I think you're pretty normal puppypaws!   Yes, some people fall away as we transition in life, and some do not.  I'm still in touch with a couple of people from high school, and a few from my university days - but not too many.  Life changes, people move on to new places and new interests - there will be new friends you haven't met yet!   Are you working this summer?   When does your culinary course begin? 

Hi puppypaws,

Well, I have the same sort of experience.  I don't know if that makes you normal or it just proves that you are as abnormal as I am.

To some degree I believe it is.  I think that if I look back upon it my friends tended to be in the same class as I was and for the most part sat in a desk near enough to mine.  I don't know if at the age of five I picked friends because I could intuit their character or they just happened to be handy and up for a game of ball.

For a brief time our trajectories in life were proximal.  Our goal was to get through Grade 1 and then 2 and then 3 and then 4 and on and on.  The higher the grade number the more choices we were given as to picking our own subjects.

Some of my pals opted for technical classes.  Some opted for classes that reflected their appreciation of the fine arts.  I loved art and history (but not, oddly enough, art history).  Bit by bit we became our own people.  We still got together at lunch and sought each other out at assemblies and rallies and games and such.  We walked to school together and we walked home together.

And then it came time to leave high-school and do something different.  Some went into the workforce, one went into the armed forces, some went to college and some went to university.  We kept in touch for a while, when the going was easy and then, because we knew we were going to be paying the piper we began to focus on getting as much value out of our student loans as we possibly could.

Then there was post-graduate work for some.

Then there were cross-country moves for some.

Trajectories packed so tightly in the beginning spread so wide after time.  Like fireworks.

It isn't like we forgot about each other and it isn't like we didn't have some kind of influence on each other.  It is more like electrons jumping orbits.

Some relationships have more sticking power and they last.  That is a wonderful thing to have.  Others, like the proverbial fireworks, make a huge noise and provide a lot of colour only to burn-out pretty quickly.

It happens through out life.

I went to Vancouver for 4 years.  Had fun, made friends, see and hear from them infrequently.  Not because I wouldn't like to see them more.  We have different stuff going on in our lives and that takes priority.

I spent seven years in Newfoundland and Labrador's West District.  At GC40 I was able to touch base with several colleagues I genuinely miss.  I don't think any one of us has had much contact with the other in the five years since I left and yet, we were able to pick up where we left off as if we had gone nowhere at all.  

I have two friends who have been with me in some fashion since I was 18 (so the relationships are 25 years old) I don't see either of them as often as I would like.  My kids have at least ten on any of theirs so understandably we are at different points in our life journey and that is okay.  It means I took point so I can be the voice of experience from time to time.

We have new players on our ball team and I, having tore up my medial cartilage meniscus, am just coaching and not playing.  So new friendships are being made.  Who knows what they will look like by the end of the season?

Friends are like the tide.  They come and they go and as much as you might try to influence otherwise the forces that pull on them always win out.

So, I think your experience is pretty normal.  

If, by chance, you are grieving the loss of some of those relationships I think that would be normal also.  If you are still grieving the loss of those relationships 25 years from now then you might be a candidate for abnormal.

Until then you seem pretty average to me.

Grace and peace to you.

John

Or am I just some abnormal kid? I know most of you have been through the graduating high school thing, did you lose friends too? 

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 I would say it's fairly normal.  I know some people who would get jobs at the same place as their friends, take the same classes at university and eat lunch with the same people they went to high school with.  I thought that was a bit immature.  Sure, I would meet up with friends from high school from time to time, but I also wanted to meet new friends.  As for jobs and classes, I did what was best for me, not my friends.

I did drift apart from some friends, that's natural I would say.  If it's a relationship you think is important, it takes some effort to maintain especially when you're not doing the same things anymore.  Keeping up all the friendships you've ever had takes too much time and effort, especially if you no longer have much in common.

I'll second revjohn's "abnormal as me" comment.  I still have two friends from high school, but I mostly started from scratch after grade 12 when one friend moved to England for her first year and one moved to Halifax.

I think it's really normal in high school to just stick with what you know and keep hanging out with the same people because that seems like what you're supposed to do.  And I think it's really normal to realise when those relationships are no longer good or worthwhile.  I think you've probably done the right thing in acknowleding that you're not friends with them anymore because it will make you more open to meeting new people as you start at a new school in the fall.

Good luck!  Have fun!

No, Puppypaws you are very normal.   The whole group of friends from High School thing belongs in the movies not in real life.   I miss my friends from high school.  In my case though they gave me over to the devil when I left the Church.  That is probably abnormal but I think we would have drifted apart eventually.   Although, maybe not we would have seen each other every Sunday for Church and Wednesday for Bible Study and served on committees together.   So I had I not backslidden and left the Church we would probably all still be friends but that would be abnormal.

My friends from College were different.  We stayed in touch for awhile until they moved to different provinces and even then they came back to visit and phoned for awhile but eventually we lost touch.  My crowd became my work crowd.  When I changed jobs I changed friends.  I still have a friend or two from every school I taught at that I stay in touch in with.  Facebook makes that a bit easier now.

Recently, I had a good friend orbit out of my life.   In her defense she has a lot going on now with 4 kids and she just had a bad break up.   When I went to her house after swimming we commiserated about the horrible guys we were dating.  A couple months ago I was not dating such a horrible guy and our friendship could not withstand that.

Life balances out though.   A good friend orbited back into my life.   She had gone through a nasty divorce and lost her stepchild.  I had just lost my Dad then my Mom became ill.   I think I had too much crap going on in my life for her to deal with and she just began to avoid me.   She called me on Sunday and apologized profusely.  She is over (or getting over) her issues and we got together on Tuesday.  I could have harbored resentment because she was not around when I needed her.  I chose not to.  We can never have too many friends and I was probably not able to deal with her issues at the time either. 

So I hope that my former friend can get a good boyfriend and then come back to me.   :)   I hope that this friend and I will continue where we left off thick as theives.   It is different for me though.  I am not going anywhere.  My friends are mostly at an age where they are not going to have cross country moves and are finished their schooling.   You never know though one could get married and move to the city with her new husband.   Then the dynamics of the relationship will change.  Though not as much now if her new husband likes my boyfriend.  

My current boyfriend lives around here so I am not going anywhere.   :)

For what it's worth I lost touch with all my friends from high school and from college over the years. In all honesty they weren't really deep friendships to start with, I tend to be pretty introverted. I have since reconnected with a few people via facebooks and I'm determined to put more effort into hanging on this time. There are a few others I desperately hope to find again. In one case I actually feel I know one person much better than I did back then, although that's largely becasue she kept a lot of bad things in her life secret. Anyway I'd say losing some people is normal and losing everyone happens at least sometimes.

I am also reminded of something I've heard at times. GOD puts people in our life for a reason, for a season, and for a lifetime. In other words there will be some people who come into your life for a very specific reason. GOD has a (for lack of better term) "task" for them concerning you and then they'll drift away once that's done. Other people will be in your life for a certain period of time and others will be with you for life.

The last thing I want to add is that I hope you remember that you will be making lots of new friends as you go through life. I hope you can find joy in that.

 I will disagree a bit with others.  I think in many ways friends from highschool and elementary school can be life long.  In part because you grew up together.  You know each others families and stories.

Friends at university, while can be intense friendships may not last or they might.  Just the same as all friendships.

It may be that in your school you didn't find your soul friends, those who are like you or are mirrors of you and that you will find them later on.

I think it natural that friends fde over time, life changes, we take different paths.  The friends you felt closest too may be worth the effort to keep close or not.

I have a few friends from highschool that i never see but when I run into them , it is like we are all 17 again, we seem to start up into the exact same conversations and it is fun.

 have a friend from college that is exactly the same.

I see my son now finished university.  He has a core group of about 6 guys from highschool that he is close with but not nearly like when he was 17.  He has a group from university that he loves and I hope that last.

Only time and the amount of effort you make will tell.

because I do think that friendships, like marriage need to be nurtured and cared for to last

I'm still in touch with... three people, I think, from high school.  We were all best friends in those years.  Now, we are not.  We are all still good friends and one of them might still be considered a "best" friend, but that's it.  I knew a LOT of people in high school, but no longer.

Same with university.  I didn't make many university friends in the first three years during my science degree, but in my final two years with my education degree, I made dozens of friends.  (In that program, you're with the same people all day everyday, like in high school.)  Many of them became best friends.  Now... I chat with a few on Facebook from time to time, but very few of them.

So... it's normal.  I think the trick is to try and make friends outside of school/work.  That's hard, I realise, because school/work is where you meet people and interact with them -- but often it's the school/work that is keeping people together as friends.  Once that's gone, so, too, is the friendship.  The trick is to make a friendship independent of a setting.  Not always easy, but it can be done.

Making friends is a life-long journey.  They'll come and go.  Some will stick around longer than others -- some will stick around forever.  But part of the journey is being ready for the change and embracing new adventures.

Hi, Puppypaws.  Your experience is quite normal.  Everyone goes on to discover themselves and grow as an individual.  I recently connected with some friends from high school/university times and once you get beyond the 'remember when...' routine you realize you've grown and so have they.  I don't see it so much as 'losing' friends than you've continued to grow as an individual, and so have they.  My high school reunion is coming up next year, and I have no desire to go.  If I ran into any of these people on the street, I'd suggest going to a Tim Hortons for a coffee and a chat.  Time is progressive and we have to go on with it.  I ran into a guy I knew in school years ago.  He'd 'stopped' growing after high school.  His main focus was on the past, and couldn't understand why things weren't the same as before.  The future is an adventure; scary sometimes, but an adventure you experience that is uniquely yours.  I look back and see people who were healthier than most of us who are now dead, and others, like me, who've faced death and are now in better physical health (not condition, obviously, with a disability) with strong hearts and no diseases.  You will make new friends, you will have new experiences, you develop different interests, and you will grow as time progresses.  Don't fear the future or change; embrace them.  Life is a roller coaster, just don't forget to scream with delight even when things go downhill.  All the best to you in the future.  RR