So I have known this guy for over month.  Like clockwork he phones everynight.  He is coming over this Saturday to fix everything that needs fixing in my house.  He is bringing dinner that he cooked.

He is willing to try ANY of my experiments in the kitchen.

So how do I know if he is "the one?"  Not the first guy I dated after my ex.  Totally opposite of my ex.

If the song is correct.  The stars will shine brighter the first time we kiss.   :)  The songbirds will sing in our hearts.  But poetry aside.  How doe we know?

Oh, I wish I had an answer... but it sounds pretty good.  Keep going with the pretty good until your world is one with  his, no games, no testing, willingness to ask questions carefully instead of accuse or distrust, ..

My sweetheart isn't perfect, nor am I, but generally I wake up content & happy to be where I am, and disappointed that we're off to work apart for the day.  That's a good sign.

Just to cause trouble...

Is there really such a thing as "the one" or is that a piece of romanticism?

I'm following this thread, Serena.  You may have seen my Pre-Marital Counselling thread a little while ago.  I've known my guy for over four years.  Good luck with yours!

I'm currently reading Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough and Is He Mr. Right?: Everything You Need to Know Before You Commit.

I have no idea why some of that text turned blue, nor why I can't change it back.  *sigh*

Let us believe it while we're young!

I don't believe in a "One".  I think it is romantic garbage. I say garbage because I think it puts people on quests, hunting expeditions, fantasy stuff instead of getting down to brass tacks of relating, then relationship building and relationship maintaining.

One would be pretty hard to ever find in the whole world. What if your one was a nomadic tribesperson on another continent you would never visit?

One would also suck if you had one and lost them to death or break up... there would be no hope for Another One.

I believe in Potentials.

Hopefully it will not be a cloudy night the first time you kiss .

Not even the first kiss, no matter how delicious it might be, will be an indication if he is the "one".  Getting to know one another, and sometimes getting to know yourself and what you want in life and in a relationship, will help you determine if you are meant to be together.

Good luck, Serena . . . enjoy the supper!

Well on my bday I did not expect him to call. He had texted earlier. I told him I was busy with friends. The friends left early. I was listening to KG country on the radio. Just at that moment this song came on. I was thinking about the first kiss with my ex and thinking it did not measure up to this song. Then this new guy called and. I turned my radio down and answered the phone and wondered if he was "the one"

It could be romanticism. :((

I was dating four and broke it off with one. 

If you're still dating three, why are you only asking if one of them is the right one for you -- some fuel for thought.

I imagine we can connect with more than one person in a lifetime - I've met many people I admire enough to want to spend time with, and could have 'dated'.

My sweetheart though is someone I've always been content with enough to not look back.  More than that, I still love when he laughs at my jokes or calls me during the day, or comes home early.  23 years almost.  Not a bad match, I'd say.

I didn't know it immediately - actually didn't like him at all at first, sort of.  Broke up a few times.  But we were teens, so who knows.

I was looking for love in all the wrong places

Looking for love in too many faces...........

If he is, it will take more than a month to know.

Romantic love is primarily sexual attraction and projection of one's desires.

True love is something that grows over time - through sharing happiness, sadness, and each other.

That's why arranged marriages have as big a chance of success as romantic marriages.

Your choice of avatar says it all, Serena.

Snow White and her handsome prince.  

Those childhood fairytales have a lot to answer for!!!!!

Yes, and when the romantic love wanes a bit a lot of guys give up and throw in the towel.

They should do a movie about what happened to Snow White and her prince over the next 20 years.

I hope it works out for you Serena. I think if he is right for you, you will know. Wait and see. Love has all different types of shapes. Basically if you can't live without him, he is right...I think...

I like your new avatar.

All the princess got married before the romantic love waned just like in the movies.  Never mind 20 years I would like to see what happened after the FIRST year.

It sounds promising. I'd say it's too soon to tell for sure but keep dating and hope for the best. I'm sure in time you'll know. Best wishes.

Reminds me of the "shoop shoop" song . . .

Does he love me, I wanna know,
how can I tell if he loves me so?
(Is it in his eyes )
oh no you'll be deceived
(is it in his sighs)
oh no he'll make believe.
If you wanna know
(shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop)
if he loves you so
it's in his kiss
(that's where it is.... oh yeah!)

(Or is it in his face)
oh no it's just his charms
(in his warm embrace)
oh no that's just his arms.
If you wanna know
(shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop)
if he loves you so
it's in his kiss
(that's where it is)
woh-oh, it's in his kiss

I think someone did it, but not specifically with Snow White. More like "generic fairy tale princess" and what "happily ever after" was really like. I'd have to do some hunting to find it, but I'm thinking it was a fantasy short story in Weird Tales magazine or an anthology.

Mendalla

Fixed yer typo .

Mendalla

lol.... haha - just remember it says "wanes a bit" ...  no worries!

im available.....

That's why it's important to pick a guy for his companionship and who he is. Someone devoted and steadfast. Someone to spend a lifetime with.

Mendalla, movie sounds good. I hope you remember the name. I did watch the comedy "Enchanted" I think it was called, a live action story about a Disney princess who falls into the real world, finds her prince, and in the end gives him up for a real love. Kind of amusing.

Personally, I've found when I start questioning if a guy is "the one," I'm trying to convince myself there is more there than there is...or should be.

I  don't believe there is "the one".

I want a companion for the journey, someone who knows my heart and the deepest parts of my self-and loves me anyhow-someone who I can be truthful with, who sees my flaws, who brings out the best in me. Someone I trust, someone I'm delighted to go to bed with and delighted to wake up with in the morning! Someone who can support my quest for meaning and happiness-but not someone who is supposed to provide it all for me!

I want a relationship that is life givng!

Serena,

Whatever you've got gal, it works.

Stephen has posted without a Bible reading - for the sake of all your fellow wondercafinators - please take Stephen up on his offer.  

Hey, THERE'S a dinner conversation you won't want to miss....

ur profile says that you are under 18.  I only date guys over 25.  In our next life. . Oh wait you don't have a next life but I will.   Maybe you should loosen the doors on your doctrine and then I will go out with you in our next life...

Yes that may be more accurate. 

Men will travel to the moon and back in the beginning and say everything they learned from chick flicks.  Then after the thrill wears off you have to physically drag them off the couch to take you out on a date.

Gee, Serena, I kinda had you in mind for my next life. 

We can do that.  In my next life I am going to start dating a lot earlier cuz I won't sign the "dating contract" for High School and Bible College.  Then I can get my most recent ex over with a lot earlier and focus on more guys.   My psychic said that my ex and a I soul mates.  We come together every lifetime and one of us really hurts the other and then both of us move on to true love.  So we are not good soul mates but soul mates nonetheless.

Beth Anne, Good point.

Serena, Interesting psychic info. Reminds me of the Little Book of the Soul by Ian Lawton I read.

For the record I share the idea that there isn't just "one".  I think there can be many "ones".  I think basic compatibility, shared values, and attraction is essential but beyond that you both make a commitment that each other is the "one" everyday you wake up and then you work at it.  

Good relationships don't happen based on romance, the stars, or destiny.  Good relationships work because you both are committed to making it work and then do the work necessary.  And, again for the record, sometimes these relationships can be a hell of a lot of work.

I’m ambiguous on the notion of “The One”.

On the one hand, the notion that there’s one right person out there who is our “soulmate”, “missing half”, or whatever is a little too much like pre-destination (Or is that pre-determinism? I recall RevJohn expounding on the difference in a post one time.). My intellectual side wants to believe that we are more like Lego: many pieces that can fit together in various ways to make a working relationship. We just have to find a piece that fits and figure out how to make it fit.

On the other hand, there’s my own relationship which, by standards of probability, sounds very unlikely on paper.  We were born on opposite sides of the world (both physically and culturally). My wife had to weather some of her nation’s most turbulent years and somehow scramble high enough in the heap to get permission to study overseas and get accepted at a foreign university. I grew up in a relatively well-off family (middle-class, far from wealthy but certainly comfortable) in some of Canada’s best years with no upheavals beyond the rather remote events in Quebec in 1970, cruised quietly through our school system, and just happened to choose a program that put me in the same faculty in the same university as her. And even then, we were in different programs so we didn’t meet at first, just passed anonymously in the halls. And it might have ended there had we not both signed up for jobs in the school’s computing lab and had the supervisor of the labs not put us together (years later, after we managed to reconnect with him, he got a home-cooked Chinese meal as his reward).

At any point, one tiny event could have stopped us from meeting: us not taking the jobs in the computer lab; me choosing another library school; her going to a different foreign university (or even a different country); her being refused permission to study overseas; me not going into library science (grad classics and teaching were other options that I considered and a couple church members even suggested I should go into the UCCan ministry); and so on. IOW, it’s not like the old-fashioned two people from the same town meeting in high school where the probability of the meeting happening is fairly high.

So, while I may intellectually believe that there is no such thing as “The One”, the seemingly improbable string of events leading to my own marriage sometimes makes me wonder if there wasn’t some kind of destiny behind us meeting and falling in love.

Mendalla

Good posts Mendalla and DaisyJane. SO true.

 One of my fiance's favorite songs (he's sooooo romantic *eyeroll*):

chemgal,

Tim Minchin will be appearing with a 55 piece symphony orchestra at the Sydney Opera House in March. (I'll be going).

My big sappy love song at the time I met my wife was "All I ask of you" from Lloyd-Webber's Phantom of the Opera (my second favorite Lloyd-Webber after JC Superstar). Eventually I came to my senses and went back to the Lon Chaney silent film, but for a while this was my favorite version of the story, probably because it played up the romance angle of the story so much and I was in the throes of my first (and only to date) great romance.

This is the version from the movie version of the musical, which I have not actually seen. I did see the Toronto stage production with Colm Wilkinson as the Phantom (the only time I've seen a show in TO, to be honest).

Mendalla

 Pilgrims, it sounds like a good night!  You'll have to tell us about it after.

Mendalla, That's beautiful. I haven't heard that song in a long time. I used to like the soundtrack too. Beautiful video. Very romantic.  I saw one movie of it once, not sure if there are maybe two... 

So I think he was going to try to kiss me last night but I stayed out of arm's reach and kept talking.   (I have a talent for that...getting nervous and staying away) So I don't know.  

Date #4 is today.

I got a dozen red roses yesterday.

Dozen red roses sounds like someone is interested. As for the kissing, it needs to happen when you're both ready, not just him, so don't rush it. There's other ways to show you're interested before going that step.

Mendalla

We are going out tomorrow again.

What are the other ways to show I am interested Mendella?

What do you really think of him?

How bout taking his hand, or his arm as you walk down the street? A knowing smile? I'm not sure how you feel though. Nice that he gave you roses.

We have not walked down the street.  I do smile at him and he smiles in return.   I am starting to like him.  He makes me laugh.

Elanor had a couple ideas. Find out what he's interested in (besides you) and see where you overlap. Pursue those areas, let him know that you're interested in learning more about him as a person. You'll need to learn this anyhow if it's going to be long-term, so making it part of the getting closer to him process can't hurt.

Mendalla

Makes you laugh is good. Keep spending time together, discussing what matters most to you both, you wanna know the important stuff. Basically what Mendalla said. Find out about his honesty and integrity, and his past realtionships if you can. Wait til it's appropriate to ask.

So I read about this topic.   In the beginning the cause of the heart fluttering, (birds singing in your heart( etc.  Is chemicals from the brain....nothing more.  Which explains why after a few months my ex said "puppy love is over"

So it becomes even harder to find out who the one is.

To some extent, "The One" is the one you still have a reason to be with once the puppy love is over, and who finds a reason to stay with you once the puppy love stage ends. We've been out of the puppy love stage for a very long time (we met 22 years ago), but we have many reasons to still be together. Common interests, family, ongoing mutual attraction, and so on. Now, what the reasons are and how you find out if they are there is where it gets complicated and that's why Elanor and I talked about getting to know his personality, his interests, finding out where they overlap with yours, and so on. There has to be more than the "oo, I wuvs you, smoochie smoochie" going on if a relationship is to hold up over the long haul..

Mendalla

Yeah, when your partner is your best friend you stand a pretty good chance. ; ) You want a guy who wants a life companion, not just the early love high.

Love's more than chemicals in the brain though, something sparks those chemicals, and carries on after they settle down.