Have you consider that she does not use Facebook any more. I do not use facebook any more, it got to be too much for me, and I have been unable to figure out how to delete my account.  

No she uses facebook.  She has lots of facebook friends and according to my home page she has also logged on and received my "poke."

Why not just ask her why she hasn't confirmed your friend request.

You can't take anything on the internet seriously, Serena.

Seriously, why am I not allowed to be in her circle of friends on facebook?  Why should I not feel slighted over that?

I am facebook friends with her sister-in-law and her sister-in-law and I have discussed this.  She did not allow her sister-in-law to be facebook friends either.  Her sister-in-law does not think that I would get an honest answer.

At first, my reaction would probably be similar to what you've described, Serena. It would feel like a rejection. Having said that, I am trying to remember to process or analyze situations through a method or "rule" I once read from a well-known woman and Jewish rabbi (whose name I can't remember but I sure remember her words). Her suggestion was to try to find 5 positive ways of interpreting behaviour that has had an impact on us in a negative way.

In other words, is it possible there are other reasonable explanations for someone's actions and what might they be? Do you think that there could be other reasons for your friend's lack of response to your Facebook request? Maybe she is very busy with the baby and hasn't checked her Facebook in awhile, maybe she hasn't noticed the friend request on the new format (it's not so visible now), maybe her computer isn't working, maybe she's struggling with postpartum depression that she hasn't recognized or maybe she exhausted with a baby that doesn't sleep very often. There could be all kinds of other reasons she hasn't replied.

I know that's all a head response but, at first reaction, that's sometimes a helpful approach for me to counter the gut reaction of it. I'm way more likely to react that way myself when I'm struggling with my own depression, am tired myself or am overwhelmed.

Is there anyway you could check with her directly? Maybe drop by with a small card or gift to see how she's doing and, at the same time, ask her...or pick up the phone to see if she's doing OK. Maybe a conversation something like this, "Hi, I thought I'd give you a call to see how you're doing with your new little one. I sent you a friend request and haven't heard back so am wondering if things are OK..."

I don't know if that resonates with you but it's one way that I try to counter similar situations in my life...but sometimes it's hard to avoid... please know that I'll be thinking of you as you work through it.

It is possible that she might be in facebook groups that she doesn't want you to know that she is in.

Perhaps she does not want you to know just how addicted she is to Farmville.

There are people who don't notice friend requests for long period of time.  I've had on multiple occasions people accept them up to a month after I sent them out.

Failing that, she probably posts embarrasing complaints about everybody and doesn't want to you see them and judge her

A lotta people are committing facebook sucide since the time you spend on facebook directly reflects  the social life that people try to boast that they have .... one has to admit that it is a social bragging site instead of a social networking site so you can't really take these things to personally since you are not the only person that your friend is trying to impress

The reasons given above make a lotta sense , it could be that she is saving all the personal stuff to share with you at the hen partayyyyyy , either way until she revokes your invitation i would not be so oversensitive and expect her to be at your beck and call ....

part of friendship is accepting without interrogating why someone does not have time for you at the very second .....

Hey Serena,

We do have a wondercafe facebook group. You are welcome to join, it's kind of fun to see who is who on it and some of us are also facebook friends.

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt Serena. Perhaps she is keeping facebook for those friends she doesn't get to talk to on the phone or see in person? Maybe she only adds people that she's trying to connect with from the past? She might not see the point in adding you to facebook if she thinks you'll get the information from eachother instead of a silly website. I'd see you as being part of an elite group that too good for facebook and instead makes real life contact, a much better deal in my books. 

What kinds of groups could those be?   I did not know there were any groups on facebook.

How does one revoke the invitation?  Would I get a message?   I think she revoked it because when looked at my friend requests pending she was not on there so I sent her another one.

For a long time I wouldn't "friend" my wife on facebook. I didn't see any good point in it since we lived together in real life. She wanted to so I eventually did.

[qutoe=BethanyK]She might not see the point in adding you to facebook if she thinks you'll get the information from eachother instead of a silly website  [/quote]

We only see each other three times a year which is why I thought that facebook would be a great way to keep in touch.  But it only looks like she sees me when she wants presents from me. 

[quote=Motheroffive] Maybe she is very busy with the baby and hasn't checked her Facebook in awhile, maybe she hasn't noticed the friend request on the new format (it's not so visible now), maybe her computer isn't working, maybe she's struggling with postpartum depression that she hasn't recognized or maybe she exhausted with a baby that doesn't sleep very often. There could be all kinds of other reasons she hasn't replied.  [/ quote]

I thought of this too but the woman;s sister in law says this is not the case.  Her sister in laws help, the mother in law (who has finally accepted the DIL b/c of the grandson) has hired a cleaning lady for her.  She is doing great.

Maybe she is avoiding stalkers on FB

Either way this is getting way outta proportion , if i were you i would go to the shower and clear things up there a face to face encounter is the best way to sort things out .... you seem to have a bit more time on your hands than she does to be constantly checking up on requests all the time ... give her the benefit of the doubt ....

some people are phone people

some are text people

some are face to face

if i make plans to say meet someone on the weekend, chances are im not going to phone or text or FB them till i meet em so we will have more things to talk about .....

I felt weird adding my old best friend on facebook, as she and I have had a relationship since we were 6, without Facebook. It was like adding a strange new dimention to our relationship, and since she joined a few years ago, I wasn't sure she'd want me on her list, it being her other life. I asked her how she felt about me joining and suggested we could just continue to email instead, and she replied, but didn't answer the question.

I also am stuck with three customers on my friends list, so I have to really limit what I say to my old high school friends. It's a tangled web. I have lost interest in it for the most part.

So Serena, you're not alone in wondering about your friends. When my friend is bitchy and unfriendly like that, I back off her and say to myself, "I don't care" and wait to see if she contacts me again. SHe always does. It's hard not to go haywire over it.

So my friend rejected my friendship offer twice.  I phoned her and she lied.   So now I discover that my friend is a liar.

She said that she is "thinking it over" I told her that we should think over our friendship in real life too.

umm, serena...If you are not her friend, how on earth did you poke her .

Also, if you are not her friend, nothing of hers will show on your home page.

Now, she may not have her home page secure, in which case you would see any recent updates she did...but, still, nothing will show on your home page.

Greetings!

This is precisely why I have chosen not to be on Facebook.  Quite sometime back I was . . . and had just a few family members and close friends as "friends".  And that was all I wanted.  I got off facebook before I got requests for friends I didn't want to deal with. 

As facebook grew, so did the number of people on it.  I didn't want to have to go through the whole "should I add or should I not add".  I did not want to add people I didn't have much to do with in "real" life.  I didn't want to feel like I had to explain why I didn't want to add someone as a friend.  I probably would have added someone like this friend of Serena's who it appears as though she has something to do with outside of facebook.  If I were on facebook now I would only want close family and friends as friends and I woud be worrying about how to deal with friend requests from others that I wouldn't want to add.  So for me, it's simpler to stay away.

Hope, peace, joy, love ...

I don't know I just clicked on the poke link.  None of her updates show up on my page and I can't see her updates on her page.  I just see what groups she belongs in and I am able to poke her and e-mail her on facebook.

I have noticed that when you have mutual friends in common you get more access than if you just put someone's name and address in the finder in facebook and find them.

Beloved,it really depends on how you set up security.

I have "friends" who belong to a limited profile.  They cannot see much about me.

I also have work friends who belong to a similair category.

it  is kinda like in real life, you have circles of friends...those on the outer peripheries who you share little with, and those on the inner, who know much.

Still there's ways stuff could get spread. It's very complicated, and sometimes things go wrong. I had significant trouble setting limits to who had acess to which photo albums. It kept changing back or not accepting my changes. Then there's replies from people, you don't know who will see what who said. I find it difficult to wrap my brain around and a source of stress, so I hardly say anything!

 My Dad is on facebook now, in a minor way.  He is still figuring it out.   I am one of his 'friend's.  Except now he gets to see what a sick puppy I REALLY am.  

I checked on facebook and you can poke without being friends Pinga.

And Serena,

The easy answer is the direct one-ask her directly or send her a message but realize everyone has a choice of who their friends are-in life and on facebook.

hmmm   so Pinga does NOT know everything but likes to tell everyone how things are...

Heh tabitha...does it depend on how the person has their security setup ?  I tried a random person, and couldn't see the poke option....

(yeah, whatever she_devil....not biting your bait..have fun fishing)

I created a facebook account for Wondercafe and then deleted it. Facebook and MySpace and all that are not for me. I do have a personal facebook profile though, that my best friend for 30 years is not added to and neither is my wife. I have one friend. See, I found a half-brother and a half-sister on facebook, It was a place I could put a picture of "our" father on it and see if they would like reunited. One did and one did not. It also was a place that I did not really want my wife or other friends.

Question: What happens when you poke someone?  How can you tell if you've been poked?

I added her husband's exwife as a friend now.

I stayed up half the night growing my garden on facebook.  One of my facebook friends invited me to farmtown.

I am out of gold so I have to stay out of my garden for a few days (and collect gold) so I will try farmtown tonight.

Pinga,

It certianly might depend on what their security settings are.

I tried a "friend of a friend" and was certainly able to.

AHA! I just went on FB and played some more.

If there is a mutual frind I can "poke" people. No mutual friend-message only.

Hope that clears it up!

PS Pinga I find your knowledge and the way it is given helpful. I disagree with She-devil

I agree with She_Devil I think Pinga is just a bossy know it all.  I do not find anything helpful in any of her postings and when I read them I think "I want that 2 minutes of my life back"

I dislike that Farmville wants me to BUY money.   It is boring growing little crops and this will take FOREVER!!!! I think I will let my crops die.

LOL there are lots of people whose postings make you wish you could get those minutes of your life back

StevieG

I'm with you about Facebook. I guess I did something wrong re settings. I don't know. I find it a hard site to surf and sometimes my computer goes bonkers and crashes in it.  Anyhow, I was receiving 10 or 15  emails everyday from friends : a poke, someone planted a garden flower, someone sent flowers, someone sent a gift ,someone wrote on your wall  etc. and on top of that  I received emails to register in every charity group under the sun, Care etc.

I didn't know how it worked re all these emails coming in my Rogers  inbox. I received an email everytime somebody wrote a line or something to me...lol. I went bonkers with it. I find it much too time consuming although I did contact someone from the 60's on it and from the 70's. Whatever.....I finally closed it out but I opened a new one because I need it sometimes. I've no emails coming so I must have set the account up properly this time. I don't go there or use it unless someone requests that I look them up on it.  I think I've only 3 or 4 family members as friends and they don't bug me.

I'm happy for you that you found your half siblings on it.

Stardust, those emails are due to the way you set it up.  I do not get those kind of emails.

In addition, the stuff re flower, etc, are a simple process of hiding an application...you click on the message, and it asks you if you want to hide person or application.  pick app -- no more messages from that app

the time consuming part is if you don't configure it correctly.

I have temporarily deactivated my facebook account. (You can do this through settings).

I had such a sense of relief and freedom when I did this. I actually had a head-ache at the time, and it went away within 10 minutes of deactivating the account.

It's hard enough trying to navigate the social sphere of real life - I don't need to navigate the social sphere of a virtual life. Anyway, I found a lot of people seemed to behave ridiculously on it.

I guess facebook just isn't the right thing for everyone.

*waves to Ariel*

Great to see you here again.

Pinga;

I see you are being the hypocrite again.   You are derailing my thread and in other threads you are the topic police.

It should not surprise me.  We have been down this road before.

of course, Serena...my apologies, i forgot that this thread was about...someone not wishing to be your facebook friend, and whether or not that should bother you.

i'll leave it to others to answer the question

I was out tonight and I when I got back there was a message on my answering machine.  Yes, I realize that it is before 11:00 PM and I would have died as a teenager if I had to be home by 10:30 PM on a Friday night  BUUUUT I have to work in the morning and this is one of the things that "I hate about being an adult" that I do not like the tired feeling all day so I go home at a decent hour and go to bed.

Anyway, it bugs my former friend that I am friends with her hubby's ex and she "could not believe that I did that....how can I be ________'s friend blah blah blah.  I am not returning the phone call.  I am going to check on my facebook garden and go to bed.

Convenient that you do not respect me enough to remember the topic of my thread and you come and derail it.

Or is it the thread is not about you that made you forget?  It must be difficult when the reality hits you once in awhile that you are not the centre of the universe. 

I recognize this a fake apology and will treat it as such.

Pinga

Thanks for your help. Yes, I figured I was doing something wrong. I'm O.K. now.

Ariel:

I agree. I found it very childish like people killing time with nothing better to do. There are lots of groups discussing the usual topics we all talk about but I don't have the patience or the interest in them. I have a relative who has about 200 friends, superficial chit chat  (worse than the regular  chats) and a waste of time. Oh well...each to his own. The teenagers are all using it along with MSN messenger. I also deactivated my first account  (it said no problem to reinstate) but I couldn't get back on it , no access, so I opened a new one. They did have some virus problems and it was a mess.

 The 'poking' feature has an actual function.  You should be able to poke non-friends, unless they have the most secure fb settings.  Poking someone lets them see your profile without having to be friends.  I think it lasts a week.  This way, if you think you might know someone, but aren't 100% sure it's the person you think it is, you can let them see your profile and if they do know you, hopefully they add you!

Serena, there's tons of reasons someone may not want to be your friend on fb.  Maybe they are living vicariously through their facebook page and it's full of lies so they don't want anyone they actually know pretty well on there.  Who knows?  There's tons of other reasons, this is just one.

As long as she is a good real life friend, who cares what she does on fb?  I'd much rather have a friend who is a good friend to me in real life.

Heh stardust, as a side note, and yes, I am misusing this thread --- I am friends with wondercafe & church folk -- and they share political statements, theological viewpoints, alternative newstories, and many other items that matter.  I in turn share them with others, in so doing, we see alternative ways at looking at things....a lot depends on who/how you utilize it.

which leads me back to the thread topic, as chemgal pointed out, there may be things that the person is just not sure about sharing or have you comment on...

it is more about them, than about you

To the original poster.

Before you take it personal, you might need to know the computing habits of your friend. I, for one, have a Facebook account, but I don't use it a lot, and the little I do with it has mostly to do with one or two groups I have to consult professionally.

I have received a few "friendship requests". Generally, if I know their e-mail, I will send them an e-mail saying "Hello", and I might suggest that they rather use my e-mail address to speak with me. And if I don't know their e-mail, I may look for it if I feel it worthed, but I never use web groups or web interfaces for e-mails. To me, web pages and social groups are, well, for social – i.e. public – activities, not private ones.