Most of my friends live in my neighbourhood, but I don't really know anyone in my building except the landlords and one man who happened to be my bus driver...and a few others I say hello to but don't really know anything about them.

Probably the best way to get to know them would be to invite them over. In an ideal world. Regretfully, people are a bit stand-offish, or are fearful of our neighbours here, I think. Even if that's not how we want to be. I live downtown in a big city...so people tend to be cautiously friendly, is the best way to put it. There are so many people stacked on top of one another, moving in and out all the time. It's hard to get to know people. The best way is to join clubs, classes, activities and church, and through work, to get to know people in and around the neighbourhood, I think, before inviting them over...generally anyway.

I was down in my laundry room a few months ago, daydreaming away, folding clothes...in the basement of a 20 storey building...I was alone there until a man dressed in dark clothes, dark windbreaker and rain pants came in, looked like he had just come in from outside, not like he was doing laundry...said he just came in to look at the books and odds and ends (there's a small "library" for people to borrow or read when they're down there, and table where people can leave stuff they're getting rid of for others to take if they want it...so in that sense we're neighbourly, even if we don't know the people who left it there).  I found myself feeling afraid to be down there alone, thinking of all the "what ifs" because people can slip through the basement door more easily than the front entrance. He introduced himself and offered to give me a hand...rode up in the elevator with me. He could tell I was a bit startled when he walked in I guess, and he understood and tried to show that he was friendly. I appreciated that. Turns out he was a neighbour I hadn't seen before, and a nice guy. But although most people are good...you still have to be careful around here. That's just an unfortunate reality. I don't like it, but it's a reality.

Walk around your house at night naked with the curtains open.

That's one way of getting to know them chansen!

Kimmio, I know what you mean, I live in apartment and while I know a reasonable number of people, I'm not really close to them.  They are also all much older than me, there's too much turnover here with the younger people.

I grew up being close to my neighbours.  There were weddings, parties around the holidays and block parties.  Even now, when I visit my parents I usually end up having a few conversations whenever I'm outside.  I'm noticing with my age group, this type of relationship isn't very common. 

They were people you could go to if your parents were delayed and you didn't have a key.  Some of them even had an extra key to the house.  They mowed the lawn and water the plants indoors and out when we went on holidays.  Pets were taken care of.  When I was way past the age of needing a babysitter but too sick to be left alone the neighbour came over and hung out while my mom went to appointments and the grocery store.  The wandering visiting parent with dementia was followed and convinced to go back when someone saw them out on the street.  Meals were made and support offered when neighbours parents passed away.  A bunch of families got together and made arrangements when the severely disable baby died.

Chemguy didn't really know his neighbours growing up, but he had relatives in the city.

I think there were a few contributing factors on my street.  Many of the women were stay at home moms, so they got to know each other during the day.  Most people had been transferred around, and didn't have relatives in the city.  The neighbours became extended relatives in some ways.  There was a park on the corner which made it easier to get to know each other.  It was a quiet street, so you could stand in the middle of it and have a conversation and when someone drove up you knew who they were.  We also just had some big socializers on the street!

I hope when we move, I become friends with the neighbours.  Chemguy really doesn't care.  We don't have kids, but want to live in a child friendly area, so that might be a slight hurdle.  There's also just the lack of getting to notice your neighbours that I have seen with my age group.  Maybe that's community-specific though?  The people I know aren't very settled, people who buy instead of renting tend to be a little more settled.

I grew up in suburban neighbourhoods too (more than one), and generally we were settled there long enough to get to know our neighbours...to rely on each other when locked out of the house, to water the lawn, etc. We had block parties, invited each other in for tea. Then there is that fine line between when neighbours are good to one another and when they get too nosey and fuss-budgety and make your business their business. I didn't like that my mom used to complain about the dandelions in the neighbours yard, or that there was one lady on my mom's block who used to call a tow truck if someone was parked in the wrong direction on the street...she knew everything that ws going on with everyone...like Mrs. Kravitz...all the gossiping too, drove me nuts, and in the grand scheme of things, all that stuff seemed so petty to me...and when I first moved to a big city...I really enjoyed the privacy...that noone knew or cared too much about other people's business, and that there were no "pop-ins" (I still don't like pop-ins much...when people pop in when I am busy doing something or the house is kind of messy...quoting from Seinfeld. I need an hour notice...but people in the city tend to respect people's privacy). But, on the other extreme, when it turns to feeling isolated from your neighbours, that noone wants to get to know anyone, or that noone cares enough to help out when help is needed--and people struggle alone,  that's no good either...and I think that's what 's happening as we get more and more populated.

LOL! My old room-mate and I, about 10 ys ago now, used to have neighbours in the building directly across from us who cooked in the nude nearly every night at 6:00, and we had full view of their kitchen. I guess they liked to come home from the office and strip down. I kid not. Something tells me they enjoyed having the neighbours get to know them. That said, we never found out their names, and would probably not recognize them on the street, as we didn't have a really close-up view.

I didn't know my neighbors very well until my son, DIL and granddaughter moved in. My DIL is very out-going (I was more out-going when younger) and presto! We know the neighbors now.

I moved into an appartment building a year ago February i see my neighbours to say hi but i only really know 2 people. one is the one i bought the appartment from they still live in the building and the other is the building superintendent and thats because he live right next door. That brings up a question for me how do you go about meeting new people.  I just turned 50 and i am not very out going.

Pick up a sport. If you don't become more comfortable socially, at least you're getting in shape.

Hi Northstar,

I think Kimmio offered good advice if you're just looking to meet people.  Having a common interest helps, and if you're a bit shy there's less pressure when the focus is more on an activity and less on the conversation.  If the location is close to your place than even better, as it's likely some of the people there also live close.

I know most of my neighbours in the apartment complex where I live.

They are the usual cross-section - some I consider friends, some I know well enough to enjoy a conversation with, some that are just a nodding aquaintance......

Unfortunately, last year I got a new neighbour who is "pushy". He asked me if he could put his Mercedes in my spare car space "whilst he was in the process of selling it and buying a newer model".

Being a good neighbour I said yes.

Problem is he's now bought a new car  - and left the old one in my car space. I need the space for some old furniture -and have given him two weeks to move it.

I don't think he had any intention of selling it - (his other car space has an old boat in it)  because he asked me could he pay rent for the space when I asked him to move it in two weeks..........

You pay a price if you're timid about your rights..... I often have problems with pushy people -sometimes I think I must have a sign on my forehead that says "walk all over me".

Pilgrim, I don't take you for being a pushover.  Some people just take advantage of other's kindness.  Being a pushover would be just allowing him to keep the car there without saying anything!

Chemgal,

It took me two weeks to say anything - and a ring-around to my friends to get up the nerve to say anything!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch - his car is still occupyiny my car space.......

My philosophy tutor has pointed out that we're both motivated by self-interest - but hey, it's my darn property............

Perhaps, philosophically speaking, I could point out that it's not in his long-term interest to get offside with me, his neighbour?

You are far more accomodating than I would likely be under those circumstances.  I think I would probably talk to him first about removing his car.  If it was still there a week or so later I would talk to him again and give him a date to remove it by.  I would probably also send him a registered letter containing the same info.  If he didn't remove his car by the given date I'd get someone to tow it out and leave it on the street or a convenient parking lot is there is such a thing nearby. 

I just moved yesterday, and so far I've only met one of my new neighbours - and she was great! She helped me to move my bed in, which was really kind of her. We got talking and found that we have a fair amount in common - including knowing some of the same people. I didn't move very far - just a few blocks from my old place. As I was moving in last night, one of my neighbours from my old building walked past. She's very interested in moving into my new place if a place becomes available.

Kay,

I have every confidence in your ability to handle this yucky situation.

If that bloody car is still there next month I might consider sending you the airfare to help me out...........

I got to know my neighbour really well that way once.  He didn't like me as much once I brought the video tape to the police, though.  Of course, when he was naked in the window he wasn't just innocently walking around.  He also managed to keep his clothes on when there weren't 12-16 year old girls walking past his house.

I'm sure the situation with the car will work out PP.  It sure is interesting learning about each other and how we differ.  No single  'right'  way to deal with it though - just a whole bunch of individual ways.

I moved into this house in Oct. I know the 2 houses across the street and am friends with the folks 2 doors down. The house beside me is a bit grumpy. They do say hi

When I moved in the neighbour beside me told me we had "shared assets". He meant he and the neighbour beside him each parked a trailer on my property. (I was actually sick and feeling awful the day we moved)

After thinking about it for a few days I went back and said "sorry-I knew nothing about this when I bought the house and the trailers will have to move-we have 1 utility trailer and will need the space for them.

It wa not a bog inconvenience to the neighbours-their utility and tent triler moved about 25 feet to a vacant lot.

But this guy resents me having him move-and I am glad I did it then otherwise it would continually irriate me!

Good for you, Tabby!

Like a lot of women my generation I'm quite timid when it comes to asserting my rights.

I can see now how much I relied on my husband when it came to needing assertive behaviour........

PP - as you were leaning on, and appreciating his skills - he was leaning on and appreciating yours.  You will deal with the unwanted car in your own way, in your own time.  If that means Never then that is fine too - because it is your own, individual choice.

Thanks, Kay - that's true, - incidents like this have a habit of making me forget that I have my own strengths.......

Gotta say, though, it won't be my choice if the car stays.

(Anyone would think it was a battleship bristling with weapons the way I'm beginning to view it !)

Memo to self - keep a sense of proportion, Pilgrim........

You could also try repeating to yourself - "It isn't MY car but it  is MY space. I have a right to take the necessary steps to get to use it.  The car is HIS problem not mine ".

Friendly hugs coming your way. 

I realized that their trailers in MY space bugged me and kept asking myself "How LONG will you let it bug you? That helped me work up the courage to go back and say-I've thought about it and we need the space.

With no husband to have a man talk with the neighbours I knew I had to do it.

If I can do it so can you Pilgrim!

Good to have you in my corner, Tabby!

(If all else fails, I'll prance around Rocky style in those red and white Canadian mittens you gave me -and threaten to punch his lights out.) 

I feel better already......

Yes!!!

I went down to the garage this morning and the neighbour's car was now in someone else's car space.

Part of me is happy that I found the courage to speak up.

Part of me is also wondering if I overacted?

(Pilgrim's law seems to be, "whatever you do is wrong").

Incidently, one of the reasons I find it difficult to speak up is that I'm afraid that, even then, I'll be just ignored - making me feel really ineffectual. (No hiding behind the "at least they didn't know I was upset".)

In my own mind I had visions of having to take him to court - he (being wealthy) dragging me through court after court till I ended up penniless - with the damn car still there!

Here's hoping in my next life I'm not a compulsive worrier.........

Pilgrim - I'm glad to hear his car has been moved!  You found the courage to stick up for yourself and it worked - yay you! Hopefully this will give you a little more confidence next time you have to stick up for yourself. 

Glad to hear that he car is out of your space.  Apparently he heard you - and was smart enough to realise that leaving it there could get him in real trouble.  I expect that most countries have laws about 'stealing' other people's garage space.

Congratulations on standing up for yourself.

good job pilgrim! Now to put some of that furniture in the parking space!

Pilgrim, glad to hear the car is moved!  Hopefully he's paying someone a fair rate or there is some other type of trade going on.

Mists I hope I don't end up with a neighbour like that!  Knowing some of the others on the street sometimes does help in a situation like that though.