I agree Agnieszka. I think, under most circumstances, that having plastic surgery is totally unnecessary and sends the wrong message. It feeds into the notion that women must look young and beautiful (in a Hollywood sense) in order to be full human beings. I see beauty in women of all ages - true beauty comes from within.

There are some circumstances when plastic surgery is a good - perhaps even necessary - thing. If your friend had been the victim of a horrible accident and had massive scars, I would totally understand - but it does not sound like this is the case.

Why not use this as an opportunity to talk with your daughter about beauty and physical appearance?

I see this issue somewhat differently now that I'm 60+.

I recall my mother saying to me when I turned 60, "congratulations, you've now become invisible."

To some extent it's true - no more whistles from building sites, no car honks......

The sad reality is that, although we age on the outside, "inside" we're still about 18.

Thus, we still in some part of us, like to see ourselves as sexually attractive.

But, the truth is, our allure is somewhat limited!

Some women can accept this - others can't.

Of those who can't sometimes it's for professional reasons.(actresses etc).

Other times it's women who were once very attractive - and defined themselves by their looks.

Fortunately for me, I didn't fit into either of these categories.

This leaves me in the position of not wanting plastic surgery - but at the same time feeling a momentary twinge when I see my mother looking back at me in my mirror.

Besides, there is always humour to rescue me - who wants their belly button to become their mouth, anyway? 

a few years ago, I read a series in a newspaper from... um... some well known woman in Ontario circles/politics/university something (can't remember who) but she was debating plastic surgery because of age.  Her kids thought it was dumb, and her grandkids worried they woudn't recognize her, and so on.  What she was intending was to have the neck & chin 'tidied' up.  She hadn't  noticed that the extra few pounds she'd carried over the years would become a saggy baggy neck.  And now, at a couple of functions, she had discovered that she looked like an old person instead of how she felt herself to be.

The series debated back & forth and explored all the issues - very good.  And in the end she chose to have  her neck/chin lifted.  The after shots were remarkable, but not ridiculous.  She didn't come home looking like Barbie, or even 20 years younger - just neater and elegant. 

I have been lucky enough to not even have any grey hair yet so I scoff at dye jobs.   But a few things, like this article, and some close friends, have me wide-open-minded at the idea that sometimes somthing can make a big difference, either negative or positive. 

I dont' know.  I'd like to say I'm awesome just as I am, but that series really opened my heart to the idea that lots of things might be ok, in moderation.

i am now 52 and have dappled grey hair, more grey than it's old auburn.  I stopped colouring it about 5 years ago when I just got tired of the whole thing.

But I guess one question would be for those against plastic surgery, do you do other things to improve your looks or look more youthful

The most obvious being dyeing our hair. 

How about push up bras,    as we age we "sag"

Or control top panty hose

Contact lens so we don't show our need for bifocals  or even those hidden bifocals now .

At a minimum make up itself is something we do to "improve" our looks

 I guess I can't draw a line in the sand that says all these things are acceptable but a chin tuck isn't.

I like to look good and try to put on nice makeup when I have the time and inclination.

i try to stay relatively slim

I try to buy clothes that I think flatter my figure and my age without making me look older than I am.  I guess I try to dress for 40 instead of 50.

I don't think i would ever do surgery.  It just seems to much bother though I have been to a plastic surgeon twice for facial skin cancer removal.  The office had pamphlets for eye lid lifts, chin and neck "tucks"  botox injections and some sort of botox type cream, lip collagen injections ( did you know that we all lose lip fat as we age.  Why old ladies all look like they have thin lips.  None of these things seemed very over the top to me.  Just like permanent makeup.

I have a friend a year of two older than me.,  She works in the entertainment production business but feels the need to be current and look current so she also has had a minor "lifting " or tucking or whatever.

I actually didn't notice other than thinking she looked well rested and relaxed.

I think surgery is her choice.  It is an option for me when I am in my "50's or 60's for sure.  I don't think we can judge unless we have been there.

You probably don't need to explain it to your 2 young girls. They are young.

This may be your issue not theirs.

Answer questions simply but truthfully if they ask but no need for long involved conversation with them.  Ie. Why does Aunt Betty look different? Oh she was had a facelft/breast enhancement/tummy tuck. She's still the same inside.

here's an idea that helps me feel better about it - anyone choosing cosmetic surgery for 'fun' should pay double, and that extra cash goes to medical care in Africa.  Or Regent Park for that matter.  I'd accept that.

 Lastpointe, I'm totally for making yourself feel great and look great...  but I draw the line at cutting unnecessarily into my body.  There are just so many objections... it's a huge money making business directed at women who are constantly made to feel insecure about their looks...  

I am TOTALLY into that.  

But seriously, if it's about making YOURSELF happy, it is not going to have the lasting effects people hope for when they do stuff to make themselves happy.  And aging is going to catch up with you before you know it.  To me, it's just such a colossal waste of money and it's potentially dangerous...  

I have dyed that. I did it to have fun trying out a new look for a few weeks - not to make myself look any younger or older. I haven't done it in years though.

I'm not old enough to have this issue yet, but wouldn't have a problem doing it - as it is only a temporary measure, not unnecessary surgery. It is also working with what you've got naturally - not physically changing your body.

Again, like with the bras, it is working with what you've got - not physically changing your body.

I don't have bifocals yet - but I'm sure it's only a matter of time. I do wear glasses and have since I was a little kid. I tried wearing contacts for a couple of years, but had some issues with them. I have no problem with people wearing contacts, but I think glasses can look really good too. I would never choose to have laser eye surgery - like plastic surgery it is generally unnecessary and there are too many risks involved.

Again - it's not permanent and it works with what we've been given naturally. That said, I rarely wear the stuff and when I do, it's in minimal amounts.

I believe in natural beauty.

I think I can understand why people who have been recognised for being 'pretty' mourn the loss of that.  Not an issue for me!  However, I don't think that unnecessary surgery is a good thing, there is always a certain amount of danger when you are anes...anaes.. when you put under.  Certainly though there are times when some types of 'cosmetic' sugery are actually for health reasons - like breast reduction because of back damage.

Happiness comes from being grateful inside for your wonderful life opportunities not from how you are dressed, how much your jewels cost, how pretty you are etc.

I'm not a big fan of make up either, and I've never dyed or permed my hair, worn artificial nails or been tatooed. 

Possums, you haven't lived if you've never had an Afro perm.

In my "perm era" my favourite was my Cher perm.

Alas, no more perms for me now that I dye my hair.

I've never considered a tattoo - but just lately I've been thinking a tiny butterfly on my back..........

We don't have to walk the same path, reach the same conclusions, or make our marks the same way.  My choices aren't yours and thats ok.  I avoid chemicals as much as I can in all ways - food, drinks, body decor, housecleaning etc.

I can resemble with that Pilgrims Progress .  Other than a few aches and pains that remind me that my body is getting older, I still feel young inside!

I think different people have different reasons for having cosmetic or plastic surgery or not having it.

Although I am definitely starting to see the wrinkles on the face and neck, and other parts of the body, at this point in my life I have no desire to have plastic surgery - but I can understand why someone might want to.  I don't like the appearing wrinkles - I don't want to age - but not enough to have surgery.  But for another - they might want to.

I am lucky that in my later 50's I have only a few gray hairs and do not need to dye my hair.  I am not looking forward to the time when I will have more, and will have to consider it.  I don't want to dye my hair, but I don't want grey hair either - not yet.

If I had the time, money, gumption, and whatever else it takes to have surgery, the one I would consider is a breast reduction and perker upper!

somegal, your post reminds me of a poem I wrote for my daughter when she was in her early teens and starting to experiment with make-up.  I made it into a little poster and framed it and left it in the bathroom:

Don't forget, dear, while bent on enhancing your beauty

cosmetics of course have their place;

but a glow from inside you is far more important--

you cannot paint joy on your face.

Interestingly, she uses less make-up than I do, and has more gray hair (inherited early graying from her grandfather, I think.) But I sure think she's beautiful.

I could have looked it up - even typed it and used the spellchecker - but thought it easier (and more amusing) the way I did it!

 The ONLY plastic surgery I'm considering is cutting up my useless lidless tupperware containers.

I like that Weeze - very cool!

 I have another one:  I seriously may need to consider putting my visa under the knife cause it has a sagging balance and it ain't pretty.

Beshpin - that was a joke.  

Love it!!! 

I think this little poem contains the gist of my thoughts about plastic surgery.  And that is what I want to live by and teach my daughters and son!  There is so much one could do to "improve ones looks" surgically...  but will it make any lasting difference to one's inner self?  One's issues won't be erased even as the fine lines and wrinkles are erased...  

The other part of the story - and one of the main reasons why I'm so stunned and shocked with this person's decision is that she travelled to Asia to have the surgery.  Her reasons were financial but also the doctor there was known to her friends and trusted by them.  

But... seriously,  a once in a life time opportunity to travel to Hong Kong, Thailand, Malaysia for her... And she chooses to spend it recovering from plastic surgery??  Never mind the all the other risks that I can't even imagine.  Gah... I don't even know what to say to that.

One of those things.  

Agnieszka

 Gah, Beshpin...

why don't you get some plastic surgery on that friggin' ten foot pool that you clearly have up your a.... whatever.

Sheesh...

    I don't think I would ever have surgery though  I wouldn't rule it out completely.   I honestly just don't know.  It's not something I really think about that much because I've been blessed with a gene pool where the women in my family don't show their age so to speak.   I'm close to 40 and am assumed to be somewhere in my 20's all of the time.   I still occasionally get ID'd which ends up embarassing those that ask. I really don't mind of course.   :)     My grandmother who died in her 80's just seemed to stop at around 60 and my Mom still flabbergasts people when they find out she has a daughter my age.  

   I get asked all of the time what my 'tricks' are.  I don't have any really.  It's just luck of the gene draw.   However I can't say that I would never do anything if stuff did happen because I do dye my hair to cover grey.  Our family jokes that the tradeoff for not face aging is early grey hair.   My first showed up at age 20.   Luckily it's never been a lot just a spattering but I do have relatives that have gone entirely grey by age 30.   My grandpa was completely grey by 25.    My grey hair has always bothered me so I cover it up.   

However I do know that if I ever had anything done it would be really minor.   I see older actresses and actors on tv that have gotten stuff done and many just look really weird.  Like they're trying too hard and it ends up looking fake and they lose their beauty instead of keeping it.   Then there is the 'frozen' face (I'm assuming from botox which paralyses) and the people lose some of their expressiveness to the point where it's quite noticible.   There also seems to be this hollywood plastic 'look' where people end up looking much the same.  I would never want that regardless of how many wrinkles I got.  

 I've had to wear glasses since I was 11.  It bothered me at that age because I got teased and in high school I only wore contacts but as I got older that vanity went away.  I think glasses are more accepted now too and I think of them more as a style accessory.   I have a few different pairs which I change up depending on what I'm doing or wearing.   I do wear contacts but I now find my choice between them and glasses isn't so much dependent on any sort of vanity.  I wear them when I'm doing manual work or when I'm outside in bad weather  or at the gym mainly because I don't have to worry about knocking glasses off or having them fog up so I can't see.

   I've thought about getting surgery but doubt I will.  There are some risks (like losing night sight or flaring) and even though they're small I just don't dislike my glasses dependence enough to take any risk of adversely affecting my sight.   My sister had it done and one eye took and the other didn't as much so she still has to wear some sort of correction.   

 Hi Jadespring,

Well, that's awesome!  There are several things that I - if I were given to pursuing self-enhancements at all costs - would 'need' to have done.  And that's part of the problem I see with it - there is always always more than can be done...  A little bit here, a little bit there... I'm not saying that everyone would or will or that a person can't stop at one surgery.  But, in any case, when you start focusing on your looks and all the things sagging and going south and what not, at which point do you stop??  When do you finally say to yourself, you know what, this is what happens, it's inevitable, gotta start looking in on the inside and seeing what I can do to bring happiness and joy into my life.

Personally, I grew up in a home where my parents were very very appearance oriented - they put a lot of emphasis on what they looked like, what the kids looked like...  And I paid a huge price for it.  I'm not skinny - I think I'm okay (or at least, I'm healthy and relatively fit) - and this has been the bane of my mother's existence.  My younger sister are both very slim and often look like they've just walked off of a photo shoot.  Me, not so much.  I'm the brainiac in the family.  Not that they appreciate that.  (My sister thinks that buying and reading books is an addiction equivalent to smoking).  They continue to focus on looks and I know that if I had chosen to get plastic surgery (lipo suction, for example), they'd be thrilled!   But I'm just not that person.

Actually, giving up television 12 years ago was as good as or even better than plastic surgery!  I know I'm average looking and I'm totally okay with that!  There is at least one person in my life (well, more if I count my adoring children) who thinks I'm beautiful.. and that's good enough for me!

;-)