Yeah Mrs Bennett's great. 

I think a woman who is married can still wear her hair down and put on makeup and attractive clothing. Just maybe not look like an exotic dancer or porn star.  Look nice and attractive in what is flattering to your figure and complexion ect.  But there is a point where TASTE comes into play, concerning your marital status.  OH and class.

I disagree with quite a bit here.  The views of Elanorgold's male friend seem bizarre to me.     As a single woman I didn't 'dress' to catch a man but to please myself.  At no point did I dress like an exotic dancer or porn star.  A pleasantly dressed woman of any age who is already married is capable of letting him know that she isn't available as a mate for him! 

Once married I continued to dress in ways that pleased me - never have been into headscarves.  Now I'm a grandmother and my clothing has changed over the years - but it is still within the 'normal' range.   I don't know many other grandmothers who are wearing stilletto heels, skin tight mini skirts, tops with necklines that go down to the navel.  Mostly they just dress comfortably and tidily, without being overly influenced by outlandish temporary fads and fashions.

If anything I'd advise the young man to give some thought to his own clothing and manners and stop thinking of young women as sex objects rather than unique individuals.  I have heard quite a few young, single women bemoaning the appalling sloppiness in dress that many young men display.  One told me that she knew a guy who didn't have any casual wear other than 'rude joke' T shirts and baggy sweatpants.

He sounds Islamic in the first bit, thinking that women dress to tempt men.  But not in the second half because if the man fell to the temptation it is still the woman's fault and the man is completely blameless.

Above all, he has a rather extreme unhealthy view towards women.

hear hear!!  Souds like a boyfriend I had when I was young and stupid.  He spent all his money on speakers, beer and pot.  There were many days when not one stitch on  his body was bought by himself, but by me and the socks his mother bought him for Christmas.  He wore sweat pants to the bar,  the awful kind  with elastic at the ankles. He was scrawny too so it didn't  look good at all.  He was one who looked at women and thought they should all dress like strippers and be built like them too. 

Man I was stupid.

Chuckle. It's funny that you ladies can tell that much about this friend of mine just by his one comment. But you are on the money there, except that he is a classy dresser. He is an ordinary single bloke, not Islamic.

I think tidy, comfortable and tasteful are key words here so far for married women.

Ug Trish! re: that boyfriend!

haha yes, i mentioned I was stupid right? 

I agree with tidy comfortable and tasteful.  But attractive though too, just not in a   " f**k me'" way.

Nope - don't agree with your friend at all.  It's a very outdated concept, IMO, and oddly still prevalent in some sectors today.  Right up there with - oh, I couldn't help but rape her ... she was wearing those sexy clothes ... how can I really be held accountable ... she shouldn't dress like that!!   Nope, not acceptable thinking, to me at least.

I expect we have all heard about judges who claim that 'the woman was asking to be raped because she was wearing red panties'!  The rape was obviously imminent before anyone knew what color panties she was wearing. 

Sorry dude.  I am not, nor will I ever be, responsible for what is in YOUR mind. 

And, I hate to break the news to you but it is a fallacy that women are not visually "inflamed" by an attractive or provocatively dressed male.

Weird.  Double post.

When a guy thinks he's looking "Provocative" I call it "Cheesy".  I used to sell hotdogs at a little hot dog cart outside the night clubs at night.  Tuesdays were Ladies night and they had the male exotic dancers. Some girls nearly needed to change their panties but I thought it was utterly ridiculous. Even after their act was done and their clothes were on again, their manner and attire just screamed "FROMAGE!!"

I think that friend has some very weird ideas.  I agree with others that say he needs a reality check.

Unfortunately, all too many law enforcement officers and judges buy this idea. That's scary.

Yes, he is a pretty old fashioned guy, which is why he is still single. I'd love to help him out, but I suspect he won't be able to change. What he needs is a really old fashioned woman. He almost got one once, but it ended tradgicaly. I do feel for him though, but sometimes I'd like to sock him. At heart he is a good guy. He won't be reading this thread though, so ya know.

Chuckle chuckle Trish, Eww!! Chip 'n Dales aren't my thing either.

Enflamed women generally seem to know how to keep control of themselves I think, unless they're drunk that is... Most men do too, thankfully!, though not all, very sadly.

So we all agree, it's ok to be attractive then? Do you think my example above in red is acceptable? If you took away the red sunset, would she be acceptably dressed for a night out with her husband? Her dress seems very normal formal wear to me.

I don't know about the red dress. It looks more like a neglige (sp?). She can obviously pull it off, but I would feel very uncomfortable in that myself. Maybe I've grown more modest over the years, but if one is not a red carpet Oscar celeb, it's just a bit too much for an average night on the town for a regular woman. I dunno, maybe it's me...I would feel too over-done...not to say that I agree with your friend, because I don't. Women have every right to look and feel attractive. Men are responsible for their own reactions and attitudes...I just think a little less cleavage would probably look more tasteful stylewise.  My partner might disagree with me. ;)

Yeah there's nowhere where I live where a person could pull off that dress. Having said that,  she is gorgeous and if I were having a VERY highfalutin  night out with my hubby AND able to pull that dress off I would wear it. It's gorgeous.

Hmmm, yes....thanks girls.

Huh? I'm  not sure I understand this post. You mean to say that they dressed like this?

You should have gotten together with them. Nothing beats a good cheese dog.

To clear that up, here is the definition of cheezy, in this context, from the Urban Dictionary

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cheezy

I'm going to raid the fridge now and have some cheddar. Later, y'all!

There's a time and there's a place, even when you're married, to show off some sex appeal. What shows off sex appeal effectively may not be the same when you're in your forties as it was in your twenties, but reminding hubby now and then that you can still rock his socks (and the rest of his wardrobe) off is not a bad thing.

Speaking as a middle-aged hubby, of course.

Mendalla

Good reminder Mendalla!

Very wisely and entertaininly put, Mendella!

Yes it's good to get 'sexed up' for your mate, as long as you keep a certain taste and  dignity about it, in public at least.

I find this completely ridiculous.  The primary purpose of a bra is to support.  Some would claim that some women don't wear bras to attract attention.  Some men find short hair attractive, something a little looser in certain areas looks better (and even sexier) on some people.  Some guy is going to find something 'inflaming' no matter what a woman does.  You never hear the reverse.  Should married men not get dressed up?  Some women find that attractive.  What about uniforms?  A fitted shirt?  Why do men shave?

Is it inappropriate that married men dress the same compared to when they were single?  Heck, most don't even wear an engagement ring.

Trishcuit, I remember going to ladies nights.  For me, it wasn't about the attraction, but rather just a good time.  A little bit of booze, guys doing cheesy dance routines and I got more of a laugh than going to the comedy club.

I haven't changed my appearance because I got engaged or married, other than wearing my rings.  Even then, I don't wear them all the time when I go out.  I'll dress differently as styles change and as I age.  Sometimes I might even choose to wear something because I know my husband likes it.  I'll wear what I want as I see appropriate to the situation, and my relationship status does not have much of an affect on my decisions.  I wouldn't be in a relationship with a guy who wasn't alright (and even support) with that position.

My choice in the clothes that I wear are more to do with my changing body. I am 44, I have had five babies. Things are NEVER going to be what they were.  So I  wear clothes that downplay certain areas and flatter others.  Bear in mind that "flatter" doesn't mean EXPOSE or SKIN TIGHT.  

There are tops and dresses out there that I LOVE, with little spaghetti straps. But I need  real bra. And wearing say a bra tank underneath would ruin the whole effect or oultine of the garment. le sigh....  And so I look for stuff with shoulder straps you can actually almost hide a bra under.  I really like that show "What not to Wear".  Good common sense.

I like that show too trishcuit.  When I first saw it, my immediate reaction was "how horrible" - to the critique of existing wardrobe etc.  But my kids assured me it would get better as the show unfolded - and it did!   Definitely some good advice given.

yeah they can be pretty blunt. hah hah. Boy they'd have a heyday with mine. 

Sorry folks, I missed the flurry of activity here.

Thanks Mendalla for that thoughtful insight from the male perspective. : )  What about other men admiring your wife?

Thanks Chemgal for your thoughts. The inflaming thing is a pain. ANd you're right, there's generally no way around it. You're so right about the bra and stuff too. I mean, I generally go without, as I don't really need it, so I wear them for decency sake (gee that's a bit embarrasing to say!) .

And you're right that we don't hear the reverse. Do men feel more secure they won't loose their women? There's something different that I can't quite pin down, that explains why there is any issue over women's mode of dress at all... Maybe it's that women are more vulnerable... Or maybe my friend has thrown me for a real loop with his sexist remarks. He got me feeling guilty! There is a deeper history at play here. Maybe because I rejected him myself once, long ago. I think he has a resentment towards women for rejecting him. He didn't reply by the way, when I talked about wearing my own hair up verses down. I mean I wouldn't want to be a foul temptress or anything!

Also, in my pagan past, I learned that I can expect to go through three stages of life, maiden, mother and crone. So I reconed that just maybe I hadn't fully switched into mother mode, if I'm not dressing the part... whatever that may be.

Are men more possessive of their women? There's something I can't quite place... 

Of cource this is all generalization. Each person is different. And I like a man who isn't all macho and concerned with being as manly as possible. Hubby and I both have a balance of traditionally "male" and "female" aspects. He is gentle and thoughtful, I like woodwork and taking control.

 I had thought of my op question before, but the recent email pushed me to the point of asking the question. It's not something I have always, or am normally concerned about. And I never blamed raped women for their clothes.

My hubby also supports whatever I choose to wear, and gives subtile and thoughtful advice when I ask for it. I don't feel ok in short skirts any more. He actually likes this long floral skirt I have that I keep wanting to get rid of cause I think it's too old ladyish. Don't you dare! He says.

 He actually likes this long floral skirt I have that I keep wanting to get rid of cause I think it's too old ladyish. Don't you dare! He says

Ha ha. that's cute!

I'm willing to share ... up to a point (not into swinging, sorry). Look but don't touch, boys.

Seriously, though, if I know that other men are interested, then it kind of reinforces my own attraction by letting me know that what I saw in her 23 years ago is probably still there.

A long skirt can be quite sexy in its own way (I'm not actually that fond of miniskirts, in fact). If it's fairly lightweight and a bit clingy, it can reveal without revealing too much, if you get my drift.

Mendalla

LOL Mendalla! I really don't know what he sees in this skirt. It's so heavily printed that any cling is lost in the confusion! It's silk so it does flow nicely, which is why I bought it. It's a cold, noisy fabric though, which I don't like. I oughta wear it in the summer.

You have a good relaxed attitude toward onlookers. I'm not sure how my husband feels about it. I suspect he gets jealous, which upsets me. Or maybe I haven't noticed when I've been noticed and he has felt similar to you. I generally overt my eyes from other men when I'm out with hubby. I generally don't appreciate being noticed. I'm sick of it. Unless it's a good natured older gentleman who poses no threat to hubby, that's just cute and flattering.

Yeah it's nice to know we still 'got it' but there ARE limits for sure.