A caring bump.

When I think of mentors the first people who come to mind are my grandparents. They were all people who were really involved in my life - so much so that I took their presence for granted when I was growing up. They were gentle people and they taught me the meaning of unconditional love.

I think of a friend who is older than me. She's a very wise woman and she's the most patient person that I know. I've learned a lot about life from her.

My biggest mentor was an elderly man who made his home with us for the better part of two decades. I was going to make him the topic of my school assignment. He was going to be my role model. I needed more than I sat and watched M*A*S*H, All in the Family, Maude.... and all these television shows with him. I needed more than the fact that he listened when nobody else did. I had to have more infor than the fact he was born in 1898. I had to have more than that he was old, Irish and Catholic. I neded more than that he got down on his knees to pray and back up being paralyzed on one side, with a clenched hand and a foot he dragged when he walked.

I knew he was smart. He did the crossword puzzle in ink. He liked putting together models of old trucks and cars, I had to do most of the work because of his dead hand. It was ok though, taking all the pieces apart, gluing them all together for him. He just mostly watched because he had that dead hand. But that was ok, I liked models and my parents refused to buy them.

He did not think black people were any different than white people, some of the old folks mom took care of did have some problems. When I came in with black kids they headed to their rooms. Some of them clutched their purse, even the blanket on their lap. He always offered everyone candy. I asked him why some people did not like black people once. He rubbed his whiskers, he never shaved much, when he did it was with an electric razor and I got to help because he had that dead hand and all... so, he rubbed his chin and he said it was "because they have problems. They think things that just ain't right and they do not know any better." He said it was like people who thought the world was flat. They just did not know any better and it took somebody sailing around the world and not falling off to teach them anything. He taught me that people thought tomatoes were poisionous.

I asked for more information. He asked me why and I told him. I had a paper to write about who I admired and why. I had picked him. His face smiled but he was shaking his head too, he breathed a big deep breath and started rubbing his whiskers like he did when he was thinking. That day, he taught me the biggest lesson I have ever learned.

He told me that if I looked up to him when he fell he would not just fall but he would land on me. He said it was scary way up there. He said he was just like everyone else, no better and no worse. I started to cry. I remember that, not because I was sad. I was mad. I had picked him and that was that. He was my hero and he was staying it even if he did not want to be.

That is when this wise old man did what they warn you not to do in life. He threw a stone at a glass house. The glass house that sheltered him. He looked me in my innocent eyes and said "do your heroes kill people?" He picked up a huge rock and threw it into his own house. I was stunned. He told me it was in WWI. They were on opposite sides, but he still killed someone. I just sat there. I said it was ok because the president had told him too or something stupid. He told me about kissing some woman he barely knew before he headed off to the war and that he might have a kid some place he never knew. He told me about stealing when you are poor. He just kept telling me stuff. Then he told me he was human and nobody is perfect.

That person you admire has to be a person. They have to go about every day living the same life we do. They make mistakes like we do. They stumble and fall down just like we do.

So, he said I could take pieces of people. I could build myself like a model. I could make something great, nothing like it in this world. I could take an engine out of one, the windshield out of another, that great hood ornament out of this one, the grill out of that one...

Then he looked down at me and said I could have some of his good qualities. I got the lesson right there. Ed wanted me to take his good stuff, leave behind the not so good stuff and understand he was real, that if I put him up too high when he fell he would land on top of me.

I learned that Billie Holiday can be my singing hero, not much else. I learned Mickey Mantle could be a hero with a bat in his hands, not when he held a bottle.... a teacher can be ok in a classroom, but at home may be different... parents that beat their kids are not anyone to want to be like... I learned that I have to salvage what is good out and let the junk where it belongs, in the junkyard. I have taken them to glue together a unique creation I call ME. There is alot of Ed in there. There should be, he was a classic model.

Thank you, Ed for NOT being my role model.

Oh Stevie, that was such a lesson for me. Pass the tissues

Steven that is so true. I have in the past been guilty of putting those I admire on a pedestal and then having one or even both of us get hurt in the fall. I still struggle but try to be more realistic. My highschool music teacher was my mentor - and surrogate father. I was a messed up kid with a whole lot of attitude and a pretty serious drug problem. Pretty much everyone including my own parents had decided I was a write off. To be fair music was a passion and he saw a whole different person than the one I put out for others to see. He worked long and hard to convince me that there was something much bigger for me than the future I was choosing and stood by me through all my slips and slides until I got there. He is a wonderful person and never did anything to let me down, but as I grew up he got human and just could not live up to my expectations. We are still friends but it was a hard adjustment to accept him as a regular person.

Stephen - thank you for sharing some of Ed with us.

As a shy teen, I was used to flying under the radar at school. I got good grades, but never any extra attention. I guess the teachers felt that they should save their energy for the students that needed more help. My grade 12 english teacher was different. She not only noticed a potential in me but went out of her way to encourage it.

When a writer-in-residence came to speak to our class, my teacher arranged for me to miss other classes to have some one-on-one time with the writer. She was the first authority figure in my life to make me feel special, to make me realize that I was special, that I had talent, and that I should use it.

She was also our drama director. She insisted that I do a monologue for the theatre night. I was scared silly, but went through with it fueled on by her faith in me.

Without her, I would never have become involved in theatre in my adult life. I would not have done any of the writing that I've done. I would be short several very good friends that I made through theatre events. I would not be as confident, independent, outspoken, or happy as I am now.

She literally changed my life.

I have had several mentors in my life and I am very thankful for all of them - each and everyone of them contributed to the person I am today

Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories and insights.

I hope that this doesn't sound pompus but the only person that I can think of is me or better yet how I have evolved through my own experiances. My parents weren't really around to raise me (working and stuff...) and my brother had better things to do. By observing all of lifes choices and possiblities from others actions helped me to choose my own actions. I have only ever been close to two people, myself and my best friend whom I will always love and who always aloud me to explore life with her; so I guess she would come in a close second place.

realmseer - I think learning by experience and by watching what other people do makes sense. It's great that you have such a close friend too.

Tigerlilly2: "Had" a close friend but thank you.

I'm sorry that I got that wrong realmseer. My apologies. Your friend sounds like she was a really special person.

No worries =)

Tigerlilly2

Hi,

You wrote:

I was wondering if anyone wanted to talk about mentors in their lives.

I have two real mentors.

The first is the reverend Art Tobey. Art gave me several points to remember that have kept me sane. The first was, "In seminary you will be twmpted to take lots of notes and learn lots of new and exciting things. After you graduate the first thing you should do is burn your notes because most of it won't apply on your settlement charge" Thanks to Art I drastically scaled down my note taking. What I couldn't retain or integrate I was more than happy to forget and it saved on paper consumption.

Art also told me to remember that nothing about ministry is personal and not to take complaints about my ministry personally. That is huge advice.

He tried to help me with my fashion sense but I knew that stripes really don't go well with checks.

The second is Albert Wolters who was my faculty Advisor at Redeemer. Professor Wolters is just plain brilliant and has scads of insight into pretty much anything you can place before him.

The day he told me "a rose must bloom where it is planted" could have been my last in this denomination. So many of my friends were leaving and so many detractors were encouraging me to leave with them. That bit of wisdom rooted me in my spot and I have been blooming ever since.

Grace and peace to you.

John

RevJohn - it's amazing how other people can guide us or share their wisdom at the right moment. I enjoyed reading your stories about your mentors.