolution. Now, I for one think that evolution is a bunch of bull crap, but I've been told I have to teach it anyway.

'It was thought up by Charles Darwin and it goes something like this. (Points at the chart showing the evolutionary chain) In the beginning we were all fish, okay, swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby and the retard baby was different so it got to live. So retard fish goes on to make more retard babies. And then one day a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its' mutant fish hands and it had b**t sex with a squirrel or something and made this, retard frog-squirrel. And that had a retard baby which was a monkey fish frog. And this monkey fish frog had b**t sex with that monkey. And that monkey had a mutant retard baby that sc***ed another monkey and that made you.

'So there ya go. You're the offspring of five monkeys having b**t sex with a fish squirrel. Congratulations.'

Share this

Comments

Jamesadin's picture

Jamesadin

image

Oh, South Park.

Witch's picture

Witch

image

Exactly why some people shouldn't be teaching biology ;-)

Diana's picture

Diana

image

I've got a couple of preteens that would think that was the best science class ever.

That's why they're not allowed to watch South Park.

klaatu's picture

klaatu

image

Diana,

You didn't say whether YOU watch it ot not ...

Diana's picture

Diana

image

Well, you have to understand, Klaatu, that as a teacher, it is critical to stay on top of the trends and issues in popular culture; strictly from a professional perspective, of course....=)

cjms's picture

cjms

image

Is that from South Park? I've never let my kids watch it - admitedly just based on the commericials. Yikes!...c

InsertAlias2's picture

InsertAlias2

image

South Park is NOT intended for children.

Why do folks keep on saying 'I don't let my kids watch it?' It's an adult show and has never presented itself as being anything otherwise

GospelCrazy's picture

GospelCrazy

image

Wait, we can't say "butt" anymore? We have to say b**t now? When did that happen?

InsertAlias2's picture

InsertAlias2

image

Well, even though I placed a warning in the title thread, I wanted to remain sensitive to and respectful of those who visit here who possess a low tolerance to questionable language. One can never predict who will find the term 'butt sex' offensive and grounds for complaining to the admin.

klaatu's picture

klaatu

image

" ...strictly from a professional perspective, of course"

Of course, Diana, of course. I strictly watch it as a sociological pursuit. Of course.

GospelCrazy's picture

GospelCrazy

image

I'm also really fond of Chef's explanation of why God lets people die, from the episode "Kenny Dies!" - I don't have a transcript of it, though, and I wouldn't dare try to recreate it from memory. Can anybody help me out? It's all about how God gets power from our tears.

Diana's picture

Diana

image

"Why do folks keep on saying 'I don't let my kids watch it?' It's an adult show and has never presented itself as being anything otherwise"

Ummm....that's why I don't let my kids watch it.

(?)

cjms's picture

cjms

image

My eldest daughter often gives me grief for not letting her watch various shows that "all her friends are watching". Admittedly I don't know how it promotes itself - although I've noticed it on during the hours that my children are watching TV. I'm glad that it's not for children...c

InsertAlias2's picture

InsertAlias2

image

Gospelcrazy asked about Chef's explanation about Keny's death. Here it is:

Stan: 'Why would God let Kenny die, Chef? Why? Kenny's my friend. Why can't God take someone else's friend?'

Chef: 'Stan, sometimes God takes those closest to us because it makes him feel better about himself. He's a very vengeful God, Stan. He's all pissed off about something we did thousands of years ago. He can't get over it, so he doesn't care who he takes; children, puppies, it don't matter to him, so long as it makes us sad. Do you understand?'

Stan: 'Then why dies God give us anything to start with?'

Chef: 'Well, look at it this way. If you wanted to make a baby, first you'd give it a lollipop, then you'd take it away. If you never give it a lollipop to begin with, then you would have nothing to cry about. That's like God who gives us life and love and health just so he can tear it all away and make us cry so he can drink the sweet milk of our tears. You see it's our tears, Stan, that give God his great power.'

mike2007's picture

mike2007

image

Am I the only one that finds the word retard offensive.

GospelCrazy's picture

GospelCrazy

image

It's a horribly offensive word. Ms. Garrison is a terribly bigoted character, and it's hilarious.

InsertAlias2's picture

InsertAlias2

image

Mike2007 asked about the offensive use of the word 'retard.'

The word is, of course, vulgar and coarse, but it is used carefully as it illustrates Garrison's narrow-minded, selfish and ignorant character when he uses it. If anyone I encountered were to use such a term I know I would inwardly cringe and my impression of the would be severely diminished, which is exactly the reaction the writers want us to have.

Back to Popular Culture topics