For me, it's just not what I'm on WC for. I have emotional support elsewhere in my life. I'm here to talk about life, faith, and fun (I post in Popular Culture a lot).

Mendalla

I think it is harder for men to open up in real life, and perhaps on the Cafe as well.  I know that when my daughter and her first husband separated after 4 years of marriage she received lots of support from friends and family.   A few years later my sons long term live-in girlfriend dumped him for someone she thought was better, and he didn't get near the understanding and support - perhaps partly because he didn't know how to let people know he needed it.  

Last year when Seelergirl got cancer her husband didn't know how to let his feelings show or to open himself up for support.  Fortunately he did break down to his mother a couple of times.  In the meantime, I was reaching out to everyone, even my virtual friends, for the support I needed.

I think men have been trained to hide their feelings - it makes it hard for others to know their needs and reach out to them.

I wish to never hear "man up" again. Strong is not the only valuable asset in a man.

Sadly,Mendalla expresses how a lot of men handle emotion in their lives. It's something to be only expressed with the women that they are close to - and often then with difficulty.

All very compartmentalised - controlled even.

It's also why so many men are emotionally lost when they lose their partners.

Thankfully, I do see this changing with the younger generation.

(I'm aware this is a generalisation - just as saying all women are capable of extending emotional support. Clearly, this is not the case.)

Hi crazyheart,

If I feel like crying.  I cry.

If I feel like laughing.  I laugh.

I don't feel that I need permission to be who I am and do what I need to do.

I don't know that I need a specific thread to do any of that.

I think the need for emotional support is roughly equivalent.  How men and women get that emotional support is probably different.

I think it is probably more stylistic.  I like my comforters pretty much the way Job's comforters start out.  Close and silent.  Others like their comforters pretty much the way Job's comforters finish up.  Close and yackity.  I know what I feel.  I don't need to process what I feel verbally.

Plus, because I am more comfortable as an introvert, I process at the speed I need to process and then I move on.

Grace and peace to you.

John

"Room For All" has the tone of "how was your day?". Nothing wrong with that. How people respond or whether that is important to them differs. 

 There was a survey or research done on "how was your day?". It talked about differences between men and women and also how the response of one may influence, positively or negatively,  the other.

http://www.psych.utah.edu/people/people/diamond/Publications/How%20was%20your%20day.pdf

I hate the question "How are you today?" when asked at the grocery store, or other shop. I always answer "I am well thank you." because how I am emotionally is none of their business. I wish people would say "Good afternoon" instead.

I haven't ben following the room for all thread, perhaps I should have another look. I noticed how long it is getting and took a peek, but don't have a hell of a lot of time really. Still, I am curious now, what's going on there.

I have found that men aren't as easily affected by things. I mean, I'll be watching a movie and something sad happens and I start to tear up, and reach for a tissue, even when it gets darn right catastrophic and the tears are a runnin down my face, I look over at hubby, and he's fine. How do men do that? Men seem to react differently to women. And that's good. It wouldn't do for us all to get carried away in a wash of emotions. But also, there's nothing more inspiring of empathy in me, than a man in tears.

Disagree. Saying that there's a time and a place is hardly compartmentalizing, Pilgrim. I have my spouse, my family, my friends, my church, and other face-to-face venues for the emotional support. For me, online works best for more intellectual discussions where I want to develop or work through ideas. I prefer face-to-face when emotional support is needed. I suspect that many other men (and probably a goodly number of women) would say the same. That said, read through any post where I talk about my family (esp. Mrs. and Little Mendalla) and you'll probably see some emotion there.

Mendalla

I don't know because I'm bad for tearing up. Different triggers, perhaps, than Mrs. M. but I definitely do it.

Mendalla

Mendalla,

I suppose we see this from our own perspective.

I came originally to Wondercafe when I was grieving for my husband. It was a time when face-to-face emotional support was needed, but also too painful at times.

By sitting alone with my laptop I could reach out for support whenever I felt the need.

It was very beneficial - and played a valuable part in me coming to terms with my "new" life.

And yes, it was mainly women who offered me emotional support online.

My own experience helped me to see the value of online support. You give what you get - and now, whenever I sense support is needed and it may help - I give it.

Since being with Wondercafe I've come to see that there are many folks out there who do need both support and validation from society as a whole.

I'm thinking here of individuals who are part of groups -  such as the LBGT community.

In short, emotional support isn't just something we need - it's also (through empathy) something we have to offer the other. And there may well be folks online who, for various reasons, don't get the support from face-to-face encounters.

Mendalla, well, you would pull my heart strings then !

I have found a lot of emotional support here, and wept many times at Wondercafe. It's neat, how people can reach out to each other over the wires, who have never met, feel each others' presence, and connect as we do. I see wondercafe as a place to philosophize and discuss deep subjects, coming to new and wonderfull understandings and places in the mind we've never been before, have fun connecting about a wide variety of subjects and learning about the human condition, and reach out for help, and offer help to others. I never would have imagined this 20 years ago.

And I have received help from both men and women, older and younger, both intentional and unintentional. I only wish real life could be like this. A tight knitt community living close together. I imagine it was once like this in prehistoric times, when we lived in a ring of huts and the people hunted together and gathered wild food together and sang tribal songs together...