Thank you. I am smiling as I go to bed. Thanks PP

The last clip was cute and made me smile.  The first one seemed a little creepy, maybe more context would help.

As for me (and maybe it`s come across in some of my posts?) I think empathy is more than just imaging yourself in someone's shoes.  I think you need to have gone through something similar to have a better sense of understanding.  It doesn't mean you know exactly what the other person is feeling, but it is a stronger connection that way.  If you haven't, saying you are empathetic towards that person rings a little hollow to me.

For example, I don't think most males can be empathetic as to what it's like to be leered at in a creepy manner.  I can't be empathetic to someone who has just lost a parent.  In both cases, people can have an idea of what it would be like, but not be truely empathetic.

Wonderful...thanks....

Thanks again for putting a smile on my face :)

I knew she'd eventually give her strawberry tart to the old man.

The German word for compassion is "Mitleid" which, literally translated, means "with-suffering." We suffer the pain of the other, with the other, and this causes the  empathy that motivates us to alleviate their/our suffering.

Some esoteric schools teach that ultimate knowledge can only be obtained by excercising compassion. "Durch Mitleid Wissen" (Knowledge Through Compassion) is their Motto.

The other day I walked by an emaciated panhandler, apparently a drug addict. It was snowing heavily, and he sat on the sidewalk gradually getting snowed under. His hair, jacket, and cap with the coins in was getting snowed on, so I decided to place the Loonie I was giving him right into his hand rather than dropping it into the snowy mess in his cap. When our hands touched, something magical happened. I felt that he was a warm, living, breathing and suffering fellow being, not just some miserable abstraction sitting in the snow.

THE ORGAN GRINDER

Yonder past the village, stands the organ man,

And with stiff old fingers, cranks just as he can,

Barefoot on the ice, he stumbles here and there,

And his begging bowl remains forever bare.

No one listens to him, no one looks at him,

Only dogs are growling at the strange old man,

And he lets it go, whichever way it will,

Grinds, his organ never standing still.

Strange mysterious old man, shall I come along?

Will you grind your organ to my song?

-Final song of the song cycle "Die Winterreise" (Journey in Winter) by Franz Schubert.

I feel that "Die Winterreise" is a mystical journey in winter, and that the old organ grinder is God.

Empathy has, IMO, a variety of definitions and contexts - so I'm sure people will respond in various ways to the film clips.  

I get some sense from the clip that people feel empathic response pertains mainly to those  feeling on "negative" or "difficult" side of life - upset, or distressed, grieving etc - but can it/does it also pertain to feelings of joy and exhillaration etc? 

I don't necessarily agree with Tip 2 that focuses on helping/making the other person feel "better" - that rather suggests their current feeling may not be legit, or important at a particular juncture in their life and "should" be changed ... just a thought to ponder.

Just a few thoughts.......

Chemgal, the first clip is an example of how culture is always in the process of change....

(Back when this was filmed it would have just seemed "cute" - rather than "creepy".)

Carolla, I think that empathy relates to any "shared" feeling - so joy, happiness etc is just as valid as negative feelings. Humour is an excellent example of empathy - the irony being that it tends to be at somebody's expense.....

To me, Tip 2 suggests to me that by sharing or empathising a "negative" feeling we can lessen the impact of it a little. It doesn't change the negative feeling, indeed that is what's being shared.....

(Sorry, put that clumsily - it's a case of I know what I mean, but can't say it well). 

Sharing can double our joys and reduce our sorrows! right PP

Very nice, thanks Pilgrim. I found that the distinct lack of empathy in the second clip was very interesting. It made for a stronger message.

I don't think we need to have experienced what someone else has experienced in order to show empathy to them. Of course it helps in many cases. I just don't think it is necessary. The act of listening and putting ourselves in the other person's shoes goes a long way. I have just started doing a workshop on finding support at work. I asked how people know others care. One man said it is when they listen and ask questions to understand better. That was interesting, and certainly part of empathy, at least for him.

Is empathy something we are gifted or born with, or is it a learned or teachable behavior?

Are some people just naturally more empathetic than others?

p.s. - an aside - I just love Audrey Hepburn - I like listening to her talk :)

I think some are naturally more empathically tuned in, others can learn (some schools around here run "Roots of Empathy" programmes at elemenatry level and similar such programmes are also part of anti-bullying initiatives ), others cannot or do not learn it, for many reasons. 

I agree with Northwind's comment that we do necessarily have to experience what others have gone through to experience empathy with them. 

Since people's emotional reactions to a similar situation can be so widely variable - sometimes having a similar experience can, in some cases, actually be detrimental to an empathic response - we imagine others will feel as we felt in the situation & when their feeling is different, sometimes judgement may seep in.  

I had this experience mysellf many years ago - I went to a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) support group to learn more - as VBAC was somewhat 'unusual' then & considered 'high risk' by some physicians at that time.  I listened as the other women spoke about their feelings after C-section - and I was very surprised by the level of shared anger, personal failure, disappointment I heard.  These were not my own feelings at all - I was relieved and grateful for the procedure that had saved not only my child's life, but my own.  Our responses were very different.  I've carried that lesson with me - not to assume how someone might be feeling, based on having a similar experience myself. 

For sure!  Sharing joys and burdens is great - a little different to me than "help them feel better" - but maybe I'm just splitting hairs, as I'm wont to do occasionally!

I was listening to an audio book on the brain a while ago, and it talked about empathy in humans and animals, which was very interesting. I learned that women are just slightly more empathetic than men, something like 3% on average.

We have what are called "mirror neurons" in our brains, that cause us to empathize to a greater or lesser degree. Psychopaths are born with this not functioning in their brains, which is why they are able to do such horrendous things to others. The book explained three levels of criminal mind, called the dark triad: narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy.

We mirror both suffering and joy, hence why someone laughing tends to make us laugh, before we even know what's so funny. ANd why someone smiling will make us smile in turn, or sneeze, or cough, or look to the left.

I do think that more suffering experienced, tends to make a person more empathic toward others, but it can also go the other way as a person tries to avoid feeling something bad again, or if it makes them feel lesser.

Then there's kids, who can harm animals, before learning that that hurts themselves too. This may be like unto the spoiled rich adult, who doesn't sympathize with the poor, because he hasn't yet understood their situation. A naiveté. He can learn it indirectly though, he doesn't have to become poor to sympathize.

I think empathy can come out of cross sympathising in different areas, like Princess Diana had empathy for all sorts of things. Elton John became more empathetic after he met Ryan White, a boy who died of aids, and changed Elton's life.

Empathy though, is one human trait that has allowed us to survive as a species.

Studies show that women in their 50's and 60's are the most empathetic of all: http://triblive.com/lifestyles/morelifestyles/3400648-74/says-women-empathy#axzz2LUskxhgC

I agree that you don't need to experience something to be understanding.  It's not a term that gets brought up in day to day conversation, and I've just always reserved the term empathy fo situations where someone has gone through something similar.  The phrase 'I can't even imagine' as being used in a careful manner exists for a reason :)

I had chemguy watch the video (just jumped to the one clip).  His exclamation - that's not empathy, that's sexual assault!

Elanor,

Interesting article - and one that accords with my own observations.........

Perhaps that relates to cultural changes?.....

From the perspective of someone from an older generation, I would only consider it a sexual assault if the young woman in the clip seemed to suggest it was.  She doesn't.

(But, then again, feminists of my generation, think many young feminists have "lost the plot")

All the same, Chemgal, it's good for your relationship that you and your partner agree..........

Pilgrim, I agree with you.  When I watched it, I just found it creepy that he kissed her like that as there was no build up to suggest that it would be appropriate or wanted.  She also appeared surprised, which takes away some of the ability to tell someone no.  It didn't actually appear to be unwanted though.  Just interesting to see a male's perspective who hasn't had to deal with many unwanted sexual advances in his lifetime.

Ah chemgal, when you reach the "invisible" years over sixty, you may also see "unwanted sexual advances" in a new light.........

Sigh...... It would be kinda  nice to walk past a building site and be whistled at again.............

When I was young and quite attractive, it was such a nuisance, lol.....

Maybe it would be nice for old times' sake, Pilgrims, but I dunno . . . it was pretty intimidating back in the day.