Then don't marry one? Sounds to me like it's a big enough issue for you that there would be compatibility issues anyhow. Is there one you're interested in or something? Otherwise, I can't see why it would be an issue.

Mendalla

Welcome lilou_2.  Do you know why you struggle with no faith but are ok with other faiths?

Are you sure about that?  Personally it would surprise me.

Again - can you articulate why?...cms

When I was at the marrying age I found myself in deepening relationships several times.  The guys who were very different from me in ethics/money management/family issues/children or not/camping or resort holidays/etc.  didn't last long.  Not enough in common, too much to argue about.

In your shoes I wouldn't stress about it - its irrelevant unless you are actually thinking of marrying him.

I would think that marrying someone who loves you, cares for you...someone that you can live with and want to spend the rest of your life with....these sorts of things...might just rank a little higher than their position on your belief system.  Maybe I'm wrong.  My wife was indoctrinated into the Anglican faith as a child, and she may be more agnostic today, but my atheism never stopped her and it has not become a wedge between us.  Heck, my atheism didn't stop us from being married in an Anglican church, though I'm sure a hefty donation helped make that happen.

Also, atheists don't believe that the universe was created by some deity (who apparently doesn't need a Creator), but that has nothing to do with "random".  In fact, "atheism" has nothing to say on the creation of the universe - science does.  You're listening to too many religious leaders who are defining "atheist" for you.  Badly.

Psst!  People of other faiths don't believe in your God, either.  I don't get why that is preferable to no gods at all.  At least with an atheist, you won't get competing supernatural claims getting in the way of, say, the question of what to have for dinner?

 I suspect that if your beliefs are important to you it will come up during your dates.  That will give you plenty of time to ensure that all the things you value are also value by your potential mate.  

children, education, careers, religion, ..........

My wife married one.

She's now an ordained minister and I'm just a "Christian with questions"... and we are very very very happy and very much in love. We both have always recognised that faith is a journey we each have to take our own time over and find our own way with... it is fatuous to expect another person to be on the same page at the same time as you no matter how close you are; and, in any relationship, you have to make a committment to make it work.

It is control freaks who should not get married. Imagine the monumental tedium of living with someone who agreed with your every word and with whom you had identical insights. What could such a couple possibly have left to talk about... 

Hi lillou_2

As you rightly point out that is your struggle.

With any relationship there will be areas of disagreement.  How the couple decides to handle disagreement tells more of a tale than does what they find themselves in disagreement about.

If you cannot respect a person who doesn't adhere to any kind of faith that is your issue and you would not be, for that reason, a good match for an atheist.

If the atheist cannot respect a person for adhering to any kind of faith prosition that is their isssue and they would not be, for that reason, a good match for a theist.

Just because two people believe in God or Gods it does not follow that those two people will get along swimmingly either.

A mature couple can be same faith, mixed faith, no faith and still find the space to love and nurture the other.

An immature couple can be same faith, mixed faith, no faith and never make room for the other to be valued.

Grace and peace to you.

John

This seems most odd to me on a couple of counts: 

First, I doubt you'll find any atheist who understands science - and I think most do to varying degrees - who thinks that the universe is completely random.

But also, I certainly know many mainstream Christians who don't think that, say, Islam or Scientology or Ba'hai or Mormonism is "founded" - if they did, wouldn't they just as easily convert to one? And wouldn't it be the same for members of these religions and that they think your faith is unfounded? 

So what's different about atheism?  I think this is especially important given what I see as a huge lack of understanding around atheism as noted in my first point.  BTW, as a strong atheist who's been with the same Catholic woman since the late 70's, I'd suggest that Chansen's response is very relevant.  "Beliefs" over love?  Pffffft! 

I wonder if you've been so strongly indoctrinated that it's just not heathy - "do not yoke yourself with unbelievers" or some such twaddle.  Still, you need to do what feels right to you and although it works for huge numbers of couples, with your current attitudes about atheists, staying clear might be best for you.

This is a question only you can decide.  How important is your faith, and practicing your religion to you?   And can your intended understand, accept and respect this aspect of who you are?   Is he going to ridicule, criticize, insult you and the things that really matter to you? or is he going to accept that while he doesn't believe, this is who you are?

Have you considered things like:  will I be happy attending church and church related functions alone?  or will he come with me and participate in the communal life of the church - and perhaps in the outreach programs - while not able to form a relationship with the Holy?   or will I be willing to forgo some of my involvement in the church in order to spend time with him as he pursues other interests?   And of course, what expectations do each of us have about children?

Your post makes me think of a cute part from the tv series Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. I found a copy of it at:

I am a Christian married to an atheist. Our marriage works because we both respect each other's beliefs.  The respect is a big deal to me. If he thought I was an idiot for believing what I do, then we probably wouldn't have been able to survive this long together. Over time thought I know my beliefs have changed some to be somewhat more in line with his, and I think I've helped open him to an acceptance of the religious language and religious ideas. But changing each other has not been our goal. At times he has been willing to come to church with me because he has liked the minister and the sermons, and at other times he has been unwilling to because the sermons have not been meaningful. He's very tolerant of me teaching our kids all sorts of things because he views Christianity as a part of our cultural heritage the kids should know about anything, and he goes ahead and teaches them what he wants to as well. (Our six year old says he doesn't believe in God. I shrug and think, okay, I haven't made the case for God well enough... maybe sometime later I will.)

Talk about what you'll do if you have children. Would he be okay with your children believing what you do? Would you be okay with them believing what he does? If the answer to either of those is no, then you are probably in for trouble regardless of whether you end up having children or not.

One of my main criteria when choosing a mate was that he not believe in god, as this is an important issue to me and one I wanted to share similar views with my husband about. I was courted by a christian previously but I could not respect his views and thus him.

Chansen, wow, another atheist getting married in a church. I'm a bit surprised. That must have been a substantial gift! I know I would never have, but then, if there was money involved... I had a pagan friend who married a catholic in a church and he said he was making certain finger gestures in his pocket during the ceremony... He also appreciates history so he focused on that during the event (it was in a german cathedral). I allways wondered if their marriage might fall apart, both being such headstrong people. I've lost touch so I suppose I'll never know.

Brett too! Good to know that Brett, it adds to my understanding.

I would be horrified if my mate tried or wanted to educate our child in christianity; send him to church or sunday school. This was an important issue I sorted out before deciding to spend the rest of my life with him. I am also by no means willing to go to church. I really can't stand the soul saving talk or the Jesus is the only way idea, or the hymns.

Thinking of marrying an atheist or anyone for that matter?  Ask God!  Pray about it often, pray for the person you are engaged to, and listen for God.  Remember that a revelation from God is one of His gifts when He is sought.  Visit Acts 16:31 in your Bible for some good news concerning your faith in Jesus Christ.

After 41 years of marriage, having a life partner attend church with me, pray with me and our children, and go through all of my/our life challenges with me, has given me a peace with God that is precious and soul comforting.  God bless you on your life long journey of faith.

Praying for the atheist is not respectful. It infers that the atheist is not complete, that they are lacking. I take offence to it. Listening to God can also be interpreted as listening to your own inner voice. What does your heart tell you?

And what if that is a tenet of the person's faith in the first place?

All I can say is...once you try an atheist, you don't go back :3

More seriously, lillou_2, there is a way to find out if the both of you are compatible.  Live together for at least 1 year.  Then you'll be able to see how compatible you are, without committing to a marriage that might not work.

I

I'm not sure that I understand.  Not respectful?  infering that the atheist is not complete?  

I pray for my friends and I don't see how that is disrespectful.  I pray for them whether or not I know their religious beliefs.  I give thanks for their presence in my life, I share their problems, I share my concerns.  I especially pray when there seems to be some misunderstanding between us.  It never occurred me that I shouldn't pray for those who are atheists.  What about agnostics?   Would it be ok if I include them in my prayers?    And would it be ok to say to an atheist that I've been thinking about them and if they are rejoicing in the birth of a new grandchild to rejoice with them in my heart, or if they are having a hard time, sick or lost a job, could I tell them that I'm concerned?   Since I see us as all connected, when I think about another it is generally in a prayer.  

Listening to God can be interpreted as listening to your own inner voice.  - You have no argument from me there.  I'd say, of course!  How else would I feel a connection with the Holy but through my inner voice?

Seeler:  It makes a difference what you're praying for, no?  Praying for their well-being, for example, versus praying that they'll adopt some sort of theism.

I agree Azdgari.   I was responding to Elanorgold's statement that 'praying for the atheist is not respectful'.   If she had stated that she did not find praying for the conversion of an atheist would indicate lack of respect for his position, I would agree.    I see a big difference in praying that someone will convert to your religion or your way of thinking, or in praying for their wellbeing, happiness, health, comfort or praying that two people (one Christian and one atheist) could find a common ground in their love for one another and respect and actually learn and grow from their differences.

And I would agree that that latter form of prayer would not be disrespectful.

Exactly. Sorry Seeler I was not clear. The kind of praying you describe is of cource fine. Just the praying that they see the light and convert to save their souls is the bit I am offended by, which happened to me recently in a cathedral I was touristing.