Sad, sad, sad, since you ask.

An anonymous letter isn't a backbone. Too bad,

 It was not anonymous Mike.  Is a poison pen letter generally anonymous? I didn't realize that.  NO indeed, it was signed by yours truly.

Since you can't talk and listen at the same time,  the letter was the only way to tell this rude overbearing  person exactly what I thought of her behavior and be heard.  

 That's probably what she did after reading it.

I received one from a relative once who misinterpreted what was said but hates to be proven 'wrong'.  I sent a reasoned response to her HUSBAND and shared copies of her letter and my reply with close friends and relatives who had been recipients of her blastings before.  Her husband finally asked why I had done that and I replied that she'd had an opportunity to talk to me face to face, and she chose not to.  To avoid a shouting match, I chose the alternative (as mentioned, she'd done this sort of thing to others as well).  Well, lo and behold, guess what ladies and gentlemen, now she discusses with me, and anyone else, face to face.  No more poison pen, and all it took was a good, old fashioned, kick in the butt.

 But seriously have you ever tried to get an important point across to someone who is so rude that they interrupt and cut you off and talk over you so you can't get a word in?

The aforesaid point being also being that they were acting rude and insulting and saying untrue things in front of your friends and family. So it would be futile to call them on their rudeness knowing you would be countered with...more rudeness.  What then? They need to know how ill mannered and out of line they are and that it wasn't appreciated.

Yes.  At that point, I raised my hand, and said "I see no point in continuing this conversation.  We're through talking.  Now, I have important things to do." Then, walk away.  (This was with a former sister in law at my inlaws anniversary).  I told this person I had more important things to do.  I had to go watch paint dry. If they try to start up again, tell them you're not listening.  I said, in a quiet but firm voice, "Talk to the hand, toots, because the face isn't listening."  Take control of the situation and let them know, by your actions, that you're not going to listen.  If they leave, well, they're the ones who lose.

That's what I think should be done after writing one. Write it, get all your anger out, then shred that thing for all its worth.

 I've never heard of a poison pen letter before, but from wikipedia:

A poison pen letter is a letter or note containing unpleasant, abusive or malicious statements or accusations about the recipient or a third party. It is usually sent anonymously. Poison pen letters are usually composed and sent to upset the recipient.

I agree with Jae, you write it and don't bother sending it.

A rationally written, non-abusive letter can be useful to get your point across to someone who won't hear you out, of if you have trouble speaking without visibly getting upset or angry.

Hi Trishcuit,

I am sure a poison pen letter from a sweety like you is pretty tame.  Like you say it probably is missing anything you might regret.

I have. I also think that it is good to write letters like that. it helps sometimes to writ it and put it away for a day or two. than you can revise it or not send it if you have a change of heart. However I believe it is important for my health to be able to speak my mind. A letter can achieve that, and even if the person does not "get it" after reading it, at least I have had the satisfaction and release of knowing I have stood up for myself.

You might or might not get and acknowledgement of the recipiant, right away, (some people are unable to hear the truth) however it could actually help the other person see themselves better, and help them change in a way that will be good for them and those they affect.

Well, I've written some and some have been helpful and some not so much.  When I'm relaly upset - angry or emotional anxious, etc - I lose my words "in person."  So there are times when I've written letters or emails because they help me find my voice and some sense of empowerment.  Because sometimes I feel afraid of being in the same room and getting into something that could easily turn nasty with me cowering in a corner. 

I'm a strong woman but there are some people that have ways of relating that really intimidate me and the only way I can speak freely is with the written word.  And it does help me clarify what my thoughts actually are because although I can type in the heat of the moment, I do stop and think before I hit send.

And there are times when it has really hurt a relationship. I may well have been speaking my truth but my anger was too big for email and I said things I later regretted.  I work hard on my friendships and so I don't walk away from things, even if it's a big mess I've created.

I don't think what you've described is exactly a poisoned pen letter, trishcuit. It sounds more like a reasonable way to deal with an unreasonable person who won't listen.

A rationally written, non-abusive letter can be useful to get your point across to someone who won't hear you out, of if you have trouble speaking without visibly getting upset or angry.

* * *

That is exactly what it was.

And Gaiagirl, I am so much like you in that respect.  I lose my words. I can communicate well in writing and I was actually composing the letter in my head at 4AM and so had time to  think about it.  I didn't call her names, merely stated facts and basically asked her where she got off talking like that.  (Did I mention she is the 'golden girl' in her parents' eyes? Spoiled is more like it. Even her parents kiss her a**. Sad, because they aren't doing her any favors.)

 Then you DIDN'T write a poison pen letter.

Here's Wikipedia on "poison pen letter":

"A poison pen letter is a letter or note containing unpleasant, abusive or malicious statements or accusations about the recipient or a third party. It is usually sent anonymously. Poison pen letters are usually composed and sent to upset the recipient."

Thanks Mike.  I guess I should have renamed it to...what? A strong rebuke?

How about " a measured response, in a medium of your own choosing"

errr, yes.  *ahem* . That's it. 

Hi Trishcuit...it's difficult to learn to set emotional boundaries and perhaps this is why she has been carrying on like this with you for awhile? 

It sounds like it was a healthy way for you to manage to set a boundary.  I'll bet that this is the beginning of some freedom for you...**clink**

 yeah once the mother in law gets over my telling off her golden child, haha.  Meanwhile we get a respite from family gatherings that we don't particularly enjoy anyway.