Well MOS I know how it feels ... I got a diagnosis of prostate cancer last October.  I was not early stage either.  I had the operation.  I was skiing 6 weeks later.  So far everything is OK.  You kind of just have to go with the flow.  Put one foot in front of the other.  Go when you're told to go.  Take the medicine.  My wife was scared I know.  You just have to hold each other up.  Concentrate on each other.  Hold hands a lot.  Talking about it is not all that helpful (you quickly run out of things to say).  Just be there.  Handle the hurdles when you come to them.  Don't agonize about taking Rachel to school, etc., etc., those details will be worked out when they need to be.  You do everything you can to support him emotionally.  He can do the same for you.  As the one with the cancer (maybe) his job will just have to be to wait out a diagnosis and "be brave" (as they say) and follow the doctors orders.  That is the easy part.  The tough part is to keep your wife from becoming too alarmed.  Be optimistic.  There are are lots of reasons why you can be.  And ... don't be jumping to conclusions.

This is a challenge that you would rather not have to face but face it you must.  You can do it.  I am praying for you.

Mists - what tough wait this must be. I have no words of advice - just two arms to give you a virtual hug.

Mists - I really don't know what to say.  I'm feeling so bad for you and your husband - yet keeping my fingers crossed that the diagnosis isn't as bad as you anticipate. 

I've just gone through cancer treatments and post treatment illnesses with my daughter.  We are waiting for the five year recovery - the ten year - etc.   It's hard. 

My advice would be "accept all the help and support you can get".  You are working, he is the stay-at-home parent.  But there will be days he can't look after your daughter.  Let people know - in your church, your neighbourhood, your extended family, your daughter's school.  Let them know what you need.  When anybody asks "Is there anything I can do?" be ready with a list.  An all day playday at a classmate's house on a day school is closed, an over night at grammy's when he's likely to be sick from chemo, a driver to get him to appointments, someone to deliver a hot meal to your house just as you get home from work.  In my daughter's case, a friend even 'loaned'  her cleaning lady one morning a week through the summer - I'm presuming the cleaning lady was ok with this.    

God bless.  

Seeler mentioned something I forgot.  Accept help.  This suggestion has built within it the idea that you are not to keep the challenge which faces you a deep dark secret. Secrecy isolates you in a compartment of your own making and deprives you of help others might otherwise offer.  I found that letting people know what I was facing lifted a weight.  Obviously, your posting here shows that perhaps you have the same feeling.  

MistsofSpring, I had a melonoma form on my leg six years ago. I couldn't believe how fast it grew. One moment it was a pimple that I thought I could just pick off and two weeks later it looked like a small volacano erupting with the classic dark area in the middle. I went to the doctor and two days later I had it removed.

It was a serious form of cancer but I required no chemotherapy. It was diagnosed early and I'm still here. There is hope, don't lose it. Take it one day at a time. Today I have a faint 4 inch scar on my upper leg and for now everything is fine.

My prayers are with you and your family.

Mists of Spring, I can relate very easily to your situation and to your fears. 3 years ago my wife ended up in the hospital in a coma, having gone into an Addisons Crisis - we didn't even know she had Addisons Disease. She suffered eight cardiac arrests in one night while they were trying to get it under control. By morning, they told me there was no hope. I'm looking at the fears you're expressing about losing him and thinking "yeah. I get that." I see the logistical worries about your daughter and how to care for her when the parent who's usually at home just takes care of that and thinking "yeah. I get that." I can remember speaking to the chaplain at the hospital and saying almost incoherently "what if they" - whoever I thought "they" were - "think I can't take care of her and take her away from me. I can't lose her too." I'm blessed by the fact that my wife pulled through and the only after-effects are the meds she has to take, but believe me I understand the fear.

As qwerty said, you really have to take this a day at a time. I was taking my situation an hour or a minute at a time for a while. Things will seem a blur, doctors will be telling you things that you just won't take in. The best advice I can give is "just get through." That may not sound very helpful, but it's what you have to do. In our situation, we discovered friends we never knew we had who were suddenly there to help out just because they knew we needed help. In the end a horrible situation really showed me human nature at its best. Just get through. Take deep breaths when you need to; cry some tears when you have to; go off somewhere on your own and scream your lungs out if you want to.

Be thinking of you this coming week and saying some prayers.

Thank you, thank you and thank you again.  I hate waiting to know, especially knowing that early detection is so important.  My mind goes to worst case scenarios, like what if these 3 days in the long weekend are the difference between life and death in a fast growing cancer?  And yes, I agree completely about not keeping secrets.  At this point it's a maybe, but I've told a few of my close friends and my parents what's going on because I'm the kind of person who needs to be able to talk about things.  If the diagnosis is bad, I'll certainly share with my principal and vice-principal and a few teachers that I work with because I might need to take time off either to be with him or to look after Rachel.  And waterfall, thank you especially for sharing your story.  In "worst case" mode, all I see is surgery, chemo, radiation, lots of pain and finally death.  My SIL's mom had a horrible time with lung cancer; the treatments made her so sick and after 2 and a half years she died in March.  That's basically what I've been picturing for Jim, like a horror movie replaying in my mind.  Thank you for showing me that even if it IS cancer that it isn't necessarily a death sentence or even a long, agonising road to recovery.

Being positive and having hope no matter what, are important for getting through this crisis, MistsOfSpring, and that's not easy to do.
Will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers in the coming days and weeks as you deal with this new challenge.

What a bummer to land on you on a holiday weekend.  I am so sorry that you have this to deal with.  Deal with it you will - one breath at a time - for as long as is necessary - we humans do that.  Sometimes we handle things 'well' (whatever that means) and sometimes 'badly' (whatever that means). 

My life experience has taught me that worrying over what may or may not happen doesn't help (but I suspect we all do that sometimes).  Tell others what is happening in your lives - they may help out with childcare, food, cleaning, driving and all those small aspects of normal life that you feel blocked from as his illness proceeds (hopefully towards a full recovery!).

Caring and healing thoughts are, and will continue, to pour your way by heart and soul mail.  Please share your journey here as you are able - it may be a wee lifeline for you when you cannot speak face to face.  There is always refreshment here - even in the dark hours of the night. 

I can only say that I am thinking of you, and your husband, The waiting is the worst. There are very wise people in WonderCafe and also the most caring folk that I have come across. They will help you through this.

As someone who was in a similar situation - I understand your shock, fear and racing thoughts............

As has been said, accept help, and take one day at a time - it's enough to contend with.

Importantly, maintain hope. Your husband needs it - and so do you and your daughter.

Hug often. In a crisis most of us feel like little kids inside, and a hug can be more reassuring than words in my experience.........

I am so sorry that you and your husband are faced with this uncertainty and worry, MistsOfSpring. The waiting this weekend must be so very hard. No personal stories to share -- just support and caring thoughts. Breathe deep. Take good care.

One other thing I was thinking about adding. When you and your husband are meeting with doctors, sometimes it might be helpful to have someone else - a close friend or family member - present, because when you're still dealing with all the emotions of finding this out, you don't always take everything that's said in properly. Just a suggestion.

Very wise thoughts from everyone and more positive thoughts from me.

LB

-----------------

Tonight, at the edge of the field,

I stood very still, and looked up,

and tried to be empty of words.

What joy was it, that almost found me?

What amiable peace?...

     Mary Oliver, Stars

Oh goodness mystsofspring ... sorry to hear about this situation.  Lots of great suggestions here. 

I'd just add - there can be a variety of causes for what's going on, unrelated to cancer.  The mole may, or may not, actually be part of it.   It's hard not to jump to conclusions - and unfortunately the most popular conclusions seem usually to involve catastrophe, not  joyful outcomes.

Breathe, slow down, wait for the necessary information that will be revealed soon .... and in the meantime, hold hands, enjoy the glorious sunshine together as a family this weekend.   My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

I'm sorry to hear this, too MoS. I will hold you and your family in my thoughts...no advice since the posters above have been very eloquent and thorough but we'll be here, if you wish, to support you in whatever it is you need to respond to.

MistsOfSpring - what a terrifying and difficult time for you!  And before you a time of waiting and wondering until you find out exactly what you are dealing with.  May strength, help, hope, and peace abound in your heart, mind, and spirit.

It isn't unusual to feel freeked out and hard to not think  constant "what ifs"  Unfortunately it doesn't help at all but hard to not do.

I am a bit surprised that the doc wanted a dematologist to look at a suspicious mole.  All he needed to do was do a quick biopsy and usually malignant melanoma is pretty obvious.

So that may be a good thing that he isn't sure what it is.

There are various types of skin cancer and not all have dire outcomes.

But i woudl be calling the doc as soon as the office opens Tuesday morning and making sure there is a biopsy done on Tuesday.

And like others say, take all the offers of ehlp you can get and make calls to elicit help.

Someone to walk by and pick up your daughter on the way to school.  A friend where she can have lunch or afterschool play time till you get home.  The cancer society, if it gets that far, can be a great resource for drives to appointments and they are really reliable so use them if needed.

But it could be something more benign.  Positive thoughts sending your way.

You and your family are in my prayers.  Hugs to you. 

Oh Mists of spring,

Horrible what ifs on a long weekend! My prayers are with you.

I'm a melanoma graduate (a word I prefer to survivor). Mine was in the middle of my back. After the first removal the 'edges: weren't' clear so they took more off-with a "Z" shaped scar-and did a sentinel lymph node biopsy.

All was clear-no further treatment but checkups. This was 10 years ago!

May you and your husband receive caring and competent health services.

Mists - I'm hoping that the medical people are working towards alleviating your frustration with waiting for some testing and and an action plan.  Cyber hugs coming your way.  When you are able please give us an update.

You and your family are in my prayers.  I will light a candle for you next Sunday.

Hugs.

Mists ................. HUGS ........gentle hugs............

I too will be praying for your husband, you, your children, and the entire extended family.

Rita

Mists,

Thinking and praying for you and your family..............

UPDATE:  Yesterday Jim had the mole removed plus a large area around it.  We should find out tomorrow if it's malignant or not.  Thank you all for your continued thoughts, prayers and support.

Thanks for the update Mists. The waiting must be excruciating - you and your family continue to be in my prayers.

Good to hear that mole's gone now ... my thoughts are with you as you await results.  Waiting is the hardest thing, IMO. 

Waiting with you and Jim. Blessings.

I echo the concerns of others and hope the news is "all clear".

Take care and take time to breathe.

LB

------------------------

Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.
     Paulo Coelho, By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

Sitting with you, holding your hand, waiting for the news.   I'm praying for you and Jim and your little girl.

Thinking of you today, MistsOfSpring.

Continued thoughts and support MistsOfSpring. The waiting must be so very very hard.

Another update...not good.  He definitely has melanoma.  The "invasion" was 3.1mm.  His doctor is getting him set up with a cancer clinic in Burlington so they can determine how much it has spread and what the plan is.  Thanks for your continued support. 

Sorry...the post wasn't showing up and I wrote another one.

Mists - big virtual hugs are coming your way from the west. I am sorry to hear that you've had bad news. I'm sure Jim will be surrounded with an excellent team of medical professionals who will help you through the next few months. May you also be surrounded with friends and loved ones who will help you get through day to day life. Know that you can always turn to this forum for support too.

Know that kids can be amazing when confronted with the challenges that cancer can bring to a family. I know a little girl who's about the same age as your daughter whose teenaged brother has cancer. As a result, her parents often have to travel out of town for his treatment - sometimes for weeks at a time. Instead of being upset by this, she looks forwards to visits with: grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, close family friends, etc., when they come to pick her up. They often greet her by saying, "Guess what? The puppy's in the car, waiting to see you!" or, "I thought we could make pizza for dinner tonight - with lots of cheese, just the way you like it." It is through this experience that she has become aware of just how loved and special she is. I hope that your daughter has a similar experience, so that you can feel comfortable leaving her in the care of others in your community while you take care of your husband.

I'm sorry to hear that it was found to be a melanoma Mists.  This is the kind of thing that takes the words out of people's mouths for the fear that they will say the wrong thing.  (I am fighting that fear now.) What we know (or think we know) can drown out the hopeful voices of the angels.  Do not feel that you are alone on account of that.  None of us know much about melanoma that's all.  It remains the same old world, though, and it is (and always has been) a world of uncertainty and you have so far been living in it in a hopeful, joyful and questing manner.  There is no reason to change that now.

Remember that you and your husband can continue to navigate this world of uncertainty together as you have up until now.   When doctors are faced with uncertainty they turn to statistics to deal with it (to give a face to the unknown).  You will begin to hear about probabilities.  Do not take them as certainties or mistake them for reliable predictions.  The simple fact that probabalistic calculations are being marshaled means that there is ample cause for optimism and hope (as there always is).  Probabalistic calculations cannot account for matters of the human spirit, of individual strength, of love, or of the strength that comes from faith and hope.  We here can support you in some of those areas.  So stay in touch. 

No words, Mist - just a sigh and a hug of support.

Come here when it helps - we'll be waiting..........

Echoing others in my concern and noting the very wise words of Qwerty.

Oh Misty, I was so hoping that it wouldn't be!   But it was.   Now you will be preparing for the bumpy ride.   You've been to the top of the rollercoaster - there is no getting off.  You're riding it down the steep slope now.   It's really, really scary.   But you will reach the bottom and level off, catch a breath and prepare yourselves for the next climb.  That's how I remember it with my daughter.  But we all are different.  Each cancer is different.  Your ride might be completely different than ours was.

But just remember, I'm here to hold your hand.   And you are surrounded by Love.   And a good medical system.   You'll get through.

Oooops - my finger bounced on a double post. 

Oh, MistsofSpring, sorry about the results.  Thinking of you and all  your family as you go through this difficult time ahead.  Wishing you strength,  help, hope, and peace.

Sending caring thoughts your way, MistsOfSpring.

MistsOfSpring ....... gentle hugs.....

Rita

I am so sorry to know this MistsOfSpring. Soft thoughts and gentle hugs as you travel this difficult journey alongside your husband as he undergoes more tests and treatment, in addition to parenting and supporting your daughter. Wishing you strength and stamina as well as time for occasional moments to pause and take a deep breath.

Hugs to you Mists, I'm sorry to hear this!

I've been thinking of you since reading this, but had trouble posting because someone I know had something on their skin removed that had 2 cell types, but have been waiting months to get into a second specialist (as far as I know the office still hasn't called to make the appointment).

I hope the cancer centre appointment gets made faster!

Very sorry to hear this Mists.   We are all here to give you "virtual" support, even if it is not very adequate.

A PRAYER FOR THE SICK

O holy Father, heavenly Physician of our souls and bodies, who hast sent thine Only-begotten Son our Lord Jesus Christ to heal all our ailments and deliver us from death: do thou visit and heal thy servant N., granting him release from pain and restoration to health and vigor, that he may give thanks unto thee and bless thy holy Name, of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit: now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen.

Just reading this now Mists of Spring.  So sorry to hear this worrysome news.  Sending you positive energy, lots of prayers and a hug.  Please remember to take care of yourself while you continue to take care of your family. 

Mists-sorry to hear it is melanoma.

May you both feel surrounded by support as you walk this road.

And remember-what ever the odds you are told-perhaps he will be the exception!

I'm so sorry to hear this Mist. Gentle hugs and prayers to your entire family. Take care of your self, you can do this!

aah, mists...just saw this thread.  Glad to see that others were here to say they care, and to listen to your worries.

hoping that their support continues to be good for you, and the wc rooms are safe spaces for you.  the nice thing is the light is always on, and the tea is always ready