Hey Serena, it's been a long time since I've been on the dating scene, so I can't think of any tips other than enjoy getting to know one another.  Hopefully someone else will have some good tips for you.  Now get back to your studying . . . .

Be yourself, but it's o.k. to be yourself in your Sunday best. Good luck on both the exams and the dating, btw.

Chinese and a flick sounds like a great second date. I'd say relax, have fun, and don't focus too much on where it's going. This is the time for getting to know the other person and enjoying yourself.

Mendalla

Eat the Chinese food and watch the movie.  It doesn't work to do it the other way around.  :)

well, it could - because then guanteed, you have a movie to chat about during dinner...

sounds nice, Serena

avoid msg...cms

Actually, I was being silly...I meant you can't eat the movie and watch the Chinese food.  LOL

He talks nonstop so topics of conversation are not an issue.  He even wanted a blow by blow of the baby shower. 

I wonder if he has read too many dr phil relational books?

I get to pick the restaruant and the movie so no worries.  He is just coming along to pay.  

Actually that sounds kind of bad out of context it was kind of a joke between us.  So maybe that explains things better.  What he meant is that he came up with the IDEA of dinner and the movie so I have to come up with the idea of the restaraunt and what the movie is and then his other part of the work of the date is that he has to pay.   I am supposed to make all the conversation but he talks too much so I am not able to.  He has doled out these responsibilities of the date already.

You're supposed to make all of the conversation? Maybe I'm feeling humourless today but even if he sat there like death itself — versus actively working against you even contributing to the direction of the conversation — that's a lot of pressure. Did he fill out a form in triplicate so that he keeps one copy, you keep one, and the other goes to his auditor? Yikes. 

Yup but like that would ever happen....he talks too much.

That's what I mean, though! This guy sounds like a control freak: he's conveniently held you to a standard that he has no intention of following himself. So if you say some diplomatic version of "you dominate conversations" he can actually put the blame on you for not doing what he asked you to do. Yikes. This worries me.

If it is up to you to pick the movie and the restaurant I woudl suggest you go for a movie that appeals to both, not a "chick flick" and a mid price restaurant.  I woudl also expect on a second date to pay for half but maybe that is just me.

It never seems fair to me that guys have this society obligation to pay for everything.

As to conversation, I assume he is joking about you doing all the talking.  Otherwise i woudl think this will be the last date.  That doesn't sound like much fun

He is courting he pays.   He also has other ideas for future dates and he is totally footing the bill.

The conversation thing is I think a joke too.

I wonder if the talking thing is a joke, but also sort of a cry for help from a guy who knows that he can talk too much, expecially when first getting to know someone - - coming from a guy who talks too much.

On a side note - does this change what sort of hobby you will be looking for?

Yeah.....maybe my new hobby will be camping since he has as motorhome....

Hi Serena ... have fun and just be yourself ... at least if he talks that much you won't have to worry about what to talk about!

Don't order anything gassy?

(sorry, couldn't resist)

I just remembered that movies are generally considered a poor choice of activity for a date. They're completely passive. You sit in the dark and quietly watch the movie. There's no interaction other than "please pass the popcorn". You don't get to know each other any. Maybe you can do the necessary talking at dinner though.

that's why its a good early date activity followed by dinner to discuss the movie etc.  My sweetie likes going to movies still, but after 23 years, I find it a boring lonely way to go out together.  Sometimes.  If the movie is really good its ok, but still a lousy date.
And Mists of Spring - lol - sorry, I totally missed the joke  but it was good, my kind of humour!!

I need a little more direction here.   Ax exfundy (me) is going out with a nonChristian.   I do not know what to expect from him.

As a fundy if you are dating you are practically engaged.   It is not that way in the outside world.

So here is my dilemna.

At my age I don't have to worry about gassy.    I never got heartburn either until ate a big jar of halpeno peppers in 3 minutes.   I was hurting for 2 days after that.  

So date #2 is tomorrow now instead of Monday.  His schedule changed.  

This means (and he knows this) one highly active foster child is coming along.

We are going to go swimming and then watching Iron Man 2.  He volunteered for this.  He asked what I was doing tomorrow....

I think I will really enjoy this....  

wow - either he's crazy, or a one to keep around for awhile.  We enjoyed Iron Man - its brainless but noisy, and I am kinda liking Robert Downey Jr.  :)

best of luck!! Can't wait to hear how it goes.

He was polite.  He picked us up and opened our doors.    We watched hte movie.

Not much talking.  But that is okay.  Sometimes it is nice to just BE with people and not talk.

I don't think Ironman is brainless.  Tony Stark is dealing with some very huge issues.

1.  He is too rich.   That is such a problem.

2.  He is dying and has to still be Ironman.

3.  He is trying to do everything himself because he is too macho to ask for help.

So if the determining factor of a date is its success in getting the next date then this date was 100% successful.

Date #3 is this Sunday.

[quote=Serena]

So if the determining factor of a date is its success in getting the next date then this date was 100% successful.

Date #3 is this Sunday.

Well serena congrats on Date#3! Since you asked for ideas on date#2 I am not sure if you are still looking for suggestions or not. Only you can decide if he is sponge worthy or not. Sorry Seinfeld is a bad influence on me.

I do not watch a lot of Seinfeld and I am afraid to ask what this means.

 I'll answer anyway 

The sponge is a form of birth control.

I have a healthy sponge on top of my mattress so I thought "sponge worthy" meant mattress dancing.  I don't know why the sponge is considered healthy I got it for Christmas and it makes the bed softer.  So I was close.

 I am not really a big believer in equal rights.   I think men need to do all the worrying about birth control and std's.  I am working shaving my legs, putting makeup on, doing my hair ,and nails that is all I do.     This is the new millenium let men take care of the birth control.    Women do enough work to get ready for a date... men just show up.  

WOW!  I hope that wink was for the whole post.

To me, if i was dating I would insist on condoms but not for birth control, for sexually transmitted diseases.

I would always handle birth control myself.  After all, you are the one who could get pregnant and while it affects both of you it is you carrying an unwanted baby.

Wise words lastpointe.

I totally agree. If it was a serious post, would someone please remind me what year this is!

Anyway,

Sounds like a nice time!  Especially considering there were 3 of you.  And date #3 is just the two of you again - good thing. 

Am I the only one thinking that maybe sponges, mattresses & related topics are perfectly fine if left for a few more dates, like 10, or 20?  Or am I just WAAAAAAYYYYY out of touch?  Of course, when I was last dating, I was 18, so there was still the whole "I'm just a teenager" thing.

Birthstone - If your out of touch what do you think of this senior citizen.  When I was dating one didn't discuss sponges, mattresses and related topics until you were married, or at least engaged, or engaged to be engaged, or . . .    Oh maybe we should have talked about it sooner.  Its surprising when doing genelogical research and checking marriage dates and birthday for first children, how many of these children were premature. Sometimes only a few months between dates. 

This is the year 2010.   Back in the 50's or 60's it was the woman's job to do contraceptives or else she would remain barefoot, pregnant, and poor her whole life.   So if the woman did not do something for contraceptives the man did not have to do anything because the majority of men just did not really educate themselves about women's issues. 

Fastforward a few generations.   We have later marriages.  We have dated more than a handful of people before our subsequent marriage.  We may even be married and divorced several times.

If a woman gets pregnant outside of marriage (lets be real here...I am sure MORE premarital sex goes on than marital sex because married people have more responsibilites LIKE kids) there are options.  There is abortion (which I would never chose but it is a choice) there are childcare subsidies.  The father HAS TO PAY childsupport.  There is DNA testing to prove who is the father so the guy cannot get out of it by saying they are not sure if they are the father or not.  Single parenting is an accepted fact of life.   Friends can swap babysitting because often they are in the same boat.  There is also giving the baby up for adoption and picking the adoptive parents. 

So the guy has to pay for his kid so if he does not want to be sued for childsupport he is worrying about contraceptives.   The single guys I know have money and don't necessarily want to be a daddy so they are paying attention.

Just to be fair here (I don't know why I all of a sudden want to be fair) some women get pregnant so they can get child support from the father and not work.  We live in a different generation for sure.

A child that I would have would never be unwanted.  But then I don't have four others dancing around at home.

We have not discussed sponges or mattresses.       We discussed movies, our jobs, and our families.

Well when people get married later in life the issues come up before marriage because you are not kids anymore.  I have a 2nd cousin that was born the day after her mom married her dad.  So maybe they should have talked about sponges....

I am not asking for advice for the third date because:

1.  THe first two went really well

2.  I am actually starting to enjoy his company.

I think that this is very romantic and I will share it with you.   This is the first date I am not meeting him places.  He is picking me up at my home.   He is going to get out of his truck and ring the doorbell and then walk me to the truck.   Then he will drive to the restaraunt (If I give in to my evil self I will demand to drive his truck....he loves his truck so that could put a different spin on the night)

We are going to watch Robin Hood.  AGain I picked the movie and the place where we are eating.

After the date he will walk me to the door and then he asked permission to give me a goodnight kiss.   My relply was "I will think about it".  THen he is going to leave.

So it is not so different from a few generations ago yet .    Teenagers are in such a hurry and I want to enjoy the progressions but the difference is  a wedding is not iminent within six months because people are getting married later in life.

oh, don't get me wrong, I didn't say wait for marriage - heck, I'm way more realistic than that, but my thought is always "You can't go backwards" - once you've moved ahead on that,  you're way into a relationship.  Or maybe not.  But I've not dated or juggled this sort of thing ever, really, because I married my teenage sweetheart, and was too *good* to sleep with any of my other boyfriends.  So that was just my thought about the 2nd date vs the 7th or 10th or 24th...

Serena - it sounds like you are really enjoying this. That's a really good thing.  

Now, I remember a time I put my sweetheart through the paces (he deserved it, we were only 18 and he needed to do some re-prioritizing).  And then after he'd been so good and so careful and so amazing, it occured to me that I'd put  him through enough paces, and in fact was starting to be too much of a princess.  So that was that.  I gave up on the games, and though we sorted out a few other major issues before my ring was on  my finger, I knew games weren't needed ever again.  We are very straight up with each other and he still is sweet.

1.5 hrs until the date not that I am counting down or anything....

 Have a good time!

ditto

Had an awesome time.  Chivallry is not dead.  He opened all the doors tonight. 

Oh yeah I am home real early by choice I pleaded that I had to to work tomorrow because I want him to miss me so we did not go for coffee after the movie.

I do have to work tomorrow but it is unlikely that I will get to sleep for awhile. 

 I am glad you had fun and that you like this man.

I caution you against what I call "playing games"

Be yourself.  Don't make silly demands like driving his truck and don't pretend to be what you are not.  Don't make up stories about needing to be home early.  Just tell him you had a great time and want to go home to savour it.

I know too many people who played those games while dating and guess what.......  it doesn't work.  Eventually, either while married or while in long term relationship the true person emerges.

I knew a woman who pretended to like camping because her boyfriend did.  She openly laughed about how once they were married , they were engaged, that would be the end of camping.  I bet they were married 2 years tops.

Enjoy this man, be yourself and let know get to know you.  That is what dating is all about, getting to know the other person.

I don't know if I like camping or not.  But he has a motorhome so it is like a driving hotel.   The reason why I don't like camping is that it usually rained and the camper I was sleeping in leaked.  

So I have agreed to go along this summer and see how it is.  I have also told him that it is his responsibility to do all the cooking.  So we will see.

Now to wait to see if there will be date #4.  He did text me last night and told me enjoyed my company.  I know when he is off though so he can;t ask me out for a week.  Knowing his schedule prevents the phoneitis where you can;t go out in case you miss a call...also my cell phone prevents that to because it goes with me.