What is the second movie Serena?

Actually, the other movie is simply called "Friends with Benefits", apparently so there's no doubt as to what it's about .

If the relationship works for the people involved, then they are welcome to it. I'm not going to judge them based on how they choose to carry on their relationship. The couple may well have to deal with the reactions of those who are not sold on the idea of an uncommitted (or at least, not committed in the usual sense) sexual relationship, though.

Furthermore, I can see the appeal of it - you get companionship and nookie from someone you know and probably trust but you don't have the commitments that come with a romantic relationship, marriage, children, or even sharing a roof. My more hedonistic side suggest that if I was not in committed relationship already, I might well try a relationship like this on for size.

At the same time, I think that I'd feel less stable in such a relationship. I'd find it hard to enjoy a physically intimate relationship without some degree of emotional intimacy creeping in. And there's questions that arise, too. What happens when the "fwb" finds someone else to share the "benefits" with, maybe someone that they do want a commitment with? What happens if the female half (assuming a heterosexual fwb relationship) gets pregnant which will force a certain degree of commitment if she keeps the baby?

This is all my reaction to the concept, however. As I said at the beginning, if two people are in such a relationship and it's working for them, they are welcome to it.

Mendalla

We North Americans have some pretty weird hangups about sex. Ovex in most of Europe, indeed most of the world, this wouldn't even be an issue.

Those are issues a supposedly committed relationship  has as well Mendella.  The woman can get pregnant in a "commited relationship or an uncommitted one.  Many so called "commited relationships break up when one half finds something new.

True commitment comes with a wedding ring or some other trapping.  The commitment is only as good as the person making it.

At one point I thought my ex was "commited" cuz he sent me a request on facebook asking to be in a relationship.  That relationship was ended in less than a second on facebook as in real life.

I am not arguing FOR friends with benefits by any means, I am also not sure anymore if there is anything wrong with it.

I think, though, Serena that an unplanned pregnancy is going to trigger a different relationship dynamic in an un committed or less committed relationship than in one where a longterm commitment has been made. If nothing else, it's going to force a conversation on the nature of the relationship that likely hasn't happened in an fwb scenario.

Really, I'm just brainstorming possible issues. In the end,I question whether "no strings attached" is really possible once the clothes come off, but I'm quite prepared to be wrong.

Mendalla

That's one way of looking at a wedding ring :)

When the FWB movie came out the 'news' mentioned some study that shows that as long as both people aren't actually interested in a romantic relationship that the arrangement tends to work out.  There's less risk than having a bunch of one night stands, and allows single people to enjoy sex.  It becomes an issue when one person is romantically interested from the beginning, whether or not they expect the relationship to develop into anything else.  I haven't actually read the study myself though.  I don't feel like looking for it now, maybe later.

Friends with benefits isn't something I would do, to me sex is more than just the physical act.  If someone else wants to go for it, as long as they aren't in a relationship, it wouldn't bother me.

I wonder if the same passion would be there as in a committed relationship?  That is something I wonder about and probably won't get to know.

I think lots of ppl in committed relationships think there r no strings attached when the clothes come off.  So it is possible.

LOL, but sadly true. Makes you wonder what their definition of "committed" is, doesn't it?

Mendalla

I would say there would be just as much passion (if not more) in a friends with benefits interaction.

Its like that first few months with a new boyfriend or girlfriend. The infatutation, the intense physiological responses...which eventually wear off a bit as the relationship evolves from romantic love (passion + intimacy), to consummate love (passion + intimacy + commitment) As Steinbergs theory of love suggests.

As long as the two are consenting adults and having fun and obviously aware of possible ramifications, then they should go for it!

I think it's aiming low but could work so long as both people are on the same page. The trouble would be if one persons feelings change and the others doesn't.

I think that sexual urges happen. They happen outside relationships. They happen when people are dating or living together. They also happen outside dating.

Masturbation would be the least likely to result in heartbreak or disease. Next, would be sleeping with someone deemed "safe" and using protection. Lastly would be what many without a freind with benefits do and that is sleep with a "date". This is done early and results in things from disease to broken hearts to danger. It is done without testing, without getting to really know each other and the ability to trust one's life and health to them,

We, as a puritanical society, much prefer someone sleep with a date they knew a night or a week, than a friend they knew for eons. We can then pretend they were looking for marriage and settling down and all that is still tied to our "no sex outside marriage" and "sex only for procreation" stuff.

Man, this stuff is thinky.

I can see the appeal of FWB.

I'm sure many of us have thought of someone as only a friend but wondered "what if".

But there is the rub. With a friend there is an emotional attachment already. You add sex into it, and there are too many variables to accurately predict oucomes. Anything could happen.

So don't think of it as "safe", bacause you don't really know what will happen. Perhaps think of it as a bit of an adventure. Might end well, might not.

An interesting and highly relevant article from the Dec. 2 Globe.

Basically, some University of Ottawa researchers have done a fairly extensive study of various types of uncommited sexual relationships in college aged people, looking at what rules define the various types of relationship, how each plays out, how likely they are to lead to a committed relationship, and so on.

Personally (ie. for myself), I wouldn't feel comfortable with having one night stands or booty calls (as defined in the study) but would find "sex" buddies and FWB (again, as defined here) workable with the right person (assuming I was single, which I'm not).

Mendalla