Find acceptance by being acceptant - but not as a doormat. Here is a hug to start your day. I hope it  goes well.

I can hear the hurt in your post - and I know I dont' know all the details.  You can only ever change yourself, and can only choose your own response.

one thing we've learned in our house is that acceptance comes only when one is not being hurt anymore.  Then there is room for working through something.  Also, the sense that others are grown-up and allowed to make their own choices, dumb as they are - it is freeing to see that we don't have to bear the burden of change.

"Detachment" - the virtue of seeing that my own actions can't really truly change anyone else, and if my support isn't working, and trying to do so only hurts me more. then  I offer love & support and I let go, to make my own corner of the world a better place.  People need to choose happiness and their life for themselves.

Also:  This great poem - I've shared it before here- you can google the first line and find it all over the place:  (sorry if you're seeing some gobbledygook - I can't edit it out apparently)

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A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime Dedicated to You

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong -doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life

Lindsay - do you feel able to forgive your friend? I also think that you recognize that things may never be able to go back to the way things were, but that things can still be good between and your friends.

Greetings Lindsayspark,

Some of my thoughts are . . .

Friendship is a relationship that holds the possibility and opportunity for either part to be hurt at any given time.  That's because of our humanness.  We can be hurt or we can inflict hurt - sometimes intentionally and sometimes without even knowing we have.  I am sorry that you have been hurt by actions/words of a friend.  You mention betrayal . . . that is a tough one to swallow.  Depending on the severity of what has happened, you and your friend will either rise above the situation and continue to have a friendship (although it might be a changed relationship) or you, or your friend, might decide that this is not a relationship and friendship you want to keep in your life.  In either scenario, letting go, moving on, forgiveness, and acceptance is possible - but it probably won't happen overnight.

Oprah described forgiveness once on one of her shows as something like . . . being able to give up the hope that the past could be different.  To me forgiveness does not mean that you have to continue in a relationship, forget what has happened to you, or allow yourself to continue to be treated the same way.

Only you, and your friend, can determine whether you will continue to be friends and in what way.  Being betrayed by a friend, or anyone, can cause one to lose trust in that person, and it can take awhile for that trust to be rebuilt.  Baby steps . . .

Sorry you are going through such a difficult time in your life and in this situation.  I hope you have other friends to associate with, ones who can build you up, appreciate you for who you are and what you bring to their lives, and be good friends to you.

Wishing you much . . .

Hope, peace, joy, love . . .

First off lindsayspark, let me say that I think you're showing great judgement in not going into the details of your situation here.  I'm really impressed with how you're identifying what you want to do, so that you can move forward and restore happiness to your own life.

I have a wonderful little book - "Forgiveness - wisdom from around the world" by Gillian Stokes, that has many pearls of wisdom in it.  I like to pull it out periodically - and I've done so just now.  Here a couple of thoughts I like to ponder ...

From Buddha -  "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

From Confucius - "To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it."

And I love the quote about forgiveness that Beloved referenced above too.

Stuff happens & sometimes it hurts - a lot.   Mulling it over for a bit, trying to make sense of it, ranting your outrage & hurt is all okay - but at some point, deciding you're done with that, and tucking the incident away, out of sight so to speak, is a good move.  It's been an important life event - don't deny that.  But it's done - can't be changed.   Now what has been learned?  How to move forward, incorporating what's been learned?   

I'm positive you will find your way forward ... you're asking some great questions!

i haven't read the other posts, as i feel that they are all meant for your eyes and not mine.  so forgive me if i am repeating something that has already been said.

i have felt as you have a few times, and so i can tell you that no matter what you choose to do, these feeling will reemerge.  but imho, you need to look at this situation as a lesson that you must learn.

until you learn the lesson here, you will not be able to move on.  that is how life works.  so sit down for awhile and contemplate the situation.  you are not wrong or bad for feeling the way you do.  these feelings simply are.  what you need to figure out is WHY you feel that way... what is it in particular that is bringing these emotions out.  in my experience, the moment you start to feel yourself weep, you have found the reason. 

another thought i have reading your post is that you are angry, and especially in your situation, trying to hurt someone else with your own anger is like trying to kill someone by drinking the poison yourself.  if that makes any sense.

thirdly, you need to just wish nothing but joy for your friend.  seriously.  for me, it is hard, but it feels like such a release when i just look up, close my eyes, picture my friend, and say 'i wish you joy.  i wish you nothing but success and love.'  you will know this has really worked when you feel yourself just smile. 

and i think that you need to consider that perhaps the time has come to walk away from this friendship... obviously there was a time when this relationship was something that made you grow and thrive, but that time has perhaps come to an end now.  that doesn't mean that you tell the person that you are severing all connection with them or whatever... it means that you need to figure out what it is that you were getting from this relationship in the past, the thing that made you happy to be in the company of this person, and find it in others.  or, even better, learn to give that to yourself... there is a saying by buddha, i believe, that happiness comes from within, so do not seek it without. 

emerson said that true success is, in part, learning to live with the betrayal of false friends.  so you know that you are not alone in what you are experiencing here.

This is in the "easier said than done" category but give it over to GOD. If you really can that would be the best thing. I know it's not easy to though.